The Friday Sex Blog [Sex and the Period]

Hola Everybody,
Man, it’s almost time for “Back to School”! The summer is too short, my friends. I began a post on dating, but couldn't finish it on time. I will post that next week. Today, might creep some of you out. LOL

Menstruation Sex

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
 -- Roseanne Barr

After doing a little research, I had written an essay on The Period for my sex blog, but it turned out way too long. The more I researched into the cultural history of the menstrual cycle, the more I was confronted with a history filled with negativity, propaganda, and stereotypes. There’s no way I can fit my analysis of that into a one or two-page MS Word document, people. 

Exploring the culture of concealment that surrounds menstruation is to be confronted with the negative impact such secrecy has had on women’s psychological and physical health. From safety problems such as dioxin-laced tampons, to the menstrual etiquette fostered by women’s magazines, the way menstruation is framed culturally leaves women more likely to tell their male friends about an affair than to walk down the hall to the bathroom with an unopened Tampon. As Susan Kim, who co-authored Flow:The Cultural Story of Menstruation puts it:

[L]ots of things have conspired over many centuries to make us mortified about the process. Since ancient times and around the world, menstruation has been treated as a filthy and shameful thing; it's in the Bible (just check Leviticus), it's part of Islam and orthodox Judaism, and even as recently as the 1950s, scientists from Harvard conducted studies to see whether or not menstrual blood was poisonous. On top of this bedrock of superstition and religious belief, you can add decades of advertising selling products by creating and then playing off fears of staining, leaking, bulging, and smelling.

Young women are taught limitations about acceptable behaviors and that menstruation is bad -- an irrepressible evidence of, gasp, sexuality.

I can’t get into all that in one blog. I thought about posting it as a series of blogs, but the essay, coming from a man, seems too didactic. I have no legs to stand up on this one. I would love to see one of my female friends do a good, well-researched blog on this issue. For now, I’ll contain myself to sex and the period and hopefully, lightly touch on some of these issues along the way.

A friend confided in me once that it wasn’t until he was in a long-term, committed relationship with such a woman, that he discovered that for some women, at least, the time of their period is their horniest time of the month. And it is true enough. You might be one of them. This may stem in part because women feel more sexually liberated during this time, since the possibility of pregnancy is somewhat decreased. I don’t know for sure.

Or a woman may be experiencing a little pelvic congestion, which may cause her to feel aroused. Perhaps, as some of your more intrepid sisters have discovered, the possibility that orgasm relieves menstrual symptoms, such as cramps, might make you turn to sex for a little natural pain relief. Or, who knows?! Some women might be feeling more predatory because, you know, the fertility symbolism of the period kinda/ sorta brings out the “I am woman, hear me roar” feeling.

One friend admitted that she enjoyed sex during her period because she was turned on by the fact that neither she nor her lover had an issue with it. For her, it was cool that she and her man were able to bond over something most people couldn’t handle. Something that should be perfectly natural since it’s simply part of being a woman. She confided that some of the best sex was during this time and it relieved some of the worst of her menstrual symptoms. And yes, before you send me hate mail, 

I realize that some women feel really icky during this time and sex is the furthest thing from their minds. As one reader of this blog put it, “Ewww! Disgusting, I hate anyone even touching me in the slightest when I'm on my period let alone screwing me. Gross, but of course, to each his own. LOL”

However, taking into consideration all of the benefits for period sex, don’t allow any biases you might harbor about “that time of month” keep you from having possibly some of the best sex of your life. Can it get messy? Sure. But is it dirty?

No!

The menstrual cycle is nature’s way of doing what it does, and it’s just one more rhythm and flow you should just go with. There’s no need to hole up like a nun for a week. And gentlemen? Any other time of the month, you’re more than willing to dive in face first, so please stop it. If you are keen on having sex during your period, make it clear to your partner you are OK with it. If he is as well -- it just may become that “special” time of month for both of you. Make sure you have lubricant handy. Despite the flow, one effect of a woman’s menstruation is a drying of the vaginal mucous membranes. And make shower play a part of the after-sex bonding. One friend would often have period sex during a shower, which I find sexy. For me there’s very little sexier than the taste and texture of a woman’s wet skin -- freshly washed wet skin is heady stuff for me.

If you have issues with having intercourse when you’ve got the dot, don’t punish yourself by abstaining altogether. Take matters into your own hands while bathing or showering, which keeps things neat. One friend admitted that his former wife would sometimes just dry hump him during her period, which brought him back to his high school days... ::blank stare::

In conclusion, never abstain from sex during your period unless if you are just not into it, it goes against your religious beliefs, or if it causes you more discomfort than pleasure. 

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…

The Friday Sex Blog [Childhood Sexuality]

Hola mi Gente,

It's supposed to be a great weekend. Personally, I've spending he bulk of my free time looking for a place to live. Again, if you know of anyone renting a studio or room, please let me know.

Have a great weekend!

Raising Children as Sexual Beings

And I made a rural pen, And I stained the water clear, And I wrote my happy songs Every Child may joy to hear.

-- William Blake (1757–1827) Songs of Innocence

Throughout most of Western history, children have been brought up as innocent, asexual beings. But the fact is that children are most certainly not asexual. All the sexual organs capable of providing pleasure are present and children are sexual creatures from birth. Of course, I’m not proposing that theirs is the same sexuality we know as adults, but it is nonetheless a form of sexuality.

Freud was almost burned at the stake for essentially saying the same thing. 

The baby playing with your breast is at least sensual if not sexual. The two-year-old who crawls into bed between Mommy and Daddy is sexual, albeit not in the same capacity, nor the explicit sexual intent of an adult. The five year-old girl who dresses up and sits on her father’s lap kissing him and asking him if he will marry her when she grows up, is sexual. The seven-year-old, who is masturbating, probably to orgasm, is sexual. The eight year-old prancing around in blissful innocent nakedness is sexual. These are all examples of children passing through learning stages on the way to evolving into adult sexual beings. Many would find what I just wrote disturbing and I would refer those to my previous postings on sexual repression. The fact remains that some of the above behavior is a mimicking of Mommy and Daddy and some from natural bodily curiosity. Whatever the case, it is all sexual though not necessarily with the adult’s awareness or emotional capacity of what sexuality means.

The major problem in childhood sexuality has always been the adult’s own hang-ups, discomfort, and embarrassment with sex. There is the tendency to ignore children’s sexual questions and behaviors, a tendency to believe that we don’t have to answer children’s sexual questions because they couldn’t possibly know what they are asking. This serves to deny the child’s sexuality because of the adult’s own uneasiness. The consequence, of course, is that the child gets the message that she is asking an improper question that her parent disapproves of, therefore the child will stop risking her parent’s rejection or anger, keep quiet, and wonder silently to herself.

Meanwhile, the child feels embarrassment, shame, and, worst of all, remains ignorant of sex, many even reaching adulthood experiencing excessive sexual inhibitions, the inability to orgasm, or the experience of an unwanted pregnancy.

Modern neurological research has shown that our physiology is like a feedback loop. In other words, our bodies are wired for touch and relationships. This is why Eastern philosophies stressing that we are not at all separate sacks of flesh, but part of a web of reality are so on point. Cuddling, demonstrations of affection, kissing, etc., all actually have a direct impact on a child’s brain structure. For any interested in learning more about this I recommend the elegantly written A General Theory of Love.

Physical contact is essential for children. In many ways it’s even more important than food. Studies have long shown that children in orphanages, for example, who received adequate nourishment but were not held, cuddled, kissed, and caressed, could not thrive and often became ill. But in our culture, it is common to discontinue physical contact as the child grows older, especially with sons. Then, after marriage, we’re supposed to miraculously respond emotionally and physically without inhibitions. This is true of both men and women raised in household in which contact was taboo and emotional unavailability was the norm. What was initially natural for them as children was conditioned out of them as they grew older.

Many of us were raised in families in which touching was expressly forbidden and so we pass this down to our children. Others may be terrified of any sexual fantasies causing them to maintain an emotional and physical distance in an effort to repress unacceptable sexual feelings. Believe it or not, sexual feelings for our children are normal and begin early. Many mothers, for example, report having such fantasies at least occasionally.

There’s a considerable difference between sexual fantasies and obsessive ideation or acting out on them. That’s not what I’m talking about here. Acting them out will be extremely detrimental to the child, to say the least, while having fantasies is harmless. It has been my observation that repressing such thoughts often result in increasing the likelihood of acting out. This is why I always say that repression is not morality. Once we push aspects of our sexuality into the shadows, they emerge later as overwhelming and largely subconscious compulsions.

There is no reason to keep children from knowing that sex is an enjoyable, pleasurable activity; that sex is for fun first and for babies second. It is ridiculous (not to mention developmentally detrimental) to deny the physical side of a loving relationship. It is important for children to see their parents embrace, kiss, cuddle, and act affectionately toward one another. In our culture, however, this does not mean making love in front of the children, though if you’re a parent you’re probably aware of the fantastic ability young children have at opening up doors at the most inopportune moments. It might be good to let your child know that you make love in the privacy of your bedroom; that during that time you would rather not be disturbed and any questions or problems can wait until afterward. 

To treat sex with dignity and love rather than shrouding it in mystery and shame is an excellent way of instilling a child with a healthy sexual attitude. Children’s sexual exploration is like all other areas of exploration. For the child it is the primary way of learning about her environment and how to make a place for herself within it. Exploration can include a girl urinating while standing up like a boy, wearing make-up like mother, playing doctor with other boys and girls down the street, and later on even exploring sexual feelings with a girlfriend.

Physical and playful relationships with two or more girls or two or more boys is a more common than we like to admit and a natural part of the growing up process. It does not mean that the child is heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. Each child will have the chance to grow into its sexual orientation later in life. This experimentation is a part of the developmental process for many children and not a cause for alarm or worry. One should work hard not to have the child feel ashamed about the expression of budding sexual feelings.

As adults, we do the most harm when we bring our own guilt, shame, and sexually dysfunctional baggage to bear on our children’s’ upbringing.

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…