Sunday, March 27, 2011

Sunday Sermon [The Revelation Will Not be Televised}

¡Hola! Everybody…
In case you didn’t get the memo from the Beckerheads and Palinites, the apocalypse has returned (again) and the first people to get hit are the Japs for having the nerve of not blindly worshiping a high-in-the-sky, hyper-masculine, jealous God.

* * *

-=[ The Rapture ]=-

Quick! Look busy -- Jesus is coming!

Pretend you’re a big time Hollywood executive I tried to sell you this story:

“Okay, let me start with some context. It’s the 21st century, but millions of people still believe in this invisible Super Ghost who lives somewhere way, way up in the sky somewhere. You see, he created everything, sees everything, knows everything, and knows everything that had ever happened or will happen. Something like a huge security camera in the sky.

The people who believe in him think of him as a magic helper who protects and watches over them. It’s a take on the Santa Claus thingee: He sees you when you’re sleeping, He knows when you’re awake (and engaged in socialist activities), and so on.

Yet even though this ghost has, like, all the superpowers of all the superheroes rolled into one, he’s in actuality very insecure. He demands that you follow him or else you get an eternity burning in a non-stop, super-duper fire, boiling in lava-like shit and being constantly stabbed by devils with pitchforks. Oh yeah! I almost forgot, two thousand years ago he sent his only son (which he conceived by fucking a married virgin) back to earth in order to redeem humanity from their wickedness by getting him nailed to a cross and, you know, that whole Gospel According to Mel Gibson treatment.

Now, bear with me because this is where the story gets interesting: after two thousand years of watching humanity slaughter itself, getting really fucked up, and having wild orgies, and basically just slacking off, the Son plans to return to earth from outer space. But before he does, he’s going to beam up to Heaven all those people who have continued to have faith in him, yup, levitate them right out of their clothes, wherever they are -- on an airplane, asleep, having sex, on the toilet, and (get this!) in the freaking grave! Yup, corpses and cadavers blasting out of the ground! Think: Saw meets Night of the Living Dead, with some touches of Superman thrown in.

Meanwhile, the people left behind are freaking out. I mean, imagine you’re on an airplane to Puerto Rico and suddenly the pilot fuckin’ disappears! Flies right by your window!


Then you look and you see hundreds of naked people whooshing by (of course, we’ll make them up to be gorgeous, size zero, big-breasted, no ass-having blonde white babes and maybe throw in an old dude just for laughs). And then the plane just nose dives, crashes smack into the side of a mountain. Families are broken up and companies have to close because, like, the entire sales department just flew through the AC vents out the window!

Meanwhile, the people left behind are in a mass panic and MSBNCNNFOX is blaming it on the Muslims and the liberals. The president is pissed because he thinks it’s some secret pentagon weapon he wasn’t informed about. Cut to a religious secretary and she tells him, ‘Mr. President, it’s the Rapture.’ Since he’s secretly a Nigerian postcolonial Socialist Islamofascist, he’s never heard of the Rapture. The secret service sweeps him away to an undisclosed location where they fill him in on the details.

And this is just the first seven minutes! In the rest of the movie, the people left behind are going to suffer a seven-year nightmare of wars, plagues, attacks from supernatural creatures, asteroid collisions, and rivers of blood… ”

Would you buy a pitch like that? Well, considering the really inferior crap that gets produced these days, maybe a studio would produce such a story. But if I insisted that I actually believed the story to be true, most of you would have probably called security and have me kicked to the curb, right? Right?!!

As many as a hundred million Americans believe in this story, which is known as the Rapture, a scene lifted out of the last book of the Bible. Yeah, that part, the crazy, hallucinogenic part. The part with the Apocalypse and its Four Horsemen, the Whore of Babylon, a seven-headed dragon, and crap that looks straight out of a badly crafted segment of Lord of the Rings.

It’s Hey-Zeus (!) on steroids come back to kick some major Muslim (and Jewish, and Pagan, and Wiccan, and… etc.) ass!

If you’re a Christian and never heard of the Rapture, then shame on you, you didn’t read the Bible all the way through to the end. In any case, this book isn’t for believers of the rapture. It’s for you, Heathen! Unbeliever! Doubter! Satanist! Secular Humanist Socialist liberal! If you're curious about what 100 million people find so compelling about the Rapture, then this book will do the trick. If, on the other hand, you’re the kind of person who values reason rather than myth, then this book will literally make you laugh your ass off.

Quick! Look Busy!

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…

Friday, March 25, 2011

The Outlaw of Sex Blog [Bisexuality]

¡Hola! Everybody…
Take note of the new title for the Friday Sex Blog (formerly “The Friday Sex Blog” LOL!). I like the subversive tone… It’s Friday. I associate Friday with fun. Let’s have some fun! Easy, right? RIGHT?!!

* * *

-=[ Bisexuality ]=-

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

-- Woody Allen

The subject of today’s blog photo is Olivia Wilde, the sublimely beautiful actress who plays “Thirteen” the bisexual resident in the TV series, House. Her character's sexual orientation is often the butt (and fantasies) of Dr. House, the misanthrope of the title. The issue offers the writers plenty of room to exploit the many misconceptions of bisexuality.

Popular conceptualizations of sexual orientation often present a strictly either/or perspective on intimate relationships and human sexuality: a person is either heterosexual or homosexual; a person is emotionally and sexually attracted to either women or men. However, research shows that human sexuality is much more fluid than the simple gay-straight binarism. In fact, many people are neither exclusively heterosexual nor exclusively homosexual.

The other day, for example, a friend remarked that she couldn’t understand how anyone could date a bisexual because they couldn’t be monogamous. I found this utterly stupid. I mean, are heterosexuals compelled to be non-monogamous simply because of their sexual orientation? Are gays? Also, bisexuals get no respect, even from the LGBT community, many of whom seem hostile to these sexual outlaws. LOL

I have had two important relationships with women who identified as bisexual. In fact, there came a time where it seemed that I was dating bisexual women exclusively. Perhaps it was my own bias, but I felt bisexual women were less inhibited, sexually, more willing to explore. Whether that’s true or not is beside the point. In my experience, some of the best sex I ever had was with women who identified as bisexual.

I also learned a lot about myself in the process. My first relationship was difficult because I was insecure about her bisexuality. Like most people, I assumed she would need a woman in her life, which was total bullshit. We had a very trusting, deeply intimate relationship. So, let’s get some things straight (pun unintended)…

What is Bisexuality?

The most basic definition of bisexuality I’ve come across goes:

Bisexuality is the potential to feel sexually attracted to and to engage in sensual or sexual relationships with people of either sex. A bisexual person may not be equally attracted to both sexes, and the degree of attraction may vary over time.

One of my former lovers put it best when she said that for her the person was more important than the sexual orientation. Hearing that was an epiphany for me, since I had never looked at it from that perspective. There’s a caveat in that self-perception is the key to a bisexual identity. Many people engage in sexual activity with people of both sexes, yet do not identify as bisexual. Likewise, other people engage in sexual relations only with people of one sex, or do not engage in sexual activity at all, yet consider themselves bisexual. There is no behavioral “test” to determine whether or not one is bisexual.

Myth: Bisexuality only is a transition phase for people coming out as gay or lesbian.

Reality: Some gay and lesbian people identify as bisexual before coming out as gay or lesbian. Likewise, some people who now identify as bisexual previously identified as gay or lesbian. Other people identify as bisexual their whole lives. For some people, their experience of sexuality is fluid, something that can change over the course of their lifetimes

The world is not black and white. Although it is sometimes hard for people to see the shades of gray that they do not understand. It is this attitude that all things fall into extremes that keeps many people from learning about and adopting the label, Bisexual. The fact remains that there are many people who identify as bisexual in this world. This is the label that they feel best describes their attractions, be they physical or emotional, towards different genders.

Myth: Bisexuals are confused about their sexuality. They can't have it both ways... they have to make a choice.

Reality: This is quite possibly the hardest myth to dispel because of the fact that many people in transition from identifying as straight to identifying as gay or lesbian (and vice versa) use the label Bisexual as an aid in their transition. There is nothing wrong with this and in fact many people may feel bisexual for a time in their lives and then find that they identify more as gay/lesbian or straight, than bisexual. Most self-identified bisexuals have made their choice. What is meant by choice here is in choosing that label and not in choosing their sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is believed by many doctors (including psychiatrists) to be determined biologically and is not a conscious choice. Whatever other choices may be made, such as to the monogamy of relationships, is made on an individual basis and has little, if anything, to do with the label one adopts

Myth: To be bisexual you have to love both genders equally.

Reality: Identifying as bisexual does not set a limit as to how attracted one must feel towards either gender. There is no defined cut off point at which one must cease to identify as bisexual and must identify as gay/lesbian or straight because of a shift in attractions. Most bisexuals do not f eel equally attracted to both genders on a sexual and emotional levels and experience shifts in attraction levels to either genders. As I noted before, some bisexuals are not attracted to a gender per se, but are instead attracted to the person's personality or various other attributes and take note of gender afterwards, if at all. In these cases gender does not really come into play.

Myth: Bisexual people are more promiscuous than heterosexual or gay and lesbian people.

Reality: Bisexuality is a sexual orientation. It is independent of the decision to be monogamous or non-monogamous. Some heterosexuals, gays, lesbians, and bisexuals are monogamous, others are not. It is a mistake to assume that because someone has the potential to be attracted to men and women, they must have twice as many sex partners.

Myth: Bisexuals need at least one partner of each gender.

Reality: Bisexuals have the potential to be attracted to more than gender, but they do not necessarily need to have a partner of each gender. Most bisexuals do not have to be involved with more than one gender at a time in order to feel fulfilled.

Myth: Bisexuals are more accepted by straight society.

This myth has all been expressed by some as “Bisexuals are more accepted by gay/ lesbian society.” The truth is that although bisexual activists fight for many of the same rights as gay and lesbian people do, they are not always made to feel welcome as a part of the community/ movement. The heterosexual community often groups bisexuals as being “confused or undercover homosexuals” and so rejects bisexuals and the concept of bisexuality. For the opposite reason some lesbian and gay people reject bisexuality as a valid sexual orientation and see the stigma and not the people. The fact is that many bisexual people feel as if they are somewhere in between the two worlds and feel both positive and negative feelings from both. Of course, this is not to say that lesbian, gay and bisexual people do not work together in the equal rights movement and accomplish great things.



Thursday, March 24, 2011

Labor Struggles [The Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire]

¡Hola! Everybody...
I consider myself a fairly intelligent person, well-versed in history and a wide range of subjects. I know this sounds like hubris, but it is isn’t, I’m simply claiming a little intellectual curiosity. Which is why I was taken aback one day some years ago when I was entering an NYU building for one of my classes and noticed a large wreath of flowers. There were no words, no plaque, no reason, apparently, for the wreath. When I asked a classmate, she looked at me in surprise, and asked, “You never heard of the Triangle Shirtwaist Fire?” Actually, I never had heard of that horrific incident.

They say that history repeats itself, but I disagree. I tend to see history as a spiral not a circle (an important distinction). If you want to know where the current conservative Kool-Aid will lead us, then read on. This is the “America” the teatarded want to bring back (h/t Sam Smith)

* * *

-=[ The Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire]=-

Those who refuse to learn from the past are condemned to repeat it.
-- George Santayana

Note: My maternal grandmother toiled as a garment worker for decades.

The fire at the Triangle Shirt Waist Company in New York City, which claimed the lives of 146 young immigrant workers, is one of the worst disasters since the beginning of the Industrial Revolution.

This incident has had great significance to this day because it highlights the inhumane working conditions to which industrial workers can be subjected. To many, its horrors epitomize the extremes of industrialism.

The tragedy still dwells in the collective memory of the nation and of the international labor movement. The victims of the tragedy are still celebrated as martyrs at the hands of industrial greed.

Brunswick Times Record editorial, ME - On March 25, 1911, a fire broke out at the Triangle Shirtwaist Co. in New York City. It spread quickly through the factory, which made women’s blouses, known as “shirtwaists,” and occupied the top three floors of the building.

Most of the workers could not escape the flames, since doors leading to the roof were locked and flames prevented workers from descending stairwells or by an elevator that eventually buckled under the heat. The fire caused the deaths of 146 garment workers, most of them immigrant women, who either died in the flames or jumped to their deaths from the factory windows.

It was the deadliest industrial disaster in the city’s history, the fourth deadliest in the United States.

The fire, and the acquittal of the two owners in a criminal trial, helped spur factory workers to organize and join labor unions that would advocate for them against sweatshop working conditions, low wages and 50-hour work weeks.

A young woman named Frances Perkins was appointed as the lead investigator of the commission looking into how to prevent a similar tragedy from happening again. The commission took four years to complete its seven-volume report…

Perkins later become the first woman to hold a Cabinet post, serving as secretary of labor for the 12 years of Franklin D. Roosevelt’s presidency. Her mind as well as her heart seared by what she had learned in the Triangle fire investigation, she was the driving force behind most, if not all, of FDR’s “New Deal” reforms. Among them:

The Wagner Act, which gives workers the right to organize unions and bargain collectively.

The Fair Labor Standards Act, which established for the first time a minimum wage and gave us the 40-hour work week.

The Social Security Act of 1935, legislation she literally nagged FDR to support, astutely recognizing that the dire conditions of the Great Depression were probably the only way such a sweeping economic security package would gain public support.

* * *

Company executives, showing no concern for the welfare of the women workers, managed to escape by secretly taking a freight elevator where they were rescued. It is said that girls and young women leapt from eighth- and ninth-story windows, their flaming skirts billowing in the wind. It horrified a nation and led to some of the first city, state and federal laws dealing with workers’ safety. It gave a powerful impetus to the fledgling labor movement, greatly strengthening the building of the International Ladies Garment Workers Union, which two years before the fire had led a three-month strike to focus attention on conditions in workplaces like the Triangle factory.

How easily we forget the sacrifices and victories of our own labor history.

More on the Shirtwaist Fire here

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization...

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Ball of Confusion (Madness)

¡Hola! Everybody...
What can I say? There’s sooooo much going on in the world today it’s hard to figure out where to start... (lots of links!)

* * *

-=[ It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad World ]=-

It is bad enough that people are dying of AIDS, but no one should die of ignorance.

-- Elizabeth Taylor

First, while the mostly conservative US media and political class assure us that toxic sludge (or at least “safe nuclear reactors”) are good for us, you’d better not drink the water (or milk) in Japan, cuz, you know, the radiation levels are kinda/ sorta above levels. Shit, I live about 25 miles from a steaming mess of nuke that’s more dangerous than the Japanese glow-in-the-dark one. Imagine trying to evacuate about 22,232,494 (more or less) people from the NY Metro area? We’re not very polite... LOL

I find it ironic that the same people who were after the Village Idiot’s head (on a platter) for waging war under false pretexts and redistributing wealth (upwards), now applaud Obama as he does the same. In fact, we’re fighting three wars right now. Teachers are being fired, jobs (and record profits) continue to be outsourced, republican state governors are trying to bring us back to the days of the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire tragedy, and we just ejaculated 131 Tomahawk missiles at $1 million a pop.

Hold on while I sneeze:


Sorry, but I’m allergic to moral cowardice.

On the entertainment front, raging beauty, talented actor, compassionate activist, Elizabeth Taylor passed away. The first time I saw The Last time I saw Paris, I was so struck by her beauty, it felt as if her image was burned into my brain synapses. What a gorgeous freak of nature! IMNSO, Taylor was matched in beauty and talent only by the as sublime Dorothy Dandridge (who, unfortunately, wasn’t allowed to shine). Taylor also cared, she left the world a little better than she found it, AFAIC.

I spent all day yesterday meeting with lawmakers and attempting to sway their positions regarding criminal justice policy. The event was part of a coalition of organizations that included a group from the Juvenile Justice movement. Right now NY State, which is facing a so-called budget deficit, is maintaining several empty prisons at the cost of more than $200 million per year. In addition, we’re closing schools at a time when we’re sending juveniles to prisons deemed inhumane by federal investigators. The cost of keeping one child in prison per year in New York state? Over $100,000. Some researchers put the actual cost at over $200,000 per bed, per year!

The good news? For me it was hanging out with a great bunch of very young activists, who were well-versed on the issues and who, in passionate terms and an informed manner, schooled members of our state legislature on the foolishness of incarceration as a panacea for all social ills. Even legislators hostile to our agenda seemed genuinely impressed by the young people in my group. I’ll be writing little bit more about this process later on this week. For those of you who like to beat up on our youth, I am compelled to ask: what the fuck are you doing to make this world a better place?

So, there you have it: there’s the mess, the message, and there’s also solutions to the mess. Which part did you play today? Are you making this a better world?

Just sayin...

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery form civilization...

Monday, March 21, 2011

Monday Myth Busters [Familiarity/ Contempt]

¡Hola! Everybody...
Tomorrow I will be in Albany doing some politicking, so I’ll be out all day. It’s lobbying, but technically, I’m not allowed to lobby in my capacity as a worker in a non-profit organization. So, we call it “advocacy.”

We’re facing huge cuts at a time when people are most in need of our services. Welcome to Korporate Kristianity. You might think you’re only a temporarily embarrassed rich person in waiting, but the facts say otherwise.

BTW, check out my opinion piece over at the online magazine, Subversify (click here). I tackle the nuclear crisis unfolding in Japan.

* * *

-=[ Contemptuous Familiarity ]=-

Familiarity breeds contempt... and children.

-- Mark Twain

It’s a well-worn truth that familiarity breeds contempt... right? Right?


While it’s true enough that a person’s flaws can be more easily discerned the more you come to know them, all things being equal, familiarity by itself is more likely to breed comfort than contempt. That’s a more readable translation of the more researcher Robert Zajonc’s more clinical, “Repeated exposure is a sufficient condition of attitude adjustment.”

Zajonc gave experimental subjects a set of seven-letter Turkish words and, in a similar study, a set of Chinese characters. His subjects had no idea what the words meant, but they consistently said a word meant something nicer if they had seen it repeatedly. Likewise, after being shown yearbook photographs of male strangers, people said they liked the men whose photos had already been shown to them.

Since Zajonc’s studies, conducted in the 1960s, literally hundreds of independent studies have confirmed his findings. A meta-analysis of all these studies taken in the 1980s by another researcher concluded that Zajonc was right. There was one caveat, however: if the same stimulus is presented too often or for too long a time on each occasion, familiarity may breed boredom. This is especially to occur in young children who tend to prefer new words or pictures to those they have seen before.

Even for adults, of course, more encounters with someone or something you find distasteful to begin with aren’t going to change your mind or warm your heart. But where you have no aversion the maxim seems to be true -- as advertisers and political consultants know too well -- that we like things more as we get used to them.

In fact, if you were to follow the conservative talking points on any given day, they use this truth to great effect. Say it enough times and people will cozy to the idea that President Obama is a Muslim/ socialist/ Nigerian/ communist/ illegal alien/ anti-Christ. This is especially true if you’re predisposed to see African Americans or people of color as the “other.”

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization...

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Sunday Sermon [Dreams]

¡Hola! Everybody…
Been spending some time for myself, lately… For those concerned about the continuing nuclear crisis in Japan, the online magazine, Subversify, has published an Op Ed I wrote about it (click here)

I once had a dream that changed me so profoundly I’m still coming to term with it.Speaking of which...

* * *

-=[ Dreams ]=-

All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.
-- T.E. Lawrence (AKA Lawrence of Arabia)

Picture the following: You’re driving your car and someone cuts you off. Immediately, you become incensed! You curse the offending driver and at that point in time there is hate in your heart. You can try to intellectualize it, but if that individual were to appear to you, you would hurt that person. If you doubt me, then pay attention to reports of road rage in which seemingly normal people, people who have never had a history of violence, inflict great harm.

Later, as you’re venting to a friend you state, “He [the driver] made me so angry!”

Think about that: did the person driving the car make you angry? You had no choice? That person climbed inside your head and forced you to be angry, right?

So you see, there’s a practical application to all this dream shit. As in our dreams, we create our world. Of course, I'm not saying we create all of it, in some ways, we collaborate with others in creating the world.

In fact, your sleeping and waking dreams are different only in form. One of the first great miracles is to awaken to the fact that much of what we take for reality is but a construction of our minds. This is crucial in dealing with illusions (waking dreams). Think of your greatest fear: if you can correctly recognize it as an illusion, its grasp over you quickly loosens. No one is afraid of a mirage. We fear things because we don’t understand them. We don’t understand our fears as dreams. We “forget” that we created the fear in the first place. Is that not an illusion?

What happens is your dream of fear is changed into a dream of happiness. Forgiving dreams are kind to all who appear in the dream and so forgiveness brings full release from dreams of fear.

Forget that it is your mind that has power over all your fantasies and dreams, and you will live as a prisoner, at the whims of all the boogiemen your often capricious mind can create. I hear so many people hear talk about god, about how they want to know God, or how God talks to them, blah blah blah. However, I also see these very same people fall into the traps of fear, anger, and hate. What kind of shit is that?

If you want to know god, to have peace of mind, or to be in any way happy, you have to give up the mirage. For if you grasp onto the illusions of anger, fear, and hate then you’re not being spiritual at all. You’re buying into castles in the air, you’re lost in and if you think that’s God talking to you, it just might mean you’ve totally lost contact with reality.

My name is Eddie and I'm in recovery from civilization...

Friday, March 18, 2011

The Friday Sex Blog [Vaginal Atrophia]

¡Hola! Everybody…
Looks like Spring has sprung! The following is sort of a tradition here at the [un]Common Sense Blog…

* * *

-=[ The Odd Case of the Squeaking Vagina ]=-

The most perverse form of sexual deviancy is abstinence.

Ahhhh... the promise of Spring!

True, I become less focused, more prone to indulgence, and all other forms of ho’ing, but this time of year, with its connection to rebirth and beginnings, holds so much attraction for me. With the exception of Yvette, the third on the list of Rosarios, we were all born in the Spring. In fact, my mother actually gave birth to three Gemini sons, and Darlene, the second oldest (I’m the oldest), barely missed it, her birthday falling on May 17th. In our youth, our combined birthdays became an excuse for constant partying, since our birthdays fall on consecutive weeks, culminating with mine on June 6th (hint: please don’t buy gifts, but anonymous, edgy sex is always welcome! -- females need only apply, thank you.).

Today the temperature threatens to hover near the 70s and as the temperature rises, the clothing covering the skin of the beautiful women of New York decreases. I swear: I can almost smell the shaving cream as scantily clad wenches pass me by, the hint of a grin on their smug and pretty faces. Yeah, you know how to hurt a guy! And yes I’m single, but you know how that goes: I could be starving to death and not one maiden would pay me any mind -- more than likely she would step over, or around, my body on their way to work without giving more than a cursory look. Of course, let me find a girlfriend and they’ll be all over me like the proverbial white on rice. Perhaps I should revert to wearing a wedding ring, that always works. ::snicker::

Okay! My topic today? The consequence of the sexual deviance known as abstinence. First, I have to give props to the ladies who have developed the resolve not to give in to the erotic impulse (at great personal sacrifice, of course). Well, at least that’s what women like to say, you never know the real deal, but I’ve observed women I know taking a more assertive stance on the sex issue and I applaud you for that (yeah, right: blah blah blah).

I think we’ve all heard by now of the seven-year government study that actually showed that teens who pledge abstinence (or who are exposed to abstinence-only sex courses) not only get the same amount of STDs as other teens, but are six times more likely to engage in oral sex, and the boys are four times more likely to get anal action.


I guess, depending from what perspective one looks at it, this is either a great argument for or against abstinence-only sex education. I mean, I wish the Christian fanatics campaigning for such programs would’ve been more effective when I was in high school! I wasn’t getting any anal action from the girls back then.

Great idea, by the way: tell teens not to fuck and keep them ignorant about sex. I will tell you this, while I was in my 20s I dated a young lady who claimed to be a virgin but she was really OK with oral sex and eventually anal sex with me. She wanted to keep her hymen intact for her wedding night, she would proudly beam. I stayed with her for a lonnnnng time…

On another note, there is an unintended consequence for adult women practicing sexual abstinence: a huge spike in a little known disease that affects only adult women, vaginal atrophia. Yes, you read that correctly: vaginal atrophia. This is a degenerative affliction in which women’s’ genitalia atrophy from consistent lack of proper use.

Dr. Hughes Yurdaedy, lead investigator for a top government research agency says, “It’s unfortunate, but one of the consequences of prolonged sexual abstinence for adult women is that they lose vital functioning in their vagina which has led to what could be a very embarrassing symptom: vaginal squeaking.”

Another leading authority in the field, Dr. Yah Tah-Oosa, a researcher from Taiwan, explains, “It’s the age-old truism: if you don’t use it, you lose it.” She explains further, “The reason vaginal squeaking has become more prevalent today, is that women mistake the use erotic toys as an adequate substitute for penile penetration when in fact, our research shows that masturbation actually exacerbates the squeaking” (emphasis added).

Fuck?!! Squeaking vagina?!! At first I was somewhat skeptical but upon further reflection, I’ve actually heard vaginas squeak, but I thought I was mistaken or experiencing auditory hallucinations. The other day, a woman was hurrying by me, squeaking like a rusty bike and when I stared at her, she affected an indignant look, staring pointedly at my shoes (as if they were to blame), but my shoes don’t squeak, ma'am, thank you very much.

A good friend called me the other day despondent over her squeaking. She was a little embarrassed at first, but since she knows I keep up to date on cutting-edge medical journals, she confided: “It’s gotten to the point where it’s becoming unmanageable,” she told me between sobs. “Just the other day, a group of high school kids followed me half way down the block chanting, “Squeaky! Squeaky! Squeaky!”

Another friend related her tragedy: her new boyfriend left her because he was turned off by the sound her legs made when he attempted to spread-eagle her, “He said I sounded like a rusty gate!” she cried. I just didn’t have any words of consolation for her.

Well, boys and girls, I guess the moral of the story, if there’s any moral to be had here at all, is that perhaps white Jesus is getting even with us for denying and repressing something that is part of our divine essence, part of our human legacy: being sexual creatures.

Have a great weekend and please (!!) do something about that squeaking!



Friday, March 11, 2011

The Friday Sex Blog [Sexuality]

¡Hola! Everybody…
It’s Friday and you know what that means: it’s all about sex up in here. My Friday blog is usually extra nasty and sexually graphic and profane. Some people even say it smells nasty. If you don’t like that shit, or worship a God that disapproves of fucking, then get the fuck outta here… Now. LOL!

* * *

-=[ Your Sexuality ]=-

Yes, there was a basic attraction that was true enough. But there was also a wild beast-like hunger for every inch of your body, every secret niche and shameful part of it, every smell. It yearned to throw you under me on your belly and fuck you from behind, riding you mercilessly, relishing in the musky smell wafting from your ass, glorifying in penetrating your reddened cheeks, your helpless cries and tangled hair -- in ruthlessly taking your offering…

You are a sexual person since before the day you are born – from the womb to the tomb. Part of a healthy sexual attitude includes understanding sex as a positive aspect of life. Maintaining an affirmative sexuality and expressing sexuality in a manner that improves your life is necessary for developing the capacity for intimacy.

This perspective is vastly different from the traditional double standard that most follow. Anti-sex conditioning and negative attitudes regarding sexuality -- especially that sex is “dirty,” that men and women are sexually different/ incompatible -- creates sexual dysfunction and separates us from our basic nature. Sexuality is a normal way for you to express your human need for touching, sharing, and pleasuring. This need is equally valid for men and women.

The good news is that you can undo the conditioning and increase your sexual awareness and comfort. This does not mean that you have to feel sexual and perform at any time, in any situation, with any partner. That is the sexual pressure placed by tradition on the shoulders of men. It is a dehumanizing perspective of male sexuality. Equally dehumanizing is the traditional imperative that females should not to be sexual at any time, in any situation, or with any person other than her husband or intimate partner-- and even then not be carried away with passion. I am amazed at the vast numbers of women going without sex these days.

Yes, you can learn to be comfortable with your sexuality and more accepting of yourself as an essentially sexual person. The wonderful truth of the matter is that you have the choice to be sexual at a time and in a manner where you can truthfully celebrate healthy sexual expression.

There are many ways we learn about sexuality, but the most primal one is through touch. The touching you received from your mother and father as a child is important; so is your own touching to explore your body. Before the age of six months, children discover the positive sensations of touching their genitals. Was playing with your penis or vulva accepted by the parent as normal and healthy, or were your hands slapped while being told: “No! That’s dirty!”?

My point here is not to get into a blame game for sexual dysfunction; your parents were acting out according to the sexual scripts that were handed down to them. It has only recently emerged that childhood sexual curiosity and exploration are a healthy part of human development. However, it is my belief that as adults we can learn to undo negative sexual conditioning and build a healthy sexual awareness and sexual self-esteem.

There’s a lesson for all of us in a child touching herself that we need to heed. The child is experiencing positive, pleasurable feelings, not genitally focused sexual arousal.

Sensuality is the basis for sexuality.

The child feels she’s entitled to the warm, comfortable feelings of sensual touch. Genital exploration and stimulation are a natural extension of sensuous touch.

That’s the gist of it all. No one, or no book, can teach you nor force a sexual response. No one can teach you how to become sexually aroused and have an orgasm. The potential for sexual response is natural. What you can learn is awareness of sensual and sexual stimuli, how to nurture and cultivate sexual desire, the importance of clear and direct communication, and active involvement in giving and receiving pleasure. You have to be open to your sexuality, not inhibited by the obstacles that interfere with healthy sexual expression.

The most common obstacle to uninhibited sexuality is goal-oriented sex. That’s not sensuality, but a fast food version of sexuality. I call it “Mickey Dee sex.” No wonder so many women pack it up! (Use it or lose it, bitches. LOL!). Goal-oriented sex -- sex in which the ends (orgasm) supersede the process (sensuality) -- leads to a lot of emotional wreckage. The list is exhausting: performance anxiety, peer pressure, forced sexual response, use of sex as a weapon in an argument or power struggle, use of sex for manipulation -- and on and on the list goes.

Sex is not a performance to prove something to yourself or you partner, it’s not a spectator sport in the sense that it’s not a competition to see who can have the best orgasm, or last the longest, or anything like that. You hear people talking about sex in the most degrading manner: “I did that bitch,” “Girl, I did that ma’fucca so good he gave me his PIN number.” People seem to focus on technique as if being a sexual acrobat can make them a good lover and that’s so much bullshit.

In any case, that’s not sex, it’s rutting. In fact, it’s not even good rutting. I’m all for rutting, as long as it’s a good rut. Otherwise, I’d rather jerk off.

Sexual awareness is about being open and receptive to affectionate, playful, erotic, and intimate touch. The essence of sexuality is giving and receiving pleasurable touch.

Sensuality is not something you either have or do not. It’s a range of attitudes, behaviors, and feelings which reflect you as a sexual person. Remember: sex is a good thing

::Martha Stewart smile::

Sexuality is a major part of who you are as a human being and your personality. You are responsible for your sexuality; express it so that it enhances your life and intimate relationships.



Saturday, March 5, 2011

Prelude to a Kiss

¡Hola! Everybody…
Sometimes Saturdays are for the arts, here at the [un]Commonsense Blog…

* * *

-=[ Prelude to a Kiss ]=-

Closing my eyes.
Seeing you.
Picturing your moonlit face,
feeling that softness.

Lifting my finger to one
impossibly high cheekbone
tracing its outline against a
grain of light
a silvery powder.

Bringing my face to yours.
Our mouths aligning,
but not yet kissing.

Somehow staving off
the gnawing hunger.

Our lips grazing, adjusting,
making the slightest calibrations
of angle and shape,
as if we were whispering
into each others breath.

Both of us straining
against an uncrontrolled desire
in order to create our first kiss.

A kiss I know I have been waiting
for even longer than my tired eyes
could tell you.

To make it
as close
to perfect

-- Edward-Yemíl Rosario © 2008

Friday, March 4, 2011

The Friday Sex Blog [Women Who Gotta Have It]

¡Hola! Everybody…
Busy, busy busy!

* * *

-=[ Pandora's Box ]=-

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.

-- Mae West

I’ve been reading some literature on women’s sexuality and I’ve come across some interesting findings. For too long, mainstream research has dealt almost exclusively with how often and how successfully young (but not too young), white, middle class, able-bodied, heterosexual couples consummate the act of sexual intercourse. Following a male bias, it almost exclusively isolates sex as physical and intimacy as emotional. It focuses exclusively on a few inches of mucous membrane in which achieving orgasm is described in terms as if it were mountain climbing, complete with ropes and hammers.

What this leaves out is what newer research shows and what women have been telling us for too long: what’s most important about sex, I have heard woman say countless times, is a sense of connectedness.

I would like to summarize some of what I’ve been discovering, but that will have to wait. For today, I want to elaborate on some findings via a personal experience.

Perhaps some of my readers remember an incident I reported regarding a former lover’s difficulty with sex. I had written that she had developed a tension in the body that was centered in her genital area and which made sexual penetration extremely painful for her. Eventually, working together, we were able to ease that tension, resulting in a sexual opening or awakening for both of us. For her, it was liberation from strict and repressive morals, for me it was the dawning of an awareness to the range of women’s sexual responses.

My friend, who I will call Pandora, was raised in a strict, conservative, and religious home. At the time of our relationship, she was 30 years-old and recently divorced. Her only lover was her former husband, part of a marriage of nine years.

I was in my mid-twenties, during the height of an era of sexual liberation and exploration. I discovered early on, that women would be more open to me if I were honest about my intentions and open to my emotional life. Pandora, though conflicted, took me as a lover, though she had mixed feelings.

Looking back, I can better understand how we were able to open to one another and reduce the tension that made sex so painful for her. The first time I attempted to enter her, it was almost impossible. She was tight to the point that sexual penetration was almost impossible. She cried the first time -- partly because of the physical pain, partly (she later intimated) because of shame.

As we came to know one another better, she related a sexual history that made it easy for me to understand her sexual unease. She grew up in a family in which sexual pleasure was considered sinful. As a result, she was a virgin when she married her husband. Her husband controlled almost all the aspects of their sexing. She would wear what he told her to wear. The lights were turned to the level that he liked. They had to have sex like clockwork at a certain day of the week at a certain time. For Pandora, sex meant only one thing: a responsibility -- mad rush to orgasm for her husband.

With me, because of my natural curiosity and penchant for exploration, sex was a little different. I wanted (as I have always wanted) her to “open” to me -- to be fully present surrendering the deepest recesses of her sexuality to me.

Yes, I have issues.

My desire to be engulfed by her cunt compelled me to talk to her, hold her, and kiss her in places she had never been kissed before. Oftentimes, especially in the beginning of our relationship, we talked more than we fucked. When I told her that many women don’t respond to sexual penetration alone, she was shocked. She didn’t believe me. All her life, she was taught and experienced sex from a male-dominant point o view that caused her confusion when she didn’t respond in the way her husband wanted her to respond.

And it wasn’t that he didn’t kiss her, or didn’t perform cunnilingus on her -- he did. The thing with Pandora was that it seemed that everything about the sex act was geared toward achieving the big “O.” She needed to be related to, to be utterly complete fucked. My willingness to talk to her openly about sex (I used to love to tease her by using “vulgar” terms, such as “pussy,” “cunt,” “cock,” etc.) served to open her up. And her sexual exploration became the erotic ground on which we built our sexing. We would visit sex shops and browse through them, looking at and laughing at the different toys. I would explore her body, and slowly, she came to trust me enough to tell me what she liked and didn’t like.

Eventually, Pandora took charge of her own sexual awakening and once she opened to me, there was no holding back. I still remember the moment her pussy yawned open for me, hot with sexual desire, slippery with her want. I think she yelled something out, I don’t remember what, but we laughed about it later. I would often tease her that we had created a monster.

Pandora would explain that all her life, she was trying to conform to what she know saw as a male model for sexual pleasure and when she “failed” to conform to that model, the message was that there was something wrong with her, that she was frigid, or sexually defected. What she discovered, was that what was missing from her sexual life was a sense of connectedness. When she eventually took control of our sexual exploration, she became my guide for the map of her body. This was a liberation for both of us.



Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The 12 Steps for Everyone [Step Three]

¡Hola! Everybody...
I was watching some clips of Charlie Sheen last night and I have to say that if you want to see a meltdown, then watch these clips.

I will say Mr. Sheen has major cojones, but I would have to qualify that by noting that he seems to be extraordinarily defended. Mr. Sheen’s bravado seems to be a defense mechanism against a glaringly obvious insecurity. In other words, he appears to me like an egomaniac with low self-esteem.

Actually, he reminds me of me when I was an active addict. In fact, if I had had the fame and money Mr. Sheen has when I was active, I would most likely be dead. And while I wasn’t fucking Denise Richards-caliber starlets, I was just as recklessly promiscuous. In fact, I get kinda turned on thinking about what Mr. Sheen did with Ms. Richards... never mind!

Seriously, I’m not here to pass judgment on Sheen, nor do I think what he’s going through is in any way humorous. In fact, I’m not even calling him an addict. I can’t do that. I do find the clips difficult to watch. However, he’s correct in at least one thing: 12 step fellowships aren’t for everybody. However, if you were to ask me how I got clean, I would have to tell you that the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous saved my life. My experience also tells me that working the 12 Steps could be beneficial for everyone, regardless of whether they identify as an addict.

* * *

-=[ Turning it Over ]=-

Step Three: We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

The first time I came to the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous, by the time I reached this step, I had quit. This is bullshit! I told myself. Fuck that God shit.

I wasn’t ready for recovery and I spent the next five years, the worst of my life, chasing a bag, a piece of ass -- anything that could get me outside of myself. In a very real way, my addiction was my Higher Power, and at some level I knew this, but I would not kneel before a God I didn’t believe, or religious principles that I saw as intolerant and juvenile.

I didn’t sit still long enough to read the part of the step that says: ... as we understood Him. The second time around, I was desperate to learn and to live more effectively, more wisely. I was more open, but I also knew that I couldn’t pretend to submit to religious dogma and not go back out.

My First Step work forced me confront the contradiction of my addictive process: that I felt powerful when in fact, I was powerless and needed help. The First Step gave me hope... However, having internalized and accepted my powerlessness (not to be confused with hopelessness), I was left open and vulnerable, and while I understood my powerlessness, I needed something to latch onto, some form of support.

My Second Step work helped me come to terms with trust -- at least a little bit and it challenged my feelings of grandiosity, bringing me to the realization that I am a human being, and as such, I am not all-powerful -- the “Great I Am.” It taught me the value of surrendering my small self in favor of my Higher Self. The Second Step helped me take a good look at faith and it helped me begin my spiritual search anew with fresh eyes. In fact, I see my entire history of active addiction as a spiritual search gone wrong. Recovery was a matter of turning that mad search into something sane and good.

In the beginning, I was able to accept the collective consciousness of the fellowship of NA as my Higher Power, but as I continued to work the steps in my life, I came upon the teachings of Buddhism (The Dharma) and I accepted them as my Higher Power. In Buddhism, I found a Higher Power that could restore me to sanity.

In NA, there are no “shalts,” nothing is forced down our throats and everyone works the steps to the best of their abilities and at their own pace. The first three steps serve as a foundation, a bridge, back to life. It’s not about belief, but about practice. Believing is not enough; it is through living and applying the steps that we recover our Original Self. I think what’s most important for anyone, is maintaining a frame of mind described by Zen masters as “beginner’s mind.” In the mind of an expert, it is said, there are few possibilities. But in the mind of a beginner, everything is possible.

Let me add that I as I have progressed spiritually, I have come to realize that bridge back to life was made from the bones of those who came before me. many of whom never got clean, never tasted spiritual freedom...

Truly, change and recovery are about coming back to a state where we’re open to suggestions and looking at life with fresh eyes. It’s about dropping the mess and listening to the message. If you’re like me and many others, there are issues that have tested you sorely. Whether it is drugs, sex, relationships, your emotions, food, or other people, we all have found ourselves at our wit’s end at one time or another. The Third Step is about letting be, as the Taoists put it.

One thing I was painfully aware of was that whenever I imposed my will, things got messed up quick. If I was in a relationship, my will meant lot’s of insanity. Imposing my will on my addiction meant that it made it worse because my will was warped. So recovery (and the Third Step) is a lot about letting go of the impulsive need to control. It’s about allowing a Higher Principle, Higher Power, or God -- or whatever you choose to call it -- guide your actions.

For me, that Higher Power as I understand it, is The Dharma. In other words, instead of exerting my will on my addictive behaviors, I was letting go in favor of a set of spiritual principles that emphasized ethical behavior, contemplation, and cognitive restructuring. Rather than chasing a bag, or the delusional grasp for happiness through destructive behavior, I was instead flowing into a spiritual practice that guided me toward a saner way of life. For my purposes, I do not believe in an Abrahamic God, but I am an addict in recovery.

My experience teaches me that when I’m less reactive and defensive, life becomes less stressful and simpler. The truth of the matter is that I’m constantly taking my will back. I become a backseat driver to my life and demand to make a left turn, when my Higher Power (as I understand It) is telling me to make a right. There are times I’m downright nasty about it and I take the wheel and “all of sudden” there I am, ass out on Broadway. In my early recovery I would take my will back on an hourly basis. I had the good fortune to have someone explain to me that recovery (and life) is really about practice not perfection. The point is if we’re to evolve, then letting go becomes a way of life. These principles are guidelines to progress. The issue isn’t spiritual perfection, but spiritual practice. No one, my guide told me, gets this perfectly.

Whatever your understanding of your Higher Power, it is suggested that it be a loving and understanding. For me this means living a life of non-harming, of skillful speech and action. If I can turn my life over to that Higher Power, then I’m released from the bondage of my smaller, ego-driven self. For some this can mean throwing away the concept of an angry and jealous God for one that is loving, accepting, and compassionate. It could mean an understanding of God that resides within, instead of the concept of a God-in-the-sky. Perhaps the Universal Principle is a stream flowing through all of us. Maybe my Higher Power, rather than being an old white guy with a beard can look like Halle Berry, instead. Who’s to say? LOL! What’s important, in this spirituality, is that your Higher Power be loving and trustworthy.

Most importantly, this step is all about coming to terms with trust. It is really about learning acceptance, of letting go the compulsive need for control. In my active addiction, I was more concerned with control than about relationships. Lack of trust, my friends, is really about control. If you don’t trust someone, then you’re trying to control that person. In other words, lack of trust is the impulse to control because if you can’t trust another, you want to do everything yourself. And how has that worked so far?

Let go...

This is for you, whoever you are. Take what is useful. but this is mostly for the still sick and suffering addict out there all alone thinking there’s no way out, or defending a madness slowly killing him or her.

My name is Eddie and I am an addict in recovery...


[un]Common Sense