Sunday Sermon [Donald Trump Fires Back!]

Hola mi Gente,

I just love all these “pragmatic progressives” who cite “electability” as one of the reasons to vote for corporate shill, Hillary Clinton. It seems that every day she steps into some pile of shit or sticks her foot in her mouth and then breaks it in an awkward attempt to extricate it. Most recently she claimed the Reagans were AIDS activists? ::blank stare:: And no, an apology (mangled as it was) is not enough when you consider all the people who were erased by her revisionist history. 

Later, she asked the question, "Where was Bernie when I was trying to pass universal health care in 93-94," to which the twitterverse responded by going viral with a photo of Bernie Sanders literally standing behind her while she was giving a speech on healthcare. She is quite possibly one of the worst campaigners this side of Al Gore. LOL

Meanwhile, Trump supporters better be careful when they come to NYC. Today, I’m turning over the Sunday Sermon to Donald “I Got Big Hands” Trump.

* * *

Make America Great Again, Pastel pencils, 2016 by Illma Gore*

Donald Trump Fires Back!

A Special [un]Common Sense Commentary by Donald J. Trump

(All comments by Trump¹ )

Since the creative force behind the [un]Common Sense blog has seen fit to attack me on numerous occasions, I have accepted to respond and meet my critics head-on, balls-on-the-table.

I mean… I’m just using that term as a figure of speech! 

::adjusts crotch::

Perhaps most disturbing is their attempt to imply I have a micro penis. I should sue, but instead, I’ll just clear this up: I have big hands. I only fantasize about micro penises. There’s a huge difference between the two, and I think starting such a rumor is just sloppy blogging and bad form. I’ve also been called a pedophile! ² That is Just plain wrong, and I am instructing my people to look into this and we’re most definitely suing the spic-ass motherfucker who writes this blog.

It has also been implied on this blog that listening to me is an act of evil. This is patent nonsense. While I do lie, misrepresent, and disinform compulsively, on air and off, and hate poor people, Muslims, Mexicans, and dark-skinned humans, is it accurate to call these traits evil? And yes, I do snort huge amounts of meth and go prowling for faggots with Melania and Bill, and we all pile out of Bill’s jeep and chase queers and they cheer while Melania and I fuck them with our His and Hers leather, rhinestone-studded strap-on (we even gang-banged Ben Carson once!), but calling me “evil” is quite a stretch. Nice try, Yemíl ³, but nobody’s going to swallow this nonsense.

Goddammit, Eddie! For the sake of argument, imagine if straight-laced, God-fearing (latently homosexual) homophobes Christians, who I have successfully conned with years of reality TV shows and my books -- which are the best, actually -- happens to read [un]Common Sense’s childish attempts at humor. Think what would happen! 

They may stop accepting simplistic, nonsensical explanations of how this world works; they may even decide I’m a dishonest, pushy, constipated, bully in disguise with an unusually small dick and yuge hands, willing to say anything to garner attention. Shit, this could incite the spics to read The Open Veins of Latin America or take a course on Icing Orange Muthafuckas. And then imagine if this spread. It would be Yuge!

Do we really want the chaos that would result from so many of the little people thinking without my help?

In closing, the treatment I’ve received in this blog is a perfect example of why we must resist the free exchange of ideas and reject information sources that don’t have the smarts to be owned by multinational corporations.

Fuck You Eddie,

Donald

* * *

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization… 

Notes:

* “Make America Great Again” was created to evoke a reaction from its audience, good or bad, about the significance we place on our physical selves. One should not feel emasculated by their penis size or vagina, as it does not define who you are. Your genitals do not define your gender, your power, or your status.

Simply put, you can be a massive prick, despite what is in your pants.

1. Not really.

2. Eddie, editor of the [un]Common Sense blog, would like to point out that he’s never called Trump a pedophile. He claims, instead, that Donald is a pet-o-phile, meaning he sodomizes dogs and other household pets.

3. It has been documented that those who disagree with the [un]Common Sense’s political commentary often resort to calling it’s editor, Yemil. As yet, it is not known what rhetorical purpose this serves.

Sunday Sermon (Ann Coulter Fires Back!)

¡Hola! Everybody... It seemed like everybody was out and about yesterday, the first really nice day of the year. The smell of shaving cream was everywhere, and women are out in full effect -- on the prowl. We might hit the 90 degree mark!

Today, I’m turning over the Sunday Sermon to Ann “I Got Big Balls” Coulter!

* * *

-=[ Ann Coulter Fires Back ]=-

A Special [un]Common Sense Commentary by Ann Coulter

Since the creative force behind the [un]Commonsense blog has seen fit to attack me on numerous occasions, I have accepted to respond and meet my critics head-on, balls-on-the-table.

I mean! I don’t have testicles! I’m just using that term as a figure of speech!

::adjusts crotch::

Perhaps the most disturbing is their attempt to imply I’m really a man in disguise. I could sue, but instead, I’ll just clear this up: I’m what’s known as phallic woman. I only fantasize about retaining the phallus after coitus. There’s a huge difference between the two, and I think calling me the other is just sloppy blogging and bad form. You’re... you’re... a pedophile! ^[1]

It has also been implied on this blog that listening to me is an act of evil. This is patent nonsense. While I do lie and misrepresent research compulsively, on air and off, and hate poor people, and dark-skinned humans, is it realistic to call these traits evil? And yes, I do snort huge amounts of meth and go prowling for faggots with Rush and Bill O’, and we all pile out of Bill’s jeep and chase queers and they cheer while I fuck them rudely with my leather, rhinestone-studded strap-on (we even gang-banged Colmes once!), but calling me “evil” is quite a stretch. Nice try, Yemíl ^[2], but nobody’s going to swallow this nonsense.

Goddammit, Eddie! For the sake of argument, imagine if straight-laced, God-fearing Christian (latently homosexual) homophobes, who I have successfully conditioned with years of TV and radio, and my books, happens to read [un]Common Sense’s puerile attempts at humor. Think what would happen!

They may stop accepting simplistic, nonsensical explanations of how this world works; they may even decide I’m a dishonest, pushy, constipated, man in disguise with an unusually large Adam’s apple, willing to say anything in the service of my corporate masters, and then read The Open Veins of Latin America or take a course on Icing Muthafuckas. And then imagine if this spread!

Do we really want the chaos that would result from so many of the little people thinking without my help?

In closing, the treatment I’ve received in this blog is a perfect example of why we must resist the free exchange of ideas and reject information sources that don’t have the smarts to be owned by multinational corporations.

Fuck You,

Ann

Notes:

1. Eddie, editor of the [un]Common Sense blog, would like to point out that he’s not a pedophile. He claims, instead, that he’s a pet-o-phile, meaning he sodomizes women who post photographs of their pets as their main photo on their internet profiles.

2. It has been documented that those who disagree with the [un]Common Sense’s political commentary often resort to calling it’s editor, Yemil. As yet, it is not known what rhetorical purpose this serves.