The Freak

Hola mi gente,
Things are starting to get busy at work, but this is a good thing. LOL

The Process and the Freak

When I talk about the work I do, you have to understand that the “I” I am referencing is a lot bigger than just me. I see my work as being a part of a process that’s larger and more powerful than I. In fact, I perceive who I am today to be the product of many people who have helped me along the way. In other words, who I am and what I do is the result of the work of too many people to count. Today, when I say “I” it is with the clear realization that I am connected on so many levels with so many people.

In fact, if you’re reading this, you have probably helped make me the human being I am today. No shit.

So! The other day, I was headed to a meeting when a woman stopped me and said, “You probably don’t remember me, but… ” Now, in a past life if a woman, or anyone for the matter, approached me with that line, it usually wasn’t positive. I was about to tell her, “Hey, it’s not my baby,” or “If I owe you money… ” LOL But then I remembered that was the old Eddie.

In any case, she went on:

You changed my life. I remember that before I met you, the way I thought about incarcerated people was very narrow-minded, but working with you, and seeing the passion and intelligence you brought to the work and how people responded to you, changed the way I saw people. You changed the way I looked at the world in a very fundamental way and that’s why I’m here today. The funny thing is that when you first met me, you predicted you would change my life. Well, I never got the chance to tell you, but you did. You changed my life and I want to thank you.

Wow, she almost made me cry! 

But here’s the thing: it wasn’t me, but the “process” that changed her. In fact, I’m constantly being changed by the process myself. What I try to do -- on a daily basis -- is to be a conduit for the process of change. Most of the time, that’s about me getting out of the way of the process and being able to channel something much more powerful than me.

So, I turned to her and told her:

“Thank you so much for saying this, it means a lot to me. But here’s the thing: now you have to become an agent for change and be part of that process.”

And the look in her eyes told me she understood everything I was saying. She was actually crying. My hairs are standing up as I write this. No, I’m no Jesus freak, but I know that all of us working together can bring about change. We can make big changes. This is why I get pissed off when I see people giving away their power to neoliberals. We are the change, not Her or Him. I know this because I have experienced it every day for the last 25 years.

This I know is true: You are more powerful than you give yourself credit for and together? Man, that story has yet to be told. 

Who loves you?

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization… 

Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, please consider helping me out by sharing it, liking me on Facebook, following me on Twitter, or even throwing me some money on GoFundMe HERE or via PayPal HERE so I can keep calling it like I see it.

Butterflies

Hola Everybody,
I have to run! Please consider donating to my campaign so that I can continue to write and do the work that I do. If anything I’ve ever written struck a nerve, or was useful, or made you smile, or even pissed you off, then please give. You can so give HERE or via PayPal, HERE.

The Butterfly Effect

Feelings aren’t facts...

Think about it: how much time do we spend agonizing over things that, in the long run, are inconsequential? I submit that about 99.999999% of the shit we sweat in our lives is totally unnecessary. But sweat we do -- all the time.

Reminds me of a story. I love stories, so bear with me. A great teacher famous for teaching that life was an illusion was discovered sobbing uncontrollably by one of his followers. He was grieving the death of his son. Shocked, the follower asked his teacher, “Don’t you preach that all life is an illusion?” The teacher turned to his disciple and said, “Yes it is true that all of life is an illusion, but this is one fuckin' big illusion.” LOL

And so it is with life: feelings aren’t facts, but it’s a fact that we feel. Some issues are graver than others and we can get stuck, and that’s fine. However, the real heart of the matter is how long we stay stuck. If we spend our lives feeling betrayed, angry, resentful, or insulted, then where is the time for living? You will blink your eyes one day and years will have passed and realize they you have used all your energies fighting off the equivalent of a swarm of butterflies.

This is not to say that we should be inconsiderate -- to ourselves and others, or that our relationships are meaningless, or that our feelings don’t matter I know I have made some genuine connections here on the ‘Net over the years and I am grateful for them. I happen to consider some as friends, but I have seen others show their real side. There are many people who engage in cruel behavior on here and in “real” life and rationalize it by saying some bullshit like, “It’s just the internet.” I submit that if you’re capable of cruelty in one context, then that potential exists somewhere in you.

Of course we shouldn’t proceed as if nothing mattered because that’s the other extreme, nihilism. What it does mean is that we choose our attitudes and reactions all the time.

There are plenty examples to go around. How many times have you caught feelings over a miscommunication and as a result exchanged insults. Guilty as charged. Some of us resemble out and out psychopaths, resorting to all kinds of stupidity. This happens for several reasons, but the main reason is that there is anger in our hearts. The tragedy (and comedy) in the grand scheme of things is, if we’re honest, much of what we dramatize really isn’t that significant. However, it matters that people feel insulted and disrespected, misunderstood and ridiculed.

Now, before anyone here begins commenting, let’s all be honest and just say we have all experienced similar events in our life, okay? I see it and hear it all the time. Most of the time, it’s not even worth it. That means you and me.

Shit happens: we lose jobs, grow out of relationships, get hurt, and betrayed. Shoot, I live in a city where pushing and jostling is considered the norm. I run up against sweet old ladies who act like All Pro NFL linebackers when getting on and off the subway! The thing is that life is like that. There’s shit happening all the time. If you’re waiting for the perfect moment, with the perfect love (“The One”), at the perfect job, or location -- if you’re waiting for all that in order to smile, or smell a flower, or walk barefoot at the beach, then you will have wasted your life waiting, because, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but there’s no Santa Claus, no Tooth Fairy and life is hard. 

Life is hard and fuckin stressful. Believe me, I know and I’m sure you do as well. I mean, I’m about to get my phone cut off in a day or two, I don’t have my own place, I am unemployed, and I’m literally down to my last shekels. But you can be sure I will make it my business to see something beautiful or to find the sublime in the mundane. I will laugh today, even while I’m crying because I have to walk several miles to make a job interview.

Yes, life is hard and often unfair, but it’s also beautiful and amazing. Life is the most precious gift, and the one true choice we have -- the one card we can play -- is whether we will face it all with a smile or a frown. This is it, people. I mean, the internets are full of memes with great quotes, and we can all adopt this highly evolved, super guru facade, but the best definition of spirituality I have ever heard is that it’s what you do when no one is looking. Can you find the serenity within the chaos? Can you put meditation in action? Can you walk the walk? Can you sit in the midst of life and face it with joy and love -- all of it, not just the good shit?

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…

The Alliance of Families for Justice

Hola mi gente,
I have another round of interviews set up, so wish me luck. If I don’t work this month my ass is grass, as they used to say back in the day.

If you wish to support my writing and work, please feel free to donate thousands to my campaign HERE. Alternatively, you can donate or set up a monthly payment via PayPal HERE. If you don’t have thousands to give, then you’re a loser! KIDDING! LOL Really, any amount helps. Love you all long time…

Today, I’m lending my blog space to a worthwhile cause… 

The Alliance of Families for Justice

Over the years, I have been fortunate enough to work with inspirational, strong women leaders. In fact, Soffiyah Elijah is the most recent of “bosses” I had for the last 16 years -- all women. First, there was Lizzette-Hill Barcelona who was the executive director at STRIVE while I was there in the early 2000s. She was a fierce advocate for me and supported me when I most needed that kind of guidance and protection.

Then I had the opportunity to serve under Michelle de la Uz, the ED at the Fifth Avenue Committee while I was the program director for a project called Developing Justice. She challenged me to reach higher, to work to actualize my full potential.

Then there is Soffiyah Elijah. Soffiyah is the kind of leader who will sit patiently and listen intently while you describe something you want to do and (if it’s within reason) will say, “Well, what’s stopping you? Let’s do it!” I loved that about her. Her leadership is aspirational and visionary.

I was very happy to hear that she is now about to launch her own initiative, The Alliance of Families for Justice. In fact, tomorrow night there will be a launch event at the historic National Black Theater. In attendance, among others, will be her friend and actor/ activist Danny Glover.

The other day, I had the pleasure of sharing a meal with Soffiyah (her treat, of course! I’m broke). I asked her what motivated her to start this organization and she spoke about her passion for the people and families of those severely impacted by criminal justice system.

In brief, The Alliance of Families for Justice will support families of incarcerated people and people with criminal records, and help empower them as advocates, mobilizing them to achieve systemic change.

Sounds good to me! 

Hope to see you there. I think this is the start of something meaningful, grassroots-oriented, and accountable to the people. 

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization… 

The Journey

Hola Everybody,
I made a promise to post at least one entry on my blog every day. Sometimes, that isn’t so easy.

I wrote the following, I guess, because I need to remind myself about what really matters. If you are reading this, I hope it serves some good purpose. If you find anything useful here, please consider supporting my efforts.

You can donate whatever you can here.

Journeys

The journey itself is home…

My situation has gotten worse, believe it or not, and it is often during challenging times that it is hardest to maintain principles. I flip the script here and submit that it is when things are at their worst that we most need to remain true to our authentic selves. So here goes… 

Sometimes, when I look at how far I may have strayed from the kind of person I want to be, I am overwhelmed by how far I have to go to pick of the pieces and get back on track. Perhaps for the first time in a while I see clearly how unfair I was or how much I hurt myself and my loved ones. Just maybe I see more clearly the power ineffective patterns have had over my life and how much I have missed as a result. Or perhaps, life can be really unfair at times. LOL But as my father once said, “You want fair, go to kindergarten.”

More importantly I am reminded that it is at this time that I become most ready to do the work of becoming a more integrated human being. What is probably most helpful at these times is for me to remember that tired cliché that life is a journey not a race. In reality, the path is the goal. The past is a memory and the future is but a fantasy, but if I look closely, I might be spending too much time lamenting past mistakes or wishing for a better future. Life is like a dance: the importance is in the dance itself, not reaching the end of the song.

One day I had what I now call a “spiritual awakening.” No, there weren't any angels, no God tapping me on the shoulder or striking me blind. No burning bushes or lightning. In fact, it took place in a cage at a police precinct. That first awakening (my life, it seems, has become a series of awakenings) was mostly a bargain basement affair that occurred at the darkest, most desperate time of my life. Essentially, that first awakening was about coming to terms with utter, hopeless defeat. I think people do not pay enough attention to defeat or the loss of hope and that is unfortunate. You see, it is during those times when we can potentially open up to a new way of seeing things. At least it was for me. Since that time, with a lot of help from many different people, and many more awakenings (some rude), I have been able to pick up most of the pieces of the wreckage of my life.

Throughout my ongoing journey there were times when it seemed that the distance was too long -- almost impossible. But I just put one foot in front of another, one day at a time (sometimes one breath at a time) and when things seemed really bleak, I used the power of a support network -- men and women who were there for me and gave me what I needed and not what I wanted. More importantly, these are people who love me because of my character defects. I decided I wanted a gentle path. I learned that the important thing was to stay on my journey and to allow things to unfold on their own. You put in the work long enough... shit happens. Good or bad.

If I look back I can say “I” (meaning the “I” encompassing my family, friends, and community) have come a long way since that dreadful time almost 26 years ago. What I have learned is that if I’m on a positive and spiritual direction, that I have a good part of my journey behind me. The lesson here being that once I start, outside the door, I am already progressing. And I will continue to progress if I remember that it is the reward of the journey itself that I seek, not merely the destination.

Wish me luck. I certainly hope your journey is long and slow.

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…