Friday, May 15, 2009

The TGIF Sex Blog (The Secret Wound)

¡Hola! Everybody...
Today, Angels and Demons opens up in movie theaters. They fucked up The da Vinci Code big time. It sucked dead dawg farts. Angels was a better novel, IMO, than Code. I don’t consider Dan Brown a good writer, but he damn sure can weave a plot. This AM I am speaking on the negative consequences of mass incarceration in front of some community leaders and politicians, so I'll be scarce.

[Editor’s note: though none of the following is true, it tells the truth]

* * *

-=[ The Secret Wound ]=-

Requiem for a Serial Fornicator


When I got up this morning and pondered my Friday Sex Blog, this title hit me. I really don’t know why. The only “wound” I’ve been thinking about lately is the pungent cleft nestled between your creamy thighs.

But really: What wound? What secret? Initially, I didn’t have a clue. So with a palette of mixed browns and umbers, I offer you the following sketches hastily brushed against the backdrop of my consciousness…

After some random word association and knocking about, I have come to the conclusion (awareness?) the wound is loneliness.

What is loneliness, you ask? I am speaking of the regular, run-of-the-mill variety – the kind we all encounter. The kind that no matter how firmly wrapped we are in our lover’s embrace manages to slither in for a brief stay every once in while.

Anyone ID with that? Or am I alone here in my perception of loneliness?

If I were to be honest, there’s not much to say about loneliness, for it’s not a broad subject. Shit, even a child, alone in her room, can travel the complete range of loneliness, from border to border, in less time than it takes you to travel to work.

But though it may not be broad, our subject is deep. Loneliness, dearest, is a river deeper than the ocean. But even here there’s no mystery. The same precocious child is liable to fall quickly to the very bottom without even trying. And since the depths of loneliness cannot sustain human life, the child will swim to the surface, perhaps none the worse for wear.

Some of us, however, insist on bringing breathing aids with us for longer stays: sex, more sex, imaginary friends, drugs and alcohol, soul-corroding relationships, mind-numbing entertainment, virtuality, inflexible routines, and pets (pets, in my opinion, are some of the best enablers of loneliness). With the help of these aids, a poor soul can survive the airless profundity of loneliness long enough to experience its worst horror -- its duration.

A very young friend breathlessly described to me the other day, the idea of habituation. “Did you know, Eddie,” she asked, in that artless way only the young can affect, “that when presented with the same odor for only a duration of several minutes, the olfactory nerves become habituated to it and cease transmitting its signal to the brain?” She rolled her eyes at me when I translated, “You mean if you stick around shit long enough, you’ll get used to its funk?” LOL

Likewise, most pain loses its edge over time. They say that time heals all wounds. Even the loss of a loved one, perhaps life’s most wrenching pain, is blunted with the passage of time. It recedes to the background where it can be shelved along with lesser pains. Not so with our constant friend loneliness, which only grows more keen with and insistent with the passage of time. Loneliness cuts just as sharp as it did an hour ago -- a week ago.

But if loneliness is the wound then what’s so secret about it, you ask? I submit that the most painful death of all is suffocation by loneliness. And it is from the perspective that I tell you that loneliness itself is the secret. It’s a secret you cannot tell anyone.

Why?

Because to confess your loneliness would like confessing your failure as a human being. To confess would only cause others to pity and avoid you, afraid that what you have is contagious. Your condition is caused by a lack of human relationship, and yet to admit to it only drives away your possible rescuers farther away (and in the process attracting pets and lousy sexual partners).

So, you attempt to hide your loneliness in public, to behave as if you have too many friends already, and in that way you hope to attract people who will unwittingly save you.

But it never really works that way, does it?

Dearest, your condition is written all over your face, in the droop of your shoulders, in your echoing silences and the hollowness of your laugh. Most of all it shows in how you settle for a meaningless, endless stream of fuck partners, none of whom you will surrender to true intimacy, and you fool no one.

Believe me in this for I have tales even my tired eyes could never tell you.

Love

Eddie

10 comments:

  1. "Because to confess your loneliness is to confess your failure as a human being."

    Wow...talk about telling the truth on some women...dang Eddie...you hit below the belt...literally! I love it!

    ~Saki~

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  2. wow. Interesting.

    I agree, I liked Angels more than DaVinci.

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  3. Very true and profound Eddie; I long ago learned that meaningless sex just made me lonelier and brought down my self esteem. Some of my friends dont seem to comprehend that. They think as long as they can still get sex partners they are not old. RME
    mntsinger

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  4. @Saki: You know it's interesting you bring that sentence up because I was trying to edit it, but I was rushed this morning. the way it stands, it sounds like I'm framing loneliness as as a failure, and I'm not.

    I was trying to say that people will not own up to loneliness because we FEAR being perceived a lonely, but we shouldn't because the state of ego is the experience of separateness and loneliness.

    @Diane: I don't believe in the concept of "meaningless sex." ALL sex is meaningful. ALL sex is sacred.

    ReplyDelete
  5. all sex is sacred to eddie the peddie

    ReplyDelete
  6. @lat commenter: Well, maybe that's because i wasn't sexually molested by my father, uncles, brothers and sisters. LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  7. "Some of us, however, insist on bringing breathing aids with us for longer stays: sex, more sex, imaginary friends, drugs and alcohol, soul-corroding relationships, mind-numbing entertainment, virtuality, inflexible routines, and pets (pets, in my opinion, are some of the best enablers of loneliness). With the help of these aids, a poor soul can survive the airless profundity of loneliness long enough to experience its worst horror -- its duration"

    Loneliness is a universal emotion that all humans experience at some time in our lives. Once we discover that being alone isn't synonymous with loneliness the real growth of our potential begins. Likewise people may not be alone but experience a sense of loneliness even surrounded by others.Having a firm foundation of self and realizing we don't require another person, drugs or other fillers for the this emptiness frees us from engaging in choices that just deepens a sense of separateness in this world.
    Also, I think there is a societal trend that we all fit into the same box when it comes to relationships.We each have our own unique needs in relationships that require us to bring our authenticity to the table if meaningful relationships are to be established...otherwise we cannot fully connect to others.
    "To thine own self be true"..it all starts there.
    SPQ

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  8. @Cat: I couldn't put it better myself.

    Again, if all I ever said about relationships is that it begins within us, that's all a person would need to know. I think if people looked at themselves more closely, rather than projecting their fears and traumas onto others the world would be a better place.

    we would realize that the issue doesn't lie within the external boogieman, but inside of us.

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  9. "Most of all it shows in how you settle for a meaningless, endless stream of fuck partners, none of whom you will surrender to true intimacy, and you fool no one." DARE I SAY "IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE?" LOL... JOKING COÑO!
    ANYHUEY

    DESAFORTUNADAMENTE, THOSE OF US WHO GREW UP DYSFUNCTIONAL SPEND A GOOD PART OF OUR LIVES IN SHAME DEALING WITH BLAME, GUILT AND OTHER COMPANIONS OF OUR FRIEND "LONELINESS" SOME OVERSTAY THEIR VISIT THERE AND SEEM TO ENJOY THE MISERY THAT GOES ALONG WITH THAT STATE OF MIND...SOME OF US "THINK" WE GOT IT, AND JUST WHEN WE ARE ABOUT TO GO EUREKA! OUR EGOS TAKE OVER AND WE BECOME THESE WARRIORS OF TRUTH AND RIGHTEOUSNESS...

    NOT TOO LONG TIME AGO I HAD THIS "EXPERIENCE" I SAW MYSELF LOOKING AT ME, YEAH CALLED IT AN OUTER BODY EXPERIENCE EDDIE...*LOL*

    AFTER I TOOK A GOOD LOOK AT "ME" I REALIZED THAT FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I WAS JUST HAPPY FOR WHO I AM, FOR THE WAY I AM, NOT TALKING ABOUT "APARIENCIA" BUT ABOUT MY STATE OF MIND IF YOU WANT, I FELT LIKE "STILL WATERS"
    YOU KNOW?
    LIKE NO MATTER WHAT LIFE BRINGS I "KNOW" I "REALLY" KNOW THAT I AM NOT GOING TO BRAKE, THAT I AM NOT GOING TO SUFFER, "GO THERE" AND THAT REALIZATION GAVE ME THE STRENGHT TO KNOW DEEP WITHIN ME THAT

    I AM OK... I WILL BE OK...

    PERO TU NO! oíste??? to eso montón no es tuyo ni jugando, so sucio!!! pero is ok, you can dream papi... lmao

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  10. @Loba: Yeah, it's all about self-acceptance and love and not so much about the other person.

    BTW, they used to call me "tripod" when I was a baby. LOL

    ReplyDelete

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