Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Hannity Responds

¡Hola! Everybody...
As many who read me know, there’s no love lost between myself and what calls itself the right wing these days. Lush Rimbaugh, Glen "Crying Man" Beck, Sarah "Dumb Twat" Palin, O’Really, and the rest of the Faux News come mierdas (shit-eaters) and their Tea Baggers have all gotten their asses spanked here at [un]Common Sense. Today, one frequent target of my barbs, Sean "InSannity" Hannity, responds*

* * *

-=[ Hannity Fights Back ]=-

I contend that the internal threat of liberalism may be even worse than the external threat of terrorism -- for the terrorists have no prayer against us unless the liberals pave their way.

-- Sean "[in]Sannity" Hannity in Conservative Victory


Since the people here at [un]Common Sense have seen fit to take a few swings at me over the years, I accepted their invitation to respond.

What I found most disturbing has been this blog’s attempt to imply that I’m a cocksucker. I should sue, but instead I’ll clear this up: I’m what’s known as a selective serial fellator, meaning I only suck the cocks of media alpha dogs. I say with pride that I suck Murdoch’s cock and gargle his sperm. There’s a huge difference between being a mere cocksucker and a selective serial fellator and calling me the former is just sloppy reporting and bad form.

This blog has also implied that listening to me is somehow an act of evil. This is ridiculous nonsense. While it is true that I am a compulsive liar, on and off the air, steal money from widows and orphans, and generally disdain for poor people as well as darker-hued humans, does it follow that these are evil traits?!!

::blank stare::

And yes, I do spend tons of money at S&M clubs (thanks Steele!); and, yes, I do go prowling for faggots with Bill O’Reilly, Rush, and then we all pile into Bill’s jeep, round up queers and waterboard them in back-alley dungeons, but calling me evil is quite an exaggeration, don’t you think? Nice try, Eddie, but nobody is buying your nonsense.

Seriously, imagine if some straight-laced, latently homosexual businessman, who has been successfully conditioned by years of my programming, happens to read your pathetically puerile attempts at humor. Think of the consequences! For one thing, he may stop accepting overly simplistic, nonsensical explanations of how this world works. He may even conclude I’m a fat, dishonest, bullying little twat willing to say anything in the service of my wealthy masters, and actually try to ice my craven ass. Furthermore, imagine if this information was spread around widely. Do you really want the chaos that would result from so many of the sheeple thinking without my help?

Finally, I’ll leave you with the following... the treatment I’ve received from this blog is a perfect example why we must resist the free dissemination of ideas and reject information sources that don’t have the good sense to be owned by multinational corporations.

Yours truly,

Sean


* not really

Monday, March 29, 2010

Dinner with Eddie

¡Hola! Everybody...
I’ve had an interesting couple of days...

* * *

-=[ Conflict Resolution ]=-


I went out on a dinner date this past Friday with this lovely lady. She doesn’t know it yet, but I have good intentions for her.

::grin::

Anyway, we’re having this dinner by candlelight with one of the most beautiful views of the Brooklyn Bridge as our vista and having a leisurely conversation. I’m making her smile and I’m saying all those witty things -- just having a good time. At some point, she asks me a question about politics and I refuse, saying I didn’t want to bore her with politics or stuff about my work and she says the wrong thing: she tells me that what most attracts me to her is how my mind works.

DANG!

So, I’m there showing off, pontificating on the racist roots of neoconservatism when, seemingly out of nowhere, this fool interjects into our private conversation and then proceeds to threaten me. You all know how much I have being threatened. I’m trying to keep my meticulously cultivated “Latino Cool,” but he’s really starting to piss me off. I ask him nicely to stop or I’ll have to resort to more stringent methods. By now, he’s bedside himself, and attracting the attention of other diners.

So I get up from my chair (he rises also!), walk past him, and go to the manager (who I happen to know). I inform him that an irate diner is threatening me with physical harm and if he doesn’t remove him from the premises, I’ll be forced to call the authorities. The manger visibly freaks, the last thing he wants is a scene, he asks me to identify the culprit, and I lead him to the person. I say in words clear, “If you don’t remove this person from the premises now, I will call the police. This man is threatening me and making a nuisance of himself.”

A couple at the table next to us agrees that the man has been belligerent and disruptive. So the manager asks the man to leave. The man resists, but the manager has called a security guard. He looks at me, calls me a “faggot,” takes his jacket and his date and is escorted away.

Everybody applauds.

I’m 54 years-old with a job I love that pays me well, why would I risk it all because I need to prove my manhood?

::blank stare::

I’m not trying to paint myself as some ultra-tolerant, pacifist, because I am hardly the role model. But violence should be the last resort and even then, violence should come from a place of compassion. A younger “Eddie” may have met his bullying with resistance. Or I would’ve first humiliated him with my wit before eventually escalating the violence...

In my life I have met men serving life sentences who have told me that a split second’s decision cost them 25 years.

Oh yeah! The date you ask? Man was she impressed with how I handled myself! I think she got moist... Kidding!

Love,

Eddie

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Sunday Sermon [Prayer]

¡Hola! Everybody...
So get this: I start out to attend a friend’s daughter’s 16th birthday celebration, only to realize, after travelling for about an hour, that I forgot my phone (with the location details) at home...

SMDH

* * *

-=[ My Prayer ]=-


If I actually prayed, my prayer for you would be that you have the opportunity to live a life in which you would be able to discover and engage that which you are most passionate about -- making it your life’s work. That you would able to reap the fruits of that passion and be filled with joy for that work. My prayer for you would be that what you love most would be the vehicle for your creative expression, for it is what you were born to do. This is what I would pray for you...

Love,

Eddie

Today's photography by one of my faves, Michael Kenna

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Migrant Mother

¡Hola! Everybody...
I’ll just come out say it in plain words. If you listen to hate speech and get your political information from the likes of Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, or voted for Sarah Palin, AFAIC you’re dumb fuckin twat with your head stuck so far up your arse you can’t hear me.

Period.

* * *

-=[ A Madonna for a Bitter Time ]=-

When suffering knocks at your door and you say there is no seat for him, he tells you not to worry because he has brought his own stool.

-- Chinua Achebe


The woman... her name is Florence Thompson; she is 32 years-old, married, with no permanent address and seven children to feed. Even in the best of times, keeping it together would’ve been herculean, but the Great Depression now threatens to bring the family to the brink of disaster. Florence Thompson is one of the many migrant workers who travelled the land seeking any work they could find. It turns out that in March 1936, the pea harvest is once again poor, and that means no work -- and no form of income -- for the pickers. Florence Thompson has managed to find temporary lodging at a camp for pea pickers in Nipomo, California. As the photographer, Dorothea Lange noted, “Of the 2,500 people in the camp, most of them were destitute.”

The portrait of the young Florence Thompson -- worn, tight-lipped, and gazing blankly into the distance -- is one of the most famous of photographic icons. Since its appearance in the Family of Man exhibit (1955) the photograph has become part of the American collective consciousness. Originally titled in 1955 as “U.S.A.: Dorothea Lange Farm Security Adm.,” the photograph is now known as Migrant Mother, correctly situating the work in its proper historical context. Many interpretations have been attempted: from comparisons to the Mother of God with the Christ Child, to the attribution of the success of the picture through its balanced composition. One critic referred to the “dignity and essential decency of the woman facing poverty.” Another pointed out its “simplicity of means, its restrained pathos, and its mute autonomy of language.”

Whatever the reasons for its success, it is certain that Dorothea Lange basically ignored all such theoretical perspectives when she took the photograph. She described her approach to her work in different language: “Whatever I photograph, I do not molest or tamper with or arrange... I try to [make a] picture as part of its surroundings, as having roots... Third -- a sense of time... I try to show [it] as having its position in the past or in the present... ”

What I find fascinating with photography is the relationship between the photographer and the subject. There are at least three (often subconscious) dynamics at work in a photograph. There is the subject, the artist, the relationship between the subject and the artist, and finally there is the observer (you). All this works to create the aural power of the work. It is known that Lange approached the family slowly, taking pictures all the while, giving the family members a chance to pose themselves (in contrast to her stated approach to photography). In the initial photographs, for example, the children are looking into the camera; only in the final photo of the sequence do they turn away, in the process emphasizing their position as social outsiders that Lange strived to capture.

To be sure, Lange was seeking to do more than provide evidence, her understanding of documentary work included using persuasion. She wanted to do more than simply register reality; she wanted to move the observer. In making human suffering an object of art, Lange discovered a way of eliciting sympathy, attention, and interest in a world already saturated with images. She took the concept of documentary photography beyond merely recording events.

When Lange took the picture in 1936, she was forty years old, and had been a committed photographer for some time. She had been married to her second husband, a sociologist, and was herself a mother of two. The market crash of 1929 eventually led to dissolution of her moderately successful portrait studio. The ensuing economic calamity, however, forced many agricultural workers into the street, and this was what Dorothea Lange had tried to capture with her camera. Her perspective of the down an out waiting in front of a soup kitchen set up by a wealthy woman became known as The Angel Bread Line , and it marks a turning point in her work. Increasingly, it was the social realities of a post-agricultural America that she wished to capture.

It was the end of long hard winter, and several weeks of working with the camera under harsh conditions. It was raining and she was on her way back home in her car. A sign announced the camp of the pea harvesters. She drove past, but could not put it out of her mind. Suddenly, following her instinct, she drove back to the rain-soaked camp, parked her car, and got out. She immediately saw the woman in the distance, a “hungry and desperate mother.” According to Lange she doesn’t remember how she convinced the woman, or explained her presence. She told her name and age and she said she was living on frozen vegetables from the surrounding fields, and birds that the children had killed. She had just sold the tires from her car to buy food. There she sat in that makeshift tent with her children huddled around her, and she seemed to know that the pictures would help her... so she helped the photographer.

Love,

Eddie

Update: For more of Ms. Lange's work check out the slide show (Music by Bobby McFerrin)

video

Friday, March 26, 2010

The TGIF Sex Blog [P to the Power]

¡Hola! Everybody...
I wonder how many here have tried online dating. I have! I spent one year whoring through several online sites. LOL! Recently, I came across the following interesting information revealing a glimpse into the wild world of cyber romance:

One out of ten users on online dating sites are scammers; one out of ten users leave within the first 3 months.

One out of three women who meet men online have sex on the first encounter.

Online, men lie most about their age, height, and income. Women, on the other hand, lie most about their weight, physical build, and age. More info here .

It’s Friday and that means it’s all about S-E-X over at [un]Common Sense...

* * *

-=[ Pussy Control ]=-

For the women with vaginas and the people who love them


I was about to post the second part of my take on cunnilingus when I suddenly realized that at least half the people here wouldn’t know a pussy if it hit them in the face...

Just as the mind and all the major body parts work together to create a delectable sexual experience, the V is made up of many smaller components that work together when a woman is aroused. One little organ wakes up, causing a chain reaction that eventually results in a symphonic pulsing that grows in waves of pleasure until it consumes your total being. That’s if you’re with a lover who knows your pussy inside out. The more you know, the more effectively you can give and receive pleasure. Some of you may have hit on a button or two accidentally (happy, happy, joy, joy!), but here’s a guide to help you find even more.

Technically, calling it a vagina is incorrect. The correct term would be the vulva. Vulva denotes the entire female genital area, the equivalent of “the package” on us guys. Sometimes it’s called a pussy, a va-jay-jay, the vag, Nuyoricans call it a chocha, but I would never call it a twat because that label is best reserved for conservatives (i.e., Ann Coulter is a dumb twat). The vagina is nestled within the vulva, but it’s important to remember the rest of the sensitive parts around the vagina. Especially the clit!

As I stated, the vulva describes the total female “package” (and what a package!). Vulva is the name for all the external parts: the mons pubis, the clitoris and its hood, and the vaginal and urethral openings.

The mons pubis (literally “pubic hill”) is the mound of flesh over the pubic bone (the “Big Mac”) where the hair grows. Underneath the mons pubis lies the ligament that holds the clit in place, therefore, massaging the area or grinding the pelvis against something (a hand, a good friend, or against another pelvis while slow dancing) can be a pleasurable experience.

The clitoris, sometimes called “the man in the boat,” “the clit,” or the “love button,” is similar to the male penis. It has a head and a shaft, and becomes erect when aroused. What most people don’t know is that the clitoris is larger than what it appears. It has legs (“clitoral wings”) that extend several inches under the labia and toward the vagina and is in close proximity to the anus (that’s why anal sex can be a very pleasurable experience). The head can vary in size and shape and in how much of it protrudes. The visible nubbin has more than 6,000 nerve endings. Most fascinating is that the clitoris is the only human body part designed purely for pleasure. Most women need clitoral stimulation -- direct or indirect -- in order to reach orgasm.

The clitoral hood is a small sleeve of protective tissue that covers the clitoris -- similar to the foreskin on an uncircumcised penis. Some hoods cover a lot, the clit hardly showing. Other hoods are barely there, with the clit saying “hello!” Some women prefer clitoral stimulation through the hood because direct touch is too intense. Also, smegma, a cheesy, foul-smelling substance, tends to gather under the hood and it’s a good idea for women to pull it back and clean it occasionally.

The outer labia (labia majora) are the outer lips that cushion and protect the tender parts beneath. They are mostly fatty tissue with some hair. The outer labia are less sensitive than other parts of the vulva. The inner labia (labia minora) are hair-free and much more sensitive (dense with nerve endings) than the outer labia. They swell when aroused and are attached to the head of the clitoris, therefore stroking them can stimulate the clit. Inner labia come in all sizes and can be small and tucked in or big blossoms of pussy. They can appear dark or light in color.

The anus , the vulva’s neighbor just down the way, is also rich in nerve endings and there’s much fun to be explored there. I will address the anus at a later date.

The urethra is a thin tube that carries urine away from the bladder and out the urethral opening is often small and hard to find. Since bacteria can migrate here during sex, be sure to pee afterward, as it is nature’s flushing system.

The urethral sponge is spongy erectile tissue that wraps around the urethra, protecting it. It contains lots of glands and when aroused becomes engorged with blood and the glands fill with fluid. This is most likely the fluid that squirts during female ejaculation. The G-spot is where you can feel the urethral sponge through the vaginal wall. It’s difficult to find when a woman isn’t aroused, but when she is, the urethral sponge swells and there’s a spot about two inches into the vagina on the belly side that feels rough to the touch. This is it! Some women love having the G-spot stroked or massaged with fingers or a vibrator. Others find it annoying.

The vagina, the passageway to and from the uterus, is made of two muscular walls that rest against each other. It helps to envision the vagina as more of an envelope than a “hole” or tunnel. At rest, it’s only about four to five inches deep. During arousal, the walls of the vagina become engorged with extra blood flow and become moist for the smoother entry of fingers/ penis/ toys. The first couple of inches of the vagina contain the most nerves. Excitement makes the rear portion of the vagina swell, lifting it another two inches or more. The deeper part is less sensitive but responds to pressure or the sensation of “fullness” (yeah, to a degree, size matters LOL!).

The cervix is a knob of firmer tissue at the back of the vagina that serves as the gateway to the uterus. There’s an opening in the center (called the os) where menstrual blood flows out or sperm can enter. The cervix becomes softer and more “sperm-friendly” during ovulation (the “tender trap”? LOL). It also releases mucus that can aid or block sperm, depending on the time of the month. If a thrusting penis or dildo bangs up against the cervix during sex, it can hurt or feel great, depending on how you’re wired.

The PC or “love” muscle, short for pubococcygeus, is a muscle system at the bottom of the pelvic floor, holding up the bladder and uterus. During sexual excitement, the PC muscle contracts involuntarily, and spasms during orgasm. Both men and women can learn to control their PC muscle, manipulating it to extend orgasm, for example. I’ve written about this previously.

There are other parts of the female reproductive system that I will omit at this time for the sake of brevity. For now, I’ll leave you with the following. Unlike men, whose genitals dangle externally, female genitalia is more internal and hidden. I would encourage women who haven’t already done so, to take a mirror and have a good look. Put some relaxing music on, grab a mirror (and perhaps a lover?) and squat or lie down and explore, get to know yourself. For the men, it would do you a great service if you took the time lovingly exploring your lover, getting to know her intimately. I call it getting a PhD in your lover’s erogenous zones. LOL

Love,

Eddie

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Open Letter to Conservatives

¡Hola! Everybody...
We do live under the Chinese curse of “interesting times... ” Consider the following: a center-right president, winner in an electoral landslide, backed by a democratically elected legislative branch, passed a conservative healthcare reform bill. Three branches of our democratically elected government came through on their collective promise to reform healthcare, passed a conservative, pro-business reform bill, and conservatives call that a Nazi takeover -- comparing it to tragedies such as the Pearl Harbor and 9/11 attacks.

And not one major mainstream news source sees anything wrong about this...

* * *

-=[ An Open Letter to Conservatives ]=-

If the only prayer you say in your whole life is “thank you,” that would suffice.

-- Meister Eckhart (c.1260-c.1327)


For some time now, the fRight Wing has really challenged my spiritual practice. It gets increasingly more difficult to muster any compassion for what I see as the ugly side of the American psyche. It’s so much easier to forget that though this political ideology is rooted in ignorance, those whop adhere to it are also human beings. It’s difficult to recognize that in their ignorance, not only do they bring suffering others, but also to themselves.

I see the signs of hate, racism, and homophobia; the bullying, the arrogance, and it gets my Chango up and running. How could so many people have so much hate and aversion for their own kind?

To be sure, not all conservatives are alike, but even in the best of times I view conservatism as I would an emergency brake on a car: it’s a necessary tool best used sparingly. Today, we live in an extreme conservative world here in El Norte, and it’s literally killing tens of thousands here and untold millions abroad. The fRight Wing today has morphed into a belligerent, authoritarian mob, and it doesn’t take much to see them as pure evil. In a sense, what goes for the right today is malevolence. But to succumb to stooping down to that level is become just as intolerant and authoritarian.

Many people see political orientation as a continuum on a line, but I see it more like a Moebius Strip: even progressive values can morph into the authoritarian mindset that is the hallmark of conservatism.

Therefore, I am writing this letter to all conservatives thanking them and expressing my gratitude for all that they bring...

I thank homophobic fRight-wingers because they remind me how easy it is to lose sight of someone’s humanity simply because they have a different sexual orientation than mine. They remind me that I must live consciously.

I am grateful for their intolerance because it incites my own intolerance and reminds me that if I become intolerant of them, then I have become as them.

I tip my hat to the barely disguised racist contempt for people of color because it reminds me that social justice is a life-long task and to fall back into a false sense of security of a “post-racial” America is to risk losing whatever civil rights gains we have made.

Not all conservatives are extremists, I’m sure. But even that soccer mom from New Jersey, who will swear to you she’s a liberal (or worse a “moderate”) rejoices in the killing of “other” women and children in “other” countries because she thinks it will keep her children safe. She is not a monster or something evil; she is part of the banality of contemporary American life. I cannot hate her, for she is my friend.

Conservatives are our family members, goober cousins from Texas who have forgotten where they come from and that no matter how much they toe the conservative line, to many on the right, they’re just a bunch of Spics. Conservatives are our brothers and sisters who in their blindness and fear talk about “niggers” behind closed doors.

Conservatives challenge my spirituality on a daily basis. They challenge me to dig deep inside, to seek a way to find compassion in spite of their hate and blindness. So, I thank them today. I thank them for forcing me to deepen my practice because it’s easy to care, love and respect those we get along with and care about, but it’s a whole ‘nother level to extend the same for those who wish us harm.

Thank you, Tea Baggers, Neocons, so-called “libertarians,” and “moderates” for keeping it real for me; for reminding me that when I lose sight of your humanity, I lose mine.

Love,

Eddie

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Warrior

¡Hola! Everybody...
I am not surprised that a significant number of the Pee Party participants are racist and homophobic, but what really got me was that someone actually spit at Civil Rights leader Rep. John Lewis. That’s just plain nasty. I once had the displeasure of being spit at (spat on?). Some woman took exception to something I said and just hurled a glob of spit at me. She didn’t get to hit me, but being the object of such violence is quite unsettling. That someone thought so little of me that they felt it appropriate to spit at me was a complete violation; an attempt to dehumanize me.

* * *

-=[ The Awakened Warrior ]=-

Nothing in life is to be feared; it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.
-- Marie Curie


I sold my son on education using the archetype of the Scholar-Warrior. After watching an old Bruce Lee movie, he wanted to learn the martial arts. Having studied Lee’s original art, Wing Chun, myself, I made a pact with him. We would both study with a master if he took the oath of the Scholar-Warrior. Of course, I made the whole thing up. LOL

Actually, there are precedents for the oath of the Scholar-Warrior. Throughout time and across many cultures, scholar-warriors weren’t just conquerors; they were often learned men and women who were versed in a wide range of disciplines. They were familiar with poetry and the healing arts, for example. They were protectors not destroyers.

We live in a different age, of course, but I would submit that the times we live in are screaming for more Scholar-Warriors to come forth. We cannot count on our leaders and government to be brave on our behalf; they are beholden to legal fictions (aka Corporations) endowed with the rights of personage. I would say that a failure of courage all around is at the root of most our problems today. Doing the right thing is rewarding in and of itself. Scholar-Warriors do not look for credit...

The word courage comes from the French coeur, meaning “heart.” Courage is a power that comes from the integration of the heart and brain. Brave, on the other hand, comes from the word for barbarous and was used by the Romans to describe the courage of the “wild people.”

For me, courage is the willingness to embrace challenge. Courage isn’t a single trait so much as a combination of a range of qualities: willingness, persistence, intent, bravery. Real courage faces reality head on and when change is called for, accepts the need. It also calls for intelligence in that it calculates whether the means justifies the ends.

The irony is that seemingly unremarkable individuals commit some of the most courageous acts. Julia Butterfly Hill was only twenty-three when she climbed 180 feet into an ancient redwood. She lived in the tree for two years, saving it from destruction and in the process inspiring a generation of environmental activists.

I tried to teach my son that within each of us there lies a sleeping scholar-warrior and that part of our life’s purpose is to awaken that warrior. Sometimes it takes an extreme situation for the inner warrior to emerge. Many of the heroes we celebrate were initially reluctant warriors taken by surprise.

I had a friend, Freddie (who has since passed away), who with no thought to his own safety acted on a situation. It was late at night and he was on his way to the corner bodega when he came upon a rape in progress. Without hesitation he tried to save the young woman. The cowards turned on him, beating him so badly that, among other serious injuries, they broke his eye socket, causing him to lose sight in that eye. Freddie was one of the funniest people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and when asked, he said he wasn’t a hero. For him, he was just doing what needed to be done.

I don’t consider myself a hero. I am just a son of the human species who was taught that an injustice to one person is an injustice to all. If I am a scholar-warrior at all, I am a warrior for Truth.

Today, we’re at the political mercy of a relatively small group of bullies. This is how I view most of what goes under the heading of the Right Wing in America today. Much of what they do is based in fear and loathing. That woman spit at me because she didn’t see me as a human being but as a receptacle for everything she hated. To her I was a thing; I was the “other.” Her fear and ignorance compelled her to see me as a scapegoat for all her frustrations. Bullies bully because they are rarely confronted, growing bolder with time. Push back against a bully, and his or her fear stands exposed. A scholar-warrior can stand up to them.

Lucky Babcock is an example of a spontaneous scholar-warrior. One day she was minding her own business looking out her window when she saw a man throw a woman to the ground and rip her blouse off. Lucky, then sixty-six years old, grabbed her cane and raced down two flights of iron stairs. “I felt like I was flying. I put my hands on the rails and just threw myself down four steps at a time.” She used her cane as a club and drove the man off.

Compassion is a powerful motivator. Scholar-warriors develop a passion for compassion. The compassionate are the true protectors of the earth, moved enough to take a principled stand to wage war against injustice.

A newspaper editor in Uruguay who agreed to a duel with an irate police inspector announced he would turn up without a weapon. He was challenged after his newspaper reported the officer was involved in transporting contraband. “I am not going to bear arms against another human being,” he stated. He stood convention on its head and as a result, he gained the support of the press, many politicians, and much of the public. The exposure resulted in a power shift that saw a new party formed and a new president elected.

I could tell the stories of countless reluctant scholar-warriors who almost never get any coverage, but they all seem to share the same quality of people who simply did what needed to be done.

If everybody who cared actually participated, the world would change. But we can’t count on other people -- only ourselves. If we each do our part, who knows? But if we don’t, I think we know what will happen -- it’s happening now. I’ll tell you today what I tried to teach my son not too long ago. The task of the scholar-warrior is to persist in the face of the greatest opposition. Even if our efforts turn out to be for nothing at one level, our actions still create ripples of effect. Courage isn’t risking our selves for what we believe in, my friends. It’s letting go of the belief that there’s something to risk.

Love,

Eddie

Monday, March 22, 2010

Morality and Social Policy

¡Hola! Everybody...
I have said it before and I’ll say it again: the fRight-Wing Morans really pose a profound challenge to my spiritual practice. It’s hard for me to muster compassion for bullies. Case in point is the historic health reform bill passed last night. Among the immediate impacts: Children can remain on their parents’ HMO until age 26; small business can get up to 50% of their insurance premiums as tax credits; people who have been denied coverage by their insurance company can appeal to the government; seniors not covered by Medicare Part D drug benefit will get $250 to pay for scripts; Insurance companies will not be allowed to set coverage caps for major illnesses. Put simply, lives will be saved -- literally.

Yet, visit any fRight-Wing site, or talk to that goober right wing friend/ relative and you are immediately bombarded with ridiculously unbelievable hatred and ignorance...

* * *

-=[ Reason, Morality, Social Policy ]=-

I don't give a damn about semi-radicals... This is not a time of gentleness. It is not a time for lukewarm feelings. It is a time for open speech and fearless thinking.
-- Helen Keller


For some people society’s ultimate reason for existence is to serve the individual. Government, religion, and everything else is filtered according to where you stand in terms of personal growth.

Let’s take moral development as a starting off point. Let’s assume for the sake of argument moral development has three distinct stages. An infant at birth hasn’t been socialized into its culture’s ethics, standards, and conventions; let’s call this the preconventional stage. It’s also known as egocentric, in that the individual’s awareness is largely concerned (consumed) with self -- self-absorbed. As the child begins to assimilate culture’s rules and norms, it grows into the conventional stage of morals. This stage is also known as ethnocentric, in that this level of moral reasoning is focused on the individual’s particular group, tribe, clan, or nation, and it therefore tends to exclude those not of its group. At the next major stage of moral development, the post-conventional stage, the individual’s identity expands to include care and concern for all peoples, regardless of race, color, sex, or creed, which is why this stage is also known as worldcentric.

If you’re still with me, you can see that moral development tends to move from “me” (egocentric) to “us” (ethnocentric) to “all of us” (worldcentric). This is an example of unfolding waves of consciousness.

Using this consciousness “map” one can see how a vision of society will manifest itself differently in a person who’s at the egocentric stage than a person who’s at a worldcentric stage. Both people can be “nice” people, but their vision will manifest itself in accordance to their level of moral development. In addition, their worldview has divergent consequences.

Imagine a society from an egocentric or ethnocentric perspective. Society from a lower level stage perspective resembles much of the world today. It certainly conforms to what America looks like. Such a society would be concerned with the individual at the expense of the larger society. It’s the same with almost anything you look at in life: it changes according to what level you’re able to engage the world. Religion from an egocentric perspective probably resembles the scary wave of fundamentalism currently threatening our existence. And I mention fundamentalism in all its manifestations -- including our own home-grown Christian fundamentalism.

I find all this quite interesting because a lot of my work involves helping people move from one stage to another. But it’s also interesting because it helps me tease out the idiosyncrasies when someone speaks about civil liberties. Freedom, from an egocentric perspective, looks a lot different from freedom from a worldcentric level of moral reasoning, for example.

Last night, the US legislature did more than pass a lukewarm health reform bill. Yes the bill is an ugly stepchild of too much compromise and too little real reform. To say it needs work is an understatement. But more important than the actual law, is the shift from seeing health as a privilege to recognizing it as a fundamental human right. It’s something even some third world nations take for granted. We’re not there yet, but this legislation is a first step toward moving from an egocentric/ ethnocentric level of moral reasoning to developing a collective and enlightened view that care and concern for all peoples, regardless of race, color, gender, sexual orientation, or creed is what is needed if we’re going to survive as a species.

And in a real way, that is what happened last night as you were distracted by something else on TV.

Love,

Eddie

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Sunday Sermon [Great Scams: The Secret]

¡Hola! Everybody...
I can’t find the original essay, but the first time I posted the following, I got major flack from the New Age disciples of that major marketing event otherwise known as “The Secret.” LOL

* * *

-=[ Narcissism as Spirituality ]=-

Sometimes the desire to be spiritual is really a dysfunctional grasping for psychological security.


“The Secret,” according to the book is “the law of attraction.” This “law” (as permanent as the law of gravity) is that our thoughts attract what they are about and bring them to reality. Think about wealth, and you will become wealthy! Think about that new car you’ve always wanted, and it will come to you! Think about your ideal weight (really dwell on that number, write it on your scale), and you will attract that reality to yourself. Think about getting a good blowjob and some raging beauty will smoke your cock! All of these (except for the last one) are real examples in the book. Author Rhonda Byrne is glad to report that since deciding her “perfect weight” is 116 pounds, she has moved to that mark, and nothing moves her from it, no matter what she does or eats.

Now here is how “the law of attraction” actually works, according to The Secret:

“Thoughts are magnetic; and thoughts have a frequency. As you think, those thoughts are sent out into the universe and they magnetically attract all like things that are on the same frequency. Everything sent out returns to the source. And that source is you.” It is here where we find the inherent contradiction of The Secret. It is all about the self, for the self, obsessed with the self. And this is what disturbs me the most about the Secret: from a moral reasoning perspective, The Secret is deplorable. It concerns itself almost entirely with a narrow range of material concerns -- houses, cars, vacations, followed by health and relationships, with the rest of humanity hardly a consideration.

Like most swindles, The Secret is based on partial truths. It takes the truth that our thoughts and feelings are powerful and inflates them to a universal (and false) scale, giving us: Our thoughts are the most powerful things on Earth. The secret takes a statement such as Thought can influence reality and magnifies it to Thoughts create reality. Not just any thoughts, but your thoughts.

Judging by its continued popularity, it’s a great justification for the cynical maxim that there’s a sucker born every minute.

Since you create your own reality, you are responsible as the Source of whatever arises in your Reality. Every thing in your experience, you created (merely using thoughts and feelings!). Many of you reading this right now may be finally relieved to understand you gave yourself cancer. You caused yourself to be born poor, raped, robbed, murdered, stricken with every illness, and overwhelmed with all kinds of trouble imaginable. The Holocaust? Just something Jews brought on themselves, as they each apparently created their own Reality. The Rape of Nanking? Bad Chinese! With their bad thoughts and feelings, simply created their own reality and thus caused the unspeakable murder of 350,000 innocent children, women, and men. Weird, the Reality people create for themselves, ain’t it?

Of course, it’s hard to exaggerate how cruel and insulting such a notion is. The impossibly sick idea that people in such situations create their own Reality is so obviously wrong, so self-evidently false to our basic intuition, that we can almost laugh it off. I mean, we could if tens of millions of people (Oprah said so!) haven’t literally oriented their lives according to these sorts of “discoveries”

The Secret takes a truth like The Self is one with the Universe, and then immediately inserts the wrong self; The Ego. The Secret confuses ego (personality) with Self (an unbounded, unlimited reality which transcends but includes all qualities). In doing so, it creates a blatant narcissism. Ego is God. Your ego, its preferences, its unresolved cravings, becomes the garments and objects in a twisted ritual.

That’s what sucks dead dog farts about The Secret: There are many levels of self, but only one which thinks, and that’s the Ego. Thinking and feeling compose the essence for everything The Secret espouses, and sadly thoughts and feelings (while important and valid) come from an extremely shallow aspect of the self. Because of this, the Secret deeply, tragically, entangles us further into suffering instead of liberating us from it. The Self is absolute freedom. The relative self, what I call the Mini Me, is delusion. The Secret is appealing to the relative self (the Mini Me ), and pretending it’s the Higher Self.

It’s magic. You cast a spell and (voila!) the Universe responds. The Secret repeatedly invokes “The Universe” and “Your thoughts, your feelings” until the two are interwoven into a fantasy that places your Ego squarely at the Center of Reality, in control of all that comes in and out of being. What do you want to do with your Divine Power? Free all sentient beings? Awaken every sister and brother from the Dream? Dissolve the source of suffering?

No!

You want things. And girlfriends (who give good blowjobs), and boyfriends (in tune with their feelings), and a new car and a big new house.

The Secret masquerades the self (ego) as the Higher Self and as an egomaniac, I can attest to the efficacy of that marketing strategy. Conversely, I can attest also to its disastrous consequences.

Don’t get me wrong, I have long ago stopped pointing out to people the futility in attempting to grasp happiness through people, places, and things. And hey! I want things too! I want good blowjobs (and anal sex) from pretty girls, a stable home, and financial security. And no, the Ego is not the bad guy, it serves a purpose -- just as all of life (including those things the ego labels “negative”) serves a purpose. My point is that The Secret is spiritual snake oil supposedly fulfilling wishes, dreams, and desires. But whose wishes? What level of desire? What depth of dream?

The Secret takes materialism, narcissism, and other afflictions of self and fetishizes them, placing them on an altar. Rather than liberate us from the Wheel of Suffering, The Secret reinforces it. It anchors us in the shallowest level of our self (the Ego) and sanctifies its preferences, its fantasies.

Genuine spirituality is not a vending machine that spits out cars, lovers, and shiny new gadgets. It is not a wand we can wave to avoid discomfort, or acquire power. Actual awakening increases intimacy with all suffering (and bliss), everywhere, without exception. It does not remove struggle, but increases our presence and devotion to all Reality.

Love,

Eddie

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Spring

¡Hola! Everybody...
It’s much too nice to be on the innanets -- GET OUTSIDE NOW!!!

This here is my annual spring poem...

* * *

Nows [no. 15]


If I could
I would guarantee you
bright sunny days
and soft, dry breezes
for all your Summers.

If I could
I would give you
clear cold days
and clean snow
for the Winters you love.

And if I could
I would give you Autumn,
dressed to the teeth,
at that precious moment
when you most need change.

But if I want you
to remember me
as I will always remember you,
I will send you,
naked,
unadorned,
Spring.

Edward-Yemil Rosario ©

Friday, March 19, 2010

The TGIF Sex Blog [Cunnilingus, pt. I]

¡Hola! Everybody...
It’s Friday! The following is the second sex blog I ever wrote. The first was on fellatio which compelled my women friends to demand a tit for tat (pun intended). I will be at meetings all day.

Guys? Learn to listen and listen to learn. LOL! Enjoy...

* * *

-=[ Cunnilingus ]=-

Pussy-Eating Tips by Women for Men (Compiled Over the Years)


OK, there’s this hilarious bit that the comedian Sam Kinnison (sp) used to do that cracked me the fuck up. He would scream: “Ladies if you want me to do something, then LET ME THE-FUCK-KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!! I’M NOT A MIND-FUCKIN’-READERRRRRRR! LET ME KNOWWWWWW!!!

LMAO!

Men get the humor and irony in this, while most women look at me as if I just farted loudly. But I think my man Sam was on to something here: I always try to stay attuned to my lover’s needs, looking for the physical cues, being “connected,” blah blah blah, but each and every woman is different, sometimes I need to ask and sometimes, dear ladies, it’s not so bad if you to give us a...

FUCKIN’ CLUE!!! Or at least a vowel. LOL

What follows are actual tips from women (with commentary by yours truly)...

Whatever you do, Do not use your teeth! Take them out if you have to. Also, try to keep the saliva down to a minimum?

Dang! And here all this time I thought using my teeth on the clit lightly with lots of saliva was knocking 'em dead!

On the other hand, SALIVA, SALIVA, SALIVA: I can’t overemphasize the importance of plenty of lubrication.

Ooookaaaaay… lots of saliva but no teeth, ma’fuccas!

The word cunnilingus derives from two Latin words: cunnus (female genitals) and lingere (to lick). The action should include not only the tongue but also the teeth. Tongue: soft yet firm. Teeth: Nibble around down there!

Ho sweat! Wait guys, nibbling is kewl!

I don’t think it’s necessary for a guy to spend much time in any area other than the clitoris. —It’s the Clit.

Ahhhh…. dive face first and hit the clit! Easy!

A clit is not a doorbell. Please do not punch it repeatedly with your tongue. And explore the rest of my pussy. It has just as many sensitive nerve endings as my clit.

What the…? Hold on guys, explore the whole pussy!

Lick the alphabet! Start with lowercase and work through the caps. One word of caution: She can’t know what you’re doing! It is disastrous to let her hear you humming the alphabet song, for example. This could imply that you are not sufficiently stimulated by her parts, as was the case with me.

Okaaaay… lick the alphabet, she says, but don’t let her know you’re doing it! Got it!

I dated a guy who used the “alphabet song” to guide him along. Basically, he hummed the “A, B, C, D, E, F, G . . . H, I, J, K, LMNOP… ”song while drawing the letters with his tongue on my clit. He did it at the same pace as the song (i.e., long G, quick LMNOP, etc.), and by the time he got to Z, I was shaking. Now every time I hear the alphabet song I get wet! —Alphabet Soup

No, wait!!! Lick the alphabet, but let her know you’re doing it, she’ll wet her knickers every time she hears the song! Dang!

Guys, don't slide your tongues in and out of our vaginas. All it feels like is a small, thin, limp dick. Most women don’t like small, limp dicks, so why simulate one with your tongue?

Oh shit, another no-no by yours truly. I thought that shit was really cool!

A Puerto Rican guy once stuck his tongue in and swirled it around, pushing it really hard against the walls of my vagina. It was amazing. The first time, I said, “Where’d you learn to do that?” He said, “You have never had eet?” “Not like that,” I said. The Gringo guys I’ve slept with tend to lap politely.

Sheeesh... Hold on guys, stick your tongue into their pussies! Ready, set, go!

So many guys are obsessed with penetration that they can’t eat pussy without sticking their fingers in. Fellas, please, just lick me -- it’s a nice change -- lick it don’t stick it!

Boys, it ain’t a dike (pun unintended), keep those dirty lil fingers away!

Men need to know that the G-spot is located behind the ridge of the pubis bone, up and inside her vagina. Take your hand palm up, insert middle and pointer fingers, curl your fingers toward you as if you’re saying, “Come here.” Do this while you lick, and she’ll come right then and there.

Jesus H. Cherrrrrrist! Ok, boys and gals, lick and stick!

OK, you see all the conflicting advice up there? ^^^^ Ladies, maybe you need to tell us what you like and want? Novel idea, right? And guys, the moral of the story is that not all women enjoy the same things when it comes to oral sex. So, boys, you’ll have to ask ‘em what they like. Be forewarned, however, she might prefer death (or a life without orgasms) before she’ll tell you!

Kidding!

Ladies: tells us how you like it!

Smooches (on the Coochies),

Eddie

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Tyranny of Positive Thinking

¡Hola! Everybody...
The first time I posted the following, I lost all the “Power of Positive Thinking” crowd, most of the “Daily Affirmations” crowd, and “The Secret” crowd just continued to stay away... LOL! Last night I was “engaging” yet another “Power of Positive Thinking” disciple, who managed to call it Buddhist meditation. People? mindfulness meditation is not positive thinking!

::rolls eyes::

* * *

-=[ Thoughts, Emotions, Actions ]=-

Smile or die!


I have a favorite story that occurred when Sir Lawrence Olivier and Dustin Hoffman were making the Marathon Man. Just before filming the famous scene in the dentist’s chair, Olivier was waiting and not too pleased that Hoffman was late. In the near distance, he saw a running figure and was surprised to discover it was Hoffman, the Hollywood superstar. He arrived panting at Olivier’s side and the great British stage actor looked down at Hoffman and asked what he was up to. When Hoffman was eventually able to get his breath, he managed to get out that because the scene called for the character to be out of breath from running that was what he had to do to make the scene authentic. The haughty Olivier raised an eyebrow and said, “My dear, haven’t you heard of acting?”

The point here is that just as we can control and change our external behaviors, words, and actions, and our internal processes, thoughts and beliefs, we can also change our responses to our internal thoughts, feelings, emotions, and values.

In my work, I often run into the stiff wall of resistance that is expressed thus, “… because that’s the way he made me feel,” or “… because that’s the way I am!” Perhaps you have come across such phrases, or maybe you have uttered something similar yourself. We go about spending the bulk of our lives believing we’re at the mercy of our feelings, thoughts, and actions (“He made me do it” “My negative feelings defeat me”).

We all do it, period.

In fact, we all concentrate on one area of our perception whether they be our thoughts, feelings, and actions, at the expense of others. What we do here in our culture is concentrate on what we do well -- on the positive. My invitation/ challenge is for you to pay more attention to what you don’t do so well (the so-called negative) and develop more flexibility around those things.

Let me use “health” as an example to better illustrate what I am trying to communicate.

In the West, we believe that it is best to go for the burn, push ourselves to the limit; it’s all or nothing. This explains the constant flow of how to books touting the new diet or exercise program that will change your life. We have to go for one of these completely or it won’t work.

If we look at this from the model of thoughts, emotions, and actions, we get three different worldviews. In the interest of brevity, I will elaborate mostly on thoughts.

Thoughts and Health

In the thought-centered world, the way to health is through -- duh! -- our thoughts. Here we believe that we have created health or illness by the power of our own thoughts. All we need to do is change the way that we think about ourselves and our relationship to health. As long as we believe that we are healthy then -- voila! -- we are!

In the thought-world existence we have certain beliefs about ourselves and the world around us that we probably picked up from our toxic parents, our apathetic teachers, our repressive church, our disjointed community. We start to believe that these are true and in this way our perspective of health is developed. Once we have taken control of this we can then become healthy merely by thinking ourselves healthy. This perspective makes it imperative that we find the “right” (i.e., positive) thought, or the perfect affirmation and then repeat them ad infinitum in order to become healthy. Many New Agers love this world and have developed many techniques for transforming limiting (or negative) beliefs. Got it? In this world, you erase (kill!) negative thoughts and create (cling!) positive thoughts. Annie, go get your gun...

Let’s follow the logic of this worldview, or mindset: if you believe that your thoughts can create health, then it follows that if you’re not healthy then at some level you believe that you have created your illness. In this sense, you are a mind that exists separately from your body. Welcome to the world of The Matrix! LOL

If my analysis seems harsh, then consider the story of a good friend, Danielle. Danielle was a devoted mother of a 15-year-old daughter. She was known within my circle as a healer who had a transformative experience and spent the rest of her life running workshops in the area of personal growth and development. She made a huge difference in her life and the lives of others. People loved Danielle and what she did for them.

It was a shock for all of us when we found out she had been diagnosed with cancer and an even bigger shock when it became clear that the cancer was terminal. My memories of her during her last days are marked by the last time I saw her and she was still wrestling with her problems -- what had she done to bring on the cancer, what had she done to deserve the cancer? This is the legacy of the thought-world -- a good woman, a loving wife, a devoted mother, blaming herself for her cancer.

Emotions and Health

In this world, we forget the body. We disregard all the unnecessary exercising and dieting. Here we achieve our health through our emotions. Once we get in touch with our Inner Child (the one that was badly damaged and abused by our parents and society), we can heal all of the hurts imposed by a life that sucks and that controls us until we take charge.

In this world we believe that our blocked and unhealthy emotions created our own sickness. Only when we have realized this simple fact, we can start to heal. We need to revisit all the traumas that the world has inflicted upon us. We need to emote, emote, emote! in order to clear ourselves of these unhealthy emotions. We look for person-centered, or psychodynamically oriented counseling – or even better – find a group of like-minded individuals where we can share the catharsis.

Once we have sorted this whole mess out, we can then achieve the Eden-like state of childhood innocence and wisdom that was ours before we were defiled by modern society. Again, as in the thought-world, this world seeks to slay the negative emotions. Fight!

Actions and Health

In the action-centered-world we believe our actions and external behaviors are most important; we fall into the trap of believing that is all we need to pay attention to if we are to be healthy. We believe that all we need to do is buy the right equipment of the right video and we too can develop the body of an athlete of the supermodel in the ads.

We believe that if we join the best hi-tech gym with the newest equipment, it will take out the work of exercising (just 20 minutes a day… ). It’s almost as though we believe that a gym membership leads to good health.

The same is true of weight loss. We buy into the latest pill or latest book of the latest system that some celebrity (hello Oprah!) pitches. We all know deep down inside that the key to achieving an optimum weight is simply not putting more stuff into our bodies -- that only by eating more healthily will we be healthy. However, like exercise, this would be hard to maintain and would require work and effort. We know that balance and moderation will lead to a more integrated life, but we battle on regardless.

What we know, of course, is that none of these three worldviews -- thoughts, emotions, and actions -- alone holds the full picture. And no matter how well you affirm, how good you become at being positive, or how much you exercise, or get in touch with your emotions, eventually you will get old, ugly, sick, and die.

What then? What will you do then?

What we really need to do is utilize all three aspects of ourselves in our quest to be healthy. And even then, this is not the full picture. But that is for another time and another day.

I will say this much: if you’re engaged in an inner battle who loses eventually?

Love,

Eddie

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Dancing the Body

¡Hola! Everybody...
I went to sleep and when I woke up, Spring had srung! LOL!

* * *

-=[ Dancing With the Devil ]=-

"Let’s get retarded/ Let’s get retarded in here... ”

-- Black-Eyed Peas

[Note: Initially, the Black-Eyed Peas song Let’s Get it Started was titled Let’s Get Retarded]

Popular music is deeply informed by an African worldview wherein the body is experienced as separate from the brain. From this point of view, the body is the “large” brain.

When Black-Eyed Peas incite you to “get retarded,” they are not referring to an intellectual capacity. They are inciting you toward an experience of the totality of yourself. They are challenging you to entertain the idea that your body is a healthy focus for artistic and spiritual attention.

In our culture, we tend to live inside of our heads all the time. It’s as if we live from the “neck up,” as a friend of mine likes to say. In living in this overly analytical and “brain”-focused manner, we lose sight of our intuitive bodies -- of the power of our bodies to enlighten and guide us. In fact, current research on brain function shows that our “brains” aren’t really in our heads. There’s a historical foundation for this disgust with the body in puritanical societies.

You think I'm crazy? Well, next time you go out dancing watch an accomplished dancer, or any dancer. A good salsa dancer, for example, is beyond technique, in abandoning herself to the ancient rhythms of the Orishas, she enters a flow state of bliss. In those peak moments, she experiences union, a creative and spiritual state. That’s the brain/ mind/ body working as an integrated whole.

That’s why we all love the dance. It’s a metaphor and tool for engaging the spiritual within us -- to “get retarded” means to stop the mental fuckery. It means to get out of our heads and down into the reality of our bodies.

And you know? The ancient West Africans, as well as many other ancient cultures, got it right. The mind/ brain is not solely the province of the “head.” There is brain tissue in the gut area, for example (behind the stomach -- ever had a “gut feeling”?), chemical reactions throughout the body are constantly occurring, informing the mind/ brain and vice versa. Therefore, the “brain” is not something inside of our head, but our whole -- our consciousness -- our “felt” sense.

So, here we are finding out after years of Descartes error that the body is the brain and that we forsake the body at peril of losing touch with the intuition and eternal wisdom of the body.

Folks:

“LET’S GET RETARDED!

LET'S GET RETARDED IN HERE!...

LOL

Eddie

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Commitments, pt. I and II

¡Hola! Everybody...
The following is really two posts made into one. It’s part of a series I wrote about commitments. This post will give you a headache if you’re overly attached to your way of thinking. LOL!

* * *

-=[ The Mirror ]=-

Life is change,
growth is optional,

choose wisely.

-- Karen Kaiser Clark

In our lives we make conscious commitments and they exert a tremendous amount of power over our lives. Of equal importance (maybe even more important) is the power of our unconscious commitments.

What is an unconscious commitment? The way I look at it, an unconscious commitment is an interpretation of reality that is created in early childhood. Whatever we experience in our early years has a huge impact on the types of relationships we seek out as adults. This can be problematic if we are seeking from a foundation based on fear, betrayal, and abandonment.

It is easier to blame our relationship problems on factors outside of ourselves: “He doesn’t listen,” “She nags too much,” etc. In addition, when these patterns appear repeatedly, it is even more tempting to place blame. It follows then that the first step in uncovering our unconscious commitments is to begin to become accountable for our unhappy relationships. At first, this may seem counter intuitive, but the first step to untangling our unconscious commitments is to become aware of them. This takes a certain amount of courage and a lot of love. This isn’t about blaming! Nothing good ever comes from blame. Much of the inner work involves developing compassion.

The second part of uncovering your unconscious commitments is by paying close attention to your habitual complaints. Drs. Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks, in their work with over 20,000 clients, have discovered that what people most often complain about in intimate relationships is identical to their unconscious commitments. For example, let’s say that your number one complaint about past relationships is that your partner(s) were always criticizing you. It may be likely that you are unconsciously committed to bringing critical people into your life (again, I must stress this about blaming yourself or anyone else).

Another issue is that unconscious commitments are so powerful that partners can unconsciously notice them and begin to act in ways that will supply what their partner is unconsciously asking for. Have you ever experienced saying to yourself, “Dang, I wasn’t a particularly critical person until I got into this relationship, and yet here I am a full-fledged nag.”

Try this: each time you catch yourself complaining about something, use it as an opportunity to reclaim the power of one of your unconscious commitments. If you can catch yourself in the act of complaining, try to turn it around and ask, “Why would I be unconsciously committed to that?”

It is in the very act of questioning why you might be unconsciously committed to the things you have been complaining about that the real work is done. Katie Byron, creator of “The Work,” has a very powerful technique for uncovering and diffusing our unconscious commitments. The Hendricks also have a guided reflection that helps in this area. I have used a combination of both in my own work with people that I have found very useful. I will share that tomorrow.

For now, try the following:

Your first task: Discover what you complain about.

If you want to stop your unconscious patterns cold, stop complaining. Put yourself on a radical complaint-fast for one day: Don’t allow a single complaint out of your mouth.

Then go a second day, and a third. Many years ago, I went on a complaining-fast, and my old patterns started to drop away effortlessly. I soon found I could go days and weeks without complaining about anything. Eventually my complaint-fast stretched into years, and by then the miracles were unfolding so rapidly I could scarcely believe it. The circumstances of my life improved so radically that there was nothing to complain about.

Love,

Eddie

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