Salma Hayek's Breasts (Being a Serious Discussion on Healthcare Reform)

¡Hola! Everybody...
I have a series of posts documenting racism in a variety of areas of American life... but this health care “debate” really has me flummoxed. What follows is an attempt to put an end to all the health care myths being spouted by your uber-conservative brother-in-law, internally racially oppressed siblings and cousins, and 99.9999% of the Texas population....

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-=[ Everything Bad is GOOD for You ]=-

War is peace! Freedom is slavery! Fox News is Journalism!

[shamelessly ganked/ adopted from The Nation]

I am an avowed political junkie. I watch/ read/ analyze news like some guys watch sports. But I gotta tell ya: the recent, so-called “public dialog” on healthcare makes me sick -- literally. and I was thinking that if it makes me sick, then the average Joe/ Jane Six-pack has either tuned out, or is drinking the undiluted conservative Kool-Aid yet again (You betcha! *wink*). To say that there’s been a lot of misinformation about proposals to reform the health insurance industry and provide (near) universal coverage is to put it mildly. However, this is understandable. Health care is a complicated issue that simply couldn’t be put up on American Idol and voted on willy-nilly. One has to understand the nuances -- the intended and unintended consequences, for example, -- of social policy reform. I will attempt to simplify the issue in the following...

Is it true that all of the bills currently proposed would end the practice whereby health insurance providers refuse to treat customers who’ve paid their premiums simply because they’ve become ill?

Are you stupid?!! No! That’s a common misunderstanding. Why would we actually propose such a measure and cheat the rich from their rightful due?!! That’s socialism! Actually, all of the bills would legally bar surgeons from performing surgery until a panel of gay illegal immigrants signed off on the procedure. And then only if you agree to a sex change operation.

Is it true that health care reform would ban insurers from refusing to insure people because of pre-existing conditions?

OMG!! Wrong again! In order to achieve health equality, the bills will actually authorize that every American be given a pre-existing condition. A National Pre-Existing Condition Commission (A Branch of the Death Commission), with liberal academics appointed from Harvard and Berkeley, will assess each citizen, and based on their demographic profile, choose their illness. Each disease or syndrome will be scored on a Lichter scale of 1 to 5, with 5 being the most severe. White Christian men will automatically receive pre-existing conditions of eight or higher. Black people, “Wise-assed Latinas,” and ACORN members will, of course, be exempted.

Are proposals currently under consideration providing seniors with option of free counseling sessions under Medicare, where they can discuss a living will and end-of-life care.

That’s a terrible idea and a huge misconception. The bills require all senior citizens (who are non-union members) be euthanized on their 70th birthday. Rev. Sharpton, using a satanic version of the bible, will perform all last rites.

I’ve heard the bills being proposed would require insurers to provide preventative care, like mammograms, free of charge.

Wrong!! However, all lactating mothers will be forced to watch Salma Hayek videos on breast feeding and forced to breast-feed all poor black and Latino/a children.

Will the current bills propose to kill children with severe cognitive disabilities?

Absolutely not! New legislation, however, will pay for the sterilization of Sarah Palin (as a preventive measure against the dumbing down of America), and teens will be forced to practice the Bristol Palin “pull-out-and-pray” technique of birth control.

There! Now you have all the facts you need to make an informed decision. Please be sure to visit the Heritage Foundation, the Cato Institute, and watch Fox News to get in-depth, shameless and unbiased cheerleading for our corporatocracy.

Remember: bad things are good for you!

Love,

Eddie