Saturday, February 28, 2009

Irakere (The Jungle)

¡Hola! Everybody...
I believe deranged people -- those not allowed outside without proper supervision -- make cyberspace their home in disproportionate numbers. I am not one to pass judgment. Whatever you say about me, you’ll have to admit that I’m slow to judgment.
However, being judgmental and using one’s judgment are two different things.

There is a woman who has allowed her anger to spill out to the point to where she’s even accused me publicly of being a pedophile. I believe she expresses subtle racist notions when it comes to Obama. She actually sent me that stupid email about Obama being the antichrist, perhaps you've seen it? Anyway, what’s her rationale (if such a word can be applied to her thinking)? According to her, I’m a pedophile because I posted a nude photo of a young girl a while back. I posted it as a jumping off point in a discussion about obscenity and art.

Now, pedophilia is a strong accusation, one not to be taken lightly. However, one must take the accusation with a grain of salt, considering the source. Here’s a woman who pays for men to travel to her home so they can have sex. She does this though she’s the mother of a teenaged girl. Furthermore, at least one of these “men” stole from her and then posted nude pictures of her all across the internet. He also went on extended rants about the sexual acts she did for him (felatio, etc.)

In fact, she once asked that I take the individual in question to task for his behavior (which I did). Normally, I would let this slide. After all, this is a woman who has admitted to a series of abusive relationships and who’s aggressive in her behavior. But I think that once you come out your ass, then you’re fair game. So Amy? Before you throw another rock, please get your own house in order? I certainly hope you do at least for your daughter’s sake. After this, I'm leaving her to her own bile...

I guess I should place pedophile on my list of character traits according the fragmented: Bigot, intolerant, asshole, sexist, intemperate, thin-skinned. C'mon psychos what else am I?

* * *

Nows [no. 23]

In some remote
rain forest,
under the approving eyes
of the ancient Orishas,
we took each other,
like animals
of the jungle.

Teeth, fingers, lips
painted with the fruits
of our childlike foreplay,
we had our roll
in the tangled underbrush
and emerged,
scratched and bleeding,
staggering, jaunty an
rowdy with contempt
for all those timid animals
who still make noiseless love,
undressing in
the darkened chambers
of their shame.

-- Eddie

Friday, February 27, 2009

The TGIF Sex Blog (Your Sexuality)

¡Hola! Everybody...
I’m thinking of adding the following qualification to all my posts: “I’m not here to convince you, nor to change your mind. I’m here to tell the truth as I see it and being “nice” about it -- in the face of all the cruelty and injustice -- is not at the top of my priorities. Please note, that I most likely did not invite you here. Whatever the case, if you don’t like me or what I write --leave!”

I think I’ve been clear about this sentiment in the past, why do I have to hit people over the head with it?

* * *

-=[ Sensuality/ Sexuality ]=-

"Yes, there was a primal attraction, that’s true enough. But there was also a wild beast-like hunger for every inch of your body, every secret niche and shameful part of it, every smell. It yearned to throw you under me on your taut belly and fuck you from behind, riding you mercilessly, relishing in the smell and sweat arising from your ass, glorifying in penetrating your offering, your reddened cheeks, your helpless cries and tangled hair... ”

You are a sexual person since before the day you are born -- from the time in the womb, until you leave this planet. Part of a healthy sexual attitude includes seeing sex as a positive aspect of life. Maintaining a positive sexuality and expressing sexuality in a manner that improves your life is necessary for developing the capacity for intimacy.

This perspective is vastly different from the traditional double-standard of most adults. Anti-sex conditioning and negative attitudes regarding sexuality, especially that sex is “dirty,” and that men and women are different sexually, creates dysfunction and separates us from our inherent sexuality. Sexuality is a normal way for you to express your human need for touching, sharing, and pleasuring. This need is equally valid for men and women.

The good news is that you can undo the conditioning and increase your awareness and comfort with sexuality. This does not mean that you have to feel sexual and perform at any time, in any situation, with any partner. That is the sexual pressure placed by tradition on the shoulders of men. It is a dehumanizing perspective of male sexuality. Equally dehumanizing is the traditional imperative that women not to be sexual at any time, in any situation, or with any person other than her husband -- and even then not be carried away with passion. I am amazed at the vast numbers of women going without sex these days.

Yes, you can learn to be comfortable with your sexuality and more accepting of yourself as a sexual person. The wonderful truth of the matter is that you have the choice to be sexual at a time and in a manner where you can truthfully celebrate healthy sexual expression.

There are many ways we learn about sexuality, but the most primal one is through touch. The touching you received from your mother and father as a child is important; and your own exploration of your body. Before the age of six months, children discover the positive sensations of touching their genitals. Was playing with your penis or vulva accepted by the parent as normal and healthy, or were your hands slapped while being told: “No! That’s dirty!”?

My point here is not to get into a blame game for sexual dysfunction; your parents were acting out according to what they knew. It has only recently emerged that childhood sexual curiosity and exploration are healthy part of development. However, it is my belief that as adults we can learn to undo negative conditioning and build a healthy sexual awareness and sexual self-esteem.

There’s a lesson for all of us in a child touching herself that we need to heed. The child is experiencing positive, pleasurable feelings, not genitally focused sexual arousal.

Sensuality is the basis for sexuality.

The child feels she’s entitled to the warm, comfortable feelings of sensual touch. Genital exploration and stimulation are a natural extension of sensuous touch.

That’s the gist of it all. No one, or no book, can teach you nor force a sexual response. No one can teach you how to become sexually aroused and have an orgasm. The potential for sexual response is natural. What you can learn is awareness of sensual and sexual stimuli, how to nurture and cultivate sexual desire, the importance of clear and direct communication, and active involvement in giving and receiving pleasure. You have to be open to your sexuality, not inhibited by the obstacles that interfere with healthy sexual expression.

The most common obstacle is goal-oriented sex. That’s not sensuality, but a fast food version of sexuality. Call it Mickey Dee sex. No wonder so many women pack it up! LOL! (Use it or lose it!). Goal-oriented sex -- sex in which the ends (orgasm) supersede the process (sensuality) -- leads to a lot of bullshit. The list is exhausting: performance anxiety, peer pressure, forced sexual response, use of sex as a weapon in an argument or power struggle, use of sex for manipulation – and on and on the list goes.

Sex is not a performance to prove something to yourself or you partner, it’s not a spectator sport in the sense that it’s not a competition to see who can have the best orgasm, or last the longest, or anything like that. You hear people talking about sex in the most degrading manner: “I did that bitch,” “Girl, I did that ma’fucca good and he can’t get enough.”

That’s not sex, it’s rutting. It’s not even good rutting.

Sexual awareness is about being open and receptive to affectionate, playful, erotic, and intercourse touch. The essence of sexuality is giving and receiving pleasurable touch.

Sensuality is not something you either have or do not. It’s a range of attitudes, behaviors, and feelings which reflect you as a sexual person. Remember, sex is a good thing

::Martha Stewart smile::

Sexuality is a major part of who you are as a human being and your personality. You are responsible for your sexuality; express it so that it enhances your life and intimate relationships.



Thursday, February 26, 2009


¡Hola! Everybody...
I’m hearing already: “OMG! He’s going to tax rich people?!!
It’s the end of the world!” Wake up and stop mindlessly following the false clues.

I’m off to work -- I’ll be gone all day. Yes, this is a repost, Nina. LOL

* * *

-=[ Surrender ]=-

“The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”

-- William James

In recognition of the time of the year when many people attempt to lose weight to “look good,” and other resolutions, I started thinking about change -- specifically: how and can people create lasting change in their lives. The numbers, at first glance, don’t look good, a vast majority (about 70-80%) drop out of programs or break their resolutions within the span of a month. However, I totally believe that we can alter our lives in such a way to create some measure of happiness in our lives.

People ask me what it is I do for a living and my only true answer is that I specialize in change. For the past ten years or so, I have dedicated a significant portion of my life to attempting to understand the mechanism of change. In other words, the factors needed to create lasting, positive change. I have borrowed and learned from a wide range of different orientations, but in the last few years, I have been most influenced by Buddhist psychology, cognitive psychology and, more recently neurolinguistic programming (NLP).

Mostly, my work encompasses my own personal experience – what I like to call “what works,” and a basic spirituality. Mind you, I didn’t say religion – I’m not selling dogma or a God, what I’m “selling,” if I’m selling anything is, well, freedom. You don’t have to believe in anything, or accept any saviors or anything like that if you choose not to, at least not here.

I approach my work with several assumptions, the first one being obvious: that, given the tools, people can effect lasting change. Secondly, experience has shown me that people already have all the resources they need. Third, there aren’t too many absolutes in psychology, but the notion that underlying every behavior is a positive intention, comes pretty close. We do things because we get a return on it. Fourth, in my work I find people make the choices available to them. The issue, it then follows, is that people need help opening up to new or unseen choices. Finally, if you keep doing the same actions and expecting different results, then you’re setting yourself up for needless suffering. Suffering is optional, my friends.

Everything starts with surrender. Oftentimes, people come to me and they’re hot and horny for change, but once we start going into uncharted territory, people then want to dictate how to change. In that case, why come to me in the first place? LMAO! Nope, if you want change, you need to give it up – start doing something new. The notion of surrender is interpreted as a weakness in our society, as in admitting defeat. And this is, in a sense, what you’re doing if you’re battling something you can’t defeat. I start with the radical notion of giving up the war. Surrendering, in this context, means letting go of your resistance to the total openness of who you are. It means giving up the tension of the little hurricane you believe yourself to be and giving in to the profound power of the ocean you truly are. It means to open with no boundaries, emotional or physical, so you feel yourself stretching beyond the limitations of the small sense of self you might have.

And it is a scary thing, believe me, I know.

Surrender, in this sense, means to love without limits and that includes those aspects of yourself you may not like too much. Whether that may be being overweight, or compulsive, or whatever little story you’re telling yourself. It means, mostly, putting down your guard so you can feel your authentic self – unhidden, undefended. It means surrendering any preconceived notions you have about change, who you are, and where it all came from. In short, it means to…

Stop the war!

I'll start with a story I heard early in my own journey toward change. This particular Buddhist teaching story opens up the possibility for us to look into what is the source of suffering and sanity, and begs the question: how can we change if we don't start from the inside out?

Many years ago, a monk in a monastery was struggling with his meditation practice. Each time he sat to meditate, he saw a giant spider threatening him. After much anxiety and losing much sleep, he finally decided he would kill the creature.

As he was walking toward the meditation hall with a big knife in his hand, his teacher saw him and asked what he intended to do. The visibly shaken young man explained his predicament. The teacher, listening attentively, offered an alternative strategy to the young monk. He told him first to get his calligraphy brush and carefully paint a cross on the spider's belly, then to put the knife into the intersection of the cross on the following day.

The monk, now armed with his brush and ink, entered the meditation hall. Sure enough, the spider appeared and he carefully painted its belly. Now feeling quite satisfied, he bowed and left the meditation hall -- and discovered on the front of his robes a huge painted X. It is said his laughter was heard everywhere.

And so it is with many people. This monk had placed the “Monster” somewhere outside of himself. To another, the monster could well appear within. In the Buddhist practice of mindfulness, we are encouraged to notice (not “analyze”!) that the mind has a strong tendency to create love and hate, birth and death, sickness and sanity -- even monsters and magic!

The mind is conditioned by culture and society to play hide-and-seek with itself -- a horny game of forgetfulness in the constant thought-stream of the mind. If you sit still long enough and just “look” you will see just how much activity there is in the mind: thoughts, feelings, fantasies, memories, as well as awareness of physical sensations, whether pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. This very mind stream can drive us into patterns of greater or lesser suffering that are difficult to escape.

In meditation practice, we begin to quiet ourselves, to calm ourselves. In stopping our usual activity, we notice how the relentless flow of the mind (conditioning) drives us. Through the experience of stilling and calming, we begin to get a hint of the nature of change, of how all things are constantly changing -- we begin to gain insight into what Buddhists call “impermanence.” Other spiritual traditions have different names for this, but they all try to point to an “alternate” (deeper?) reality.

I think that the reason most people fail at creating and staying with change or resolutions is that they fail to address the core problems. Let’s take the popular diet fads: If you feel inadequate, then why would a diet alone make you feel better? It’s a lot like the monk in our story: we’re projecting our “monsters” out there somewhere, when they in fact reside within us. When you look at the numbers and see so many people going through the “yo-yo effect” – losing and then gaining enormous amounts of weight -- you begin to realize that too many people are intent on losing the outer baggage without addressing the inner baggage, and that will never work, because wherever “you” go, there “you” are.



Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Of Constipated Yaks and Reality

¡Hola! Everybody...

I have to admit that I was pleased beyond words watching those tight-assed neocons squirm while our (yes, he’s your president too Kansas!) delivered one of the great speeches (in style and substance) in recent memory. I mean you could almost hear their anal sphincters under the tightening pressure.

And, yes, I’m happy that Barry reminded everybody we inherited the current mess...

But what struck me most, was the incompetent, intellectually bankrupt, laughable Republican response as personified by Louisiana governor Jindal. Can you say out of touch?!! BTW, call me mean, but is it just me, or do you also note a resemblance between Jindal and a constipated yak? I’m sayin’!

* * *

-=[Reality Testing ]=-

“Delusions, errors and lies are like huge, gaudy vessels, the rafters of which are rotten and worm-eaten, and those who embark in them are fated to be shipwrecked.”

-- Siddhartha Guatama Buddha (563–483 BC)

Okay! Here’s reality

::points left::

And here are the neoCONS

::points right::

And never the twain shall meet! LOL In case you missed it, last night President Obama hit the ball out of the park. He bitched-slapped some silly neocon butt early on, gave some substance in the middle, and left off with a message of hope and can-do. Whatever your political affiliation, you can’t deny it was a masterful performance. I’m willing to bet even some of Red State Randy’s family members secretly wet themselves.

Jindal, and some other Republican governors, notably Haley Barbour of Mississippi, are actually making some noise about turning down millions in federal funds for their own state’s unemployed out of fear that, four years from now, they may have to maintain full unemployment insurance -- like the rest of America.

Barbour’s excuse, mimicked by Jindal, is that the Obama payments to the unemployed of their states would mean, when the economy recovers, that their state would have to increase unemployment insurance taxes and payments (hence bringing it out of the Dark Ages and commensurate to the US average) scaring away new employers. Barbour squeals that he wants more jobs. Hello!! This is Mississippi. Exactly what new “jobs” is he talking about? An economist would be hard put to explain what job sector that state leads in. Sure, they can boast of growing employment at several casinos and cathouses sprouting in what the locals call the “Coon-ass Riviera,” but otherwise it’s zips-ville in Louisiana and Mississippi. On second thought, Jindal’s Louisiana was the state that solved its unemployment problem by sending its unemployed to Texas in FEMA trailers.

And it’s true that the two states lead the nation in a few important indicators. Like poverty: Mississippi has America's highest poverty rate. Louisiana is third worst in America.

And how about their commitment to education? Louisiana ranks 5th and Mississippi 2nd worst in school kids’ math scores.

::blank stare::

Jindal himself is a product of a more advanced culture: His parents are Democrats. The Jindals are Hindus who came from the Punjab in India, a state known for its welfare safety net. Jindal apparently has gone native, becoming a born-again Christian Republican who doesn’t accept Darwinian evolution nor Keynesian economics. Next thing you know, he’ll be marrying his cousin at a tractor pull in order to complete his redneck makeover.

For over a century, Louisiana and Mississippi have been trying to attract employers by selling their citizens to the lowest bidder. The results, according to economic indicators, are blindingly visible: Mississippi and Louisiana, under the Barbour/Jindal Republican regime, maintain the lowest per-capita incomes in the nation (50th and 46th respectively). MississippiLouisiana infant mortality rates (1st and 3rd in deaths in the USA) would shame Third World nations. and

The Louisiana State Legislature has seriously considered demanding the requirement that schools teach evolution as merely a theory equal to the Bible’s creation myth. Sure, big time employers salivate at the thought of basing their headquarters in a state filled with Bible-thumping, dumb-fuck rednecks.

I know, I know! It’s cruel to make jokes about America’s own “special” Third World states. And before anyone gets their knickers in a twist, I’ll be the first to point out that Jazz was purportedly invented in Nawlins’.

Still, Jindal’s rejection of funds for his state’s own unemployed is simply a consequence of Republican plantation-mentality cruelty. I still find it hard to believe Jindal had the cojones to mention Hurricane Katrina as a rationale for continuing the lie that “Gub’mint is evil.” That was so out of touch with even rednecks that the Red line (denoting people who voted for McCain) in the video above flat-lined in favor of Obama! (I think that was Randy getting moist, personally.)

To evoke the drowning of New Orleans and the “let 'em drown” rescue plans of the Bush Administration was more than incompetent; it was sickening, heartless and, well, Republican. Marie Antoinette at least offered cake.

In the face of a courageous and honest speech by a sitting president, the neoCONS sent up Jindal and what we witnessed was the dismantling of a young career (I can see the SNL skit already) and a refusal by the Republicans to come up with anything other than tax cuts for the rich in the face of a once-in-a-lifetime economic crisis.




Tuesday, February 24, 2009


¡Hola! Everybody...
This will be one of those lonnnnnng work weeks...

* * *

-=[ Anthropology ]=-

“When the missionaries first came to Africa, they had the Bible and we had the land. They said, Let us pray.’ We closed our eyes. When we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the land.”

-- Desmond Tutu, South African Bishop

When I attended university, I was in my late 30s, married, and was actually exceedingly well read. I would say, without conceit, that you will probably not meet many people that have read more than I have.

I went to school not so much to "learn" in the traditional sense of the word, but to become a part of a community of scholars. I didn’t attend school to “get a career,” or make more money, but because I wanted to engage with like-minded individuals and test what I had learned previously and in that way, learn anew. I learned many things, chief among them that learning in the context of a community is quite different from learning in isolation.

I learned that my notions of science, or rather, how knowledge is gathered and accepted (or not accepted) is not as logical as I had thought previously. I quickly wanted to explore the origins of knowledge, and how culture impacted what we accepted or didn’t accept as knowledge. It has become part of my life’s work, to research the researchers, to focus the light of my curiosity on those who study others.

It led me to a completely new body of work called cultural studies and into the realm of the philosophy of science. It started innocently enough: I was taking a class on counseling and there was a section on cross-cultural issues and I learned that how people describe their ailments have a deep connection to cultural values. I learned Western “medical science” wasn't so much a science as it was an art, deeply influenced by cultural mores and a body of research conducted mostly by privileged white men.

In addition, much of the research I was coming across regarding Latino/as, for example, seemed to me to be deeply flawed -- not congruent with my own experiences growing up Latino in the US. Then while working as a research assistant, I came across Thomas Kuhn’s Structure of Scientific Revolutions and I discovered that the history of science wasn’t one that marched in a straight line, with newer innovations replacing older ones as they became known or discovered. Kuhn wrote about paradigm shifts in a way that demonstrated that the history of science is one of fits and starts, rather than a linear evolution.

Then I came across anthropology and in reading earlier anthropological works, I came to see clearly that culture is an inescapable equation when it comes to “science.” Some of this science history is sad, tragic even. As part of a class assignment, I came across the following piece written by an American Indian poet. See if you get its message:

Anthropology (excerpt)
Chrystos. (1991). Dream on (1 ed.). Vancouver, BC: Press Gang Publishers.

We have been conducting an extensive footnoted annotated indexed and complicated study of the Caucasian culture hereafter to be referred to as the cauks for ease in translation.

The most important religious ritual, one central to all groups, is the mixing of feces and urine with water. This rite occurs regularly on a daily basis and seems to be a cornerstone of the culture's belief system. The urns for this purpose are commonly porcelain, of various hues, although white is the most frequently used. The very wealthy rulers have receptacles of carved onyx or malachite with gold plated fixtures. We have been unable to determine what prayers are said during this ritual because its solitary nature & the fact that the door to the prayer room is always shut.

The main function of the majority of non-city dwellers is the production of an object called a lawn. Numerous tools for the cultivation of this lawn are sold in the market places. It appears also to have a sacred character, as no activity occurs on it & keeping it short green & square is a constant activity.

The main diet of the culture is available from push-button machines or orange plastic small markets and was found by our researchers to be completely inedible. It is truly amazing what the human animal can subsist on.

Another prominent feature of the cauks is the construction of huge monuments built in clusters in the villages. These are not living quarters but are used about five days a week for a ritual involving papers which appear to be sacred, given the life or death quality with which they are handled. The papers are passed about, often with consternation and eventually cast away when the spell is complete.

The mechanisms for healing disease appear to our eyes to be woefully complex & at the same time, inadequate. People who are seriously ill are quarantined in jails of pale green or white and often used to feed machines which appear to run on human blood.

Children who are born deformed in any way are usually confined to jails built for this purpose. The elderly are also jailed, there being no value system of respect for them. Those passing through transitions are called "crazy" and also jailed. Animals from distant lands again are jailed. In fact, there is some discussion of an alternative theory of central religious belief -- that the actual spiritual purpose of the culture, is to jail as much as possible. Extensive use of fences is the key argument to this theory.

Our data is yet incomplete. We hope by 1992 to have a more comprehensive overview, at which time a traveling exhibition of artifacts (including exhumed bodies to illustrate their burial practices) will tour for the education of all. Their attitude toward all non-cauk peoples is extremely hostile & violent. Many of our researchers have been massacred & yet, in the interests of science, we persevere.

* * *



Monday, February 23, 2009


¡Hola! Everybody...

It’s too bad that my man Mickey Rourke didn’t win the Oscar. However, I loved Sean Penn’s performance in Milk and I loved even more his acceptance speech -- it was spot on. As cute as it was, no way Slum Dog should’ve won all those awards.

Here’s something I never finished and I’m not even sure if I ever posted it...

* * *

-=[ Normal ]=-

“We fear the thing we want the most.”

- Dr. Robert Anthony (1916–)

Oftentimes, it is the shadow -- the gap between an idea and its creation -- not our inability, which is our greatest obstacle. A shadow is created by blocking and deflecting, or intercepting light. Whenever fear appears, it lives and grows and remains a part of us by occupying our shadow -– between the light of creation and our inner knowing.

Paranoia, worry, doubt, disease -- all cast a shadow at every turn. Fear prevents us from seeing clearly. It acts as an obstruction to the natural ebb and flow of life. It blocks us from the flow of our very senses and denies access to our creativity.

Anxiety blocks out solutions or paralyzes us into procrastination. When we do manage to get started, it is fear that whispers, “I told you so... ” at the first sign of disappointment or criticism. It takes away our energy -- sucks at our life force. It keeps us ignorant, prolonging our awakening. Fear, gets us, as some like to say, “stuck on stupid,” causing us to repeat the same painful mistakes. It makes us lose sight of our intuitive common sense.

Throughout history, creative people have always felt a sense of being a part from their societies. Perhaps in their seeing too clearly the contradiction between what is from what could be, forces them to feel alone. Innovators have often been laughed at and persecuted, their ideas and insights too far advanced and too far at odds with conventional wisdom and morals. I think this fear of isolation strikes a chord within all of us. We fear that if we question or express our ideas, or act out on them, that others may withdraw from us.

It is at this point where your own inner visionary voice is the only thing that can save you. However, people are afraid to follow their own ideas. It is as if we have stopped thinking for ourselves, or we’re afraid that others may think us crazy.

As in Robert Heinlein’s book, Stranger in a Strange Land, a novel of an earthling who arrives on our planet with psychic powers -- even the ability to take control of the minds of others -- and yet completely innocent regarding the ways of humankind, we are harmed, not by our uniqueness, but by our fear of being unusual. What is normal except the expression of the Cult of Numbers -- its means, averages, and medians, encouraging us to believe in something called normal? What does all that have to do with being real? The concept of “average” or “typical” is nothing more than a mathematical illusion.

We fear that which disrupts our complacency -- that which challenges our most rigidly held beliefs and views. We resist talk of the paranormal because most of us weren’t taught to think outside the box. The ideas of telepathy, remote viewing, near-death and out-of-body experiences are fearful to many of us. The fact is that very little is known or understood about our nature...



Sunday, February 22, 2009

Sunday Sermon (Heroes)

¡Hola! Everybody...
I’ve had to work this weekend. Recently, I’ve picked up on my consulting work and my regular job is really hectic. LOL! It’s all good...

Not too long ago, I wrote a blog about white privilege and I was labeled a bigot. More recently, I wrote a blog condemning domestic violence and I was called sexist (among other things). My guess is that because I write a weekly blog on sex, I’m also perverse.

Let me just say this much: if being called a bigot, racist, sexist asshole means that it separates me from the Hordes of Unreason, then I’ll wear those labels proudly.

I’ll risk the obvious and say that if you don’t like my writing -- or if you don’t like me -- then kindly leave and go fuck yourself. It’s not a big thing, your feelings don't affect me much. Just don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.

Finally, if you voted for Bush, please don’t tell me! I will lose all respect for your intellect and your capacity for critical thought will be forever in doubt. I mean, like, it’s a free country and all, but personally, choosing stupidity is not a quality I look for when engaging conversation. If you voted for Bush (or, OMFG! Palin), I really don’t need to know that, OK?

* * *

-=[ Heroes ]=-

I got into meditation in a funny way. First, I learned it when I was about 10-11 years-old from my sensei (teacher). Sensei Blair would pick kids up from the street and teach them discipline via the martial arts. He was the first person to introduce me to Eastern practices. Later, one of my favorite comic book heroes was Dr. Strange. Dr, Strange was real cool, he used to meditate a lot and he lived in the Village in a mansion...

and was an astral traveler -- a master of the "black arts." Cool!

Perhaps there are people you consider heroes. Some may be movie stars or sports players. Maybe your hero is a politician or scientist. On the other hand, you might have ordinary heroes like your parents or extraordinary heroes like Mother Teresa, Jesus, Martin Luther King, or the Dalai Lama.

Or, if you’re really fucked up, I might be one of your heroes!

Whatever the case may be, my point is that the reason someone is your hero is because he or she embodies qualities through which goodness, truth, or beauty shines. The pertinent issue in all this is that if these qualities weren’t already alive in you, then you wouldn’t resonate with them in your heroes. In other words, it takes one to know one.

To awaken is to rest as the openness in which all these heroic qualities reside. The qualities that are your nature -- the potential expressions in any given moment. There is a part of you that yearns to grow, to nurture a deeper love, to develop the full potential of your heart’s gifts. Perhaps you feel a need to evolve into a translucent offering to the divine qualities that want to shine through your life.

One way to align with the calling of your heart is to relax as this openness, and imagine yourself to be your hero. Give yourself permission to drop all the tension surrounding your heart and open yourself as awareness in this moment. Actually feel (not think!) and allow yourself to be the openness that is awareness, shining as a light, vibrating like a clear bell through space... Relax as this heart-openness and visualize your hero (Jesus, The Dalai Lama, etc.). Allow the image to come closer until your body and your hero’s body become one. Wear the body of Jesus as if it were your own. Feel what it would be to breathe, sit, walk, or speak as your hero. Be thgis heart-open awareness, shining as a light, and taking the shape of your hero.

When you can feel that your are embodying all the qualities of your hero, allow this visualization to dissolve, while at the same time keeping the sense of the qualities you admire. Relax into that space, continuing to feel the truth, beauty, or goodness of your hero.

You can practice this same exercise with any hero, whether they be movie stars, athletes of world leaders. Wear, feel and express the very qualities of your heroes. This is a skill, and your skill develops, the entire process occurs almost at once. You visualize your hero, feel and merge with the form of your hero, and then dissolve as that form, remaining awake and alive shining the qualities you admire.

Whenever you feel a divine quality in a person, you can relax open as that quality, instantly, through this exercise. Then, as an expression of your life, you can offer these qualities as a gift to others, as you embody them more deeply. Eventually, you will find the visualization becomes unnecessary. Effortlessly, you become an open form of a blessing.

Relax as heart-openness itself and you can instantly offer the gifts of all your heroes.



Saturday, February 21, 2009


¡Hola! Everybody...
Last night I laughed so hard and long that my face hurts to day...

* * *

-=[ Desire ]=-

Stephen Dobyns (1941-)

A woman in my class wrote that she is sick
of men wanting her body and when she reads
her poem out loud the other women all nod
and even some of the men lower their eyes

and look abashed as if ready to unscrew
their cocks and pound down their own dumb heads
with these innocent sausages of flesh, and none
would think of confessing his hunger

or admit how desire can ring like a constant
low note in the brain or grant how the sight
of a beautiful woman can make him groan
on those first spring days when the parkas

have been packed away and the bodies are staring
at the bodies and the eyes stare at the ground;
and there was a man I knew who even at ninety
swore that his desire had never diminished.

Is this simply the wish to procreate, the world
telling the cock to eat faster, while the cock
yearns for that moment when it forgets its loneliness
and the world flares up in an explosion of light?

Why have men been taught to feel ashamed
of their desire, as if each were a criminal
out on parole, a desperado with a long record
of muggings, rapes, such conduct as excludes

each one from all but the worst company,
and never to be trusted, no never to be trusted?
Why must men pretend to be indifferent as if each
were a happy eunuch engaged in spiritual thoughts?

But it's the glances that I like, the quick ones,
the unguarded ones, like a hand snatching a pie
from a window ledge and the feet pounding away;
eyes fastening on a leg, a breast, the curve

of a buttock, as the pulse takes an extra thunk
and the cock, that toothless worm, stirs in its sleep,
and fat possibility swaggers into the world
like a big spender entering a bar. And sometimes

the woman glances back. Oh, to disappear
in a tangle of fabric and flesh as the cock
sniffs out its little cave, and the body hungers
for closure, for the completion of the circle,

as if each of us were born only half a body
and we spend our lives searching for the rest.
What good does it do to deny desire, to chain
the cock to the leg and scrawl a black X

across its bald head, to hold out a hand
for each passing woman to slap? Better
to be bad and unrepentant, better to celebrate
each difference, not to be cruel or gluttonous

or overbearing, but full of hope and self-forgiving.
The flesh yearns to converse with other flesh.
Each pore loves to linger over its particular story.
Let these sounds not be full of recrimination

and apology. What is desire but the wish for some
relief from the self, the prisoner let out
into a small square of sunlight with a single
red flower and a bird crossing the sky, to lean back

against the bricks with the legs outstretched,
to feel the sun warming the brow, before returning
to one's mortal cage, steel doors slamming
in the cell block, steel bolts sliding shut?


* * *



Friday, February 20, 2009

The Sex Blog (Impressions)

¡Hola! Everybody...

I woke up late and feeling tired. Sometimes running a workshop can be psychologically draining.

BTW, everybody see where the Republicans are gonna embrace rap? LOL!

Call them the Notorious G.O.P.! Be on the look out fore their new video (exclusive to BET) featuring the famous NY Post cartoon. It will feature video ho’s (the Hip Hop Republicans) and Grand Massa Steele with DJ Moose!

And as an exclusive to this blog only, my friend Cody, gave me a peek to some of the lyrics:

I'm Grand Masta Steele and I can not lie
Republicans are hip and the GOP's fly!!
Axis to the evil and a evil to the axis
You know them crazy Dems are gonna raise yo taxes!!

Palin in da house! 2012 ya'll !!

I wasn’t able to write anything new for today’s sex blog, so I’ve reposted something from the past. Have a great weekend everybody!

* * *

-=[ Impressions ]=-

My attention was focused on her, and I noticed a new, more controlled energy, one whose borders kept withdrawing from my own.

“Yes,” she said faintly. And in that one word was contained everything she was feeling: fear, love, lust, want, desire -- all rolled into one syllable and it incited me.

“I love you,” I said, my hand inching higher. “And you love me.”

My thumb nudged the swell of her breast, rubbed slowly back and forth, a sleepy rhythm. Her head drooped to one side as if her attention had been attracted by a faint sound on the other side of the room, and I kissed the angle where her neck and shoulder joined. The cool blue taste of peppermint soap and the warmth of her skin mixed on my tongue.

I looked deeply into her eyes as I undid her blouse. She started to say something, but it became only a sound that died in the back of her throat. I spread the halves of her blouse, bent to her breasts, nuzzled them, and kissed their tips, teasing the nipples hard. When I took one in my mouth, worked it gently with my teeth, she shuddered, and put her hands on the back of my head, guiding me.

“Wait,” she said. “Wait.”

But I was through waiting and drew her down on the edge of the bed, my hand moving to the swell of her belly, lower, feeling the softness beneath her clothes, knowing she was open, ready.

“Wait!” This time more insistently, so I stopped thinking I had hurt her.

“Let me take this off,” and with that she discarded her panties, pulled off the covers of the bed and with a kiss invited me in with her. There under the covers of the blankets, in the half dark with air as still as held breath, I felt more connected to her, more alive. Her body was aglow with dampness, her eyes were gleams. I knelt between her legs, bent lower and tasted her. Tasted her, exploring the folds of her cunt, lapping at her, imagining honey smearing my mouth. She began to move and I could tell how much she wanted this, how gloried it made her feel.

Her hips bucked, her legs clamped my head. Breath knocked out of her in hoarse gasps. The muscles of her stomach bunched, and she wrapped her hands in my hair, holding me immobile, as if I were to take my mouth away, or do anything more, she would break into pieces.

In her mind there was a flurrying as of a million fish responding to a danger sign, scattering, their space filled by a cool current, a refreshing, tingling wash.

* * *



Thursday, February 19, 2009

Rape Poem

¡Hola! Everybody...

I am running very late and I have to be on my way to the women’s prison workshop. Later in the evening, I also run my men’s’ group. I’ll be scarce.

I always trot out the following poem when I get into my domestic violence/ violence against women rants. It is a powerful piece and the same can be applied to all manner of oppression women experience on a daily basis...

Have a great day!

* * *

-=[ Missoula Rape Poem ]=-

by Marge Piercy

There is no difference between being raped
and being pushed down a flight of cement steps
except that the wounds also bleed inside.

There is no difference between being raped
and being run over by a truck
except that afterwards men ask you if you
enjoyed it.

There is no difference between being raped
and losing a hand in a mowing machine
except the doctors don't want to get involved,
the police wear a knowing smirk,
and in small towns you become a veteran whore.

There is no difference between being raped
and being bitten by a rattlesnake
except that people ask if your skirt was short
and why you were out anyway.

There is no difference between being raped
and going head first through a windshield
except that afterwards you are not afraid of cars
but of half the human race.

Fear of rape is a cold wind blowing all of the time
on a woman's hunched back
Never to stroll alone a sand road
through pine woods;
Never to climb a trail across a bald
without that aluminum in the mouth
when I see a man climbing towards me.

Never to open the door to a knock
without that razor just grazing the throat.
The fear of the dark side of the hedges,
the back seat of the car,
the empty house rattling keys like a snake's warning.
The fear of the smiling man
in whose pocket is a knife.
The fear of the serious man
in whose fist is locked hatred.

* * *


Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Nigger of the World

¡Hola! Everybody...
Well, as expected, my blog yesterday elicited many responses. While I expect some of the responses, they still never cease to amaze me. Let’s get some shit straight:

My blog was about Domestic Violence, not violence in general. Some of you, while in the ecstatic throes of logical contortions, seemed to forget that. Secondly, please don’t start your comment by saying you’re not condoning Domestic Violence and then defend the perpetrators of Domestic Violence -- men! Finally, if you don’t like me and have a beef with me or the forceful manner in which I present the issue, get to the back of the line. There are plenty people that share your animosity. However, while here, address the fuckin' issue!

* * *

-=[ The Universal Victim ]=-

“Woman is the nigger of the world.”

-- Yoko Ono

First things first:

If you think you’re trapped in an abusive relationship, please try to get help. At the end of this blog there is a link to a resource where you can locate assistance and support for your situation. I realize it’s not easy. No matter what the idiots post here as a response, you are not at fault. You’re also not alone.

The history of the world and the history of family violence are inseparable. Across cultures with different languages and customs, women have been beaten by their male partners the world over. In almost every society we know about, men have considered themselves superior to women. When one group considers itself superior, it presumes the right to oppress the other.

Eventually, that oppression will evolve into some form of physical abuse.

Someone responded yesterday that violence against women and domestic violence are different. I believe this remark to be ignorant of the issue. Domestic violence and violence against women are part and parcel of the same issue.

· Sixty percent of the women killed in the U.S. are killed by their husband or boyfriend.

· A woman is nine times more likely to be assaulted in her own home than on the street.

Yes, you’re correct in noting I’ve already posted the above statistics. Thanks for noticing.

I emphasize women because they are by far the group most likely to be victims of domestic violence. There are reasons for that and those reasons have to do with systemic barriers embedded in a patriarchal society that not only condones, but encourages violence against women. Yeah, I know that’s fucked up that I’m emphasizing the 95% of the victims of domestic violence. I’m fucked up that way. If you don’t like it, throw yourself against the floor. LOL!

Let’s try the following exercise:

If you’re a male and you woke up tomorrow as a female, what would you do?

If you’re a female, and you woke up tomorrow as a male, what would you do?

I realize the questions are an open invitation to joke, but when this test was posed to elementary school children, most of the boys said they’d kill themselves if they woke up as girls. Most of the girls said they’d be happy to wake up as a boy. They stated that they would be firemen, baseball players, the president, a doctor, etc. It was obvious that both boys and girls think that it is better to be a boy. Everyone would rather be a boy (Freud lives).

This is why male privilege is so powerful. It’s not just boys who think they have more power; girls also think that boys have more power.

It’s been pointed out ad nauseum that men are also victims of domestic violence. I don’t dispute that, but to emphasize men, who represent a miniscule fraction of DV cases, is stupid.

Yes I said it was stupid.

Why is it stupid? Because it ignores male privilege. No one, at least not this writer, is saying that abused men should be ignored. But even battered men have more economic and systemic resources at their disposal than women. For example men get paid about 30% more than women for the same work, for example. It is stupid to ignore this fact. One responder yesterday even went so far as to cherry-pick “statistics” from studies glommed from a mens’ website with a gender axe to grind.

The reason why women are more frequently victims of domestic violence is because we live in a society that is based on ideas of supremacy and privilege. This set of values is based on the notion that one group or type of person is better, smarter, and more valuable than another. Therefore, it follows, it is the right and duty of those who are better to be in control. Sound familiar?

Any discussion that refuses to recognize these historical and systematic dynamics is ignorant of the issue.

For example, if a woman flees an abusive relationship, but leaves her children, the courts will award custody to the men. I don’t have my notes handy right now, but I believe that about 70% of men who have custody, gain custody under these conditions.

If we lose sight of the fact of male privilege, then we lose sight of the fact that:

The average sentence for a man who kills his wife/ girlfriend is 7-11 years.

A woman who kills her man gets on the average 25 years to life.

So, let’s say a woman lashes out after years of abuse. She gets life. A coward who preys on women will get a comparative slap on the wrist. Are we seeing a pattern here?

Muthafuckas, I asked are we seeing a fuckin pattern here?!!

I have to go, but I will write on this shit until I have it all covered because people are still mostly ignorant of the issue.



Click here for help and domestic violence resources

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Refuse to Abuse

¡Hola! Everybody...
seems hard...

* * *

-=[ Cowardice ]=-

“Falsehood is cowardice, the truth courage.”

-- Hosea Ballou (1771–1852) American clergyman

I like to say that I write on the ‘net because I’m “Here to tell the truth.” At first blush that might sound arrogant and perhaps it is, I don’t honestly know. I do know that it is my intention to tell the truth as I see it.

Contrary to popular sentiment, opinions and knowledge are two distinct constructs: having a plenitude of the former doesn’t equate to possessing even a smidgen of the latter.

In fact, opinions mostly suck -- big time.

No, what I offer isn’t mere opinion...

I’ve been listening and reading some of the most ignorant shit regarding domestic violence recently (connected to the Chris Brown violence) and I am disgusted. I have to sit back and wonder what the fuck people are using to make choices or form “opinions” because it damn sure has nothing to do with the truth.

Some of you may question my position regarding knowing the truth, and I would respond that you have a good question there. My response to such a question follows...

First, let me say right off that I come from a violent household. I am the oldest of five children and some of my earliest memories are of my mother using me as a shield so that my father would stop hitting her. He would hit her anyway... I can still clearly hear the thuds his fists made as he lashed out at my mother.

Whenever my father would hit my mother, I used to cry into my pillow and swear that I would never hit a woman. I have seen my mother have to face the public with a black eye, or make excuses for his behavior and I hated my father for that. But I also loved my father deeply and those feelings welled inside of me, creating demons that I would spend most of my life battling.

This does not privilege my position, or what I have to say on the subject. I am offering this personal information as an attempt at transparency. However, my experience does not detract from the following truth:

It is never right for a man to hit a woman... Period.

I don’t give a fuck what you say. I’ve heard women who admit to being abused actually go out of their way to rationalize the behavior of male batterers. I’ve heard so-called men, do likewise. To these women I say: when you say it’s okay to hit a woman (under any circumstances), you’re saying it’s okay for me to beat your funky ass down. When you rationalize or justify the behavior celebrity batterers/ abusers, you’re saying it’s okay for me to beat your daughter down. You’re saying that it’s okay for me to fuck your mother and treat her like a piece of shit.

Think about it.

If you’re a man and you’re rationalizing beating a woman, then you’re a coward. And I hope you never do time for beating on a woman, because male batterers suffer a lot inside the walls. Other criminals actually develop morals and you’ll be only fractionally better than a pedophile. This brings me to my second truth:

If you hit a woman, no matter what, you’re a coward. Period.

I believe the greatest danger we face as a society is a widespread inability to empathize. We form opinions and belief systems based solely on our insulated and often backward principles. Empathy is the ability to see the world through another person’s eyes without losing yourself in the process. It’s an ability we must learn to cultivate. Most people see or hear about a situation and immediately wade in with prefabricated (and often borrowed) notions about the world and how it should be.

In this way, women who get beat up are at fault for allowing it. Furthermore, you would never allow something like to happen to you. You’re different. You’re superior, smarter, slicker -- you’re morally and intellectually superior than your abused sisters.

Perhaps empathy is best expressed in the Christian refrain, “There but for the grace of God go I... ”

But I’m not seeing a whole lotta Christianity being practiced these days. I see a lot whoopin' and hollerin', but I damn sure ain’t seeing no true Christian sentiment. Perhaps religion is part of the problem. After all, wasn’t it Eve’s fault we’re all in this mess to begin with?

Anyone can become part of a domestic violent relationship. What is domestic violence? It’s something that usually happens in the home. It is perpetrated by people who share some kind of intimate relationship. What is violent about it?

  • Sixty percent of the women killed in the U.S. are killed by their husband or boyfriend.
  • A woman is nine times more likely to be assaulted in her own home than on the street.

You may not believe that you’re not the type to get battered or be a batterer. I certainly hope you’re right -- but the fact is that there is no way to know.

Battering relationships start out just like other relationships: with kisses, flowers, long walks on the beach, etc. One reason these relationships are so hard to detect (and harder to escape) is because they usually start out as romances and sometimes continue being romantic even while they are abusive.

If you bothered to get out of your comfort zone and actually attempted to understand this issue you would see repeatedly how easy it is to be abused and how hard it is to get out of once the abuse starts.

Why should you care? Here are a few numbers:

  • In one year, there were about 4 million reported domestic assaults on women.
  • 20% of those resulted in serious injury.
  • A third of the women in hospital emergency rooms at any given time are there because of Domestic Violence.
  • 25% of all female psychiatric patients who attempt suicide are victims of Domestic Violence.
  • 85% of women in substance abuse programs are victims of Domestic Violence.
  • 50% of the children in foster care are there largely because of Domestic Violence.
  • 70% of child abuse is committed by the man of the house.
  • In NYC, 40% of homeless families are fleeing Domestic Violence. Other large cities report similar numbers.

I have little patience and I am not here to sway anyone’s opinion. However, rather than compounding the issue with stupidity, perhaps educating yourself before sticking your fingers up your arse and offering the stench for others to smell would be in order.

The issue isn’t as simple as just walking away, but if you bothered to attempt some knowledge on the subject, you would see that truth immediately. Women attempt to escape all the time, but the way our social institutions are structured and the deep-seated bias against women, they often are not able to escape and often are forced to return to their batterers.

Finally, I’ve written about this before and have had one or two women say that I was trying to get some poosie by writing sympathetically on the subject. I have to shake my head in disgust when I hear such bullshit.

I will say that I am not a saint. My own hands are not clean. And while I didn’t grow up to be a batterer, I have hit a woman on one occasion and it was wrong. It was cowardly of me. There is never any justification for a man to hit a woman.


If you want some more information on the subject (rather than spouting off some of the dumbest bullshit I’ve ever heard), please visit the National Coalition against Domestic Violence website (click here). If you think you’re trapped in an abusive relationship, please visit the link, there are resources listed for organizations in every state. You’re not alone. For those who would judge? Read a book (click here for a list)

I’m here to tell the fuckin' truth...




[un]Common Sense