The TGIF Sex Blog [Sexsomnia]

¡Hola! Everybody...
Frankly, I’m embarrassed at the way so many adults have reacted to Ms. Badu’s latest video. Here’s a five-year-old’s take on the video that some adults need to read...

SMH

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-=[ Sleep Sex ]=-

This week someone submitted a question that piqued my interest. I have to admit that I really didn’t know much about this...

I've been seeing this guy for several months now, and we’ve moved to the point in our relationship where we spend the night almost every night. I adore him. He warned me when he first started sleeping over that he “can get goofy” when he’s sleeping -- meaning sleep talking, etc. One night, we were spooning and we fell asleep and I woke up because he was kissing and licking my neck... touching me, and I of course, responded positively and then he stopped. I fell back to sleep. The next morning, I mentioned it, and he had absolutely no recollection of the event. A few nights later, the same thing, only this time, we went further.

It kept on like this and I’d mention it and he wouldn't remember. Sometimes, he’d wake up when things went further and we’d have sex. I just rolled with it. It doesn’t bother me. Once it did get kinda scary, he was overly aggressive -- by aggressive I mean, he tears at my clothing yanks my PJ's off, pins my arms, holds me down -- and I couldn’t wake him. I kept pulling at him and trying to wake him up and he just was not responding. I started to panic, and yelling and he finally woke up. Fortunately for him, I like to be manhandled a little bit.

Since then, I just have learned how to wake him if I'm not in the mood, but honestly, nine times out of ten, I just go with it, and he wakes up and we have amazing sex in the middle of the night. I finally did a little research and found a few sites that talk about Sexsomnia. I know that some people can feel violated by being with someone who does this, in some cases have pressed rape charges. I don't find it violating. I think it's exciting, quite frankly. I like it. Is this unusual? I am anxious to see if anyone else has experience with it.

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First off, I want to say that I just fell in love with you! Whew!

Let me share a little about me. One time during a family reunion, the house was full and I ended up sleeping with one of my brothers and my mother. I was awakened in the middle of the night because my mother was screaming at me. Apparently, I was humping on her and fondling her breasts. I was asleep! To this day, I still get ribbed for that. The same happened one time with a cousin and I think I almost violated one of my brother-in-laws, not sure. Needless to say, no one in my family likes to sleep with me. LOL!

I have never, however experienced what you describe. I did a little research and it seems your lover suffers from a form of sleep disorder that falls under the category of non-rapid eye movement (NREM) parasomnia -- similar to sleep walking or sleep eating (yes, you read that right). Also called sleep sex or sexsomnia, it is a medical condition that causes people to commit sexual acts while they are asleep. The proposed medical diagnosis is NREM Arousal Parasomnia -- Sexual Behavior in Sleep, and is considered a variation of sleepwalking/ confusional arousals.

There are varying degrees of this condition and it seems to me your boyfriend is at the extreme end. In Australia, for example, a woman was reported as leaving her house at night and having sex with strangers while sleepwalking. In one case, a man tried to strangle his wife. A teenage child in the home heard the disturbance and called the police. One man, who had repeatedly experienced periods of violent masturbation that left bruising or soreness, reported breaking two fingers trying to escape from restraints he had used to prevent the behavior.

Sexsomnia is not always problematic or extreme for those who experience it or for their partners. There is a great variety in both the frequency and levels to which people are affected by this disorder. For years, researchers have suspected that violent behavior during sleep is a sleep-related disorder, but they didn’t have the facts to prove it. Although these cases sound psychological in origin, scientists believe the underlying problem relates to sleep. Rather than quietly passing through the five phases of sleep -- each of which has a classic brain-wave pattern -- those suffering from sexsomnia have unusual patterns during one of the sleep phases or short interruptions in their sleep. Sound and video recordings of the patients show that the sleep-sex behavior takes place during these hiccups in the sleep cycle. Most people who suffer from sexsomnia also have a history of walking in their sleep.

Sufferers are usually aware of their behavior and in some cases go for a long time before they seek help, often because they lack information that it is a medical disorder or for fear that others will judge it as willful behavior rather than a medical condition. I would strongly suggest you tell your boyfriend to seek treatment, as the condition is easily controlled with minimal effort. There is always the danger that he could sexually violate or harm someone without being conscious of it. I’ve listed some resources below.

Love,

Eddie

Resources

There are sleep centers all over the states. Sleep disorders are more common than we once thought, and your boyfriend can get diagnosed treated, sometimes even for free (it’s a field that loves the research). Click here to find a sleep center near you.

The American Academy of Sleep Science is a great resource on all things about sleep (click here).

Click here if you've ever suffered from sexsomnia and want to participate in an online survey (it's anonymous and information helps).