Monday Madness [Shame]

Hola everybody,
I realize that I’ve been writing blog-worthy content as Facebook status updates. I have to stop that! LOL 

Here’s one (a response to all the demands of kumbaya-ing with racist Trump supporters):

“We can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist.” -- James Baldwin  #BlackBrownIndigenousLivesMatter

There’s a blog post in that quote somewhere. #CaptainObvious

Shame

I kid around that I am attracted catholic women because their ingrained shame and guilt equates to deviant, hot sex. I am only half joking, but the reality is that Catholics do not have a monopoly on shame and guilt. Our major religions rule by it and our political and social institutions are grounded in it. In addition, shame is a major component of addictive/ dysfunctional behavior. I believe we live in a shame-based culture. For example, there is evidence that shame is the cause of much of the violence in our society.

Most of us have some experience of shame in our past and most of us don’t like to talk about it. That is what shame is all about. Essentially, shame is a conditioned response to violating someone else’s standards. When we feel shame, we are usually afraid of rejection or abandonment due to trespassing of real or imagined boundaries. For some people something seemingly mundane like farting in public (or even writing about it) might cause shame. Some mental health specialists consider shame to be the root of many personal difficulties, especially the codependent behavior observed in the families of addicts.

Ideally, shame should serve as an alarm system letting us know when we have offended other people, and that if we want to continue being friends with them, we may need to change our behavior. So maybe fluffing the sheets after farting is not a good way to keep a lover. Worse, broadcasting intimacies on social media might not be a good way to garner friends and influence people. Some of us have no shame, which is not a good thing. However, many people are haunted by feelings of shame, which make them feel unworthy.

Almost all experiences of shame entail seeing ourselves as “small” and others as “big.” This is typical of people when they feel ashamed. If you temporarily try this out, you can probably experience shame too.

Shame has been described as “the secret emotion” or “the hidden emotion.” For most of us, it is a minor inconvenience, but for others it is devastating. When people feel shame, they also feel ashamed about feeling shame, so they are not inclined to talk about it. This is why I give people who try to do something about it major props.

Shame is the result of someone repeatedly giving us the message, “You’re bad,” often without telling us exactly what they found displeasing, and usually without giving us a clear idea of what we could do instead, or how to do it. Parents, teachers, and other authorities do this, sometimes because they do not know any better.

In a way, someone who feels shame does so because he was a capable and quick learner in an environment where shame was being taught. The good news is that that same ability can be used in learning to have a different sense of self.

In cases of severe shame, it is as if the person has only one standard for themselves. “I should please others,” is the ruling thought pattern. Putting too much emphasis on pleasing others can result in submitting to abuses without complaint. I see this behavior on social media, and the internet in general, in abundance.

In transforming shame, it is important to recognize the difference between someone else’s standards and our own, and to be careful to put on our thinking caps when deciding which standards to use for ourselves. As we do this, we are also building a healthy sense of self, or what is often called self-esteem or integrity. This is who I am; this is what is important to me. In reality, we only begin to exist as individuals when we can stand on our own in this way. Until then, we’re just mirror images of someone else -- anyone else -- and dependent on them for a sense of identity.

I know two people very close to me who have not been alone -- ever. A friend goes from woman to woman, looking for validation. I have yet to see him be single in all the years I know him. Of course, each woman becomes his focus until they fall from grace. Another person close to me has never been outside a relationship since her teens. A part of that, I believe, is the consequence of this inner shame and the need to live up to external standards. Somehow, we have to find better strategies for living more effectively.

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…

Common Factors in Sexual Abuse

¡Hola! Everybody...
Whew! My major funder was visiting these past two days and she just informed me that she’s in favor of continuing another round of multi-year support!

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-=[ Common Factors in Sexual Abuse ]=-

The following sentence, posted as part of last Friday’s blog (click here for context), caused some people to lose what little grasp they had on reality:

“It is important to understand that sexual fantasies about one’s children are normal. Many mothers, for example, report having such fantasies at least occasionally.”

They have twisted that sentence to mean that I have admitted to having sexual fantasies with my son and negatively commenting on everything from my writing, my profession, and a lot of other stupidity. The bottom line is that all these people have played out their sexual lives here in vulgar and public ways. That is the only fact not in dispute.

In families where sexual and physical abuse takes place, the erotic impulse is the first casualty of childhood development. Sexual abuse is associated with certain uniform family characteristics. Generally, physical contact, open demonstrations of affection, and talk of anything sexual are discouraged -- often in violent ways. Secrecy is the rule in such families. In that way, alcoholism, addiction, and physical and sexual abuse continue unabated. Oftentimes, childhood victims of sexual abuse recreate the same environments they were raised in when they become adults and start their own families.

In this way, the pattern of sexual abuse is recreated within each successive generation.

Let’s look at the attacks prompted by my writing about sexual fantasies. The persons leveling charges at me all have publicly admitted to being involved in abusive relationships or being sexually abused as children, or both. There is nothing funny about this, and my intention is not to belittle their experiences, but I think it goes a long way in explaining their disproportionately violent response to my assertion that sexual fantasies -- even taboo sexual fantasies - are not only harmless, but normal.

Saying this is nothing new. Freud first commented on child sexuality over a century ago and later theorists added to his body of work. Additionally, hard science has shown that their assertions are true. Children are sexual beings and if you add a negative connotation to the sexual aspect, that is because you view sex as dirty. If you look at a nude photo of a young child and say it’s dirty, then it is you who is attaching the dirt. if you’re turned on by child nudity, it’s not the nudity that’s wrong but your reaction to it.

The warped logic that asserts that a sexual fantasy makes a person a sexual deviant is, well, stupid. In this case, they are saying that because I stated that adults report having taboo sexual fantasies and that it is normal, that I must be a sexual abuser. I pointed out that literally thousands of people -- people who never sexually abuse -- have sexual fantasies that would make many of us cringe.

It’s really simple. Has anyone here ever read a horror or crime novel? Well, if you read a particularly graphic murder or rape scene, you have to consider that before a writer can write such a scene, they first have to imagine (or fantasize about) it. In fact, those familiar with the writing process know that writing is a very personal and intimate process. Having fantasized about and written a murder or rape scene, does it then follow that the writer is a murderer or a rapist? Some of the most powerful written works of art depict situations and scenes that are troubling to many individuals. Some of the greatest minds have written of incest, betrayal, horrific acts of abuse, sexually subversive acts, but it doesn’t follow that they are what they think or write.

An individual would have to be a moron to make such a claim, don’t you think? This is a simple point, one apparently lost on simple people.

The heart of the issue isn’t me or people who fantasize sexually, rather, it’s about the projections of the people reacting to what I have written. The tragic irony is that the monsters who prey on defenseless children share many character traits with ultra religious, inflexible individuals.

Numerous studies of child abuse show that parents who abuse their children were often deprived of genuine parental physical attention themselves during childhood, and as adults experience extremely unsatisfying sexual relationships. In other words, in the families where sexual abuse occurs, it is more likely they will express the same repressive values these people are expressing.

Looked at from this perspective, one can begin to understand why a woman would engage in a decades-long affair with a married man (and defend it), or a woman who has sexual affairs with men who steal from her and post her nude photos publicly in an attempt to humiliate her. Additionally, it can explain why the same woman admits to being hospitalized by another lover. In my experience such people have a history of family violence and sexual abuse.

Anyone see a pattern emerging?

Studies of cross-cultural child-rearing practices and evidence of neurological damage in anti-social individuals demonstrate that deprivation of bodily pleasure during infancy and adolescence and the repression of pleasure promote adult violence.

Patriarchal (male-dominated) religions that emphasize a high God who actively punishes any deviations in accepted human behavior commonly endorse anti-sexual and anti-pleasure value systems. As part of their anti-sexual values, these religions promote negative attitudes about the physical nurturance of infants and children. They also attempt to punish (as they were punished) adolescents and adults who indulge in behavior it they deem illicit.

Deprivation of bodily pleasure throughout life -- but particularly during the formative periods of infancy, childhood, and adolescence -- is closely related with the level of war and violence in a society. On the other hand, cultures that promote nurturing in child-rearing, that are comfortable with the body, and with sexuality and pleasure, produce adults who exhibit less sexual dysfunction, promote gender and social equality, and a society that does not glorify slavery or war.

If you doubt me, note that the religious wackos of the far right today support the same attacks on contraception, homosexuality, and sexual freedom that Hitler espoused. Neo-religious fascists today support the bombing of abortion clinics and compare homosexual marriage to bestiality. I am sure many of the people here acting out hold similar values.

My point on Friday was two-fold: to show 1) that having a healthy relationship with our fantasies -- no matter how taboo-- leads to healthy and affirming sex lives, and 2) In developing a healthy sexuality, we are then better equipped to raise our children with respect, awareness, and honor to their sexual selves.

Love,

Eddie

Secrecy, Shame, Taboo

¡Hola! Everybody...
Remember the old caution about throwing stones? How many of you could withstand even the slightest scrutiny? From what I see, those who squawk the loudest -- the ones running around like a bunch of silly biddies -- they’re the ones with the most to hide. Like caged zoo primates, they fling the excrements of their insecurities to all who venture to pass by, and they lose ground in the process.

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-=[ Secrecy, Shame, Taboo ]=-

“There is hardly anyone whose sexual fantasy life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world with surprise and horror.”

“We cannot change anything unless we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.”

-- Carl Jung

[I challenge anyone to look at today's blog photos and tell me, with a straight face, that people in this society don't entertain erotic fantasies about children.]

A popular and influential evangelical leader known for his fierce anti-homosexual agenda is caught having a homosexual affair.

A televangelist, noted for his “family values” stance is caught soliciting prostitutes with money taken from his flock.

A senator noted for repeatedly voting for policies detrimental to gays is caught acting out in a public men’s room.

A church allows decades of sexual abuse to go unpunished and resists attempts to uncover the widespread practice.

Pornography sales in the Bible Belt outstrip all other demographics.

I could go on, but what all of the above share in common is complex neurotic behaviors involving repression. As that repression develops and/or continues to develop, internalized feelings of anxiety leads to behavior that is illogical, anti-social, and often self-destructive.

Repression is never a good substitute for morality and people often mistake one for the other. I wrote recently that fantasies, many of which most of us would find disturbing, are quite normal. Others responded by hurling accusations and all the nonsense that plagues social networking sites (see my comment about the feces-flinging monkeys above).

I have written a lot about sex and sexuality mostly because we live in a society that treats sex as something dirty. We keep sex tucked away in the darkness where its most horrible manifestations emerge to create the most damage. Let’s be clear: the most horrific sexual abuses occur in homes shrouded with secrecy, shame, and taboo. Sex lurks in our collective shadow selves and those most fearful want it kept that way. And in that way we continue to recreate the crimes.

An intelligent look into sexual fantasies reveals that virtually everyone fantasizes about someone other than his or her steady partner on a regular basis. One will readily note, looking at the subject empirically, that many people suffer shame and guilt (always good breeding ground for sexual abuse) about the “perverse” nature of their fantasies. One need not be a survivor of sexual abuse to fantasize about being abused -- but if you have been a victim, you are more likely to repeat the abuse in fantasy form. Finally, bondage, sadomasochism, incest, and voyeurism are common fantasies of “normal” people.

Yes, you can have a sexual fantasy of your child and not be a demented sexual predator. In fact, many people do and never act out on them. I will take it a step further and say that if you can’t properly process your fantasies, you’re more likely to act out on them. One reason for that is that fantasies are a safe way to explore otherwise dangerous, destructive, or illegal acts. The message of my Friday post was that it’s important to remember that just because you fantasize about something doesn’t mean you’d actually do it, even if you could. Fantasizing about a homosexual encounter, bondage, or incest may be a way to discharge your fears, or perhaps your curiosity, about such practices. For example, it is fairly well-known that some women fantasize about being raped -- but that doesn’t mean they are actually desiring to be forced to have sex.

As a man, I can tell without reservation that an overwhelming majority of men entertain erotic fantasies about minor-aged females. The vast majority of these men, do not act out on those fantasies.

Studies at the Masters and Johnson Institute have shown that women who have “unusual” fantasies (of being raped, having sex with animals, or incestuous relationships) have absolutely no interest in actually doing these things. I would be concerned if a person admitted to not having sexual fantasies.

Fantasies get out of control when they become a paraphilia -- obsessive thought constellations that then become compulsions. But that’s a lot different than having a fantasy. A sexual fantasy takes place in the largest human erogenous zone -- our minds. Those who are unable to properly process their fantasies often act them out mindlessly. These individuals, as far as I’m concerned, suffer from lack of impulse control. In other words, it’s not the fantasy that’s the issue but the individual. Contrary to what these country muthafuckas are saying, having a fantasy is not the same, nor is it a first step, in acting them out.

If you’re unaware of something, how can you address it? This is why you see all the dysfunction going on these social networking sites, these are people afraid of a new (or any) thought that veers from their comfort zone. And, it seems to me, their comfort zone is littered with shit.

Love,

Eddie

Refuse to Abuse

¡Hola! Everybody...
Today seems hard...

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-=[ Cowardice ]=-

“Falsehood is cowardice, the truth courage.”

-- Hosea Ballou (1771–1852) American clergyman

I like to say that I write on the ‘net because I’m “Here to tell the truth.” At first blush that might sound arrogant and perhaps it is, I don’t honestly know. I do know that it is my intention to tell the truth as I see it.

Contrary to popular sentiment, opinions and knowledge are two distinct constructs: having a plenitude of the former doesn’t equate to possessing even a smidgen of the latter.

In fact, opinions mostly suck -- big time.

No, what I offer isn’t mere opinion...

I’ve been listening and reading some of the most ignorant shit regarding domestic violence recently (connected to the Chris Brown violence) and I am disgusted. I have to sit back and wonder what the fuck people are using to make choices or form “opinions” because it damn sure has nothing to do with the truth.

Some of you may question my position regarding knowing the truth, and I would respond that you have a good question there. My response to such a question follows...

First, let me say right off that I come from a violent household. I am the oldest of five children and some of my earliest memories are of my mother using me as a shield so that my father would stop hitting her. He would hit her anyway... I can still clearly hear the thuds his fists made as he lashed out at my mother.

Whenever my father would hit my mother, I used to cry into my pillow and swear that I would never hit a woman. I have seen my mother have to face the public with a black eye, or make excuses for his behavior and I hated my father for that. But I also loved my father deeply and those feelings welled inside of me, creating demons that I would spend most of my life battling.

This does not privilege my position, or what I have to say on the subject. I am offering this personal information as an attempt at transparency. However, my experience does not detract from the following truth:

It is never right for a man to hit a woman... Period.

I don’t give a fuck what you say. I’ve heard women who admit to being abused actually go out of their way to rationalize the behavior of male batterers. I’ve heard so-called men, do likewise. To these women I say: when you say it’s okay to hit a woman (under any circumstances), you’re saying it’s okay for me to beat your funky ass down. When you rationalize or justify the behavior celebrity batterers/ abusers, you’re saying it’s okay for me to beat your daughter down. You’re saying that it’s okay for me to fuck your mother and treat her like a piece of shit.

Think about it.

If you’re a man and you’re rationalizing beating a woman, then you’re a coward. And I hope you never do time for beating on a woman, because male batterers suffer a lot inside the walls. Other criminals actually develop morals and you’ll be only fractionally better than a pedophile. This brings me to my second truth:

If you hit a woman, no matter what, you’re a coward. Period.

I believe the greatest danger we face as a society is a widespread inability to empathize. We form opinions and belief systems based solely on our insulated and often backward principles. Empathy is the ability to see the world through another person’s eyes without losing yourself in the process. It’s an ability we must learn to cultivate. Most people see or hear about a situation and immediately wade in with prefabricated (and often borrowed) notions about the world and how it should be.

In this way, women who get beat up are at fault for allowing it. Furthermore, you would never allow something like to happen to you. You’re different. You’re superior, smarter, slicker -- you’re morally and intellectually superior than your abused sisters.

Perhaps empathy is best expressed in the Christian refrain, “There but for the grace of God go I... ”

But I’m not seeing a whole lotta Christianity being practiced these days. I see a lot whoopin' and hollerin', but I damn sure ain’t seeing no true Christian sentiment. Perhaps religion is part of the problem. After all, wasn’t it Eve’s fault we’re all in this mess to begin with?

Anyone can become part of a domestic violent relationship. What is domestic violence? It’s something that usually happens in the home. It is perpetrated by people who share some kind of intimate relationship. What is violent about it?

• Sixty percent of the women killed in the U.S. are killed by their husband or boyfriend.
• A woman is nine times more likely to be assaulted in her own home than on the street.

You may not believe that you’re not the type to get battered or be a batterer. I certainly hope you’re right -- but the fact is that there is no way to know.

Battering relationships start out just like other relationships: with kisses, flowers, long walks on the beach, etc. One reason these relationships are so hard to detect (and harder to escape) is because they usually start out as romances and sometimes continue being romantic even while they are abusive.

If you bothered to get out of your comfort zone and actually attempted to understand this issue you would see repeatedly how easy it is to be abused and how hard it is to get out of once the abuse starts.

Why should you care? Here are a few numbers:

• In one year, there were about 4 million reported domestic assaults on women.
• 20% of those resulted in serious injury.
• A third of the women in hospital emergency rooms at any given time are there because of Domestic Violence.
• 25% of all female psychiatric patients who attempt suicide are victims of Domestic Violence.
• 85% of women in substance abuse programs are victims of Domestic Violence.
• 50% of the children in foster care are there largely because of Domestic Violence.
• 70% of child abuse is committed by the man of the house.
• In NYC, 40% of homeless families are fleeing Domestic Violence. Other large cities report similar numbers.

I have little patience and I am not here to sway anyone’s opinion. However, rather than compounding the issue with stupidity, perhaps educating yourself before sticking your fingers up your arse and offering the stench for others to smell would be in order.

The issue isn’t as simple as just walking away, but if you bothered to attempt some knowledge on the subject, you would see that truth immediately. Women attempt to escape all the time, but the way our social institutions are structured and the deep-seated bias against women, they often are not able to escape and often are forced to return to their batterers.

Finally, I’ve written about this before and have had one or two women say that I was trying to get some poosie by writing sympathetically on the subject. I have to shake my head in disgust when I hear such bullshit.

I will say that I am not a saint. My own hands are not clean. And while I didn’t grow up to be a batterer, I have hit a woman on one occasion and it was wrong. It was cowardly of me. There is never any justification for a man to hit a woman.

Period.

If you want some more information on the subject (rather than spouting off some of the dumbest bullshit I’ve ever heard), please visit the National Coalition against Domestic Violence website (click here). If you think you’re trapped in an abusive relationship, please visit the link, there are resources listed for organizations in every state. You’re not alone. For those who would judge? Read a book (click here for a list)

I’m here to tell the fuckin' truth...

Love,

Eddie

The Curse

Hola Everybody!
I’m gone -- in prison all day.

Just for the record: though no woman on 360 has ever seen a pic of it nor has any 360 lady ever touched, kissed, sheathed, sucked, or tenderly fondled it, I assure you that women have often found my penis (“Panther Slayer”) to be pleasurable as well as very pretty.

(On second thought, Well there was that pic I posted of Panther Slayer in action… LOL)

Speaking of pricks! Bryson, stop talking shit and put up or crawl back under that rock you came from. You’ve been challenged and you’ve been found wanting.

Today: something old, something new. How is it that abusive patterns are handed down?

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Patterns and Spirals
“Forgiveness is another word for letting go.”
-- Matthew Fox

Learning forgiveness, both granting it to others and accepting for ourselves, is one of the primary tools for spiritual growth. For many us, if we are honest enough with ourselves, taking a look at our history is to be plagued with deep-rooted feelings of guilt. We may develop insight, or we finally open to the possibility of being accountable for some of this history, which opens us to a new perspective on life. As human beings, we may also yearn to undo our mistakes. However, many of us carry guilt for years as if we deserved to continue to be punished.

True growth means letting go.

My experience has shown me that it is not until we learn forgiveness that we can stop the patterns that have been handed down from generation to generation. I'll give you an example from my own personal history. I was blessed with two beautiful, intelligent, caring and courageous parents. The fact that I’m living the way I am today is a testament to their legacy of courage and determination against sometimes great odds. I am totally grateful for what they have given me. I honestly believe that if I were to carry my mother on my back for the rest of her life, I still would not be able to repay what she has given me.

However, both my parents were abused and neglected as children. My father was orphaned by the age of seven, having lost both his parents to disease and was subsequently raised by an older sister who was barely older than him. My mother was sexually and physically abused by her older brothers as a child and was a battered wife for 13 years at the hands of my father.

My earliest memories are of my mother using me as a shield to stop my father from beating her.

It took me a long time to even begin to understand all of this. I loved my parents dearly, as I know they loved me, but there was a lot of abuse and feelings of horror and abandonment in my childhood. I simultaneously adored -- worshipped -- and hated and feared my father, who could be loving and angry to the extreme. My mother, also a sweet and loving person, was quick with her hands, often smacking me in the face, eliciting within me feelings of hatred, which I then felt guilty for harboring.

People today are always amazed at my ability to size people up. I’m often right on point with my ability to analyze people, even if I choose to look at the better side of human nature. I’m no fool -- don't let the suit, tie, and smile fool you. LOL But the fact is that I learned how to read people as a child. I had to for my own survival because I had to know if the most important person in my life was going to hug or hit me. So I learned to read the body, listen for tones in the voice, check the eyes. I had to become good at this.

Growing up and listening to my mother’s screams or being beaten myself, I would promise myself that I would never re-enact these abuses to others. At those times, I hated my parents and felt guilt about that hate because they were my parents and I was taught that it was wrong for me to feel what I felt.

Years passed and I found myself the primary caregiver to my own son seven years of age. Imagine having me as a father! LOL!!! Whatever! My son and I had a great relationship. I can be very entertaining, to say the least. *wink* My son adored me and we had a very loving and honest relationship.

One day, he came home with a report card that wasn’t reflective of his abilities. My son was a gifted child but, as with many brilliant children, he lived in his own world, the “real” world sometimes being very boring. I was the same way. As a child, my mother would send me to the store and I would disappear for hours, causing a family hunt and more often than not, I would be found sitting somewhere daydreaming, or staring at the intricate patterns cracks made on the sidewalk. Anyway, that day I was feeling a little drained and I was feeling very frustrated because here I am, busting my butt, I'm thinking, stressing the importance of education to this kid and he’s not getting it!

So the more I’m talking to him the angrier I get, and the angrier I get, the more boundaries I trespass: by now I’m cursing at him and screaming and talking to him in a way I never did before. Heck, in my mind, I want to take him over my knee and spank the shit out of the little fucker.

All the while, there’s a part of me that’s “watching” all of this, but my body is in “fight or flight” mode, and I can't stop myself. By now, my son is crying and the more he cries the more frustrated I become and somewhere I know I'm losing control, that I’m going somewhere deep and dark and my son is terrified...

But all I want to do is kick this kid’s butt!

Just then, my son -- voice quavering and his body trembling -- my son pleads to me, “But Pops I don't understand, what do you want me to do? Please, tell me... ”

And my heart just melts right then and there because I look at my son’s face and see the tears and those beautiful blue eyes and at that moment I'm overwhelmed with love for my son. At that precise moment, I saw reflected in my son’s eyes, my own inner child and was vividly reminded of the horrors and trauma of my own childhood. It was as if his plea awakened me from an unconscious or deep-rooted rage and I became terrified myself.

Feeling as if I have awakened from a bad dream, all the fears, all the rage dissipates. I take my son in my arms and hold him tight, repeating over and over, “I’m so sorry... ”

You see? This is how patterns are repeated.

I realized right then and there that I had to find resolution with my own demons because if I didn’t, it would get passed down to my son and those that I love the most. Before I could be the father I wanted to be, I had to forgive my own parents, and let that rage go because that abuse was so powerful a force that it threatened everything that was important in my life.

I had to let go.

Fortunately, I was able to do that. I was also able to speak to my son about my own fears and how sometimes when he didn't do well in school, my fear was that he would eventually suffer as I did. It was an irrational fear, but that’s where my head went in those moments when I became most angry or fearful. MY son is a good man today, having just finished college and might be embarking on a music tour. I never had to hit my son for him to respect me. We respected each other and he would often want to do things. One day, my brother called me from Florida where Ian was staying for a couple of weeks fir summer vacation. It was late, about 11 PM on a Friday and I asked if everything was okay. He told me that he was in a Blockbuster with my son and that he offered my son the chance to pick out a porn flick. He told my son, that it would be their secret and that I didn’t have to know (grrrrrr… ). My son’s response was, “I can’t do that because my father and I respect each other and that would be wrong.”

Eventually, I learned that my anger stemmed from a deep-rooted fear – probably the fear I experienced as a child in an abusive home.

Did I become the “model” father after that day? No!!! LOL!!! But that day I began to understand the importance of forgiveness and letting go because letting go is not just something you do, it's something you become.

Forgiveness is not saying that what you or someone else did is ok. Rather, forgiveness is a state of being in which you allow yourself to get rid of the fear and rage through a long and slow, but necessary process. The price you pay for not letting go is pain, not just for yourself, but for those closest to you.

Maybe today we can begin to entertain the possibility of being forgiven and letting go of past mistakes.

Love,

Eddie