Friday, March 27, 2015

The Friday Sex Blog [Menstruation and Sex]

¡Hola mi gente!
Yes, Winter refuses to let go here in the Land of the Snow…but his grasp weakens even as I write. Spring, and all it symbolizes, will soon be upon us.

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Menstruation Sex

            I had written an essay on The Period for my sex blog, but it turned out way too long. The more I researched into the cultural history of the female menstrual cycle, the more I was confronted with a history filled with negativity, propaganda, and stereotypes. There’s no way I can fit my analysis of that mess into a one-two page MS Word document, people.

            Exploring the culture of concealment that surrounds menstruation is to be confronted with the negative impact it has had on women’s psychological and physical health. From safety problems such as dioxin-laced tampons, to the “menstrual etiquette” fostered by women’s magazines, the cultural mindset around menstruation is leaves women more likely to tell their male friends about an affair than to walk down the hall to the bathroom with an unopened Tampon.

            Young women are taught limitations about acceptable behaviors and that bleeding is bad – an irrepressible evidence of (gasp!) sexuality.

            I can’t get into all that in one blog. I thought about posting it as a series of blogs, but I felt that, as a man, I have no business writing about this. I have no legs to stand up on this one. I would love to see one of my female friends do a good, well-researched blog on this issue. For now, I will contain myself to sex and the period and hopefully, lightly touch on some of the tangential issues along the way.

            I had a sneaking suspicion, but I was never sure until I was in a long-term, committed relationship with such a woman. However, it’s true enough: for some women, the time of their period is their horniest time of the month. You might be one of them. This may stem in part because you feel more sexually liberated during this time, since the possibility of pregnancy is somewhat decreased. I don’t know for sure (and a part of me doesn’t really give a fuck. Kidding! LOL)

            Or you may be experiencing a little pelvic congestion, which may cause you to feel aroused. Perhaps, as some of our more intrepid sisters have discovered, you have come upon the possibility that orgasms relieve menstrual symptoms, like cramps, so you’re all over him for a little natural pain relief. Or, who knows?!! You might be feeling more predatory because, you know, you’re feeling the fertility symbolism of your period in an “I am woman, hear me roar, motherfucker” kinda/ sorta way.

            A former lover loved sex during her period because she was turned on by the fact that neither of us had an issue with it. For her, it was cool that she and I were able to bond over something most people couldn’t handle. Something that should be perfectly natural since it’s simply part of being a woman. She confided that some of the best sex she experienced was during this time and it relieved some of the worst of her menstrual symptoms.

            Taking into consideration all of the benefits for period sex, don’t allow any biases you might have about “that time of month” keep you from having some of the best sex of your life. Can it get messy? Sure. But is it dirty?


            It’s nature’s way of doing what it does, and it’s just one more rhythm and flow you should just go with. There is no need to hole up like a nun for a week. Make it clear to your partner you are OK with it, if he is -- it just may become that “special” time of month for both of you. Make sure you have lubricant handy. Despite the flow, one side effect of a woman’s menstruation is a drying of the vaginal mucous membranes. And make shower play a part of the after-sex bonding. During my ex’s period, we would often have sex during a shower, which I find sexy. For me there’s very little sexier than the taste and texture of a woman’s wet skin. Sucking on wet nipples or relishing in the scent of freshly washed, wet skin is heady stuff for me. Wetness is a huge turn on as well.

            Plus, she was more likely to allow me some anal play (positive reinforcement!). If you have issues with having intercourse when you got the dot, don’t punish yourself by abstaining altogether. Take matters into your own hands while bathing or showering, which keeps things neat. One ex-lover would sometimes just dry hump me during her period, which brought me back to my high school days... ::blank stare::

            In conclusion, never abstain from sex during your period unless it causes you more discomfort than pleasure.

            My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…

Friday, February 27, 2015

The Friday Sex Blog [Erotophobia]

Hola Everybody...
Today’s blog photo comes courtesy of a friend who requested anonymity…
Let’s get down to the real nitty gritty. 

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What Sexual Revolution?
Love is the absence of anxiety.
-- Wilhelm Reich

We live in a culture that appears to be enthusiastic about sex. According to pollsters most people enjoy having sex and lovemaking and do it regularly. Countless women’s magazines blare the word “sex” on covers, barking out “sex quizzes” for everything under the sun. Novels, television shows, and movies purportedly explore the nuances of erotic life. The largest money-maker on the internet is -- you guessed it -- pornography. Otherwise bored housewives saturate the internet with revealing photos of themselves (whether real or fake is irrelevant). Explicit sex entertainment (especially in the Deep South) is a billion-dollar industry. It would appear to the lax observer, that sex-positive attitudes are prevalent in our society.

But appearances, as they often are, can be deceiving. The very rationale for my Friday sex blogs is my contention that most people in our culture are highly ignorant of, and ambivalent about, sex. In opposition to our inborn erotic nature exist irrational fears about our own sexuality. Social scientists have begun to note this irrational fear of sex, erotophobia, and I have touched on this subject in previous blogs. I see this as a largely unrecognized condition and its impact on our lives and culture goes largely unnoticed.

Take the time to examine any aspect of human sexuality in our culture and you will be confronted with sexual fear. Consider the widespread discomfort many people experience even talking about sex. Though the media assaults us daily on the sexual exploits of celebrities, most of us have enormous difficulty talking openly and frankly about the subject. It seems we suffer from what some researchers call a “sexual language barrier.” I would add that most people feel more comfortable swapping spit (and other bodily fluids) than sharing words about the event.

Children are the first casualty of erotophobia. They pick up quickly on the adult discomfort with sexual language. As one prominent sex researcher, John Money puts it: “… no child can grow up without becoming acquainted with the taboo on talking about sex. No matter how open the conversation may be at home, or among peers, every child discovers sooner or later that certain everyday sexual words are absolutely forbidden in school, at church, on television and elsewhere.”

Most parents feel uncomfortable giving their children even basic sex education. Many children come of age without knowing the correct names for human genital organs, for example. We’re so ambivalent about sex that, in a society that supposedly values intelligence and self-awareness, almost every female will reach adulthood without knowing the name of her erotic pleasure center, the clitoris. 

In a similar vein, most teenaged boys masturbate regularly yet hear not a word from their parents about this crucially important sexual behavior. Most parents I have known would rather commit hara kiri than openly discussing masturbatory pleasure with their children.

Our schools teach our children how to paint, make music, play sports, and learn about their bodies in countless non-erotic ways, but neglect erotic education. The focus of sex education in our culture, interestingly enough, is almost entirely predicated on avoiding disease and pregnancy. The issue of teaching creative ways to experience pleasure is off the table -- completely unknown. The consequence of all this is that most people reach adulthood profoundly ignorant about sex, especially its pleasure potential. Consider masturbation, a sexual act that risks no sexual disease or unwanted pregnancy. Tens of millions of people in our culture are uncomfortable with it. The most comprehensive survey of U.S. sexual behavior reports that half of the people who masturbate feel guilty about it. The researchers believe this percentage underestimates the actual number of people who feel negative about masturbation because those who are highly uncomfortable with it stop masturbating.

Our behavior with our sexual partners also reflects a sexual ambivalence. The average sexual encounter is quick and often routine. Sexual surveys indicate that though there are unlimited opportunities for sex, “… couples level off at about 1 hour a week, four hours a month, or the equivalent of about six 8-hour days a year.” This is certainly not a picture of much sexual action.

In fact, most of us have a narrow set of sexual practices -- the “lick-em, stick-em, and cum” school of sexual gratification -- a short sequence of erotic acts that varies little from day to day, partner to partner. We seem to fear any form of sexual experimentation or originality. Conversely, we seek out the new in movies, books, travel, fashion, and gadgets but our sexual expression remains bland and repetitive.

You might be thinking that all this doesn’t pertain to you, my reader. I hear it all the time, “Not me, Eddie.” 


Though sexual fear is widespread, it’s hard to detect because it usually exists alongside positive attitudes towards sex. Only a very few erotophobic individuals see all sex in a negative way. Most of enjoy erotic pleasure in specific contexts. It’s similar to the way some racists deny that their racist attitudes because “some of my best friends are Latino/a.” Most of us cannot see our erotophobia because we are conscious of only our positive sexual feelings. That’s why I’m confronted with a lot of denial, statements such as, “I couldn’t be erotophobic; I’ve had so many lovers, I’ve lost count,” or, “Not me Eddie! How could you say I fear sex, I do it all the time?!!”

Secondly, erotophobia is often learned is through a highly unconscious process. We acquire this fear in much the same way we acquire accent in our speech. In the same way, we absorb erotophobia subliminally in our early years through countless social interactions that are so normal and widespread, we take them for granted. Sure, later adult experiences serve to undo some this irrational fear of sex, but reinforces others. Schools, religion, the media, and the legal system set policies that embed senseless sexual fears in millions of minds, yet we are almost completely ignorant of its effect.

Finally, the last reason why we are not conscious of our own negative attitudes towards sex is that irrational sexual ideas are so deeply entrenched in our culture that they are difficult to recognize as ridiculous. Furthermore, even a suggestion of a culturally sanctioned notion of sex will be attacked irrationally. One good example is the widespread irrational belief that the sight of adult recreational nudity harms children. Such an idea is regularly stated but has no basis in reality -- there’s no empirical basis for such a belief. It’s a delusion that is often expressed, but rarely challenged. In fact it’s immune from rational challenge. This is why few whites in colonial America could recognize that their (assumed) ideas about racial inferiority lacked any sense.

All of this is not accidental. Like the shameful and immoral institution of slavery (and racism), erotophobia happens for a reason. It exists and is passed on because powerful forces drive it and so so in order to socially control the masses.

Yeah, sex is good for you… what a concept.

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…


[un]Common Sense