The Friday Sex Blog [Slut]

¡Hola! Everybody…
It just never ceases to amaze me, though I have yet to meet a woman who doesn’t have some form of abuse in her past.

Not one.

* * *

Why I’m Marching in SlutWalk NYC

Rapists rape people, not outfits.

I was at the Occupy Wall St. protest the other day, when a young woman handed me a flyer with the words “Marcha de las Putas” emblazoned at the top. I started laughing and called her back and asked her if she knew what the words meant. She laughed and asked me to turn the flyer over, and there it was, a flyer promoting “Slut Walk NYC.” I thought the idea was so fuckin’ cool and I wanted to know more.

I learned that Slut Walk (click here) is a global movement to end sexual violence that began in Toronto. After a rash of sexual assaults across the York University campus a police officer told a group of college-aged women that in order to avoid being victimized they “should stop dressing like sluts.” This set off a wave of marches across the globe dubbed: SlutWalk. SlutWalk means many different things to many different people.

Some might object to the word “slut.” I happen to believe it’s a great response. A huge diversity of women, men and trans people marching under the banner of SlutWalk ridicules the term ‘slut’, makes it devoid of meaning. It questions what it means to be slutty and tears down the barriers between women that our sexist society attempts to erect. Rather than attempting to reclaim the language of misogyny, the SlutWalk phenomenon has the potential to pose a direct challenge to the idea of the “deserving victim.” The truth is that one in four women is raped in their lifetime -- regardless of dress or behavior. The majority of women who are raped are subjected to it by a partner, friend, family member or a person previously known to them -- not a seedy stranger in a dark alley.

The premise is simple: anyone who is raped did not deserve it and certainly doesn’t deserve to be blamed for the attack. To suggest it is a woman’s fault that she was raped because of a dress she may have worn is utterly disgusting and disrespectful to humanity. There have been over 70 SlutWalk marches worldwide since April and now it has come to the Center of the Known Universe, the greatest city.

I’m marching because no woman, no human being, experiencing the horrible violation of a sexual assault should have to stand alone.

I’m marching because living in a society in which 1 in 4 women get raped is unacceptable.

I’m marching because slut-shaming and anti-sex values have no place in an evolved society.

I’m marching because no woman should be afraid to give voice and to stand up to sexual predators.

I’m marching because I am sick to my core of all the stories I hear -- the so many women who tell me they’ve been raped, many of whom have never shared that with anyone else.

I’m marching because I don’t want to live in a rape culture that teaches sexual predation is a form of love.

But most of all, I’m marching because the following, written so many years ago, is still, tragically, relevant today…

Missoula Rape Poem

-- by Marge Piercy

There s no difference between being raped
and being pushed down a flight of cement steps
except that wounds also bleed inside.

There s no difference between being raped
and being run over by a truck
except that afterward men as if you
enjoyed it.

There s no difference between being raped
and losing a hand in a mowing machine
except the doctors don't want to get involved,
the police wear a knowing smirk,
and in small towns you become a veteran whore.

There s no difference between being raped
and being bitten by a rattlesnake
except that people ask if your skirt was short
and why you were out anyway.

There s no difference between being raped
and going head first through windshield
except that afterwards you are not afraid of cars
but half the human race.

Fear of rape is a cold wind blowing all the time
on a woman's hunched back.
Never to stroll alone a sand road
through pine woods;
Never to climb a trail across a bald
without that aluminum in the mouth
when I see a man climbing towards me.

Never to open the door to a knock
without that razor just grazing the throat.
The fear of the dark side of hedges,
the back seat of the car,
the empty house rattling keys like a snake's warning.
The fear of the smiling man
in whose pocket is a knife.
The fear of the serious man
in whose fist is locked hatred.

* * *

Info:

COME JOIN US FOR SLUTWALK NYC ON OCTOBER 1, 2011! SEE YOU AT UNION SQUARE AT NOON FOR THE MARCH!

THIS EVENT IS RAIN OR SHINE!

11:00 AM: SIGN MAKING AT UNION SQUARE (BRING YOUR OWN MATERIALS)
12:00 PM: MARCH STARTING AT UNION SQUARE
1:00 PM: PERFORMANCES AT UNION SQUARE
2:00 PM: RALLY AT UNION SQUARE!

MARCH ROUTE: UNION SQUARE TO BROADWAY, BROADWAY TO 8TH STREET, 8TH STREET TO TO 2ND AVENUE, 2ND AVENUE TO THIRD STREET, THIRD STREET TO LAFAYETTE AVENUE, LAFAYETTE AVENUE BACK TO UNION SQUARE

Nigger of the World

¡Hola! Everybody...
Well, as expected, my blog yesterday elicited many responses. While I expect some of the responses, they still never cease to amaze me. Let’s get some shit straight:

My blog was about Domestic Violence, not violence in general. Some of you, while in the ecstatic throes of logical contortions, seemed to forget that. Secondly, please don’t start your comment by saying you’re not condoning Domestic Violence and then defend the perpetrators of Domestic Violence -- men! Finally, if you don’t like me and have a beef with me or the forceful manner in which I present the issue, get to the back of the line. There are plenty people that share your animosity. However, while here, address the fuckin' issue!

* * *

-=[ The Universal Victim ]=-

“Woman is the nigger of the world.”

-- Yoko Ono

First things first:

If you think you’re trapped in an abusive relationship, please try to get help. At the end of this blog there is a link to a resource where you can locate assistance and support for your situation. I realize it’s not easy. No matter what the idiots post here as a response, you are not at fault. You’re also not alone.

The history of the world and the history of family violence are inseparable. Across cultures with different languages and customs, women have been beaten by their male partners the world over. In almost every society we know about, men have considered themselves superior to women. When one group considers itself superior, it presumes the right to oppress the other.

Eventually, that oppression will evolve into some form of physical abuse.

Someone responded yesterday that violence against women and domestic violence are different. I believe this remark to be ignorant of the issue. Domestic violence and violence against women are part and parcel of the same issue.

· Sixty percent of the women killed in the U.S. are killed by their husband or boyfriend.

· A woman is nine times more likely to be assaulted in her own home than on the street.

Yes, you’re correct in noting I’ve already posted the above statistics. Thanks for noticing.

I emphasize women because they are by far the group most likely to be victims of domestic violence. There are reasons for that and those reasons have to do with systemic barriers embedded in a patriarchal society that not only condones, but encourages violence against women. Yeah, I know that’s fucked up that I’m emphasizing the 95% of the victims of domestic violence. I’m fucked up that way. If you don’t like it, throw yourself against the floor. LOL!

Let’s try the following exercise:

If you’re a male and you woke up tomorrow as a female, what would you do?

If you’re a female, and you woke up tomorrow as a male, what would you do?

I realize the questions are an open invitation to joke, but when this test was posed to elementary school children, most of the boys said they’d kill themselves if they woke up as girls. Most of the girls said they’d be happy to wake up as a boy. They stated that they would be firemen, baseball players, the president, a doctor, etc. It was obvious that both boys and girls think that it is better to be a boy. Everyone would rather be a boy (Freud lives).

This is why male privilege is so powerful. It’s not just boys who think they have more power; girls also think that boys have more power.

It’s been pointed out ad nauseum that men are also victims of domestic violence. I don’t dispute that, but to emphasize men, who represent a miniscule fraction of DV cases, is stupid.

Yes I said it was stupid.

Why is it stupid? Because it ignores male privilege. No one, at least not this writer, is saying that abused men should be ignored. But even battered men have more economic and systemic resources at their disposal than women. For example men get paid about 30% more than women for the same work, for example. It is stupid to ignore this fact. One responder yesterday even went so far as to cherry-pick “statistics” from studies glommed from a mens’ website with a gender axe to grind.

The reason why women are more frequently victims of domestic violence is because we live in a society that is based on ideas of supremacy and privilege. This set of values is based on the notion that one group or type of person is better, smarter, and more valuable than another. Therefore, it follows, it is the right and duty of those who are better to be in control. Sound familiar?

Any discussion that refuses to recognize these historical and systematic dynamics is ignorant of the issue.

For example, if a woman flees an abusive relationship, but leaves her children, the courts will award custody to the men. I don’t have my notes handy right now, but I believe that about 70% of men who have custody, gain custody under these conditions.

If we lose sight of the fact of male privilege, then we lose sight of the fact that:

The average sentence for a man who kills his wife/ girlfriend is 7-11 years.

A woman who kills her man gets on the average 25 years to life.

So, let’s say a woman lashes out after years of abuse. She gets life. A coward who preys on women will get a comparative slap on the wrist. Are we seeing a pattern here?

Muthafuckas, I asked are we seeing a fuckin pattern here?!!

I have to go, but I will write on this shit until I have it all covered because people are still mostly ignorant of the issue.

Eddie

Resources

Click here for help and domestic violence resources