Masks

Hola mi gente…

Today I start going back into the belly of the beast… This time it will be Rikers. On another note, I want to wish my brother, Edgar, a very happy birthday.

This Masquerade

We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin.

-- Andre Berthiaume

We’re lost in this masquerade…

-- George Benson, This Masquerade

Einstein once said that if you can't explain it to your grandmother, then you really don’t understand it -- or something like that. And I get that, I really do. When I was attending university, I would spend a lot of time with my then eight-year-old son going over complicated psychological concepts. As with most children at that age, he possessed an insatiable curiosity and when we would do our homework together, he would always ask about my studies (applied psych). Try explaining attachment theory, or object relations to a kid. LOL The thing is he would usually ask the most fundamental questions, often cutting to the core of an issue or area of study. It was cool until one day he turned to me while we were watching TV and asked if the lead character was showing signs of being bi-polar. LMAO

Anyway, I say all this because most of what you will find in here is often like an introduction, in the simplest manner possible, to concepts and practices that often took me years to absorb. Lot’s and lots of jerking off, reading, and application. Sometimes, what happens however is that in translating all this I have to omit important nuances otherwise I would be sitting here writing forever. I encourage any here to further pursue anything they might find of interest herein. I often leave links and references for people so disposed.

 

I remember once going to the movies and while watching the previews, I came across a hilarious commercial. In the commercial, a young woman is on her way home and glamorous beautiful faces from glossy magazine covers become animated and talk to her. One says, “You’re fat!” On the bus another face from a magazine a fellow passenger is reading blurts out, “With your figure you should walk!” And on and on it goes until she passes a newsstand and she’s beset by a cacophony of relentless criticism: “You’re no good in bed!” “You’re hopeless,” etc. Eventually the poor woman buys a magazine that, the voiceover explains, is more interested in who she is rather than who she should be. Very clever… 

This commercial speaks to a deep truth in our modern society: the relentless pressure to “manage” our image. The word personality comes from the Latin root meaning mask and that’s an interesting point. We all have a huge stake in managing our individual identities, or how others perceive us. There’s a whole economy based on this primal need and it’s called “self-help.” The masks we wear are varied and the reasons we wear them are really quite simple: we wear masks to hide our true faces from others and sometimes even from ourselves.

You know the masks: the seductive mask of the “sexy siren” or the “innocence” mask, for example. For men, we like wearing the “hero” or tough guy masks. Some of us wear the “black sheep” or “lone wolf” masks. Many of us wear the “I’ve been saved and now I’m spiritual” masks. Others wear the “I’m the Deep Philosopher/ King” mask -- that’s a good one.

The point is we become so enamored of our masks that sometimes we lose sight that who we really are transcends all of that. We are creatures born with a tremendous amount of potential here on this small blue marble out here in the backwaters of space. And we’re confronted with the opportunity to rise above it all and reclaim what is truly ours. The Big Secret is this: you’re just fine the way you are and most of what we like to call growth, or change, is really throwing out all the garbage that obscures who we really are and what we can be.

The cost of wearing a mask is the loss of the chance to develop our real potential. What masks are we attached to? Are you willing to give up your commitment to them in the interest of real growth?

When we attempt to go within to who we really are meant to be, we are confronted with many obstacles and there is a societal interest in keeping you numb and/ or anxious. We live in a consumer-based society that has a huge monetary interest in selling you newer, prettier masks. If we all stopped chasing that mirage and actually woke up to some realities, some very powerful interests would be very much threatened. We buy wholly into this and if you’re even thinking of putting on the “I’m different from all that” mask at this point -- please stop! You’re not that different, sit down and relax.

The point is that we, yes all of us, we all wear masks at a very high cost. Undoing the masquerade takes time, practice, guidance and support.

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization… 

Masks

Today I’m feeling the oft-quoted Mencken cliché that no one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American population. That a walking joke such as Rick Santorum could garner support in Iowa (and in much of Red State ‘Murka) proves the cliché.

* * *

We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin.

-- Andre Berthiaume

Einstein once said that if you can't explain it to your grandmother, then you really don’t understand it -- or something like that. And I get that, I really do. When I was attending university, I would spend a lot of time with my then eight-year-old son going over complicated psychological concepts. As with most children at that age, he possessed an insatiable curiosity and when we would do our homework together, he would always ask about my studies (applied psych). Try explaining attachment theory, or object relations to a kid. LOL The thing is he would usually ask the most fundamental questions, often cutting to the core of an issue or area of study. It was cool until one day he turned to me while we were watching TV and asked if the lead character was showing signs of being bi-polar. LMAO

Anyway, I say all this because most of what you will find in here is often like an introduction, in the simplest manner possible, to concepts and practices that often took me years to absorb. Lot’s and lots of jerking off, reading, and application. Sometimes, what happens however is that in translating all this I have to omit important nuances otherwise I would be sitting here writing forever. I encourage any here to pursue further anything they might find of interest herein. I often leave links and references for people so disposed

I remember once going to the movies and while watching the previews, I came across a hilarious commercial. In the commercial, a young, ordinary-looking woman is on her way home and glamorous beautiful faces from glossy magazine covers become animated and talk to her. One says, “You’re fat!” On the bus another face from a magazine a fellow passenger is reading blurts out, “With your figure you should walk!” And on and on it goes until she passes a newsstand and she’s beset by a cacophony of relentless criticism: “You’re no good in bed!” “You’re hopeless,” etc. Eventually the poor woman buys a magazine that, the voiceover explains, is more interested in who you are rather than who you should be. Very clever…

This commercial speaks to a deep truth in our modern society: the relentless pressure to “manage” our image. The word personality comes from the Latin root meaning mask and that’s an interesting point. We all have a huge stake in managing our individual identities, or how others perceive us. There’s a whole economy based on this primal need and it’s called “self-help.” LOL! The masks we wear are varied and the reasons we wear them are really quite simple: we wear masks to hide our true faces from others and sometimes even from ourselves.

You know the masks: the seductive mask of the “sexy siren” or the “innocence” mask, for example. For men, we like wearing the “hero” or tough guy masks. Some of us wear the “black sheep” or “lone wolf” masks. Many of us wear the “I’ve been saved and now I’m spiritual” masks. Others wear the “I’m the Deep Philosopher/ King” mask – that’s a good one. LMAO!

The point is we become so enamored of our masks that sometimes we lose sight that who we really are transcends all of that. We are creatures born with a tremendous amount of potential here on this small blue marble in the middle of nowhere. And we’re confronted with the opportunity to rise above it all and reclaim what is truly ours. The Big Secret is this: you’re just fine the way you are and most of what we like to call growth, or change, is really throwing out all the garbage that obscures who we really are and what we can be.

The cost of wearing a mask is the loss of the chance to develop our real potential. What masks are we attached to? Are you willing to give up your commitment to them in the interest of real growth?

When we attempt to go within to who we really are meant to be, we are confronted with many obstacles and there is a societal interest in keeping you numb and/ or anxious. We live in a consumer-based society that has a huge monetary interest in selling you newer, prettier masks. If we all stopped chasing that mirage and actually woke up to some realities, some very powerful interests would be very much threatened. We buy wholly into this and if you’re even thinking of putting on the “I’m different from all that” mask at this point -- please stop! You’re not that different, sit down and relax.

The point is that we, yes all of us, we all wear masks at a very high cost. Undoing the masquerade takes time, practice, guidance and support.

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…

Sunday Sermon (Who Are You)

¡Hola! Everybody…
The most common question from people I meet via the internet comes from their curiosity about where I get the material I write. For me, it’s not so much as looking for something to write, but what to write about. There’s much in here, as in life. There’s much in life – always – even when your filters blind you to the fact of reality… If you’re alive and bored, then you have committed a great sin, for even boredom is interesting if you bring the fresh light of a child’s wonder to it…

In the beginner’s mind there many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few…

* * *

-=[ Who Are You ]=-

“I’m going to make a seawall
with my small happiness…
I don’t want the sea to know
that pains go through my breast.”
-- Julia de Burgos, Seawall

I once met a woman who worked mightily to convince me she loved me. She sent me messages everyday, assured my doubting heart. She spoke with such complete conviction and happy anticipation of what “our love” would lead to; she knew that whatever, we would somehow be a part of one another’s lives. She couldn’t wait for us to consummate our love! And though my practiced heart had reservations, I allowed it to fly on those wings of words and for a brief moment we soared.

This woman disappeared from my life and in actuality, never expended an ounce of energy to bring flesh to her words. I know practically nothing of her and she slowly faded from my life.

Did she get her claws in me?

Yes.

She was in there – deep -- because I let her in. The red flags and the alarm systems were going off and if her pronouncements were a terrorist threat we’d be in yellow or red alert or whatever dysfunctional response conservative buffoons running this country came up with.

Yet I allowed this woman into my heart. I was thinking to myself that I’m fortunate that I possess some measure of integration. For while she did manage to come inside Love and there is some measure of hurt, I had already learned that we cannot shield ourselves from pain. I have learned that every vulnerable moment is an opportunity to awaken to our true selves.

But I’m getting ahead of myself today. Let me begin again with the following advice. I almost never offer advice, for I find it disabling and condescending. But let me offer this if just this once:

Don’t allow life to harden your heart.

I know you have been heart – many times. I also know that you may despair of ever finding a true soul who will love and understand you. I’ve been there, I know what that feels like.

And sometimes your broken heart surrenders to anxiety, anger, resentment, and blame. And yes, I know there are sick people out there, Hungry Ghosts, who in their mad grab for emotional sustenance will do or say anything. Theirs is a painful hell.

But if you look under your hard-won armor, you will find a softness. My sad heart teaches me compassion. So, in a very real way, this woman taught me to love. She can’t really hurt me, whoever I am. Yes, she can hurt my self-concept and make me doubt my self-esteem, but that’s small. In truth, the divine spark of which I am made – of which we are all made of -- can never be hurt. My Higher Self encompasses and embraces her madness. Truthfully, we are one. The ache of my heart is a profound blessing that I can turn into a tool for living my life as an offering. And, people? The only true prayer is to live your life as an offering of your deepest gifts.

Your ego is a thought borne of fear. The ego is merely a belief system we create to shield ourselves from the pain and hurt of life. It is but a fragment of your mind. It is such a small part, that if you would realize the larger whole, it would resemble the smallest sunbeam of a vast Sun, or like an almost imperceptible ripple that calls itself The Ocean.

It’s our seawall and we can no sooner hide our pain from the ocean as cover the sky with our hand.

Don’t accept this little, defended, fenced-off aspect as who you are. In fact, the sun and the ocean are nothing compared to your true Higher Self.

The sad thing is that you believe that without the ego all would be lost, while in reality without this clinging to ego all would be Love.

Love,

Eddie

Masks (Repost)

¡Hola! Everybody,
I’m getting ready to go out the door. I’ll be away for most of the day. Be good!

* * *

"We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove
them without removing some of our own skin.”
-- Andre Berthiaume

Einstein once said that if you can't explain it to your grandmother, then you really don’t understand it -- or something like that. And I get that, I really do. When I was attending university, I would spend hours with my then eight-year-old son going over complicated psychological concepts. As most children at that age, he possessed an insatiable curiosity and when we would do our homework together, he would always ask me what I was learning. Try explaining attachment theory, or object relations to a kid! LOL The thing is he would usually ask the most fundamental questions, cutting to the core of the issue. It was cool until one day he turned to me while we were watching TV and asked if the lead character was showing signs of being bi-polar! LMAO!

Anyway, I say all this because most of what you will find in my blog is like an introduction, in the simplest manner possible, to concepts and practices that often took me years to absorb. Lot’s and lots of jerking off, reading, and application! Sometimes, what happens however is that in translating all this I have to omit important nuances otherwise I would be sitting here writing forever. I encourage any here to pursue further anything they might find of interest herein. I often leave links and references for people so disposed.

I went to the movies the other day (X-Men Rule!) and while watching the previews, I came across a hilarious commercial. In the commercial, a young, ordinary-looking woman is on her way home and glamorous beautiful faces from glossy magazine covers talk to her. One says, “You’re fat!” On the bus the face from a magazine a fellow passenger is reading blurts out, “With your figure you should walk!” And on and on it goes until she passes a newsstand and you hear the whole cacophony of relentless criticism: “You’re no good in bed!” “You’re hopeless,” etc. Eventually the poor woman buys a magazine that, the voiceover explains, is more interested in who you are rather than who you should be. Very clever!

This commercial, however speaks to a deep truth in our modern society: the pressure to “manage” our image. The word personality comes from a Latin root word meaning mask and that’s an interesting point. We all have a huge investment in managing our individual identities, or how others perceive us. There’s a whole economy based on this primal need and it’s called “self-help.” LOL! The masks we wear are varied and the reason we wear them is really quite simple: we wear masks to hide our true faces from others and sometimes even from ourselves.

You know the masks: the seductive mask or the innocent mask, for example. For men, we like wearing the “Knight in Shining Armor” masks, or tough guy masks. Some of us wear the black sheep or lone wolf masks. Many of us wear the “I’ve been saved and now I’m spiritual” masks (LOL!). Others wear the “I’m the Deep Philosopher/ King” mask – that’s a good one!

LMAO!

The point is we become so enamored of our masks that we lose sight that who we really are transcends all of that. We are divine creatures born here on this small plot of greenery with the opportunity to rise above it all and reclaim what is truly ours. The Big Secret is this: you’re just fine the way you are and most of what we like to call growth, or change, is really throwing out all the garbage so we can reconnect to our true selves.

This is the cost of wearing a mask and losing the chance to develop our real personalities. What masks are we attached to? Are you willing to give up your commitment to them in the interest of real growth?

When we attempt to go within to who we really are meant to be, we are confronted with many obstacles. There is a societal interest to keep you numb and contented, for example. We live in a consumer-based society that has a huge monetary interest in selling you newer, prettier masks. If we all stopped chasing that mirage and actually woke up to some realities, some very powerful interests would be very much threatened. We buy wholly into this and if you’re even thinking of putting on the “I’m different from all that” mask at this point please stop! You’re not that different, sit down and relax.

The point is that we all, yes all of us, wear masks at a very high cost. Undoing the masquerade takes time, practice, guidance and support.

Love,

Eddie

Self-Worth

Hola Everybody,
It's weird living with other human beings. I'm so accustomed to living alone and not having to account for my whereabouts or "talk." I love the luxury of coming home and being quiet if I desire. I love it that I don't have to listen to someone's day and how it went. After a full day of work, I appreciate the pleasure in not having to talk or listen to another human being.

So, it's Thursday and it's time to pontificate about -- yup, you guessed it -- relationships! LOL

* * *

-=[ Self-Worth ]=-

Mention relationships and people immediately stop whatever they're doing and listen. We all want to relate -- to love and be loved. At least that's my observation. The thing is that relationship has many forms and meanings. I usually write about romantic relationships because they seem to be the most important to us. However, the most important relationship is our relationship to our selves.

In actuality, you already have met your soulmate, this all so elusive "the One," your "soulmate"

It's you.

I know that's a fucked up thing to say. I know you all watched Jerry Maguire and creamed your pannies when he tells the girl, "You complete me"

That's some sick shit, people. LOL!

To live your life firmly convinced that you are incomplete, that somehow you don't matter until someone gives you something that completes you, is to condemn yourself to a lifetime of needless suffering. If you have no self-worth, then who will find you worthy?

"The One"?

I don't think so. You're still looking, right? I will tell you this: if you feel incomplete, you will always feel that way, no one can complete you. You are a fully functioning human being -- a majority of one -- as my good friend and poet, Piri Thomas, likes to say.

Self-worth is a concept, an attitude, a feeling, an image; and it is manifested through behavior. People often have a hard time expressing how they might be feeling at any particular moment. They struggle to find the right words. Every person has a feeling of worth, positive or negative. The question remains if your self-worth is negative or positive, and how much of it is there?

Self-worth is the ability to value one's self and to treat oneself with dignity and love while in touch with reality. This last part is key. I hear people say all the time, "I love myself" but if their self-worth is flawed, then what exactly are they loving? If prop up and support a structure that's faulty isn't it still faulty? Therefore, true self-worth has an aspect of reality testing to it, in addition to love and dignity.

Anyone who is loved is open to change. Our bodies are no different. I am firmly convinced that the crucial factor most important in what happens both inside people and between people is one's self-worth.

Integrity, honesty, responsibility, compassion, love, and competence -- all these traits flow easily from people whose self-worth is high. We feel that we matter, that the world is a better place because we have a place in it. We have confidence and faith in our own competence. We are able to ask others for help, yet are secure that we can make our own decisions and are our own best resource. In appreciating our own self-worth, we are ready to receive and respect the worth of others. We radiate trust, hope, and in that way attract those who possess those qualities to us. Intelligence directs our actions and we accept all of ourselves as human.

People of high self-worth are people of vitality. It is true that all of us experience times when we become full of doubt, when it all gets too tiring and the problems of life seem more than we can manage. But people of vitality treat these momentary times of low self-worth as just what they are: a crisis of the moment. The two major components of crisis are danger and opportunity. The former is obvious, the latter is not so obvious but crucial.

The reality is that crisis is oftentimes the birth pains of a new possibility -- a way to reinvent ourselves. We may feel a sense of uncomfortability initially, but we know we can emerge from this crisis whole.

People who feel they have little worth expect to be cheated, stepped on, and unappreciated by others. This thinking leads the way to living as a victim. The sad fact is that in expecting the worst, these people actually attract it and usually get it. Then, as a defense strategy, they build a fortress of distrust around their hearts and sink into a terrible feeling of loneliness and isolation. Separated from other people, they become indifferent toward themselves and those they come into contact. It's hard for them to hear, see, or think clearly, and therefore they tend to step on others. People of low self-worth build huge walls that they use to hide and then deny they are doing this.

Fear then permeates their lives because it's a natural consequence of distrust and isolation. Love is a quality marked by a feeling of openness, while fear constrains us and leaves us blind. It keeps us from taking the risk of finding a new way to solve a problem. Instead, we turn to the same old tried behaviors that are in reality self-defeating.

When persons with constant feelings of low self-worth experience defeat, they often see themselves as failures. I must be worthless or all these things wouldn't be happening to me, is often the inner talk. After enough of these reactions, we're likely to turn to drugs, food, sex, or other escapes from coping.

It's important to understand that persons of high self-worth can feel low. The difference is that people who are feeling low don't label themselves as worthless or pretend that their low feelings don't exist. It takes a lot of high self-worth to admit your feelings honestly. Feeling low and not admitting it is a form of lying to yourself and others. It's a defense mechanism called denial. Devaluing your feelings leads directly to devaluing yourself and making the whole situation that much less tenable.

The thing is that much of what happens to is us is a result of attitude and since it's an attitude, we can change it. In terms of relationships, until you can develop a respectful relationship with yourself, please stop praying for one and do the fucking work! Your soulmate is getting old.

Take a moment to relax right now. close your eyes and feel your condition now. How are you feeling about yourself? What has happened or is happening in the moment? How are you responding to what is happening? How are you feeling about how you are responding? If you are feeling tight, give yourself a message of love, physically relax yourself, and consciously be in touch with your breathing. open your eyes.

Believe it or not, this simple exercise can help rebuild your sense of worth. In any moment in which you can change your state of feeling, you can then meet any event with a clearer mind and firmer personal foundation.

Love,

Eddie