The Friday Sex Blog [Opening Your Heart]

¡Hola! Everybody...

A long time ago, the man in charge of ringing the bells at a nearby church for years would play the opening notes to My Cherie Amor ("la la laaa, la la laa... ") every Sunday. I once tracked the man down and asked him why. He explained he played it because it was the song he dedicated to his now deceased wife when they first met. After returning after being away for many years, the bells no longer rang and when I investigated, I discovered that the man had passed away and no one else knew how to ring the bells...

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You can outrun that which is running after you,
but not what is running inside you.
-- Rwandan proverb

For real change to come about there has to be a how. There has to be a set of actual exercises we can implement that can bring about a change in our mental software. People, we follow scripts, some of which were written generations ago, and they often cause much pain. So today I'm going to offer you an exercise. I try to offer experiential exercises because people think too fuckin' much! In fact, most of you are tyrannized by thinking most of the time. So I try to offer basic exercises you have to experience in order to begin moving you away from thinking.

See?!! You're already thinking! Sheeesh! Shut up!

Okay... Breathe! Ready?

Pretend you are going to kill the next person you see. I want you to try to feel this in your body. Imagine that you are really going to kill this person. How does this make you feel (not think) inside?

Now, imagine that you are going to have sex with the next person you see. Again, how do you feel inside?

Bear with me: Now pretend you are going to save the life of the next person you see, but in doing so your own life will end. Imagine you are going to die as a result of saving this person's life. How does this make you feel inside?

Now... answer this question: which imagined action -- killing, having sex, or saving while dying -- most feels like liberation, freedom, and unbound love?

My challenge to you today is why would you intentionally hold anything in your mind, except that which most opens your heart and soul so that others may benefit from it?

I have just fucked up your constriction. Now you know. From now on, the choice is yours. When you find yourself imagining something that results in you feeling less open, simply imagine whatever most opens you. It is that fuckin simple, believe it or not.

This is the first step that helps you get off the merry-go-round of living those painful scripts -- those childhood imprints on your psyche. Remember the equation I wrote not too long ago:

constriction = hate/ love = openness.

This is the beginning of the conscious act of replacing habits that bring constriction with habits that bring openness. The other part is to hang out as awareness in space, maintaining openness without support; being openness without effort or intention. At this point, if you haven't done the exercises and just tried to think about them, you will not understand. So go back and do them now. Not later, but now.

Remember the feeling that most opens you? Perhaps it was saving your best friend's or your child's life. Whatever feeling most opens you, allow this feeling to dissolve into an awareness of openness, like a swirl dissolving in water. Let go of any effort to imagine anything, instead just be that feeling.

Another moment will come and you might come up against an event (perhaps a rude driver) that has you once again thinking of something that constricts you, if even a little bit. What do you do? What can you do?

First, consciously visualize or feel whatever opens your heart, softens your body, and relaxes your mind. For example, you can visualize making passionate love with a superior lover, your bodies entwined in emanations of light.

Then allow this visualization to dissolve into an authentic feeling, like an ocean of openness, alive and as real as this bright moment. In fact, if you have someone in your life that you trust, you can combine this visualizing with certain sex practices that speed up or facilitate the opening process.

This is a way to replace unloving (constricted) mind formulations with loving (open) ones. With time and practice you will be able to allow all mind forms to relax open as love's clear light. Repeat this two step process whenever you happen to notice that you're closing up, so that openness becomes the default state in your every conscious moment.

This is the practice of opening your heart and throwing away the old scripts -- of undoing the deeply ingrained childhood imprints that oftentimes force you to sabotage your life. Many of you say you want to be loved, but as long as you're closed, you will wait forever to be loved.

My Name is Eddie and I'm in recovery from civilization...