The Sexual Subversive [The Erotic Initiation]

¡Hola! Everybody…
It’s Friday and that means s-e-x!

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-=[ Initiation ]=-

Whatever the particulars of our personal erotic initiation, whatever the snags that were present at that time, whatever the circumstances, the dangers, the people, the setting -- even mundane details like the time of day, the weather, an article of clothing, a smell, as piece of music, the color of our partner’s hair, the shape of his or her body -- all these become eroticized for us, often forever, by the supreme intensity of the moment of erotic emergence. The erotic initiation, that almost magical process of exploring an uncharted erotic landscape, is embedded with unique elements of power and vitality. These are erotic events in a class by themselves, often felt and remembered like no other memories. Psychologically, erotic initiations are powerful formative experiences that shape much of our subsequent development.

Since our culture so powerfully defines this as the primary distinction between initiate and novice, most of us turn immediately to our first experience of sexual intercourse when we think of erotic initiation. But even if we insist on narrowing erotic initiation to sexual initiation, there is more to be considered than we first have intercourse. What about the first time we seriously enter the realm of sexual feeling with a partner, whether or not this involves intercourse? What about the first time we experience ourselves as sexual beings, or become aware of sexual feelings inside of ourselves, whether or not this involves a partner? What about the first time we feel a deep inner sense of liquid movement, the first time we are aware of an erotic awakening, whether or not this has anything to do with sex?

And aren’t there more than one erotic initiation? As we become more experienced (and hopefully more developed) as sexual and erotic beings, there are other erotic initiations as well: the first time we play with a partner in a new way; the first time we experience orgasm; the first time we experience a new depth or quality of orgasm; the first time we explicitly act out a long-cherished fantasy; the first time we use a new sex toy -- or any sex toy at all; the first time we find ourselves, for reasons we may never understand, in a corner of the erotic garden we never visited before, perhaps never even imagined; the first time we surrender more deeply and psychologically than ever before; the first time we open ourselves to a new sexual partner; the first time we open to a new community of partners, people we previously considered off the erotic/ sexual map -- perhaps people of our own gender, perhaps people significantly older or younger than ourselves, perhaps people we previously considered unattractive or undesirable, perhaps people of a different ethnic group.

Erotic initiation doesn’t necessarily mean a one-time, two-time, or three-time experience; it can be a continuing and recurring aspect of erotic development and discovery. The universe of sexual and erotic possibility is immense. There is no danger of running out of territory to explore, if we choose to make ourselves available to the wonder and uncertainty of engaging the unfamiliar.

In a society such as ours, terrified of the full power of the erotic potential, we are encouraged to be as narrowly and unimaginatively erotic as possible. We are conditioned to find a comfortable erotic niche for ourselves, a tiny corner of the vast erotic wonderland, and to be content to spend all of our erotic life within that miniscule clearing. Indeed, we often feel grateful to have any place of erotic expression at all. It’s like spending all your cyber time on Facebook and mistaking that for the immensity of the internet.

No wonder so many couples become bored with their erotic connections after a few short years, or even months. No wonder so many individuals lose their sexual appetite altogether, wonder how the youth passion and fire have evaporated, or secretly seek out new partners to rekindle a feeling of erotic adventure and exploration.

While accounts of erotic initiation often focus on adolescence they also evoke the general sense of aliveness that is so much a part of the process of crossing erotic boundaries of all kinds. These tales of individual discovery remind us how exciting, awkward, humorous, and complex these circumstances often are. Perhaps it’s these stories and our memories of erotic exploration serve the purpose of reminding us of the importance in the continuing cultivation of the creativity and innovative expressions of Eros in our lives.

Love,

Eddie