Friday, October 16, 2009

The TGIF Sex Blog [Divorce]

¡Hola! Everybody...
I lost my voice yesterday (barely have it back today). My voice is my money-maker -- literally. LOL! If I can’t speak, I can’t work (at least not effectively). Needless to say, I’ve done very little writing.

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-=[ Divorce Myths ]=-

We love because it is the only true adventure.

-- Nikki Giovanni

Many stereotypes about divorce that receive a lot of media attention are potentially quite harmful to men and women. I’ve listed a few of them and contrasted them with what the studies actually tell us:

Myth 1: Most Men Cheat on Their Wives.

Actually, the best designed studies indicate that nearly 80% of men report that they have never cheated on their wives!

Myth 2: Most divorcing women are rejected by their husbands.

The great majority of divorces (two thirds to three-quarters, depending on which studies you look at) are initiated by women. This makes sense since studies show that men are generally happier being married than women, they report less frustration and dissatisfaction.

Myth 3: Women bitterly regret divorce.

Most divorced women do not regret divorcing. In addition, divorced women are generally happier than divorced men. One large study suggests that that many middle-aged women become happier after their divorce. Among these women, an increased positive self-image and self-esteem were inspired by their divorce.

Myth 4: women emerge more emoptionally scarred and psychologically damaged than do men.

This is generally not true. Not only are divorced women happier than divorced men, but they are better off emotionally too. In study after study, they score higher on psychological tests that assess emotional health and well-being.

Myth 5: Ex-spouses are highly antagonistic toward one another, even to the point of acting unethically.

About half of divorced men and women describe their relationship with their ex spouse as friendly or cooperative.

Myth 6: Most divorced men remarry while most divorced women cannot.

It is true that most divorced women are less likely than divorced men to want to remarry (after all, they are happier than the men with being divorced). But both groups remarry at very high rates -- and soon. About 80% of divorced men and 75% of divorced women remarry, and most do so within three years! (who said we live in a cynical age? LOL!)

Myths such as the above offer false lessons regarding both what women and men should expect from each other and how one should behave in divorce. The truth is actually richer and contains many positive possibilities for both men and women.




  1. One that isn't a myth:

    Women, with children, suffer more financially after the divorce than men. It's kinda a no-brainer as the majority of women get the kidlets and the men merely pay a stipend of child support that usually doesn't even come close to keeping the exwife and kidlets secure and living a decent life.

  2. Good points, Dusty. Part of the reason hy I focused on the psychological, rather than the economics, is because there are so many negative stereotypes RE: women and divorce.

    I would add that, in addition to the points you mention, part of the reason for increased risk of living in poverty is that women make less than their male counterparts for the same kind of work.

    What I don't like is when women are made moral scapegoates for being single mothers. On the positive side, women are no longer economic slaves forced to stay in marriages that are either unfullfilling or even abusive, as they were in the past.

  3. I think that goes without saying that women are still not being paid the same as males.

    I think being a single mother made me a stronger individual. Not getting a dime of child support made me quite self-sustaining and willing to take chances in area's usually inhabited by males only. Aerospace was such a place in the 70's.

  4. Hi Eddie I havent been on in a while but when I saw ur latest posts on my multiply friend list I was interested in this one. I agree with most of it. I'm divorced a few years now and life is beautiful! I'll go step by step on # 1 I don't agree, I know many men that have cheated on their wives.  But I think its the women who hold the control. If a woman knows a man is married she should step off, respect for other women. We all know what comes around goes around. If u get him, he'll cheat on u too so what do u win? U can NEVER be confident that he will be loyal. As for #2 I initiated it as far as filing but it was his actions that caused me to do so. He was still a boy, not a man. He didn't grow up. # 3 DEFINATELY a myth!! I'm am sooooooooooooo much happier now!! I can do what I want when I want. It was a weight off my shoulders. Now I do believe in marriage, but their has to be equality and effective communication, my marriage didn't have that. My self esteem soared~its like having another chance at life. #4 I'm definately much happier now than he is. He still gets pissed at everything I accomplish and get, I harbor no ill will against him, I wish him happiness, but when he sees I got something new it burns him. Like I shouldn't be able to accomplish without him. I should not be able to go on, he was oh so important to me LOL. #5 is a toss up for me. At times we talk and things r good, but then he does something sneaky, so I don't trust him. I try to give him the benefit of the doubt but I TRULY believe that u don't REALLY know someone til u divorce them. Then their true colors come out.  #6 neither of us have remarried, he is living with someone but she ain't shit lol. I date someone but I don't want commitment, I like my life the way it is. The only thing I want a man for is to mow my lawn. Thats it! Everything else is good. I take care of myself and my kids, living much better than I was when I was with him. I've gained some great friendships with guys that I can depend on to do things for me. U know u gotta have a man for this, another guy for that, I got that. Yes I work a lot harder, but the rewards r much more fulfilling.


What say you?


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