The Friday Sex Blog [Expressions]

¡Hola! Everybody…
It’s Friday, it’s summer, and I ain’t got no job! Dang! I’m good! LOL

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-=[ Expressions ]=-

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
-- Marianne Williamson, from: A Return to Love

Every day, every waking moment, you desire to do many things, from hugging your lover to earning money. Why is this? What is the underlying motivation or feeling behind all your hopes and dreams? This is the dynamic tension between who you really are and who you assume yourself to be. Our desires reveal who we really are.

Let me explain, dearest…

Take your desire for an intimate relationship as an example. There are countless reasons for engaging in a relationship. But the fact is that you only feel completely fulfilled in intimacy when you and your lover trust each other so implicitly that you feel free to let down your guards, open, and love. This is your deepest desire in intimacy because the actual truth is that you are love, but you perceive yourself to be a separate, isolated individual. So you scheme and often manipulate, and dream to experience in your relationship what, in reality, you already are.

Here’s a good one, one I grapple with as well: we want to experience financial security. In truth, however, we are abundance, although we assume only sustained effort will provide a feeling of ease. You engage in high-risk behavior because you perceive it as living on the edge, but the truth is that every moment you are at the edge of death -- the ultimate edge of winning and losing -- but your fabricated security makes you seek risks. You want to eat that box of chocolates because, dearest, deep down inside in your heart of hearts, you are blissful fullness, though you may have closed yourself from its pleasure and seek its aftertaste instead.

And in this way you wander through your daily acts of “living,” seeking to approximate the truth of you are -- the you that you have lost contact with. This drama of approximation is the story of your life. You even admit at times, when the lows get too low. You never quite succeed like you really hope to. You never quite get the love you really want. And so you either get on the treadmill or give up trying. In either case, you are missing the point of existence.

The uninhibited expression of who you really are is the only thing that will set you free from the trauma of feeling incomplete. The truth is, dearest, you are what you want.

The farther you stray from your genuine self, the more you crave the qualities of your genuineness. Since you have blinded yourself from the love that you are, the love that lives inside of you, you look to your lover to cherish you. Exiled from your home of unlimited openness, you seek instead to expand the sphere of your influence, the size of your stock portfolio, the borders of your country. Seeking the freedom of ease that is already your part of your inherent nature, you try to discharge stress through masturbation, watching TV, and all those secret habits of release. You miss the simplicity of being, so you seek it in the warmth of a heroin rush, a fluffy bed, unsafe sex, or a box of chocolates.

Then there are the times you fret over your appearance, seeking outside of yourself to find the radiance already possess. And you think to yourself constantly, almost obsessively, in order to provide a mirror reflection of your own presence. Yet, in truth, you are sheer presence, whether or not you reflect yourself by thinking.

Dearest, whenever you are ready, you can stop trying to find what you’re dismissing and start being who you are in truth. Yes, to surrender in this way, this completely, is utterly terrifying -- all that work you’ve done on your self image instantly vanishes. Yet, this is the only real way to live. Otherwise every moment you live you live missing who you truly are, and in that way you create a self-image that isn’t the real thing. You feel a lack. This tension of a deficiency winds into an intense knot of desire. Eventually, it warps you.

Divorced from and craving the depth that you miss, you may find yourself engaging in risk-behavior, self-abuse, and manipulating and terrorizing others -- or perhaps just sitting in front of the TV and indulging in “comfort food.” No matter how extreme or mundane your misplaced efforts become, you always have the option of opening as your source. In the grips of that obsession with chocolate (or a cock), you can open as the abundance of the life-force that you are. How would you act if you connected with your inherent abundance? Open as you are, the knot unwinds…

Caught in the trap of the Gordian knot of your desires, your most naughty moments of perverse indulgence, as well as the rounds of daily life, you are missing who you truly are. Instead, through constant practice, you can open as every twist and hope. You can live as love, alive and spontaneous. The fact is, dearest, your deepest desires are who you are.

Love,

Eddie

Self-Worth

Hola Everybody,
It's weird living with other human beings. I'm so accustomed to living alone and not having to account for my whereabouts or "talk." I love the luxury of coming home and being quiet if I desire. I love it that I don't have to listen to someone's day and how it went. After a full day of work, I appreciate the pleasure in not having to talk or listen to another human being.

So, it's Thursday and it's time to pontificate about -- yup, you guessed it -- relationships! LOL

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-=[ Self-Worth ]=-

Mention relationships and people immediately stop whatever they're doing and listen. We all want to relate -- to love and be loved. At least that's my observation. The thing is that relationship has many forms and meanings. I usually write about romantic relationships because they seem to be the most important to us. However, the most important relationship is our relationship to our selves.

In actuality, you already have met your soulmate, this all so elusive "the One," your "soulmate"

It's you.

I know that's a fucked up thing to say. I know you all watched Jerry Maguire and creamed your pannies when he tells the girl, "You complete me"

That's some sick shit, people. LOL!

To live your life firmly convinced that you are incomplete, that somehow you don't matter until someone gives you something that completes you, is to condemn yourself to a lifetime of needless suffering. If you have no self-worth, then who will find you worthy?

"The One"?

I don't think so. You're still looking, right? I will tell you this: if you feel incomplete, you will always feel that way, no one can complete you. You are a fully functioning human being -- a majority of one -- as my good friend and poet, Piri Thomas, likes to say.

Self-worth is a concept, an attitude, a feeling, an image; and it is manifested through behavior. People often have a hard time expressing how they might be feeling at any particular moment. They struggle to find the right words. Every person has a feeling of worth, positive or negative. The question remains if your self-worth is negative or positive, and how much of it is there?

Self-worth is the ability to value one's self and to treat oneself with dignity and love while in touch with reality. This last part is key. I hear people say all the time, "I love myself" but if their self-worth is flawed, then what exactly are they loving? If prop up and support a structure that's faulty isn't it still faulty? Therefore, true self-worth has an aspect of reality testing to it, in addition to love and dignity.

Anyone who is loved is open to change. Our bodies are no different. I am firmly convinced that the crucial factor most important in what happens both inside people and between people is one's self-worth.

Integrity, honesty, responsibility, compassion, love, and competence -- all these traits flow easily from people whose self-worth is high. We feel that we matter, that the world is a better place because we have a place in it. We have confidence and faith in our own competence. We are able to ask others for help, yet are secure that we can make our own decisions and are our own best resource. In appreciating our own self-worth, we are ready to receive and respect the worth of others. We radiate trust, hope, and in that way attract those who possess those qualities to us. Intelligence directs our actions and we accept all of ourselves as human.

People of high self-worth are people of vitality. It is true that all of us experience times when we become full of doubt, when it all gets too tiring and the problems of life seem more than we can manage. But people of vitality treat these momentary times of low self-worth as just what they are: a crisis of the moment. The two major components of crisis are danger and opportunity. The former is obvious, the latter is not so obvious but crucial.

The reality is that crisis is oftentimes the birth pains of a new possibility -- a way to reinvent ourselves. We may feel a sense of uncomfortability initially, but we know we can emerge from this crisis whole.

People who feel they have little worth expect to be cheated, stepped on, and unappreciated by others. This thinking leads the way to living as a victim. The sad fact is that in expecting the worst, these people actually attract it and usually get it. Then, as a defense strategy, they build a fortress of distrust around their hearts and sink into a terrible feeling of loneliness and isolation. Separated from other people, they become indifferent toward themselves and those they come into contact. It's hard for them to hear, see, or think clearly, and therefore they tend to step on others. People of low self-worth build huge walls that they use to hide and then deny they are doing this.

Fear then permeates their lives because it's a natural consequence of distrust and isolation. Love is a quality marked by a feeling of openness, while fear constrains us and leaves us blind. It keeps us from taking the risk of finding a new way to solve a problem. Instead, we turn to the same old tried behaviors that are in reality self-defeating.

When persons with constant feelings of low self-worth experience defeat, they often see themselves as failures. I must be worthless or all these things wouldn't be happening to me, is often the inner talk. After enough of these reactions, we're likely to turn to drugs, food, sex, or other escapes from coping.

It's important to understand that persons of high self-worth can feel low. The difference is that people who are feeling low don't label themselves as worthless or pretend that their low feelings don't exist. It takes a lot of high self-worth to admit your feelings honestly. Feeling low and not admitting it is a form of lying to yourself and others. It's a defense mechanism called denial. Devaluing your feelings leads directly to devaluing yourself and making the whole situation that much less tenable.

The thing is that much of what happens to is us is a result of attitude and since it's an attitude, we can change it. In terms of relationships, until you can develop a respectful relationship with yourself, please stop praying for one and do the fucking work! Your soulmate is getting old.

Take a moment to relax right now. close your eyes and feel your condition now. How are you feeling about yourself? What has happened or is happening in the moment? How are you responding to what is happening? How are you feeling about how you are responding? If you are feeling tight, give yourself a message of love, physically relax yourself, and consciously be in touch with your breathing. open your eyes.

Believe it or not, this simple exercise can help rebuild your sense of worth. In any moment in which you can change your state of feeling, you can then meet any event with a clearer mind and firmer personal foundation.

Love,

Eddie