I just got a phone call from an ex last night (hence the post)... LOL I will be gone all today.
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-=[ Sex with Your Ex ]=-
Ahhhh… you know how it is: the last kiss, fling, one more night, “closure,” whatever the case, we sometimes find ourselves legs entwined and under the sheets with an ex-lover more often than not feeling confused.
Anyway, taking into consideration how people can oftentimes mistake “playing house” for real love, and feelings can get hurt -- especially if you don’t have the kind mindset that can engage in casual sex (and there’s nothing wrong with that), perhaps having sex with your ex isn’t that good of an idea.
Besides, having a fling with an ex is different from having sex with someone else, since there’s usually some emotional baggage. After all, he’s an ex for a reason, right?
Still, the fact remains that a chance encounter or an idea germinating in that head of yours can make sex with your ex an alluring possibility -- irresistible even. Even if s/he wasn’t the best lover, whatever spark you may have felt for your ex may seem compelling; especially if you’ve decided to withhold sex until you meet “The One” or are on the rebound from another affair. How many of you have found yourselves after a couple of cocktails, in the heat of the moment actually considering the psycho ex-boyfriend/ girlfriend as a possibility?
Come on, now, don’t get all new on me, ladies and gents...
And if s/he was the best lover you ever had and one you still daydream about, the one you fantasize about when you’re attending to your sorely neglected needs? Then you really should forget about it. The hard fact is that having sex with your ex can be playing with fire on too many levels for it to be the right thing to do. Strong feelings will surface. You might find that you long for him/ her in ways that will throw you for a loop. You might find yourself struggling with an overpowering compulsion, especially if you don’t have sex as often. (And ladies? Having sex every leap year doesn’t count as often. LOL!)
Powerful, sex-triggered hormones in your body can trick you into thinking you’re falling in love again and you will suddenly develop amnesia about the reasons why you left the relationship in the first place. The fantasy of “happily ever after” always lurks in the background. You will be thinking only of the good times, and of course, many of us are notoriously nostalgic, thinking about what could’ve, should’ve, would’ve been, and what might still be…
Stop that! Wake the fuck up!
There is a reason, possibly several, that this trifling ma’fucca is your ex, even if it was s/he that broke up with you. In addition, having sex, especially if you’re already sex-starved, will make you forget about those reasons. Physical intimacy will bring back feelings you think you have buried, which can confuse you and cause you to make decisions you will later regret. Even if you think you’re strong enough (you’re not) and removed enough from the past to have some nice sex and leave it at that, the hurts, the longings -- all the baggage -- will replay in your mind long after the burst of passion has gone.
The important question is if will you be able to get on with your life if this little tussle in the sack turns out to be no more than a relationship’s final curtain. Can you truly close the door after opening up the Pandora’s Box (pun intended)?
If you have the slightest notion that going back to bed with your ex is going to rekindle your relationship, heal all the wounds, right all the wrongs, etc., do yourself a favor and run (!), don’t walk.
Sex with your ex, sweetie, won’t do that. Unless they have been doing some major inner work, he or she will likely the same seriously fragmented individual they were when you broke up.