On Language

Hola mi gente,
I would rather have a straight up racist like Trump and his gang in the White House, than a racist like Hillary Clinton. Hopefully people are waking up.

On another note, I will be on WBAI’s “On the Count” this Saturday, November 19^th at 11AM. Check us out on the radio or the internet. Click here for more information.

Language

The Tower of Babel

The limits of my language means the limits of my world.
 -- Ludwig Wittgenstein

I have a friend. He is pretty smart, having first graduated from Harvard and then finishing his graduate studies at Columbia. He loves his sons dearly and oftentimes comes to me to discuss child-rearing practices. He points out that sometimes I come off as a “Philosopher King,” which is the aspect of my personality he loves best. He doesn’t like it when I’m “dicking around,” as he calls the aspect of my personality which loves to goof off (I happen to enjoy my dicking around, by the way).

Which was why I was surprised when, in asking his son to do a task, he told him, “And make sure you don’t spill any of the water?”

He had asked his seven-year-old son to bring me a glass of water. It was filled very close to the top. What do you think happened? Yup, he spilled the water almost as soon as his father asked him not to spill the water.

I have a co-worker who has recently met a woman with which he’s considering marriage. He came to me with some concerns. I noticed, as the conversation progressed that he was talking in terms of how things could go wrong, rather than how they should work.

Now, let me clarify that the aim of this post is not to make value judgments; we all have different ways of processing information. My intention here is not to judge. Rather, I am going to simply point out how our mind works how a familiarity with its mechanisms can assist in creating lasting change.

Language is a very powerful characteristic of change. It shapes the world we live in. Whenever I am involved in a social change project, I am often reminded of Einstein’s thought experiments. For the sake of brevity, I will not go into detail about them, but simply note that they entailed Einstein placing himself in an imaginary scenario in order to better understand a particular problem. 

In one of his most famous thought experiments, Einstein asked himself what would happen if you chased a beam of light as it moved through space and caught up to it. Following the line of this thought experiment, Einstein eventually laid the groundwork for his special theory of relativity.

What is important here is that Einstein’s thought experiment compelled him to imagine a world that did not exist. In doing so, in immersing himself in that world, he had to act and behave as if that world existed. Furthermore, in order to properly envision such a world, he had to develop a language (theory) for it. In the process, he changed the world. What is needed to create lasting change is the capacity and will to envision a world that we want and the language necessary to create and sustain it. Unfortunately, that is what is missing from our collective political consciousness today. This is why we in the United States have Trump as president-elect.

At the micro level, observe almost every parent and you will hear people say things such as, “Don’t do it,” “Don’t think about it, or the famous parental admonition, “Don’t you dare say/ do that!” This is why punishment, as a parental tool, fails miserably. At the macro level, this is why punishment as a solution to crime, lack of access to education, and poverty has failed miserably, in the process making the United States an apartheid state. In both instances, the failure has been the failure of creating a language that sustains a vision.

If I were to tell you right now, “Don’t think about Eddie sodomizing you,” what immediately happens in your mind? Well (your protestations notwithstanding), you find yourself thinking about Eddie sodomizing you. The same thing happens when you tell your child, “Don’t spill the water.” The way our brains work is that in order to erase a negative (i.e., “Don’t let Eddie fuck you in the ass… ”), we first have to think about it. Our brains don’t know how to put things into negative language. In order to know what not to think of, our brains first have to think of it.

We all have people in our lives who, with good intentions, tell us what not to do. What they are actually doing is putting our attention exactly in the direction they feel in wrong. A few examples include, “Don’t say ____ anymore,” “Don’t worry,” “Don’t panic,” “I don’t think you’re stupid.” Using negative language is also something we do to ourselves. We tell ourselves we won’t think about something and we do. This is repression and we often mistake it for morality. For example, I am sure Weiner has struggled with posting dick pics on social media. Other examples include: “I won’t do that again (usually followed by, “Dear God!” LOL), “Don’t piss me off,” and “Don’t smoke,” just to name a few. We tend to think of what we don’t’ want to do, and then do it anyway.

Part of changing our society and even our personal idiosyncrasies is changing the language that supports them. One way is to understand that we can take our negative thoughts and state them in the positive. Instead of saying what we don’t want, we can instead envision and state what we do want. Try it.

Think of a negative statement you’ve been making to yourself, and experiment by turning it into a positive one, right now… 

Yes… now.

Instead of saying to yourself, “don’t worry,” try asking yourself “How would I like to feel?” Instead of saying, “Don’t smoke,” try saying, “I would like to be smoke-free.” This not only feels better, it actually begins creating the mental conditions (actually making the synaptic connections) that reorients your brain and prepares you to achieve more of what you want, by focusing on the positive things you want in your life.

At the societal level, this was evident in the Clinton campaign. When running against Bernie Sanders, who was spearheading a wildly popular political movement and what he (and others) envisioned, the Clinton campaign settled in what we could not do. The language of the Sanders campaign was composed of declarations of what we could do. The Clinton campaign settled smugly into a faux “pragmatic progressive” that failed and failed miserably. The same happened with the general election where, say what you will about Trump, he was able to offer a vision and language of making “America great again.” The Clinton campaign was basically bereft of vision and language that did not counter the bleak status quo.

From a statistical perspective, about 80% of the people who make New Year’s resolutions stopped trying altogether by the end of a month. What I want to say here is that the vast majority of people who achieve change in their lives experience difficulty and fall off the wagon, sometimes many times, before they eventually get it. If you smoked a cigarette, try being smoke-free over again; see how long you can be smoke-free. Very few people get it the first time, people, so give yourself a break, and focus on the positive things you want in life. But in order to do that, you have to have a language that resonates with the kind of person you want to be or the world you want to live in.

In the end, whether we want to make personal changes or change the society we live in, we first have to create a language that helps manifest such a world. As this election shows, we are not even close and some of us believe -- use language -- that is self-defeating. 

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…

Monday Myth Busters (Change Myths)

Hola mi Gente,

I have a couple of interviews lined up for this week so wish me luck. Looking for work has been very challenging, to say the least.

It’s January and by the third week of this month about 75-80% of the people who made resolutions will have either failed or stopped trying. It isn’t because we’re defected. More likely, we need to better understand change… 

* * *

The Beyond Help Series: Change Myths

One way of learning to change is to study people who have been successful at change. Do people who successfully effect change share common qualities or do they follow a set of patterns? The answer to that is yes. Maybe later this month I will post about change, but before I get into that I want to address what I feel are common misconceptions about change.

Myth #1: It just takes willpower

When I looked at a study that tracked over 30,000 successful self-changers, I found it interesting that their universal answer when asked what was the most important factor was “Willpower.” And this seems to verify what we all seem to know intuitively. However, when the studies examined what participants meant by willpower, there were two different definitions. The first is technical: a belief in our abilities to change behavior, and the decision to act on that belief.

The second, more common definition is that willpower represents every single technique, every effort under the sun, one can use to change. There is a logical fallacy in this kind of thinking that postulates it takes only willpower to change. This is a classic case of circular reasoning (Google it).

While there is some truth that self-changers use willpower, it is only one of several factors for change. Willpower is important, but according to the same studies, people who rely solely on willpower set themselves up for failure. If you believe willpower is all it takes, then when you try to change and fail, it would seem reasonable to conclude that you don’t have enough willpower. This will lead to beating on yourself and possibly giving up. But failure to change when relying only on willpower just means that willpower alone is not enough.

Here’s a good example (from a case study) of willpower not being enough. A young lady was very determined to do something about her obesity and began a program of change. However, though her determination was genuine, she was that our bodies can adjust quickly to dieting by lowering its basal metabolism, which in turn leads to burning fewer calories. She became baffled and discouraged when her diet didn’t work and eventually quit in disgust. 

This is a classic case of using only willpower (commitment) without other change factors (in this case, consciousness-raising).

Here are nine other factors (processes) of change that successful self-changers use. I can’t get into it in full now, but I will in the near future for those who are interested:

Consciousness-raising -- Consciousness-raising involves increased awareness about the causes, consequences, and possible solutions for a particular problem behavior. As in the above example of the dieting person, this involves learning new facts, ideas, and tips that support the healthy change.

Social liberation -- Social liberation is about creating social support networks that help sustain change. It requires an increase in social opportunities or alternatives, especially for people who are relatively deprived or oppressed. For example, if you are tyring to stop smoking, perhaps staying away from people who smoke at the beginning can create the environmental support needed, especially in the beginning. 

Emotional arousal -- This about paying attention to your feelings. Become mindful about the negative emotions (fear, anxiety) that go along with the old behavior, and feel inspired by others who have made healthy changes.

Self-reevaluation -- Create a new self-image through a Self-reevaluation that combines both rational and emotional evaluations of one’s self-image with and without a particular unhealthy habit. For example, one’s image as a couch potato versus an active person.

Commitment (this is where willpower comes in) -- Commitment is really about self-liberation. It is both the belief that one can change and the commitment (and the recommitment) to act on that belief. Encouraging people to make New Year’s resolutions, public testimonies, or a contract are ways of enhancing willpower.

Countering -- Countering is a form of substitution or sublimation. Countering requires learning healthy behaviors as substitutes for problem behaviors. Examples of countering include harm reduction techniques such as the use of nicotine replacement as a safe substitute for smoking or walking as a healthier alternative than “comfort foods” as a way to cope with stress.

Environment control -- This is a reevaluation that combines both emotional and cognitive evaluations of how the presence or absence of a personal habit affects one’s social environment. For example, recognizing the effect of your smoking on others. It can also include the awareness that one can serve as a positive or negative role model for others.

Rewards -- Rewards, or Reinforcement management, provides consequences for taking steps in a positive direction. While reinforcement management can include the use of punishment, successful self-changers rely on reward much more than punishment.

Helping relationships -- Helping relationships combine caring, trust, openness, and acceptance, as well as support for healthy behavior change. Rapport building, a therapeutic alliance, supportive calls, and buddy systems can be sources of social support. This is what helps you create a lifestyle change that reinforces your attempts at positive change. 

As I stated before, there’s a lot more to all this, but the main take away is that change is difficult but not impossible. I operate from the assumption that we all have the potential to create powerful positive changes in our lives, we just heed a how in order to realize our inner potential.

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization… 

Resources

Prochaska and DiClemente’s Stages of Change Model (click here)

DiClemente, C. (2006) Addiction and change: How addictions develop and addicted people recover. Guilford Press, NY. (click here)

Language (repost)

Hola Again Everybody!
Repost! LOL
 

Language

I have a friend. He’s pretty smart, having first graduated from Harvard and then finishing his graduate studies at Columbia. He loves his sons dearly and oftentimes comes to me to “talk” about child-rearing practices. He points out that sometimes I come off as a “Philosopher King,” which is the aspect of my personality he loves best. He doesn’t like it when I’m “dicking around,” as he calls the aspect of my personality which loves to goof off (I enjoy my dicking around, btw).

Which was why I was surprised when, in asking his son to do a task, he told him, “And make sure you don’t spill any of the water?”

He had asked his seven-year-old son to bring me a glass of water. It was filled very close to the top. What do you think happened? Yup, he spilled the water. Almost as soon as his father asked him not to spill the water.

I have a co-worker who has recently met a woman with which he’s considering marriage. He came to me with some concerns. I noticed, as the conversation progressed that he was talking in terms of how things could go wrong, rather than how they should work.

I’m not looking to make a value judgment; we all have different ways of processing things. I’m not here to judge anyone . I am going to simply point out how our mind works.

Language is a very powerful aspect of change. Almost every parent and in almost any conversation, you will hear people say things like, “Don’t do it,” “Don’t think about it, or the famous parental admonition, “Don’t you dare say/ do that!” This is why punishment, as a parental tool, fails miserably.

If I were to tell you right now, “Don’t think about Eddie sodomizing you,” what immediately happens in your mind? Well (your protestations notwithstanding), you find yourself thinking about Eddie sodomizing you. The same thing happens when you tell your child, “Don’t spill any of the water.” The way our brains work is that in order to erase a negative (i.e., “Don’t let Eddie fuck you in the ass… ”), we first have to think about it. Our brains don’t know how to put things into negative language. In order to know what not to think of, our brains first have to think of it.

We all have people in our lives who, with good intentions, tell us what not to do. What they are actually doing is putting our attention exactly in the direction they didn’t want us to go. A few examples include, “Don’t say ____ anymore,” “Don’t worry,” “Don’t panic,” “I don’t think you’re stupid.” Using negative language is also something we do to ourselves. We tell ourselves we won’t think about something and we do. Other examples include: “I won’t do that again (usually preceded by, “Dear God!” LOL), “Don’t piss me off,” and “Don’t smoke,” just to name a few. We tend to think of what we don’t’ want to do, and then do it anyway.

Part of changing our habits is changing the language that supports them. We can take our negative thoughts and state them in the positive. Instead of saying what we don’t want, we can instead say what we do want. Try it.

Think of a negative statement you’ve been making to yourself, and experiment by turning it into a positive one, right now… 

Yes… NOW! LOL!

Instead of saying to yourself, “don’t worry,” try asking yourself “How would I like to feel?” Instead of saying, “don’t smoke,” try saying, “I would like to be smoke-free.” This not only feels better, it actually begins creating the mental conditions (making the synaptic connections) that reorients your brain and prepares you to achieve more of what you want, by focusing on the positive things you want in your life.

We’re now at the end point of January and, statistically speaking, about 80% of the people who made New Year’s resolutions have stopped trying altogether. What I want to say here is that the vast majority of people who achieve change in their lives experience difficulty and fall off the wagon, sometimes many times, before they eventually get it. If you smoked a cigarette, try being smoke-free over again; see how long you can be smoke-free. Very few people get it the first time, people, so give yourself a break, and focus on the positive things you want in life.

Another reason people fail at making lasting change, is that they make too many resolutions! Sheeesh! Try to focus on one thing like eating healthy, or being smoke-free. Just one thing at a time, people. When you try to do too much at one time, all you do is create a stressful environment suited for failure, not success. So, maybe you can go back, look at your list, and form a more realistic strategy. It’s ok, really, be easy on yourself, you’re trying to do something noble – create change – be your own best friend and give yourself some credit.

Love,

Eddie