Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Mirrors of the Self, pt. I

¡Hola! Everybody...
Taking a few days off, trying to organize my place and then spend some time with mother dear!

* * *
(l-r) My sister Darlene, my maternal grandmother holding my newborn cousin, and myself

I was my grandmother's favorite. Sometimes it was cruel, but she made it clear to everyone that I was her heart. Every time she saw me, it was all hugs and presents -- secretly handed folded crisp bills, a toy, a bicycle. My grandmother worked her fingers to the bone in the garment industry, exploited by heartless men who paid her by the piece. She would bring bags of work home and cut lace by the miles. She always had something for me, even if she didn't have for the rest of the grandchildren. I was her fair-haired boy. My paternal grandmother died when my father was a mere boy, but his sister, my aunt, was a surrogate grandmother for me. And here too, I was her favorite. Both women knew pain. The pain of arthritis, of hands broken down by years of hard, relentless work. My aunt was a washerwoman, whose hands were stripped of skin from the harsh chemicals of her trade. Both women knew pain, both worked hard, were poor, but they always seemed to have enough for me. It was only when I grew older I realized the tremendous sacrifice a bicycle or a brand new pair of shoes meant to them. They gave and never asked for anything in return, except perhaps that I be a good boy and do well in school...

-=[ Song of the Self: The Grandmother ]=-
-- Alma Luz Villanueva

Surrounded by my shields, am

Surrounded by my children, am
I am the void.
I am the womb of remembrance.
I am the flowering darkness.
I am the flower, first flesh.

Utter darkness I inhabit --
There, I watch creation unfold --
There, I know we begin and end --
Again. In this darkness, I am
Turning, turning toward a birth:
My own -- a newborn grandmother
Am I, suckling light. Rainbow
Serpent covers me, head to foot,
In endless circles -- covers me,
That I may live forever, in this
Form or another. The skin she
Leaves behind glitters with
The question, with the answer,
With the promise:
"Do you remember yourself?"
"I am always woman."
"Flesh is flower, forever."

I enter darkness, to enter birth,
To wear the Rainbow, to hear her
Hissing loudly, clearly, in my
Inner ear: love.

I am spiraling, I am spinning,
I am singing this Grandmother's Song.
I am remembering forever, where we

1 comment:

  1. Weird, right before I read this I was reading my friends' blogs and half of them are eagerly awaiting grandchildren. When you cant have babies you have to force your kids to have them so you can experience the joy of snuggling soft squooshy baby again.
    I am my grand,other's favorite and my baby is her favorite of the great grands. I may be 40,but she just gave me $40 yesterday for Christmas. "It might help some". Of course thats not cuz she likes me,its payment for providing her with that little lap monkey she likes to play with. Grandmas!


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