HeartPrints

Hola mi Gente,
As I was sitting down to post this, I found out that actor Carrie Fisher passed away. RIP sweetheart and thanks for all the beauty… 

Our purpose is to consciously, deliberately evolve toward a wiser, more liberated and luminous state of being, to return to Eden, make friends with the snake and set up our computers among the wild apple trees.
 -- Tom Robbins, WildDucks Flying Backwards

Deep down we all intuitively know that our true calling is in reality a form of spiritual evolution. An integration of the Universal Principle, The Godhead, of Love, a collective unconscious -- whatever the fuck you want to call it.

Yet we spend an enormous amount of energy suppressing that awareness because to make it conscious is to recognize that most of our manipulations, our religious dogmas, our personal ambitions and dramas, and financial grabs are not merely counterproductive, but most likely insignificant. In some real way, our lives are a series of acts adding insult to injury. Our mission, whether we recognize it or not, is to do away with the trivial pursuits and take on the responsibility of an infinite, hard-won joy that comes from a psycho-spiritual integration. Or, at the very least, get to taste the perfect slice of pizza before we “transition.”

We are now living at a point in time in which the collective choices we make will either lead us to certain self-destruction on one side or toward a miraculous evolutionary quantum leap on the other. Sometimes my posts on personal liberation -- what I like to call conscious evolution -- seem to me self-indulgent. It’s Winter in America (again) and in this prolonged season of violence and war at every level, perhaps concentrating on self-improvement seems a wee bit trivial. But just maybe, taking a step back and looking at the world we have created with a light heart can help us see it more clearly. Perhaps with fresh eyes we can learn to respond more wisely to the crucial choices we have before us.

Do we continue our individual dramas, or choose to take on the primal and all-important task of sowing the seeds of joy and peace in our hearts? Do we use our uniquely human gift of reason to come up with meaningful solutions to the challenges that face us, acting with wisdom to change a global climate bereft of love and compassion? And in case you haven’t noticed, our previous choices have placed us on the ever-increasing endangered species list.

Sure, I know many of you are saying that you would love to have or do all these things. As any well-trained beauty contestant would tell it, you want world peace (or at least a safer world) and you want to prevent our world from turning into ash. You might be saying however, that sure, you want world peace, but so what? You might tell me that the problems we face are too large and that nothing you do will make a difference.

And my answer to you is, damn skippy.

I know how that feels. I know the despair that sometimes comes from trying to make a difference. But I’m dense, I will fight to the last, and even if I knew my struggle is doomed and it will not make a difference, I refuse to accept the way things are without a fight.

Perhaps it would be useful if we start where we are… 

The first thing we have to grapple with is the possibility that our ideas about money, power, and dogma have outgrown their usefulness. In fact, all this competitiveness, self-righteous warring, in combination with technological advances used in the service to strengthen our status and satisfy our material desires, just might be making matters worse. Interestingly, some have observed that in spite of tremendous poverty and disease, peoplein developing nations seem happier, more peaceful, less stressed out, and less anxiety-ridden than those more fortunate citizens of the developed countries.

I can say from my experience that this seems true of poor people, or people who I’ve known who were raised in poverty (as I was). We didn’t have depression and we didn’t feel isolated or alienated. There were times we were hungry, but our lives were full of the things that really matter -- love, family, connection -- even as we struggled mightily to preserve those values.

Perhaps this is a sign that we should be looking for another way of being and doing.

I think the crucial question is, “How am I personally contributing to co-creating the world we live in.” As a mental health practitioner and social activist, I know too well true healing comes from a sense of personal empowerment. The key to personal transformation comes from a self-responsibility that embraces a vitally human connection to the world. In this, we can take our cue from the environmentalists. In response to the climate crisis, environmentalists are asking us to re-assess our “carbon footprints,” by living differently and working toward making that footprint shrink.

And this is where the concept of a “heartprint” can help us find answers to our questions or a path from the alienation that marks too much of contemporary life. What is a heartprint? According to Karen Trueheart, a heartprint is the impression made by every feeling, thought, word, and deed.

At every moment, we are generating heartprints. Anger, fear, ignorance, and hatred create heartprints. They literally leave their mark within us and are picked up by mirror neurons in others and oftentimes acted out unconsciously. They create a ripple effect expanding in ever widening circles. If we don’t take care to feel these destructive emotions deeply and mindfully, and using their energy wisely, these heartprints cause much of the world’s pain and suffering, resulting the poisoned emotional climate we live in. On the other hand, heartprints generated by love, compassion, and kindness, and understanding affect our inner and outer climate, and we create those too.

Trueheart taught that what we need is an emotional climate change, a shift in the emotional atmosphere. This doesn’t mean we become emotional Nazis attempting to stamp out feelings we see as “negative.” In fact, the opposite is true: if we consciously and mindfully experience all our inner emotions, even those we feel ashamed of, we are confronted with the potential of transforming even the negative. Those that garden know too well that we can turn weeds into mulch. Farmers take refuse and use it to grow life-sustaining crops. It’s the same with feelings. By feeling deeply, thinking clearly, and acting wisely, we can create heartprints for humanity and all life on earth. I realize this might sound like too much for all you beautiful too-cool-to-care motherfuckers. I realize for those who have learned helplessness at a deep level, this may even sound impossible.

Maybe not. Try to let go of the dogma and all the trivial shit for just a moment. Act as if it’s all not hopeless. Perhaps you have heard of the Butterfly Effect. In scientific Chaos theory, a butterfly flapping its wings in Brazil can potentially affect the weather in New York City. Chaos theory led to a powerful insight about the way nature works: small changes can have large consequences. It recognizes the profound interconnectedness inherent in all existence -- a very real connectedness on a global scale. In addition, current scientific findings on the neurological basis of social intelligence reveals there is an emotional equivalent that is called The Heartprint Effect.

Climatologists have used the Butterfly Effect to help us understand our participation in global warming and have shown us how to understand our behavior. By understanding the Butterfly Effect, we can see how small actions like planting a tree, changing a light bulb, or dialing back our thermostats even a little really do make a difference.

Similarly, by understanding the Heartprint Effect, we can begin to internalize our importance in a movement that creates a more peaceful and sustainable world. We can generate our inner light to change our internal climate. And this in turn creates the psychological spaces that can help others do the same. In other words, drop the Jesus talk and be like Jesus. Be the change you want to see in the world, Gandhi said. Understanding The Heartprint Effect could take something that seems impossible and help make it easier, or at least “doable.”

Think of it, with every movement of our hearts and minds, we contribute to the biological, emotional, and mental climate of the world. If you can take this premise as true, then you can make a difference for the better. If our mission is to do away with the trivial in favor of psycho-spiritual integration, then the Heartprint Effect lets us know that even a simple act of kindness contributes to global change. 

For those looking to act, just look around. We live ina time of crisis and crisis abounds with opportunity for social change. I’ll leave you with the following the illustration of the power of this approach. Read the story of anonymous donors paying off lay-away accounts across the nation (here). Read it and pay attention to what simply reading about these acts do to your internal emotional climate. What does the story do to your hope about humanity? Notice what brings you true joy and fills you with peace. Then notice how when you feel this way, your way of relating to the world changes.

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization… 

Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, please consider helping me out by sharing it, liking me on Facebook, following me on Twitter, or even throwing me some money on GoFundMe HERE or via PayPal HERE so I can keep calling it like I see it.

The Gift

Hola Everybody,
I wrote this a few years ago and I’m revisiting it today because it’s time for me to the exercise again. The post is based on a conversation I had with a good friend over Sunday brunch. She, in turn, first came across the story in a book.

The Five Wishes

The following is neither new nor earth shattering. It’s quite simple, actually. However, this post can change your life... 

 

A good friend called me all excited this past Sunday, and as we walked together to have a late brunch, she related the following to me:

Imagine you’re on your deathbed, this very moment, tonight or fifty years from now. Try to make a mental picture. Got it?

I stand by your deathbed, look you in the eyes, and ask, “Was your life a complete success?” 

You might say, “Yes, my life has been a complete success,” or you might say, “No, my life has not been a complete success.”

If you answered, “No, my life has not been a complete success,” you would have a reason why. For example, J. Paul Getty, who was once the wealthiest man in the world, is reputed to have said on his deathbed, “I’d gladly give up all my millions for one experience of marital happiness.” If he could have had one wish granted, that would’ve been his wish.

Still with me? Wondering what this has to do with you?

Well, here it is then, if you had told me on your deathbed that your life had not been a success, what would be the things you’d wished happened that would have made it a success?

The question cuts to the core: what are you really doing on this planet? What is your life purpose? Do you have a mission? As my friend asked me these questions, I felt more than a little anxiety, but on another level, there was a sense of relief -- a sense of being able to go inside and reach into myself in an empowering way.

Back to you: you have to answer the question. You can't get back to me while you mull your responses. You’re on your deathbed; you can’t afford to continue to live as if you’re never going to die. This moment is all you have anyway. There’s no right or wrong answer, or perhaps you’re one of those rare individuals who feels his or her life has been a total success (I have yet to meet one). Dig deep, give yourself permission and the answers will come.

Whatever your answer, look at it from the perspective of your deathbed. Put in the past tense, and do it from the point of view that your life was not a success. Here’s one of my own:

My life was not a complete success because I never really got around to expressing to my loved ones how much I loved and appreciated them. I wish I had told my son how sad I felt at how we had grown apart.

In other words, I wished I had paid more attention to the relationships with the people most important to me and that I had communicated my feelings more often to the people I loved and cared about.

My friend then asked me, “Now turn that into a goal. Put it in the present tense.”

My life is a complete success because I express my deepest feelings with all my friends and family. I say the important things I need to say and do all the important things I need to do. There is nothing significant that I leave unsaid or undone.

My friend went on to ask me to list four more deathbed wishes and then she asked me, “Where are you with achieving each of those goals?” Realistically, I had to admit that most of my deathbed wishes were mostly a lot of good ideas rather than actual realities.

I was reminded of my experiences when I worked in a hospital ward for terminally ill patients. These were people who knew they were going to die -- soon. And whenever I asked them if they had one more illness-free year, what they would do with that one year, there answers were never was anything like, “Make more money,” or, “Invent some wonderful gadget,” or “Spend more time at the office,” or “Worry more about money.”

Their responses were mostly very simple: spend more time with their loved ones; to take the time to enjoy life more often; to say I’m sorry instead of holding a grudge; or to spend more time with family and loved ones.

My friend then took me a bookstore and showed me the book she had been reading. It’s called “The Five Wishes,” by Gay Hendricks. In it, he shares his five deathbed wishes and how he went about realizing them. It’s a small little book, and there’s a website where you can download a worksheet to help you recognize and realize your own five wishes. For me, they are more like personal promises and it’s a gentle way to make manifest a rewarding and fulfilling life.

So many of my friends online and off are struggling these days. It seems that too many of us are counting pennies and it seems like each day brings another struggle, another challenge or setback Whatever the case, I truly wish all of you genuine happiness. If I prayed, my prayer for you would be that you’d be given the opportunity to do what you most love to do and to do it joyously and passionately. I strongly recommend you visit the website and check out the free video based on the book (click here).

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…

Shift

Hola mi Gente,
::sigh:: Anybody renting a room or a studio?

Perception is everything.

I once played a board game I bought on a whim with a group of friends. It’s called Shift and it’s not your run-of-the-mill board game. It's actually a game based on psychological principles from the work found in the totally amazing A Course in Miracles. In case you’re not aware yet, many of the better known self-help gurus have co-opted much from ACIM. For me, ACIM is what Christianity would look like if JC were around today.

Essentially, ACIM (as well as many other spiritual traditions) states that all of our actions either come from fear or love. The whole purpose of life is to move from fear-based reactions to a life based on love.

Quite simple, right? ... LOL!

Of course many reading this will immediately go into an internal discourse on what I just wrote, in the process missing out entirely on the message. This is ok, I still love you and the rest of us Ho’s will patiently wait until you actually get it and celebrate with you when you finally drop the defenses. 

And that’s what the board game is all about: it’s moving your piece from the starting point (everyone starts off at “Fear”) to the end point, “Love.” Along the way you have to drop at least three defenses (letting go of our defenses is how you go about dropping the Fear). It’s actually a lot of fun because it integrates the combined wisdom of great figures in history such as the Buddha, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, jr. and more. The folks over at Shift also used a stand-up comedian to take some of these concepts and make them more fun. So, there are lots of opportunities to laugh.

Sometimes our happiness hinges on the simplest, subtlest shift in perception. For example, some see a sunset and immediately become reflective, appreciative, and in awe of the power and beauty inherent in all of Creation, while others see a sunset and immediately think, “Man, where did the day go!” Some people will experience a spilled drink as a major catastrophe, and then blame everyone from the bartender to their mother for the incident. Someone else will experience the same incident and shrug it off or even laugh about it.

The thing is that we experience these emotions as real, factual, immutable. It’s as if our emotions are who we are, as if we were fixed, solid entities. We even take pride in the cynical perception that “life sucks” and dismiss those who seem happy as simpletons, or as people who are out of touch with reality. A simple shift can change all of that, but while the shift is simple enough, we’re complicated creatures and it takes more than insight to effect this shift.

It’s not all in the head, folks. I have a friend who likes to brag that he’s been in therapy for years. I tell him, much to his displeasure, that he should sue his therapist(s). It’s not that therapy doesn’t work; it’s that insight alone doesn’t work. Psychological work is important, but if you’re not breaking new ground it’s a lot like rearranging old furniture.

Try -- just TRY -- to entertain the idea that all you ever really need really does exist right here right now, in this very life. Just for today. I promise you, you can pick up your defenses and problems and sadnesses tomorrow, I have it on good authority they will still be there waiting for you.

Who loves you?

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization… 

Dream Woman

Hola mi Gente...

Since I wrote about dreams yesterday, I thought I should add an actual example of how dreams can work. I wrote the following a couple of years ago... 

* * *

Yemaya

The Goddess

… At every turn I am met
with her brilliance.
As of the Earth,
the Clay,
the Rivers and Streams.

I was saved by a dream… Literally.

Not a figure of speech. I rarely ever remember my dreams and maybe this is a good thing, considering what the fuck kinda shit dwells in my subconscious. However, there was one unforgotten dream some years ago that had a tremendous impact on my life. In fact, after that dream I was never the same person -- changed me completely. And, get this, I don’t even remember its details!

Nonsense, you say? Read on… 

Several years ago, my life was imploding. Everything that I had worked towards, or valued, seemed to be unraveling before my eyes. My committed relationship of about eight years was on the rocks. Actually, it was barely breathing, it was waiting for someone to mercifully shoot it. I was in my senior year of my undergraduate studies and I was so burnt out that I couldn’t retain any more information. A straight A student, my grades were plummeting and I was having a hard time finding meaning in it all. To complicate matters, I couldn’t get a job to save my life.

It was a strange time, looking back, because though I realized things were coming to a head on many fronts, it seemed as if I were just floating around there for a bit. As if it were all happening, and I was there witnessing all of this, but unable to do anything about it.

The relationship dissolved (amicably, at least), I barely escaped my senior year, and had gone on to a prestigious graduate school which I had to leave for a job and that’s where it all started. I was working for an East Harlem non-profit as a life skills trainer where I met a woman. A co-worker, she was half my age, and I really didn’t think she was interested, but eventually she let her feelings known. Actually, what she said was, “Don’t you ever get it?” during dinner once. Yes, I can be dense and sometimes I don’t “get it.”

Anyway, I’m dating this really young lady and at first, my attraction to her was minimal. In fact, I was really all that into her. I mean, she was pretty, intelligent, and we shared common interests. We spent some time going to museums, discussing poetry, discussing books, taking walks, etc. Still, I never felt any overwhelming feelings of attraction.

But I digress, I need to make my point.

Well, one thing led to another and she let on that her feelings for me were more than casual. I think the “L” word was mentioned somewhere in there, and though there were red flags and alarms screaming all over the place (too complicated to discuss here), I allowed myself to entertain the possibility that the feelings were mutual. This woman was 25 years old to my 43. And while, yes, age is only a number, the fact was that my priorities and frames of reference were much different from hers. As a result, eventually she “fell out” of love and I was left stuck. I had talked myself into love. We split and I was taking it pretty bad. Looking back, I realize now that what I felt was not love -- Maybe it was some form of an obsession more than anything else. I mean, I didn’t do anything overly stupid like stalk her, or act out on my compulsions, but I was definitely in a lot of pain.

So, there I was, a cold, rainy Friday night and I go home, just wanting to lie down. I fall for the dumb move of calling her and when her voicemail came on, I hung up, and pulled the covers over my head with the intention of sleeping forever. And that’s when The Dream happens… 

I’m in deep pain and I go to sleep. Maybe it wasn’t just this girl, but the accumulation of everything that had happened over the previous year: relationship break up, education, not being there with my son everyday -- I felt like I was in a boxing match and losing big time. I went to sleep shrouded in a deep, intense sorrow.

I dream. I don’t remember the specifics of the dream, the content, but the feelings -- damn! -- the feeling of the dream is what I remember. In the dream, there is a woman in my life, I don’t know or remember exactly what she looks like. I remember her eyes and her smile. But that isn’t important. What’s important is that in this dream this woman loved me in a way I have never experienced in my life. The love is so palpable that it infuses me with joy, washing away my sorrow as if it were dirt.

I get this very real feeling of being loved so completely, so totally that it seems as if my very being is transformed on a cellular level. In the dream, this woman knows everything about me: from my most insightful thoughts to the most pornographic. She knows it all, the good and the bad, everything, and yet she still loves me completely, without condition. In the dream, I remember hearing her voice because all I remember is that she was walking laughing with some of my friends -- she was on a journey to reunite with me. But I get the real sense that she loves me and I am filled with a total, pure, unconditional love in this dream and I’m ecstatic!

Then I wake up… 

But this is the kicker: the feeling in the dream? It’s still there! I’m filled with this incredible sense of being loved that seems to come from the very core of my being. It’s not an over-the-top “gee-I’m-so-happy” type feeling, but rather a calm presence at my center, washing away my fears and doubts. It’s as if the woman in my dream connected me to the very essence of love itself.

I never tried to analyze this dream, but a part of me intuitively sensed that that woman in my dream wasn’t someone else, but an aspect of myself. I didn’t get this by thinking about it; I sensed it in my body. At least that’s how I remember experiencing The Dream.

Since that day, yes, I have experienced sadness, anger, disappointment – the full catastrophe of life – but nothing, not even death and loss, has ever taken away this joy at the core of my being. It is truly invincible. Sometimes, when I’m challenged or the big illusions of life -- you, know, death, rebirth, taxes, finances, blah blah blah -- obscures this connection, but it is never very far from my awareness.

Now I have discovered that I was mistaken about the nature of this dream. It wasn’t an “aspect of myself” that loved me in this powerful way. Not really. The dream was pointing me to a road I needed to travel. It was pointing me to the opening of my heart because the more I open, the stronger this presence is in my life. When I close, I lose contact; when I open, the contact becomes stronger. It’s not about “me.” It’s about the dissolving of the fake wall that separates “me” from you.

Perhaps, in a way, it was about the Woman of my Dreams.

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…