That Loving Feeling

Hola mi Gente,

People always wonder why I’m single. At some point soon, I will attempt to answer that query. LOL! Today I’m going to connect you to that holy grail of relationships: “The One,” your “Soulmate,” your real love... 

Love Action

Love is a verb

Everybody wants some love action.

Many of us, even the well-adjusted ones amongst us lesser mortals, seek love and reassurance from others for feelings we seldom experience. If we don’t think we are capable, sexy, or lovable, we will look for others to give us those things. What I am about to attempt is to show how to feel loved in the same way you feel loved when you perceive that another loves you. I will show you how to develop this inner loving quality so that you’re not out there looking to get it from someone else. And even if you’re perfectly well-adjusted, entertain me and act as if... 

Ask most people about love and their reaction usually involves pointing outward. Love is something out there waiting to happen. It sometimes falls on us like a piano out of the sky. Oftentimes, the language we use when talking about romantic love is fatalistic, as in, “I fell for him.” Or it’s a chance we take, or some other nonsense. Most of all, people tend to describe romantic love as a feeling they get from someone else. Love is something you get from other people.

It follows then that being loved or being lovable is not part of a lot of people’s self-concept. It’s funny how we talk about love. We talk about love as if we were passive victims of an elusive emotion: we fall in love. We go crazy with love. Pop songs are full of such imagery. However, isn’t how we describe other emotions ironic? We say, we are angry, we are sad, but how many times do we say, we are love?

Yeah... thought so.

But that is the point: We are love. Anything you ever needed or wanted -- that feeling of love and being loved -- exists within you right this very moment. In fact, I doubt it very much that you will ever find someone to fill that void for you. You will look and look until your sex organs expire from atrophy and still you will not find that love, because you’re looking in all the wrong places.

No date tonight? Let’s find one for you, ok? Stay with me, don’t catch a feeling. I promise that you can go back to your myths and pain after reading this if you so desire.

Right now, I want you to think about something about yourself that is true -- regardless of what others think. Some people will say that they are kind, persistent, or intelligent, for example. The only important thing is that it’s something you hold to be true about yourself.

How do you know this? What is the internal experience that makes you know that you possess this quality? I’m not asking you for what you think, or the feelings you associate with this quality.

I’m asking you, how do you know you possess this quality When you look back to the times when you experience this quality (i.e., kindness, sensuality, compassion, perseverance -- whatever you believe to be true about yourself) what happens inside? Do you talk to yourself, do you see mental pictures; do you feel the movements you make when you express this quality? Perhaps when being kind you see mental pictures of when you were being kind to someone.

Are you doing this? Good! Commit to you memory the things that let you know you possess this quality. Now, what happens to your sense of self when you’re not expressing this quality? For example, if you chose kindness, what happens to your sense of self when you’re being unkind? Do you try to make things right? Good! That shows you really do possess this quality.

How would you feel about thinking of yourself as being love, or as being a lovable person (as in the example of the quality of kindness)? Wouldn’t that be a good idea? You wouldn’t have to go about getting validation from outside of yourself.

Close your eyes and recall one example of a time you experienced creating love or being love or loving. Now put that mental picture into the same place as one of the pictures of being kind (or whatever quality you chose). Make the mental picture the same size, the same distance from you, etc. Now think of another time you experienced love or being lovable, perhaps with another person, or a different situation, and put that mental picture there with the previous one. Continue doing this until you have a bunch of mental images like the ones you have of being kind (or the quality you chose at the beginning). Keep assembling those pictures and storing them.

It may feel a little strange at first, but if you’re actually doing the exercise correctly, each time you develop and store a picture, your feeling of being love or being lovable becomes more real.

Welcome to your real self, people.

Who loves you?

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…