Addiction and Relationships

¡Hola! Everybody...
This part of the year is often very hectic for me. I’ve had little time to do anything and if I go to one more meeting... I haven’t had time to write anything. I wrote the following a few years ago as part of a series of essays on relationships.

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-=[ The Hungry Ghosts ]=-

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.

-- Henry David Thoreau

I understand and feel compassion for those of us who stalk the spaces (cyber and otherwise) in search of happiness and/ or fulfillment. However, I also realize that when we become singularly focused on gaining validation through another, are doomed to a life of suffering for there is no one person who will grant us the happiness we seek.

I came across a wonderful description of compulsion and obsession several years ago. At one time it was an apt description of how I was living. It comes from the Buddhist cosmology of beings known as “The Hungry Ghosts.”

Hungry Ghosts (or people who dwell in the Hungry Ghost Realm) are pictured as miserable beings who possess huge, bottomless pits for stomachs and needle-thin necks. Though surrounded by food and drink, they can never satisfy their hunger and thirst because they can only drink or eat one drop of food at a time. Their necks are thin as needles, and because they are so caught up in grasping and consuming they can’t fully appreciate what is there in front of them. They are plagued by a obsessive hunger they can never satisfy. In fact, the very act of consumption is extremely painful for them. In other words, they are doomed to an existence of suffering.

I believe we live in society that is a Hungry Ghost realm in disguise. Oh yeah, many will disagree, protesting that they are fulfilled and will even quote passages from great thinkers in an attempt to demonstrate their evolved consciousness, but I am willing to bet that when alone, perhaps resting their heads on their solitary pillows, they too are consumed by that painful hunger rising from the need for self-validation through another.

The reality is that we are all Hungry Ghosts to a degree. This description is a metaphor for the part of us that remains unsatisfied. Because of our attachments and constant grasping, we miss the actual food that’s in front of us all the time. This is not a bad thing in itself -- I have lived such an existence (and still do in certain areas of my life). And we all, to varying degrees, live lives of “quiet desperation.” What happens, however, is some Hungry Ghosts go to great lengths to inflict their pain and misery on others. Even then, that is not of great consequence: anyone can evolve from such an existence (shit! if I did… ? LOL). I find though, that many people are either unaware or uninterested in moving away from that kind of drama.

For the Hungry Ghost, the act of consuming is itself an excruciating experience. But because grasping and consuming is all they know, they are doomed to live in that way for the rest of their lives… so when you wonder about the on and offline drama, take into consideration that particular insanity is not all that hard to grasp. It’s just that sometimes we need to step back and see ourselves reflected in the actions of others.

The good news is that if someone as foolhardy as I am was able to find some measure of liberation, so can you. But you first have to have a burning desire (yes desire!) to change your inner territory.

Love,

Eddie

The TGIF Sex Blog (Psycho Lovers)

¡Hola! Everybody...
What is it with Joe Biden and feet?!! It seems every time he opens his mouth a foot gets stuck in it! LOL! Joe: one person died in the US. A miniscule fraction of the Mexican population died. It’s not a pandemic! LOL!

BTW, now that we know the beauty queen from Cali criticized women with fake boobs, but yet has fake boobs, should we all reconsider her sincerity regarding her beliefs? Well, get ready to hear more from her because her vapid response to Perez Hilton will be coming to a local TV machine near you. She's now the poster twat for KKKristians with a vengeance (or some shit like that). Neocons are often undercover sexual perverts; I used to sodomize one like her all the time. She’d read passages from the bible during these challenging, but infinitely enjoyable sessions ("Oh GAWD!" "Oh SWEET JAY-SUS!" "The lard, Eddie! Get the lard!").

I know, I know, I just managed to offend several different demographics. And you know what? Today I’m going to take a train, travel, and quite possibly sneeze. I’m just a regular insurgent! LOL I’ll be gone all day, I have to meet with some politicians in Albany, all part of whoring for cash.

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-=[ The Psycho Magnet Chronicles ]=-

“Never fuck anyone crazier than you... ”

When my father offered the above advice, I was initially overjoyed. After all, there aren’t too many people crazier than yours truly, I thought.

I was wrong.

Really, I was dead wrong.

I’m only half joking when I kid around that I’m a certified psycho magnet. I seem to attract the crazies in a way that makes me doubt my own tenuous grasp of sanity. I have even written a poem for the psychos of my past, it starts like so…

A case of Bacardi for the crazy ladies
in the corner of my past,
the hectic horny days of yesterday.

They beckon me back
to my forgotten madnesses
The chest pounding blackouts,
that have grown into storytime delights...

Well, it’s a poetic attempt on those “forgotten madnesses.” I’ve had a really great collection of psychos in my life. There was the spoiled rich girl who wanted me to cut her during sex and who was genuinely proud of the fact that she managed to total three cars in the six-month period we were together.

I had another who actually paid someone to kill me. Or at least hurt me really bad. The problem with her plan was that her hired “killer” was no killer. And everyone thought I was connected with what was a Columbian cartel. I caught him peering into my bedroom window and managed to sneak up behind him. We got high with the money she paid him. LOL!

I believe a large part of this phenomenon had to do with the fact that at one time I wasn’t very selective about who I went to bed with. I mean, who cares? If she’s gotta nice ass and the “chemistry” is there, we’ll cross that insanity issue when we get to it, right? LMAO! Another part of it is that I’m very accepting of people. I tend to see past the “quirks” (such as cutting behavior, suicidal tendencies, and boundary issues, for example) and see the natural radiance of people. Finally, I think people who have “issues” gravitate to my ability to listen at a deeper level. I can’t help it, it’s what I do and empathy is for zanies what blood is for vampires – it’s irresistible. :;grin::

My last psycho “episode” happened with a lovely lady who was my tailor. When I was married, my wife would laugh at me anytime we went to her because, this woman had the most glorious obscenely beautiful ass. She was Russian and a natural blonde. Her face was a bit too blunt, but she had great cheekbones.

My ex-wife would tell me that she liked me, but I never paid her any mind, thinking it was playful jealousy her part. Once I was divorced, my tailor noticed the wifey was no longer in tow and, short story short, we began seeing each other. At first, it was fantastic. She was like a tigress in bed, eager and quick to satisfy all my desires. When she finally propped that delicious-looking ass up in the air and begged me to ream her I was in heaven! I was soooo happy!

Well, you know the deal. At first, she became very clingy, especially after our first anal session. Clingy is a particularly unattractive character trait. I mean, it can be cute up to a point, but normally, clingy tends to repel people. I know, I can be a little clingy myself, but I keep it in check. The clingier she became, the more I distanced myself. The more I distanced myself, the more her clinginess turned to anger. The angrier she became, the uglier the situation became. She transformed from this beautiful sex kitten into a shrew, calling me all kinds of names and questioning my manhood and sexual prowess and then calling me on the phone asking to forgive her.

Eventually the anger turned into full-blown psychosis. I was getting calls at my job, at home and she was turning up in person unannounced at all the wrong times. When I wouldn’t answer her calls, she would leave really ugly messages, like, “Who you’re fuckin in the ass now, you fucking faggot.” LOL! Shit like that. A friend told me I should watch my back.

Finally, I was coming home one day at 5am with a close female friend of mine. Now mind you, this friend is married to a friend and our relationship is purely platonic. I know her for about sixteen years and she’s one of my closest friends. Anyway, she had driven me home after a night of clubbing and she wanted to use my bathroom before she headed home, a good hour’s drive from my palace.

Well, you know who was waiting in the lobby of my building, right? At fuckin 5am in the morning! She started a huge stink, insulting my friend and getting totally out of hand, until my friend offered to fuck her up for me. Of course, none of that happened and I ended up calling the police. My friend still teases me about that night.

She left me alone after that, except for the occasional phone call and I went on with my life. Then one day without thinking, I answered my cellphone and it was her. There was this psycho edge to the tone of her voice as she informed me how she had found a real man and not faggot like me, all the while I’m mouthing the words, “Thank You!!!” I refrained from saying anything lest I encouraged her to rethink her romance and then she hanged up.

Whew!

Any other stories for the “Psycho Magnet Chronicles”? LMAOOO!

Love,

Eddie

PS: Sex is good for you.