The Friday Sex Blog [Flowery Combat]

Hola mi gente,
I want to see the new Bourne. On another note, I refused to watch either political convention as, in my analysis, both parties are irrelevant. Both are as two dogs shackled to the same stake: capitalism. Fuck them… 

Some of you will see this as sexist...

Flowery Combat

And how could I possibly have known
that all my martial arts
would fail me
against the flowers and the laughter
that were your forward troops,
the outstretched heart
of your army?

Dearest:

You are attracted to mutual sexual energy. Yes, it is true that you love your friends and family as well as your lover. But the unique aspect of intimate relationship is not love; its uniqueness is due to the attraction of the polarity between the masculine and the feminine -- the yin and yang of sexual attraction.

Every man and woman embodies both masculine and feminine energies, although each individual’s proportion is unique. This proportion determines your sexual gifts. It also influences whom you will find sexually attractive and who will be attracted to you.

Let’s try this for a minute. If you had to choose, would you prefer sex with someone who is radiantly alive, fresh and juicy, longing to surrender to your loving -- or with someone of deep integrity who sees through to your heart and wants to take you with confidence, passion, and total presence?

If you have more masculine sexual essence, then you will be attracted to a more feminine lover. By feminine essence I mean to describe the feeling of light, which feels as love and shines as all life. A feminine lover will spread open as radiance, full of life-force, yearning to open as love and to receive your deep love. A feminine lover’s smile can literally light up your life and inspire your heart. Most women and some men have a more feminine sexual essence. (And please: having a more feminine sexual essence has nothing to do with juvenile notions of manhood, or a lack thereof.)

If your sexual essence is more feminine, then you will be attracted to a more masculine lover. By masculine here I mean to describe the quality of consciousness. In this context consciousness is manifested as a deep and penetrating presence. A masculine lover will take and ravish you with deep and intense loving. A masculine lover can crack you open and expose the heart of a moment with humor.

If you are like most people, heterosexual or homosexual, then you don’t have a balanced sexual essence. Everybody has some feminine and masculine characteristics -- especially on the surface. But deep down where it really matters, in the heart of your heart’s desires, your sexual essence is probably quite noticeably more masculine or more feminine. Deep down you desire to ravish or be ravished sexually, whether or not you have that opportunity to enjoy this depth of loving in your life.

The masculine and the feminine are the Yin and Yang of love’s play -- they attract each other like magnets. Because of that, you will attract a lover whose essence is your polar opposite, a lover who, deep down, wants to take what your enjoy giving, who wants to give what you enjoy taking. And it is within this polarity that lies the delicious torture, this dance of love, this “flowery combat” of intimacy. 

Yet the very thing about your lover that drives you to bliss, will also drive you crazy. The lover who really turns you out in your sexual heart will also frustrate you to no end in the more mundane, superficial parts of your life. For example, if you have a feminine essence, then your masculine lover’s confidence will turn you on, except when he or she is rushing like a bull in a china shop when discussing your feelings in a moment of conflict. If you have a masculine essence, then your feminine lover’s spontaneity and liquid sexual responsiveness will turn you on, except during times of psycho hysteria and unpredictable shutdowns.

In moments of deep connection and communion, the masculine and feminine open as an extraordinary gift -- two facets of one jewel, two facets of one reality. But in the more mundane moments, the shallower, everyday-dust-of-life moments, their differences can clash. For example, when trying to communicate something verbally, the masculine wants to understand the problem and get to the point, looking for a conversation that will travel as straight a line from point A to point B and hopefully with a resolution when all is said and done. The feminine sees talking as it would a dance, as a way to connect to feeling, to be together, enjoying the currents of a shared life-energy.

What often happens, the more masculine partner gets frustrated by the feminine’s seemingly impractical style, while the more feminine partner is frustrated by the masculine’s strict adherence to a know-it-all matrix of The Way Shit Really Is.

Deep intimacy is based not on getting what you want, nor on compromising yourself, but on giving the deepest gifts of your sexual essence. Observe your superficial masculine need to solve a problem or your superficial feminine need to connect with your partner emotionally, and instead, offer your deepest heart and open completely to the moment.

If your feminine lover is babbling on about nothing in particular, offer your deep and unrelenting presence without turning away or zooming out; penetrate your feminine lover’s heart with your gift of absolute presence.

If your masculine lover has reduced life to problems, solutions, and projects, overwhelm your lover like a monsoon of liquid light, soak your lover in love’s deep waters.

The masculine: “I am consciousness, and you are mine, my bright bitch.”

The feminine: “I am light. Take me… if you dare!”

Manifesting as feminine radiance and attending as masculine consciousness, every moment opens as one conscious light. Play your differences with humor, opening as one, loving as two.

My name is Eddie and I'm in recovery from civilization... 

Relationship Thursdays [Masculine Essence]

Hola mi Gente,

At one time I developed a “relationship workshop” for people in transition from active addiction. My rationale being that learning to navigate relationships is something we do not teach people who often relapse due to broken relationships. Of course, my workshop is really about the most important of all relationships -- the relationship with over selves.

* * *

Men & Relationships

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.

 -- Elaine Boosler

OK, before I start this one I need to make it clear that I’m starting from the assumption that I’m talking about reasonably adjusted men and women. I know both sides of the Love Wars will give me blank stares, but it’s true: there are evolved men and women out there -- somewhere.

Secondly, when I speak of masculine essence, I am not referring to men exclusively. Similarly, when I speak of feminine essence, I am speaking exclusively about women. Though it is true that most men are of a masculine essence and most women are of a feminine essence. It really doesn’t have anything to with sexual orientation or gender roles.

Rather think of these terms as another way to talk about yin and yang, the two principles in Taoism, one feminine (yin) and one masculine (yang) whose interaction influences our reality. Yin and yang are also the starting point for change. When something is whole, by definition it is unchanging and complete. So when you split something into two halves (yin/ yang) it upsets the equilibrium of wholeness. This compels both halves to chase after each other as they seek a new balance with each other: 

I guess you might ask not just call it yin/ yang, right? Well, there is a reason for that, but I need to come to terms with these definitions at some other time. For now, I think if we accept that these energies create a polarity, our “conversation” can continue. 

There are times in your life when you hear something. I mean really hear something and it stays with you, changes your perspective. Sometimes it is negative and sometimes it is something positive. This is why words (or text) can be used to hurt or heal. Language is a powerful tool.

One day I had such an experience. At the time was involved in a long-term, committed relationship (yes, someone dared LOL!). My partner had been going through a particularly difficult phase at her job and it had been taking its toll on her. My ex was the type that tends to internalize problems to the extent that some things made her physically ill. As the good and dutiful partner, I was there for her when she came home and needed to vent or just talk. You know the deal: you are in a relationship and after dinner and the dishes have been done, and the house monkey(s) put to bed, you it or lay together and you go over the day. It’s part of being in a relationship and probably something that many people miss (I don’t… kidding!).

For some time my ex’s job issues had dominated those late night discussion and I honestly did not mind, it felt good that I could be there for her. But this went on for a while, and we (really me) had had some “solution-centered” discussions. Still, the problem at her job stayed firmly entrenched.

One day she called me from work nearly in tears and started telling me about some new horror and I really felt her pain. It made me crazy that she was going through all that needless insanity. So I did what many men sometimes do: I went into a long, detailed, well-thought-out analysis of her problem complete with escape clauses, solutions -- well everything her problem needed. I was so happy, because I felt as if I had done something really great. And truth be told, I had given this a lot of thought. In my mind, I had “fixed” the problem. I was beside myself! I was so excited I became hard!

Then I noticed that there was complete silence on the other end of the line. Hello, are you there hun? I thought to myself.

Silence… 

Now, I admit to being extremely dense but I know silences -- especially relationship silences -- and this wasn’t a good relationship silence. This wasn’t an “I-took-her-breath-away-with-my-brilliance” silence. This was a foreboding silence, a “you-ain’t-getting-next-to-me-tonight-(or ever)” silence. So, I did the next thing many men do and asked if there was anything wrong. My ex answered in a somber, almost exhausted, patient tone usually reserved for clueless children we all love and I never forgot what she said. Don’t get me wrong, I had heard similar things in previous relationships, but for some reason this time it hit home. Her words were something to the effect of, If had wanted to call someone to fix my problem, I could’ve done that with a number of people. In fact, I’m a professional and despite what you may or may not think, I can handle myself quite well. I called you because I wanted to call someone to be there for me, not fix my problem.

DANG!

Perhaps for people reading this, the above may not seem earth-shattering, but for me it was an epiphany. I mean, all I had to do was listen? Be there for her? Not fix anything?! I never knew!

Okay, I’m being a bit dramatic here, but her response actually took me for a loop. You see, as someone with a masculine essence, my tendency is to fix things. That’s what I do, I solve problems. I was like, Fuck all that talk shit, honey, let’s go break down some doors and take no prisoners. LOL My ex did not want to be fixed. In fact, I discovered, she did not like it when I went into “fix mode,” as she put it. What she wanted, I realized, was to feel my love, to experience my acceptance, to feel my caring for her. Instead, what she felt was my poking, looking for a loose screw here, a stuck emotion there.

The lesson is one I’m still learning. What I learned is that when the masculine truly understands the feminine heart, the need for probing and problem-solving is put aside. Instead, maybe a caring embrace is called for, or I might dance her around the room, or gently stroke here cheek, or tell her how much I love her. What I learned is that continuing give her my playful love and sensitivity opens her heart and she eventually radiates happiness. Then, if there are details in her life or the relationship that we need to deal with, we can do so without the noise or confusion. Rather than trying to fix things, I learned, I can apply my masculine sense of mission and direction to dealing with our lives in the world.

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization… 

Labels: relationships, Taoism, sexual polarity, essence, communication, Tantra

The Friday Sex Blog [Flowery Combat]

Hola Everybody…
It’s Friday and it’s all about sex! Blame Rage for the return of the sex blog. LOL The way it used to happen was there was a tradition -- women would send photos for use in the blog (For those who so desired, I maintained their anonymity). then I would rant about some sexual topic. At one point, I had actual models and even one porn actress contribute photos.

Some of you might perceive the following as sexist... give it a chance.

* * *

Flowery Combat

And how could I possibly have known
that all my martial arts
would fail me
against the flowers and the laughter
that were your forward troops,
the outstretched heart
of your army?

Dearest:

You are attracted to mutual sexual energy. Yes, it is true that you love your friends and family as well as your lover. But the unique aspect of intimate relationship is not love; its uniqueness is due to the attraction of the polarity between the masculine and the feminine -- the yin and yang of sexual attraction.

Every man and woman embodies both masculine and feminine energies, although each individual’s proportion is unique. This proportion determines your sexual gifts. It also influences whom you will find sexually attractive and who will be attracted to you.

Let’s try this for a minute. If you had to choose, would you prefer sex with someone who is radiantly alive, fresh and juicy, longing to surrender to your loving -- or with someone of deep integrity who sees through to your heart and wants to take you with confidence, passion, and total presence?

I think it is clear from the above that former desire would denote a more “feminine” essence, while the latter is more “masculine.” If you have more masculine sexual essence, then you will be attracted to a more feminine lover. By feminine essence I mean to describe the feeling of light, which feels as love and shines as all life. A feminine lover will splay open as radiance, full of life-force, yearning to open as love and receive your deep love. A feminine lover’s smile can literally light up your life and inspire your heart. Most women and some men have a more feminine sexual essence. (And please: having a more feminine sexual essence has nothing to do with juvenile notions of manhood, or a lack thereof.)

If your sexual essence is more feminine, then you will be attracted to a more masculine lover. By masculine here I mean to describe the quality of consciousness. In this context consciousness is manifested as a deep and penetrating presence. A masculine lover will take you and ravish you with deep and intense loving. A masculine lover can crack you open and expose the heart of a moment with humor.

If you are like most people, regardless of your sexual orientation, then you don’t have a balanced sexual essence (though a few believe they do). Everybody has some feminine and masculine characteristics -- especially on the surface. But deep down where it really matters, in the heart of your heart’s desires, your sexual essence is probably quite noticeably more masculine or more feminine. Deep down you desire to ravish or be ravished sexually, whether or not you have that opportunity to enjoy this depth of loving in your life.

The masculine and the feminine are the Yin and Yang of love’s play -- they attract each other like magnets. Because of that, you will attract a lover whose essence is your polar opposite, a lover who, deep down, wants to take what your enjoy giving, who wants to give what you enjoy taking. 

And it is in this polarity that lies the delicious torture, this dance of love, this “flowery combat” of intimacy. But the very thing about your lover that drives you to bliss, will drive you crazy. The lover who really turns you out in your sexual heart will also frustrate you to no end in the more mundane, superficial parts of your life. For example, if you have a feminine essence, then your masculine lover’s confidence will turn you on, except when rushing like a bull in a china shop when discussing your feelings in a moment of vulnerablility. If you have a masculine essence, then your feminine lover’s spontaneity and liquid sexual responsiveness will turn you on, except during times of psycho hysteria and unpredictable shutdowns.

In moments of deep connection and communion, the masculine and feminine open as an extraordinary gift -- two facets of one jewel, two facets of one reality. But in the more mundane moments, the shallower, everyday-dust-of-life moments, their differences can clash. For example, when trying to communicate something verbally, the masculine wants to understand the problem and get to the point, looking for a conversation that will travel as straight a line from point A to point B and hopefully with a resolution when all is fucking said and done. The feminine sees talking as it would a dance, as a way to connect to feeling, to be together, enjoying the currents of a shared life-energy.

What often happens, the more masculine partner gets frustrated by the feminine’s seemingly impractical style, while the more feminine partner is frustrated by the masculine’s strict adherence to a know-it-all matrix of The Way Shit Really Is.

Deep intimacy is not based on getting what you want, nor on compromising yourself, but on giving the deepest gifts of your sexual essence. Observe your superficial masculine need to solve a problem or your superficial feminine need to connect with your partner emotionally, and instead, offer your deepest heart and open completely to the moment.

If your feminine lover is babbling on about nothing in particular, offer your deep and unrelenting presence without turning away or zombieing out; penetrate your feminine lover’s heart with your gift of absolute presence.

If your masculine lover has reduced life to problems, solutions, and projects, overwhelm your lover like a monsoon of liquid light, soak your lover in love’s deep waters.

Him: “I am consciousness, and you are mine, my bright bitch.”

She: “I am light. Take me… if you dare!”

Manifesting as feminine radiance and attending as masculine consciousness, every moment opens as one conscious light. Play your differences with humor, opening as one, loving as two.

My name is Eddie and I'm in recovery from civilization...

The Friday Sex Blog [Flowery Combat]

Hola! Everybody…
I spilled a full cup of freshly brewed Bustelos on my brand new keyboard, day before yesterday. I ran it through the faucet and tried to dry it out, but it’s actin’ funny now.

Again, some of you will see this as sexist...

Flowery Combat

And how could I possibly have known
that all my martial arts
would fail me
against the flowers and the laughter
that were your forward troops,
the outstretched heart
of your army?

Dearest: 

You are attracted to mutual sexual energy. Yes, it is true that you love your friends and family as well as your lover. But the unique aspect of intimate relationship is not love; its uniqueness is due to the attraction of the polarity between the masculine and the feminine -- the yin and yang of sexual attraction.

Every man and woman embodies both masculine and feminine energies, although each individual’s proportion is unique. This proportion determines your sexual gifts. It also influences whom you will find sexually attractive and who will be attracted to you.

Let’s try this for a minute. If you had to choose, would you prefer sex with someone who is radiantly alive, fresh and juicy, longing to surrender to your loving -- or with someone of deep integrity who sees through to your heart and wants to take you with confidence, passion, and total presence?

If you have more masculine sexual essence, then you will be attracted to a more feminine lover. By feminine essence I mean to describe the feeling of light, which feels as love and shines as all life. A feminine lover will splay open as radiance, full of life-force, yearning to open as love and receive your deep love. A feminine lover’s smile can literally light up your life and inspire your heart. Most women and some men have a more feminine sexual essence. (And please: having a more feminine sexual essence has nothing to do with juvenile notions of manhood, or a lack thereof.)

If your sexual essence is more feminine, then you will be attracted to a more masculine lover. By masculine here I mean to describe the quality of consciousness. In this context consciousness is manifested as a deep and penetrating presence. A masculine lover will take and ravish you with deep and intense loving. A masculine lover can crack you open and expose the heart of a moment with humor.

If you are like most people, heterosexual and homosexual, then you don’t have a balanced sexual essence (though a few believe they do). Everybody has some feminine and masculine characteristics -- especially on the surface. But deep down where it really matters, in the heart of your heart’s desires, your sexual essence is probably quite noticeably more masculine or more feminine. Deep down you desire to ravish or be ravished sexually, whether or not you that opportunity to enjoy this depth of loving in your life.

The masculine and the feminine are the Yin and Yang of love’s play -- they attract each other like magnets. Because of that, you will attract a lover whose essence is your polar opposite, a lover who, deep down, wants to take what your enjoy giving, who wants to give what you enjoy taking. 

And it is within this polarity that lies the delicious torture, this dance of love, this “flowery combat” of intimacy. But the very thing about your lover that drives you to bliss, will drive you crazy. The lover who really turns you out in your sexual heart will also frustrate you to no end in the more mundane, superficial parts of your life. For example, if you have a feminine essence, then your masculine lover’s confidence will turn you on, except when he or she is rushing like a bull in a china shop when discussing your feelings in a moment of conflict. If you have a masculine essence, then your feminine lover’s spontaneity and liquid sexual responsiveness will turn you on, except during times of psycho hysteria and unpredictable shutdowns.

In moments of deep connection and communion, the masculine and feminine open as an extraordinary gift -- two facets of one jewel, two facets of one reality. But in the more mundane moments, the shallower, everyday-dust-of-life moments, their differences can clash. For example, when trying to communicate something verbally, the masculine wants to understand the problem and get to the point, looking for a conversation that will travel as straight a line from point A to point B and hopefully with a resolution when all is fucking said and done. The feminine sees talking as it would a dance, as a way to connect to feeling, to be together, enjoying the currents of a shared life-energy.

What often happens, the more masculine partner gets frustrated by the feminine’s seemingly impractical style, while the more feminine partner is frustrated by the masculine’s strict adherence to a know-it-all matrix of The Way Shit Really Is.

Deep intimacy is based not on getting what you want, nor on compromising yourself, but on giving the deepest gifts of your sexual essence. Observe your superficial masculine need to solve a problem or your superficial feminine need to connect with your partner emotionally, and instead, offer your deepest heart and open completely to the moment.

If your feminine lover is babbling on about nothing in particular, offer your deep and unrelenting presence without turning away or zooming out; penetrate your feminine lover’s heart with your gift of absolute presence.

If your masculine lover has reduced life to problems, solutions, and projects, overwhelm your lover like a monsoon of liquid light, soak your lover in love’s deep waters.

The masculine: “I am consciousness, and you are mine, my bright bitch.”

The feminine: “I am light. Take me… if you dare!”

Manifesting as feminine radiance and attending as masculine consciousness, every moment opens as one conscious light. Play your differences with humor, opening as one, loving as two.

My name is Eddie and I'm in recovery from civilization...