Friday, October 5, 2007

[un]Common Sense Sex Blog (Jungle Fever)

Hola Everybody!
Whew! It's always challenging when a new group starts. In all my years of being a group facilitator, no group is ever the same. BTW, for those familiar with the construct, I use a Chakra-based system in my group process.

Maybe one day I'll share it.

BTW, I haven't posted the meat of my race series yet. It will be posted on Monday, properly cited and with a bunch of back up for my assertions.

Suffice it to say that it will trouble many, especially those aversive to thinking critically.

Today, of course, is the ::drum roll:: sex blog! I have the pleasure of introducing a rare beauty today. She insisted on anonymity and the name "Mysterious Fruit." And what a lovely fruit she is. I love her playfulness and willingness to flirt, as well as her generosity in sharing. I think she gets a lot of flack because some women accuse her of being a fake. But. I. Don't. Think. So! LOL

* * *

-=[ Jungle Fever! ]=-

In keeping with the race theme, I will post about another sometimes controversial topic -- interracial dating. For a long time, any mixing with races was illegal in this country and hence the reason for its controversy. Though it's not as frowned upon as in previous times, it still elicits frowns from all sides of the color line.

Spike Lee's Jungle Fever, a well-crafted movie if ever there was one, touched on many of the dynamics still present when it comes to interracial dating/ relationships. While the mostly Black/ White dichotomy still dominates discussions like this, I have to interject that Latino/as have much to offer in terms of opening this dialogue. That will be part three of my racism series, but for now, I would like to lend my own personal experience and then ask my readers (if I still have any! LOL!) To give me their take. All I ask is for people to respect one another.

When I was married, a writer who I respect asked me to participate for an article he was writing for a prominent Latina/o magazine. He wanted material for a piece he was doing on why it seemed that professional Latino men dated white women. I informed him that I was married (to a Latina) and wasn't dating, but he wanted to get my take because of a piece I had posted to the internet on how Latino/as perceive or relate to skin color. I said fine, and agreed to the interview.

During several telephone interviews, I went on how being a Puerto Rican and therefore part of a culture that had one of the highest rates of interracial mixing, I didn't see things in Black and White. There's no such thing as a "white" Puerto Rican or a "black" Puerto Rican, we all call ourselves Puerto Ricans. Anyway, I did share with him some of the following purely as conjecture, mind you.

My main take on why professional Latinos seemed to date or prefer white women was that, as you move up the professional and academic latter, there are less and less women of color to choose from. At the time I was working in research and attending graduate school and there was maybe one other Latina that I interacted with on a daily basis professionally speaking. In my classes, it was more of the same, very few Latino/as and even fewer African American women. What I discovered was that my world was changing in color. Most of the people that shared my professional interests were white.

In my personal life, because my professional interests had changed, and as my economic status improved, again, less people of color shared the same values as I did. This isn't an easy issue to grapple with because it makes one feel like an exile caught between two worlds. Moreover, I love my people, love watching them dance, move, talk, laugh, and the way they celebrate. Anyway, that was my hypothesis in a nutshell: Professional Latino men tended to (if in fact they did) date white women because that was what was available.

Not very controversial, you think?



First, the author, someone whose work I admire, sent me a rough draft to see if I was comfortable with how he presented my ideas. I looked it over and sent him some slight revisions and that was it. He wrote back telling me the article would appear the following month. I was happy because it happened to be my ex-wife's (herself a professional) fave publication! One day, my wife comes home and she clutching the magazine in her hands. I should've known something was wrong when I saw her knuckles were white, and she gave me one those "looks" Latinas are famous for and I went, Oh shit.

The writer had totally misconstrued my comments and made me sound as if I were putting down Latinas everywhere! LOL! It made sound as if I were saying that professional Latino men date white women because Latinas are stupid, unwashed, uncultured savages. Shit! Luckily for me, I had saved the email correspondence and she saw what I had actually written as opposed to what was finally published. Whew!

I have always dated women from all cultural and ethnic backgrounds. One of my first girlfriends was a girl named Gail, a caramel colored African American with features that could be described as "regal."

I will say that dating or having relationships outside of one's culture/ race presents problems that don't exist otherwise, but I don't see those problems as insurmountable. I will say this much: I have met women who will only date black men, or Latino men or White men exclusively and I think there's something wrong with that. I can't pinpoint it, but I always felt fetishized around women like that.

What about you? Do you date outside of your race/ culture/ ethnic background? Tell! LOL

Remember: Sex is good for you, do it while you still can!



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