Thursday, October 8, 2009

Thank You Speech (Blogger of the Year)

¡Hola! Everybody...
I had a different post scheduled for today, but last night I was informed that I was picked as Multiply’s “Blogger of the Year.” As I will be away in the field for most of the day and night today, the following is my “acceptance” speech. I did hear that Multiply will be sending me on a cruise to Bora Bora with some hawt young thang called Olivia Munn...

::does some fancy pageant walking ala Sarah “Dumb Twat” Palin::

* * *

-=[ Blogger of the year Award ]=-

Ever notice that people never say “It's only a game” when they’re winning?

-- Ivern Ball

::amid thunderous applause and women throwing their panties onstage, Eddie makes his appearance::

First, thank you for your efforts and kind words, Swerver and Pigeon. I would also like to take this moment to thank the many people who voted for me and the judges, I am very honored to have been chosen Multiply’s “Blogger of the Year.” My hope is that I can live up to your expectations. I would like to sincerely thank you all for this award, and Multiply for the massage with a “happy ending” gift certificate.

Also, a special shout out to Leese ("emotionalblonde") for encouraging me to engage the process, such as reminding me to tell people to vote for me! In addition, due to the heavy traffic this contest caused, Multiply would like to thank you also.

::speech is stalled as more women throw knickers onto the stage::

On this date in history, the Civil War was quelled, and perhaps after my speech you’ll think it has started again, although this day will go down in history as the day you all read the best ever speech. It will be posted by someone else shortly.

I have heard it said that a great speech has a good beginning, a good ending, and more importantly, the two as close as possible.

::takes out thick sheaf of papers::

Well... too bad!

::unfolds notes, pauses, and smiles at all in attendance::

That, of course, is the greatest speech ever written, but now that I am a “respectable” blogger, the Multiply people handed this to me.

::produces small bit of torn paper::

I would like to thank all of my current and former contacts, especially those deranged ma’fuccas I evicted from my list several months ago. I hope they took my advice and went to see a therapist or got on some psycho meds or whatever the fuck they disparately need to unload that ungodly baggage they bear. I sincerely wish you all some measure of happiness!

More importantly, I would like to thank those who challenged me to take my writing and thinking to another level. Those people who offered thoughtful responses, who made the attempt to read and understand what I post and argued with me intelligently, or proposed an alternative, well thought-out POV. There is no greater compliment or intellectual etiquette than making the effort to understand. I thank those of you who engage me in that manner from the bottom of my heart. I know I am not an easy man, but as Halle Berry used to like to tell to me: if it ain’t rough, it ain’t right!

On behalf of the [un]Common Sense Blog “Committee” (in actuality, the voices in my head), we would like to thank all of you for your “presence” in both senses of the word, and for sharing your lives with us. We are very grateful, although it never surprises me how far some people will go for free cyber sex.

I have been writing for the ’net since the early 90s when, as a legendary flame warrior on Usenet newsgroups (Google my name LOL!), I gained my notoriety. In a way, I have been “blogging” since long before the technology became available, mostly in newsgroups and forums, and it has been for the most part a wondrous experience. I have personally met people from all over the world, as a result of internet communication, and almost all the people I have met have been great. Especially great were the beautiful women into recipient anal sex, but this being a family-oriented network, I won’t get into that nor share any photos.

Well, I could sit here and clank away forever, but I’ll finish on a more serious note. I am genuinely honored to be considered in this way. Truth be told, I have never been officially recognized for anything I have ever written, so this is special. I plan to concentrate more on my creative writing in the near future and working on developing my “professional” blog. However, I will always maintain a presence here with my ‘Ply family. I hope you all continue to accompany me in this dance we call life.


Lord Emperor (formerly Eddie)

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