The Friday Sex Blog [The Sense of Smell]

Hola mi Gente,
I wear cologne everyday. In the summer, I favor citrus scents and my favorite for a while was Jo Malone’s LimeBasil & Mandarin. I also loved their Verbenasof Provence. The drawback with the Malone line (and as with all citrus-based scents) is that they don’t last. The Fresh line has a great line of citrus scents which last only slightly longer. My favorite Fresh scent is Herispides. It’s to die for. I love fresh, subtle scents. Recently, I’ve taken to wearing Verbena by L’Occitane. Go to your nearest Sephora today and smell it while thinking of me.

Over the years, I have made several different scents my scent, and women always comment. There’s a method to my madness… LOL

Sex & the Sense of Smell

The sense of smell plays a huge role in kissing

 Nothing is more memorable than a smell. One scent can be unexpected, momentary, and fleeting, yet conjure up a childhood summer beside a lake in the mountains.

-- Diane Ackerman

The best smell in the world is that man that you love.
-- Jennifer Aniston

I’ll never forget the time I received a panicked telephone call from a former lover. I hadn’t heard from her for years. In fact, I had heard she married and was doing the suburban thing. We had an affair totally based on sex and she was almost as much of a freak as I was. Anyway, when she calmed down enough to explain, I discovered the source of her anxiety. Apparently, her husband (who, she assured me, she loved, like, forever) went out and bought a cologne that was my signature scent while I was dating her. The scent (a Chanel for men no longer manufactured) evoked images and memories of yours truly at the most inappropriate time and it freaked her out. Why she then called me is beyond my understanding, so… Anyway… There’s more to this story, but that part will suffice for today.

The sense of smell is probably the oldest of our senses. It is the only sense directly connected to the brain. The reason why my ex-lover was thinking of me after so many years is because the sense of smell is highly involved in sexual function and pleasure. It’s also closely related to memory. Scientists speak of the concept of a “smell print” wherein memories are associated with certain smells. As with my anxious ex-lover (who feared she was having marital doubts), a certain scent will cause a person to vividly recall a memory associated with it. Smells are like fingerprints, highly individualized.

To further illustrate, the sense of smell is involved with the deeply embedded limbic brain -- what neuroscientists call the “emotional brain” or what has been identified as the emotional center of the brain. The limbic brain and the sense of smell go hand-in-hand when it comes to sex. For me there is no headier smell than the scent of a woman’s freshly washed vagina. There’s no greater aphrodisiac, at least for me, than the intoxicating mixture of soap and musk of a freshly washed woman. It literally makes me drool.

On the flip side, an artificially scented vagina is a huge turn-off. It communicates to me that the woman is not comfortable with her own scent. There’s a huge problem if I have to wade through the stink of something Proctor &Gamble produced to get at it. According to recent research, the region in the brain that is responsive to sexual-interest hormones is more than two times larger in men than women. According to other research, the smell of cooked cinnamon is a natural aphrodisiac for men.

Certain smells are associated with sexual interest in both men and women, however, the brain works through association and within a cultural context. In the U.S., we are obsessed by sterilization. We don’t take to smells well as a society. We spend a tremendous amount of money and exert a lot of energy and time in masking natural smells, and sterilizing surfaces (those soaps, BTW, actually increase bacteria ladies). I still remember my post on hair and vaginas and how so many women fiercely defended the practice of shaving their vags bald. The major reason? Hygiene! In fact, shavingis less hygienic and can lead to infections and disease.

Whatever, I find a little hair aesthetically pleasing. For me, hair adds a little “spice” -- something I enjoy.

Since ancient times, there has been a search for the scent that elicits sexual desire. Many ancient societies believed perfumes were aphrodisiacs and some new research suggests they may have been right. The Romans and Egyptians used copious amounts of musk. The musk used was derived from the anal glands of the Ethiopian civet cat. Researchsuggests that the scent of musk closely resembles that of testosterone, the hormone responsible for enhancing the sex drive in both men and women.

Other studies have demonstrated theimpact of floral and herbal essential oils on the nervous system. Sexual arousal and response is controlled by the two parts of the nervous system: the sympathetic nervous system (SNS), which is responsible for preparing us for physical action and emergencies (i.e., the fight or flight syndrome); and the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), which stimulates relaxation. For those who need to relax in order to get in the mood, the PNS should be used, while those who need to be stimulated would do better by enhancing the SNS. According to the research, sandalwood, marjoram, lemon, chamomile, and bergamot stimulated the PNS. The SNS was stimulated by the scents of jasmine, ylang-ylang, rose, patchouli, peppermint, clove, and bois de rose.

I guess the take away from this is that the sense of smell is integral to the sexual experience and you should exploit this fact so as to make your sexing more pleasurable and meaningful. Go out and find the scents that are appealing to you. Scents (as with other aphrodisiacs) need to be tailored to individuals, not large groups. Experiment with different essential oils and use them in carrier oils to prepare massage oils (as a prelude to sex), for example.

I often smell women as a way of committing them to memory. It’s almost a primal relic -- something passed down by my hunter/ warrior ancestors. I do it in a way that they don’t notice, but it’s one of the first things I do when I meet a woman. What an individual smells like tells you a lot about that individual. I may not remember your birthday, but I will always remember what your ass smells like! LOL

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…

[un]Common Sex Blog [Feminine/ Masculine Polarity]

Hola Everybody,
Once again, it's Friday, the day you all claim to have been waiting for... and what? It's here! What?!! LOL

It's Friday and that means, I get to write about everyone's fave topic: S-E-X! Yaaaay!

* * *

-=[ Sexual Attraction: The Feminine/ MasculinePolarity ]=-

I have written before how we tend to use the word love to describe many things. One on level, one can love anything: a child, a parent, and even an object. Love is that state of openness. Then there's romantic love, that's one love we're all obsessed by, as in, "Will I ever find 'The One' who will love me." Finally, there's something a little more mysterious and vague-sounding. Something we sometimes call attraction, or chemistry. Ever meet someone and immediately you feel a palpable sense of connection? Most of us have had this experience. A man or woman walks into the room and it's like...

BAM!

You lock eyes and there is something there's a powerful attraction. This is what I call sexual attraction and what a former teacher called sexual polarity. I've written more extensively about love and romance, but today I will address sexual attraction.

Have you ever had the following happen to you? I once met a woman with whom I initially didn't have much feeling for. I hear women often say, "He was nice, but that 'chemistry' wasn't there," to explain why they won't date what seems like a nice or compatible guy. Well, that's how I felt about this particular woman: she was "nice": pretty, smart, goal-oriented, but I didn't feel that spark when she was around. Hence, I spent most of my energy chasing after another woman who was only nominally more attractive and whole lot more high-strung.

Eventually, I tired of the drama queen and went out on a lunch date with the first woman (the sparkless woman). During that lunch, I discovered this woman to be an engaging conversationalist with whom I shared many similar interests. We eventually started seeing each other more regularly, but still, that spark wasn't there, and it was just 'nice' being around her and doing things together.

Then it happened. I don't when or how, but that spark suddenly appeared out of nowhere and I found, much to my surprise that fuckin spark was all over the place and I couldn't get enough of her. Holding the cheeks of her ass like it was fruit while I made love to her from behind was my particular corner of heaven. The sad thing was that just when that spark was ignited in me, she was losing it.

I was crushed.

What I didn't realize then, but know now is that chemistry, or sexual attraction, or spark is something that one can learn to turn on and off. At the time I sensed this -- after all, how could this spark, this sexual attraction/ chemistry come out of nowhere? Didn't this attraction thingee just drop on you like a ton of bricks immediately?

Sexual attraction -- that magnetic pull, the yin and yang of the Masculine and Feminine -- affect our lives profoundly. For example, even a few moments of sexual attraction can cause the memory of a trip to the library linger in your mind for days. Total strangers can raise your body temperature. Even online connections can make you flush and cause your heart to pound.

On the other hand, when the sexual attraction is weak in our intimate relationships, we begin to feel that something is missing -- often blaming our partners and ourselves. The fact is, it seems, that sexual attraction is or isn't happening. Before I understood that sexual attraction could be consciously turned on or off, I called it chemistry. In today's world of relationships based on friendship we act as if sexual attraction is not as important as, say, communication. Therefore, our relationships over time tend to become more talk, less action.

However much we would like to admit it or not, talk just ain't enough for many of us.

The good news is that we don't have to remain slaves to sexual polarity, being passive victims to its ebbs and flows and unreasonable desires. With practice, sexuality can become an exploration of unseen and healing sexual energies as well as a way of expressing our deepest love. By becoming versed to the wisdom of sexual polarity, making love becomes exquisite, a whole-body symbiotic form of prayer of the infinite mystery of man and woman.

The first step in this mastery of sexual polarity is becoming conscious of when it increases or decreases. For example, your lover is barking at you, or putting you down and you feel your body shut down, you become numb, and maybe even weak. You might even become disgusted. I know of a woman who can't stand the way her husband chews (he does chew in a fucked up way). On the other hand, there are times when your lover's beauty and presence overwhelms you, magnifying your love to the point of bliss.

So I guess you might be asking by now, "duh, Eddie? What the fuck is sexual polarity?!!" LOL that's a good question. Simply put, the way sexual polarity works is like electricity or magnetism, sexual polarity is a natural energy that requires two poles. For example, for magnetic energy to flow, you need a north pole and a south pole. It's the same with sexual energy -- in order for it to flow, you need two poles. We can call these two poles -- Masculine and Feminine.

Masculine and Feminine do not mean man and woman, but are universal forces. While it is true that most women have a Feminine polarity and most men have a Masculine polarity, there are exceptions to the rule. The point being that a natural energetic force flows between the Masculine and the Feminine. This is why a conversation with your friends of the same sex comes to a halt when a beauty walks by -- a force automatically flows between the Masculine and the Feminine, and your body/ mind reorients itself line a compass needle. It's also why the way to a man's heart is not through his stomach, but through his cock. If you doubt me ladies, just remember there will be a lot of cold dinners and sputtering candles tonight.

Like magnetic energy, sexual polarity can be either repulsive or attractive, depending on which poles are brought together. In intimacy, when one's partner's Masculine energy is brought near the other partner's Feminine sexual energy, an attractive force of sexual polarity is created that pulls them together. On the other hand, when both of their Masculine energies are brought together, their attractive passion is decreased and even repelled and pushed away by that unseen force.

Okay! There's so much more to all this, and this blog is already long. Next week: How to create sexual polarity!

Remember: not all sex has to be a gourmet meal, sometimes it can be just as satisfying (if not more) to have a quick bite! LOL

Love,

Eddie