Hola Mi Gente...
Happy Three Kings Day! I’m reposting the
following because I seem to always refer back to it.
Three
hundred thousand new businesses were formed in the United States in 2003.
Eighty percent of these start-ups fail within the first two years. I doubt very
much that the founders of these businesses assumed they would be part of the
unfortunate eighty percent. More than half of all US marriages end up in
divorce within five years of being formed, with thirty percent of those
remaining in marriage reporting being extremely dissatisfied. Again, we can
imagine that very few lovers assumed that they would be part of the despondent
80 percent.
Why
does our vision, which knows only happy endings and simple solutions, rarely
lead to what we had imagined? When we dare give flight to our dreams, why is it
so often destined for a crash landing?
Actually,
I started this entry back-ass-wards: I should have begun with an entry on what
I call “natural vision” a child-like (as opposed to childish) quality that
persists in seeing the world with fresh eyes. However, in light of the
consistent tragi-comedic patterns of life, I will begin with the dark side.
Natural
vision is invariably sabotaged by an unforeseen element in our lives, which
affects us internally and externally. It is so powerful that it influences the
way we parent, the way we treat our loved ones and each other, the way we do
work each day. Furthermore, it influences how others treat us. We never expect
or invite it, yet almost every aspect of our lives exists in its shadow. And
though we constantly confronted with evidence of its effects, this force is
basically invisible and therefore never anticipated and rarely understood. Oh
yes, we do our best to put a good face on it in order to keep it hidden from
others, thinking our dark secrets are ours alone, but it really doesn't work. You
can see the effects of this force everywhere.
What
is this mysterious element in human nature that stalks and sabotages us?
STORY
TIME!!! ::grin::
* * *
The “Mini Me”
and the Creation of the Personal Novela
Human beings are driven by a core wound,
this kind of madness that something’s missing. The more conscious they get, the
more desperate that becomes...
-- Saniel Bonder
In
Shakespeare's play, Othello, the protagonist and his young Venetian wife are
deeply in love. Othello is a noble and simple-hearted soldier who trusts those
around him. Desdemona, his devoted wife, loves him deeply and hangs on his
every word. It is Iago, Othello's advisor and apparent friend, who plays one
character against another, creating an atmosphere of separation and distrust.
He whispers doubts into Othello's ear, inciting in him a violent jealousy that
ultimately leads to a senseless tragedy.
We
are all Othellos at heart -- open, trusting wanting to see the best in each
other -- and we are seduced and driven to insane action by our own invisible
Iagos. Our Iago is a state of mind: he cannot be seen, he lives in the shadows.
Yet his work is evident everywhere. Iago whispers to us both from within and
through other people. His is the voice of a collective conditioning.
Our
Iagos are like the “Mini Me” from the Austin Powers movies -- a smaller,
angrier, and spiteful version of ourselves. A tragically funny alter-ego. Most
of us live with a painful sense of separation from others, a sense of something
missing, and a deep experience of limitation, fear, and desire -- we experience
ourselves as small. As a result, we engage in a flurry of activity to avoid the
objects of our fear and obtain the objects of our craving.
This
is the dance of problem-based living and, although widely perceived as normal,
it fuels an endless drama of struggle. It’s the main character of what I see as
our personal novela -- those over-the-top Spanish-language soap operas. And no
matter how hard we try, the poison seeps through the cracks in our armor,
manifesting as disease, conflict, and failure.
On
a personal level, it can manifest as a general anxiety, or a body image
problem. On a community level, it can sabotage something as seemingly simple as
a blog or Facebook page (if you want proof of the Mini Me, just take note of
the widespread pettiness on Facebook). Globally, it is expressed as war, as
economic and environmental degradation, and mutally assured destruction. This
force has been given many names. I have heard it called “The Gremlin,” or (for
the fundamentalists here) “Satan.” I call it ego-based living, or the “Mini Me.”
Unlike
the movie, we cannot see or measure the Mini Me directly; we only know it by
its effects. It is like a thief in the night. You actually do not see it, but
you know it has been there because your valuables have been taken. This Mini Me
is state of mind -- a social conditioning of sorts and it possesses certain
qualities:
Sense
of Lack This is the essence
of the Mini Me. Enough is never enough; we are never spiritual enough, skinny
enough, smart enough, or hip enough. We perceive everything through this sense
of lack.
Sense
of Separation Constantly reaching “out
there” to fill up our sensed emptiness keeps us focused on a me-oriented
alternate reality, reinforcing our separateness.
Addiction Gripped in the throes of craving and
lack, as soon as we sense that something external will “do it” for us, we latch
on to it and become addicted. In this way, the Mini Me can lead us into
unhealthy attachments to work, sex, food, drugs, the internet (Facebook?
Twitter? LOL!), or even romantic relationships.
Fear Once desire and addiction take over,
we are overcome by a sense of non-specific fear. If we are convinced the right
relationship will alleviate our sense of emptiness, immediately loneliness
becomes a terrifying fate.
Suspicion fear makes us suspicious, we trust no
one completely.
Strategic
Living We always plan for
the worst -- something bad can happen any moment (politicians are notorious for
using this aspect of the Mini Me).
Anxiety There is notion that something is
wrong, that we should be doing something more to be “complete.” We sometimes
live in the throes of a subtle and generalized anxiety.
Hostile Competition this is especially
true in the realm of dating. If there is this notion that there is not enough,
we must fight others who are trying to get it too. This is hostile competition
as opposed to co-creation or collaboration.
How
do we get back our “larger” selves, where ego-driven madness doesn’t rule? How
do we (or do we want to?) get back to our original self-connected to something
more powerful than mere desire, aversion, and grasping?
My
name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…
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