The Friday Sex Blog [Masturbation]

¡Hola! Everybody...
I'm sick with a painful sore throat and fever.

Today, the online magazine I write for, Subversify, will be posting my reflection on 9/11. I experienced the events first hand and I think I offer an alternative perspective. Go there and leave a comment (click here).

Sex talk...

* * *

-=[ Masturbation ]=-

The following is a true story. Not too long ago, I got a phone call from a distraught friend. Apparently, he was caught by his wife masturbating, which isn’t so strange. What was strange about my friend’s predicament and the cause for his anxiety was his wife’s response: she was outraged. LOL! According to my friend, his wife felt that his masturbating was an affront to her sexual capability. In other words, if he had to masturbate, then that was a reflection of her not “satisfying” her man.

To make matters worse, she confided the incident to her best friend, who happens to be the caller’s sister. I know my friend’s sister and she has the biggest mouth in the world! So, now everybody knows my friend was caught spanking the monkey by his wife. LMAO! Don’t laugh, he tells me, because the whole incident has brought up some issues that threaten the marriage, namely my friend’s wife’s notions of sex and sexuality.

I too find her response strange, but it is not the first time I hear this kind of attitude regarding masturbation. I remember a summer fling affair I had with an intelligent, highly sexual, college-educated Latina. We did practically everything that summer, but when I asked her if she ever masturbated (I wanted to watch/ participate), she looked at me as if I had grown a third eye and told me that she didn’t need to masturbate. Her whole perspective on masturbation was that it was for women who couldn’t get a man.

I was shocked.

I masturbate – all the time. Who knows, I may have masturbated to a fantasy fueled by one of your pics! LMAO! Kidding!

I masturbate all the time especially when I’m writing, or doing something creative. I read somewhere that writers are incorrigible masturbators. My exes all know about my predilection toward pleasuring myself and for the most part, it’s never been an issue. In fact, some were grateful for it because if they weren’t in the mood, I would just take matters into my own hands. However, I must warn you: making me do that too often would eventually lead to you sleeping alone. ::wink::

Masturbation has been taboo for a long, long time. Christianity actually considers it a sin of some type and I remember the kind nuns of my childhood telling me I would go blind and me thinking: Yeah right bitches. I'll believe that when I believe that single, homeless teen moms get preggers without sex and give birth to gods. Well, I didn’t phrase exactly that way, but it was what I felt.

Most religiously inflexible people will argue against masturbation from the point of view that it’s an unnatural act, hence a sin against God. But I beg to differ: if it were so unnatural, then why is there some preliminary research showing that fetuses masturbate? Yep, you heard that right! Fetuses masturbate! In 1996, two ob-gyns in Italy published a letter in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology in which they described observing a female fetus at 32 weeks of gestation touching the vulva in a caressing manner primarily in the region of the clitoris:

… Movements stopped after 30 tom 40 seconds and started again after a few minutes. Furthermore, these slight touches were repeated and were associated with short, rapid, movements of the pelvis and legs… In addition to this behavior, the fetus contracted the muscles of the trunk and limbs, and then clonicotonic [prolonged spasms] of the whole body followed. Finally, she relaxed and rested.

They also noted “evidence of male fetuses’ excitement reflex in utero,” such as “erection” and masturbatory movements.

In 1995, the British science series Equinox was the first to broadcast ultrasound footage of a male fetus playing with himself. One doctor, Dean Edell has gone so far as to write: “It is common during second trimester ultrasonography examinations to see the fetus touch itself repeatedly and rhythmically on the genitalia, offering proof that masturbation is rooted not in sin but in biology.” [emphasis added]

So much for the “it’s unnatural” argument. Masturbation is a normal, and (I would add) necessary, function of human sexuality.

So, if it’s natural, why all the beef about masturbation, you ask? Active disapproval of masturbation has largely been based around the widespread concept that the supply of semen is limited. In ancient Chinese culture, masturbation among men was forbidden, as causing irreparable loss of male essence. Similar ideas are the foundation for the majority of attacks on masturbation. Beginning in the 18^th century, descriptions by religious zealots of men gone mad through excessive masturbation led to generations of hysterical anti-masturbation texts. Gadgets inhibiting masturbation and even operations such as adolescent circumcision were done as a way to discourage masturbation. Some young girls were subjected to chastity belts, modified girdles, and in extreme cases, clitoridectomy. Even Freud agreed that habitual masturbators caused harm to their psychological well-being.

Paradoxically, societal attitudes to masturbation have probably varied more than any other sexual act. For example, masturbation is not mentioned in the catalogue of sins in the book of Spiritual Exercises (1548) of St. Ignatius Loyola, the founder of the Jesuits, but the hugely influential Catholic philosophizer and theologian St. Thomas Aquinas (1225-74) reviled masturbation as a sin worse than fornication. Aquinas dismissed female masturbation as “mere feminine lewdness,” probably because there was no spilling of seed.

However, nothing in the Bible directly condemns masturbation. The New Catholic Encyclopedia of 1967 calls it a “serious sin that will keep one from heaven,” but only quotes a verse stating that the “covetous” will never inherit the kingdom of God. From the looks of it, I wonder if I even want to inherit such a “Kingdom.” Sheesh!

Masturbation generally refers to bringing oneself to orgasm using manual stimulation. If this is accomplished with the help of a partner, it is called mutual masturbation, petting, or foreplay. Masturbation is a normal process of sexual development and maturity. Boys generally begin ejaculating between the ages of 10-13 years. One researcher has concluded that masturbation is like sexual rehearsal and if interfered with, can lead to sexual dysfunction in adult years.

As I noted previously, the late 17^th and early 18^th centuries marked the beginning of a two-hundred year period where masturbation came to be viewed as a form of unhealthy self-abuse by the morally degenerate or mentally ill. This led to widespread public phobias that resulted in many cases such as the one reported in the 1894-5 edition of the International Medical Magazine:

A doctor in Ohio decided to eliminate a girl’s desire to masturbate by cauterizing the clitoris. When this failed to bring the desired effect, he infibulated the area with a silver wire. These she tore loose and in a final effort, he cut out the clitoris. Adults have been castrated. As late as 1897 a man was documented to have had his penis amputated as a cure for masturbation.

As with anything else practiced to an extreme, masturbation can potentially have harmful side-effects, but this can be said about almost anything. One unintended consequence of experiencing orgasm primarily through masturbation is premature orgasm. I remember explaining to my son after I accidentally caught him jacking off that masturbation is ok (just don’t fuck up our bed sheets! LOL!), but over dependence on masturbation can lead to premature ejaculation. The hand is not a good substitute for a vagina, and clenching your cock with a tight-fisted king-fu grip can never be emulated by a vagina, I don’t care how many kegels a woman performs.

In addition, this can be a problem for women who rely primarily on masturbation toys and their hands to achieve orgasm. No man can ever hope to reproduce the vibrations created by sex toys and if that’s all you’re doing, it could lead to some dissatisfaction with sex. In other words ladies, go get some fuckin cock once in a while and learn how to ride that tiger in the quest for some old-fashioned mutual orgasm.

Some would say that regular masturbation helps one’s ability to orgasm by keeping the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle toned. This muscle covers the genital region from the mons pubis to the anus. We all know by now that a physician named Arnold Kegel developed an exercise that improves the PC’s muscle tone. How cool it is to have a vaginal exercise named after yourself, huh?!!

For the devoted masturbators among us there are masturbation parties where people come together to meet and partake in mutual masturbation. Safe sex kits are supplied and some add to the festivities by wearing costumes.

One final note: there is no universally accepted theory as to how often one should masturbate. Some men regularly masturbate as often as six times a day with no apparent harm. However, as I mentioned above, men and women who masturbate excessively may risk becoming too accustomed to the stimulus of the hand, which often cannot be equaled by stimulus in intercourse. Abstaining from masturbation for a period of time can restore sensitivity. For my purposes, masturbation should be seen as a thermostat for our emotional well-being and should be used according to a person’s needs.

Sex is good for you…

Love,

Eddie

The TGIF Sex Blog [Polishing the Pearl]

¡Hola! Everybody...
Many probably don’t know about the Sex Blog tradition. For the past several years, every Friday I have written a sex-themed blog. It started out with some philosophical posts on the harm of anti sex values and evolved from that. At one time, it become a sort of tradition that I would post photos contributed by some readers (often anonymously). Through the years, sexy suburban soccer moms to at least one soft porn actress have graced my Friday sex blog. Some posts are serious academic explorations, some are raunchy “how to” posts, and on occasion I’ve answered and offered sex advice. LOL!

* * *

-=[ Polishing the Pearl ]=-

Or: How to Fuck a Woman with Your Hand

Yup... I called it fucking. Sometimes fucking is a good thing... ::grin::

First, if you ever want to get the basics on how to please a woman with your hand(s), you should go to the expert: your lover (or some such substitute). However, keep in mind that everybody is different. One thing I’ve learned (and this may sound counter-intuitive): if you want to work your magic on a woman, you should lose the notion of having the goal of bringing her to orgasm.

Let. It. Go.

If it happens -- WEPA! -- but it’s not the be-all and end-all of pussy petting. In fact, goal-oriented sex is misguided, generally speaking. Kitty cuddling should be about exploring, listening deeply, and feeling for feedback so that you can get her to do the happy dance, with or without the explosion.

First things first, guys and gals: You really need to get your hygiene shit together. Clip you nails! Long nails, jagged nails, dirty nails, and nails with sharp corners are weapons of mass destruction when around a clit or a vagina. Also, be considerate and make sure you have water or silicone based lube handy so there’s less pressure on her juices to provide all the slipping and sliding. Also, pick up or grab any toys she wants or enjoys.

I prefer reaching around my lover from behind with my dominant hand while spooning. I think it’s best to approach her from above so your hands touch her from the same angle hers do -- the sort of touch she is familiar with and used to. Resting your hand/ wrist on her mons (that’s the meaty “mound” lying above the pubis bone) is a good home base for finger exploration. Alternatively, you can do it standing up while riding the elevator...

All good sex play starts with taking time. You shouldn’t be pouncing on her genitals. I love to kiss, so I almost always start off by making out for a good while. Tickle her soft thighs, Circle her nipples, Run your fingers through her pubic hair (I really detest the recent trend of women shaving everything -- I need something to graze on!). Massage and tenderly caress the outer labia before diving in.

Once she’s purring, pay attention to her, look for subtle feedback, and don’t be afraid to ask questions. I often request that my lover show me how she touches herself. I observe her rhythm and try to take over. Let her fingers rest over yours and act as a guide until you get the knack. Once you feel you have the hang of it, go for it and be creative, you don’t have to be rigid and stick to her rules, but be attentive, watch and listen to her responses. When in doubt, start slowly and gently, gradually increasing the pressure and speed. Build the rhythm.

Women are more difficult to read, but ultimately so interesting. Moans and pushing are signs that you’re doing something right. Resist the urge to fake being a mind reader and ask questions. Ask her in a sexy way, “Does this feel good for you, baby?” “How does your pussy like that?” “Ooooh, that cunt is getting nice and wet, do you like this?” If you’re a considerate and mindful lover, you’ll be able to see physical signs of arousal. Her labia and clit are probably engorged, the skin getting darker and more flushed, her juices flowing.

Yes, the center of the vagina universe is the clitoris. Always make sure you make the clitoris happy, but don’t jump all over it unless you get an explicit invitation. The clit is sensitive, so approach it with the awareness of an adult, not the reckless abandonment of child with a toy. It’s not a buzzer. Oftentimes, pleasing the clit starts indirectly: touching it through the hood, playing with the inner labia, circling around it. Treat it like a peeled grape covered in nerves because basically that’s what it is.

I’m fresh, and I enjoy showing my lover how much I’m into her by stopping and smelling or tasting my fingers. This will make her feel more at ease, especially if she’s self-conscious about her scent. And if she’s not, this is your chance to let her know of your desire to eat her pussy in the future. There are many ways you can approach your lover with your hand: you can bend her over and caress her pussy from behind, you can palm her pussy, or use your fingers on clitoral area as you would when turning on a light switch. Every woman is different, and what works for one, can be a turn-off for another. The important thing is to be a considerate and attentive lover.

One final note dealing with the G-spot. If you’re getting into a really good groove and your sweetie is really turned on, you might want to explore the G-Spot. With your hand palm up, slide two fingers about two inches in and feel the ceiling of the vagina for a rough patch with a slight bulge under it. This is the G-spot. Massage this area with a “come here” gesture of the fingers. Stroke, don’t poke. Some women prefer more strenuous-type stroking. Some women can take it for a long time, and multiple orgasms are not uncommon. Therefore, if you’re giving your woman a good hand job, better put your heart in it and get ready for a workout. LOL! If she says she’s getting the sensation of urinating, it could mean that she’s going to ejaculate (releasing a liquid that is not pee). Encourage her to surrender to the feeling, and if you’re lucky, she might even orgasm and shoot all over you. LOL!

Love,

Eddie

The Sex Blog [Masturbation]

¡Hola! Everybody...
It’s Friday! You all have been mewling for this day all week – no what?!!

I will be away all day at a senior staff retreat. Yuck! I’ve been so involved in work-related writing that I haven’t written anything for creative purposes. Today’s blog is a repost...

* * *

-=[ Masturbation ]=-

The following is a recent true story. I got a phone call from a friend not too long ago and he was distraught. Apparently, he was caught by his wife masturbating, which isn’t so strange. What was strange about my friend’s predicament and the cause for his anxiety was his wife’s response: she was outraged! LOL! According to my friend, his wife felt that his masturbating was an affront to her sexual capability. In other words, if he had to masturbate, then that was a reflection of her not “satisfying” her man.

To make matters worse, she confided the incident to her best friend, who happens to be my friend’s sister! I know my friend’s sister and she has the biggest mouth in the world! So, now everybody knows my friend was caught spanking the monkey by his wife. LMAO! Don’t laugh, he tells me, because the whole incident has brought up some issues that threaten the marriage, namely my friend’s wife’s notions of sex and sexuality.

I too find her response strange, but it is not the first time I hear this kind of attitude regarding masturbation. I remember way back to a summer fling affair I had with an intelligent, highly sexual, college-educated Latina. We did practically everything that summer, but when I asked her if she ever masturbated (I wanted to watch/ participate in her masturbation), she looked at me as if I was crazy and told me that she didn’t need to masturbate. Her whole perspective on masturbation was that it was for women who couldn’t get a man.

I was shocked!

I masturbate – all the time. Who knows, I may have masturbated to a fantasy fueled by one of your pics! LMAO!

KIDDING!!

I masturbate all the time especially when I’m writing, or doing something creative. I read somewhere that writers are all incorrigible masturbators. My exes all know about my predilection toward pleasuring myself and for the most part, it’s never been an issue. In fact, some were grateful for it because if they weren’t in the mood, I would just take matters into my own hands. However, I must warn you: making me do that too often would eventually lead to you sleeping alone. ::wink::

Masturbation has been a taboo for a long, long time. Christianity actually considers it a sin of some type and I remember the kind nuns telling me I would go blind and me thinking: Fuck you bitches. At least I won’t be an old, bitter sexually repressed woman! Well, I didn’t phrase exactly that way, but it was what I felt.

Most religiously inflexible people will argue against masturbation from the point of view that it’s an unnatural act, hence a sin against God. But I beg to differ: if it were so unnatural, then why is there some preliminary research showing that fetuses masturbate? Yep, you heard that right! Fetuses masturbate! In 1996, two ob-gyns in Italy published a letter in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology in which they described observing a female fetus at 32 weeks of gestation touching the vulva in a caressing manner primarily in the region of the clitoris:

“… Movements stopped after 30 tom 40 seconds and started again after a few minutes. Furthermore, these slight touches were repeated and were associated with short, rapid, movements of the pelvis and legs… In addition to this behavior, the fetus contracted the muscles of the trunk and limbs, and then clonicotonic [prolonged spasms] of the whole body followed. Finally, she relaxed and rested.”

They also noted “evidence of male fetuses’ excitement reflex in utero,” such as “erection” and masturbation movements.

In 1995, the British science series Equinox was the first to broadcast ultrasound footage of a male fetus playing with himself. One doctor, Dean Edell (a/k/a “America’s Doctor”) has gone so far as to write: “It is common during second trimester ultrasonography examinations to see the fetus touch itself repeatedly and rhythmically on the genitalia, offering proof that masturbation is rooted not in sin but in biology.”

So much for the “it’s unnatural” argument. Masturbation is a normal, and (I would say) necessary, function of human sexuality.

So, if it’s natural, why all the beef about masturbation, you ask? Active disapproval of masturbation has largely been based around the widespread concept that the supply of semen is limited. In ancient Chinese culture, masturbation among men was forbidden, as causing irreparable loss of male essence. Similar ideas are the foundation for the majority of attacks on masturbation. Beginning in the 18^th century, descriptions by religious zealots of men gone mad through excessive masturbation led to generations of hysterical anti-masturbation texts. Gadgets inhibiting masturbation and even operations such as adolescent circumcision were done as a way to discourage masturbation. Some young girls were subjected to chastity belts, modified girdles, and in extreme cases, clitoridectomy. Even Freud agreed with another psychoanalyst that habitual masturbators caused harm to their psychological well-being.

Societal attitudes to masturbation have probably varied more than any other sexual act. For example, masturbation is not mentioned in the catalogue of sins in the book of Spiritual Exercises (1548) of St. Ignatius Loyola, the founder of the Jesuits, but the hugely influential Catholic philosophizer and theologian St. Thomas Aquinas (1225-74) reviled masturbation as a sin worse than fornication. Aquinas dismissed female masturbation as “mere feminine lewdness,” probably because there was no spilling of seed.

However, nothing in the Bible directly condemns masturbation. The New Catholic Encyclopedia of 1967 calls it a “serious sin that will keep one from heaven,” but only quotes a verse stating that the “covetous” will never inherit the kingdom of God. From the looks of it, I wonder if I even want to inherit the “Kingdom of God.”

Sheesh!

Masturbation generally refers to bringing oneself to orgasm using manual stimulation. If this is accomplished with the help of a partner, it is called mutual masturbation, petting, or foreplay. Masturbation is a normal process of sexual development and maturity. Boys generally begin ejaculating between the ages of 10-13 years. One researcher has concluded that masturbation is like sexual rehearsal and if interfered with, can lead to sexual dysfunction in adult years.

As I noted previously, the late 17^th and early 18^th centuries marked the beginning of a two-hundred year period where masturbation came to be viewed as a form of unhealthy self-abuse by the morally degenerate or mentally ill. This led to widespread public phobias that resulted in many cases such as the one reported in the 1894-5 edition of the International Medical Magazine:

A doctor in Ohio decided to eliminate a girl’s desire to masturbate by cauterizing the clitoris. When this failed to bring the desired effect, he infibulated the area with a silver wire. These she tore loose and in a final effort, he cut out the clitoris. Adults have been castrated. As late as 1897 a man was documented to have had his penis amputated as a cure for masturbation.

As with anything else practiced to an extreme, masturbation may have harmful side-effects, but this can be said about almost anything. However, one unintended of experiencing orgasm primarily through masturbation is premature orgasm. I remember explaining to my son after I accidentally caught him jacking off that masturbation is ok (just don’t fuck up our bed sheets! LOL!), but over dependence on masturbation can lead to premature ejaculation. The hand is not a good substitute for a vagina, and clenching your cock with a tight-fisted king-fu grip can never be emulated by a vagina, I don’t care how many kegels a woman performs.

In addition, this can be a problem for women who rely primarily on masturbation toys and their hands to achieve orgasm. No man can ever hope to reproduce the vibrations created by sex toys and if that’s all you’re doing, it could lead to some dissatisfaction with sex. In other words ladies, go get some fuckin cock once in a while and learn how to ride that tiger in the quest for some mutual orgasm.

Some would say that regular masturbation helps one’s ability to orgasm by keeping the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle toned. This muscle covers the genital region from the mons pubis to the anus. We all know by now that a physician named Arnold Kegel developed an exercise that improves the PC’s muscle tone. How cool it is to have a vaginal exercise named after yourself, huh?!!

For the devoted masturbators among us there are masturbation parties where people come together to meet and partake in mutual masturbation. Safe sex kits are supplied and some add to the festivities by wearing costumes.

One final note: there is no universally accepted theory as to how often one should masturbate. Some men regularly masturbate as often as six times a day with no apparent harm. However, as I mentioned above, men and women who masturbate excessively may risk being accustomed to the stimulus of the hand, which often cannot be equaled by stimulus in intercourse. Abstaining from masturbation for a period of time can restore sensitivity. For my purposes, masturbation should be seen as a thermostat for our emotional well-being and should be used according to a person’s needs.

Sex is good for you…

Love,

Eddie