Friday, April 17, 2009

The Sex Blog (Orgies)

¡Hola! Everybody...
I had an early 8:00 AM meeting today and forgot to post a piece I wrote on Al Goldstein,
Deep Throat, and the rise of pornography in the US Bible Belt. I’m not home, so this repost will have to suffice. The recent documentary, American Swing, makes this post rather timely

* * *

-=[ Swingers, Orgies, & Thank You Darlene ]=-

No too long ago, I was addressing a group of adolescents on sex, drugs, and whatever you can think of. At one point, a young man raised his hand and asked a question that was really deep. He asked, “Is it true the there was a time that you could have sex and not worry about dying?” It was profound to me in that there is a whole generation that was raised living under the specter of AIDS. What follows is my coming of age in the pre-AIDS era...

Orgy is an outdated term for group sex. Orgies have their origin in religious festivals, which were preceded by overflowing food and drink. To this day, in fact, group sex houses still begin by the serving of dinner in which people become acquainted.

Many straight people have no clue whatsoever about group sex. Contrary to naïve notions of “anything goes” stereotype of nut jobs fucking one another helter skelter, group sex practices, which encompass swinging and wife swapping, have their own set of rules or etiquette.

The first time I was exposed to group sex was when I was in my early 20s. It was my birthday and my sister Darlene insisted that I go out with her. I was bummed because the last thing I wanted to do was hang out with my sister for my birthday. In my 20s, I was a consummate poosie hound and I wanted to fuck all the time. However, my sister insisted and I come from a dysfunctional, but extremely close-knit family. This was during the mid 70s, a decade marked by free sex and letting it all hang out. There was even a popular swingers club, Plato’s Retreat, that had a top ten hit named after it! This was during the hey-day of Studio 54, disco and all that shit. I was actually never into the disco scene itself, but it was where the girls were.

Well, I get dressed and go meet my sister and she’s laughing because she can see right through me and the fact that I didn’t want to hang out with her on my birthday. She tells me not to worry that she has a special treat for me. So we go to this club in the Chelsea section of NY’s lower Manhattan, very nondescript, no lines, and no fuckin women! And we walk in…

Nightmoves! Oh my God! We walk in and all I see are some of the most beautiful women on the dance floor in various stages of undress! I’m shocked! I turn to my sister and she goes, “Have a great birthday Big Brother.”

LMAO! Fuckin Darlene, she’s too much. Well, that was my initiation into sex outside the parameters of the vanilla world. It was a different time, to be sure, but man what a time! Darlene too k me there more as a novelty. She was happily married and was not into swinging at all, but we come from a background in which education and self-awareness were stressed and sexuality was a forum for open discussion. I would go back to Nightmoves, many, many times. The house rules were that no unaccompanied men were allowed, only couples. There was one room that was one giant mattress and that’s where most people went to have sex.

Anyway, as I was saying, orgies have their roots in sacred festivals. Since the beginning of time, humankind has been keenly aware of the power of the sex drive. Not all religions were as hung up about sex as Christianity, which has been responsible for much of the distortion and twisting of sex in the west, and elsewhere, as Christianity became the forward troops of savage, unchecked colonialism.

Group sex involves sex between more than two people. Humans like other species, can experience a high level of sexual energy when immersed in an environment where they hear, touch, see, and smell others engaged in copulation. In addition, the opportunity to engage in sex without the usual commitment or intimacy (what I call the “breeder” mentality) serves to relieve the pressure for many people.

Many ancient religions used orgies in the worship of fertility gods. This ritual also served to give widows, homely virgins, as well as spouses of infertile mates the chance to conceive. So, you see? If we still practiced these rituals, some of you hard up, repressed, unattractive ma’fuccas would be getting some instead of running around 360 actin' da fool! LOL!

Today, the North American Swing Club estimates the number of active swingers in the US to be at five million. There are a wide range of institutions, individuals, and organizations that support this activity. On my blog roll, there are two listed, I believe. One of them is called, “Swing Black.” they range from sex houses, special group sex cruise excursions, hot tub parties, S/M clubs, fetish clubs, some nudist colonies (not all!), and intimacy workshops. Interestingly enough, a couple who open their home as a group sex house once or twice a week usually runs the most common group sex establishment. There’s an area for socialization where people can congregate and get to know one another. Food is usually served. Hot tubs are a common feature and usually one’s first invitation to undress is to soak in the tub. The progression of events depends entirely on the individual. As in other social events, the decision to have sex or not is always an option. In fact, it has been my experience that group sex events are lot more enjoyable in the sense of common courtesy, than the singles scene, where the sex is implied and where men and sometimes women) act out their sexual frustrations through the trespassing of personal boundaries (groping, physical and psychological manipulation, and sometimes violence).

Normally, the rules for group sex vary but usually involves that people can only join a couple or group with their permission. There’s a distinct difference between invitation and permission. The former requires the couple to ask another to join and the latter allows the couple to be interrupted with requests of others. Communication at this point is much more subtle. Often being touched or caressed by others by others can be substituted for a verbal request. Once the request has been made, it’s up to the individual to say no, or gently push them away.

People who refuse to take no for an answer, or who are too aggressive will be asked to leave and not invited back. In my experience, I have rarely run into situations where people acted aggressively in group sex situations. In fact, it has been my experience that aggressive and even violent sexual behavior occurs more regularly in the singles scene. Some houses have rules on which sexual acts are allowed on the premises.

When I first visited Nightmoves I was surprised to see the wide range of sexual expression. there were a few who were interested only in masturbating, couples engaging in oral/ genital sex, and varying groups of three or more satisfying one another with a variety of oral, genital, anal, and over all bodily tactile stimuli.

The various forms of groups are too numerous to post here, but they range from daisy chain-like connections to Mongolian Clusters, the Rainbow and Row Boat, among others.

While I’m sure most of my readers would disagree, group sex offers many advantages for women. For one, they are able to engage in casual sex in an environment where this is little need to be concerned about rape or physical abuse. Participants are not restricted to depending on one partner for sexual gratification. Casual sex, people, can help relieve the frustration and tension experienced by those who don’t have a regular sex partner. I would submit that, contrary to other theories, the world would be less drama-filled if people had more sex.


It is a way of accepting responsibility for one’s own physical needs rather than blindly following the dictates of some outdated socio-religious system preaching sexual deprivation. Establishing control of one’s own life results in a feeling of empowerment and keeps y’all crabby ma’fuccas from directing frustration towards others, or internalizing these feelings and suffering from clinical depression and low self-esteem.




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[un]Common Sense