Friday, September 23, 2011

The Friday Sex Blog [Opening Imperfectly]

¡Hola! Everybody…
Just in case you haven’t noticed, Facebook has undergone a major upgrade (there’s more to come). All I wanna know is: why the fuck hasn’t anyone subscribed to my Facebook insanity?!! LOL!

It’s Friday and it’s all about sex (kinda)…

* * *

-=[ Perfectly Opening ]=-

I hunger for your surrender
I yearn to have you splayed
and vulnerable.
Radiating please like
light from the Sun.

I am currently experiencing a whole slew of challenges and the almost natural impulse is to close down -- to contract. I mean, I don’t have the space, the time, nor the little patience I could claim in the first place (or at least I sometimes allow my filters to tell me so). I find myself having to be vigilant about what or how I say things, my reactions, my thought constellations, because contraction means something fucked up is going to come out of my mouth and I will rationalize it by correctly observing that the shit is all fucked up right now. LOL!

And if I hear one more asshole talk about “it will be alright,” “you will prevail,” and that fucker of all clichés, “God won’t give you more than you can handle” -- if I hear one more bullshit line like that, I’m going to explode. It’s bullshit, people. Some things will not turn out for the better, and, while I’m at it, your god is a fuckin' sadistic sociopath. Some people will not recover from an illness, some people will not get better, and having you standing there telling them that they’re basically fucked up for knowing this is a fucked up thing to do. It’s compassion, yes, but it’s an idiot’s compassion.

I realize that it’s a superficial, unthinking attempt to assure another, but such empty encouragements have the unintended effect of communicating that not feeling good is a bad thing, and that’s superficial. If you truly love life, you don’t pick and choose which parts. If you love someone, you love them, warts and all (well, in my book at least). You don’t pick and choose which parts to love, which parts to ignore, and which parts to honor. True love, love without strings attached, is an act of constant opening. And that is the challenge of life: that no matter how sick you are in body and mind, no matter how much you’re suffering, you can still open. Deep, loving, healing opening encompasses all states of body and mind.

And you know? I don’t know if you got the memo, but opening to it all won’t cure all your pathologies and neuroses. If you inherited nearsightedness from your parents, then opening the fuck up probably won’t change your need to wear glasses. If your mind has been conditioned by years of traumatic abuse, then spiritual openness won’t eliminate your need to bite your lover’s cock (I’m kidding, but you get my drift).

However, the point of all this that you can be a fuckin’ myopic neurotic and still remain open with the freedom of boundless love. You may squint and become anxious as your lover undresses, but the humor of your response can carry the moment. You can offer your love, laughter and openness to the emotional tics that are the natural consequences of your history. You can’t stop the waves, dearest, but you can learn to surf (and really now: who wants to surf only small waves?). You can be open even as you shriek while I attempt to enter your … never mind! What I mean to say is that the only power you have is the option to choose to respond with love and openness.

That’s your only card, baby.

Even as you open, laugh, fuck, and love, the karmic patterns of your body and mind have their own momentum. Heart disease, cancer, and even addiction have existed in many profoundly open men and women. Every kind of sexual style and twist can be found in the biographies of spiritual teachers. Your openness and mine, dearest, can be real and deep, and still your mind/ body ripples, patterning itself according to the past and present habits.

If you were sexually molested by a significant adult figure, then now as an adult you may react to your lover’s advances with numbness or trepidation. You may contract and your pelvis may lock. The patterning of your body/ mind is what it is. You can change it to some degree, but the important fact is that you can always open as it is, even now. Open now, offering your heart’s gift, and also do your best to live skillfully in the present moment (opening and skillful living are connected).

We all have done things we have later regretted. We can learn from our mistakes and try to do better next time. If your body/ mind pattern causes undue suffering, in your life or the lives of others, you can work to transform these patterns, heal them as much as possible, and grow more fully, realizing the full potential of your humanity. But this growth, important as it is, is not the same as spiritual openness and depth. An actualized individual may serve to create positive change in the world and yet not be able to be open and feel fully. One of the hand, someone may be wide open and feeling all, yet appear to be a raving lunatic, lustful, and drug addicted. In fact, such a person just might be crazy, lustful, and drug addicted -- and yet be open sp deeply their heart feels more than you can ever realize or know, their love extending to you without limits or boundaries.

What I’m trying to say is that your body may remain bent and your mind warped, but love can extend through all your spectacular distortions and character defects. Even in your imperfections, there exists the great gift of openness, love, and awakening -- all this can be given and have been given, through arthritic fingers and alcohol drenched minds.

Yeah, it might not get better, motherfuckers. I might lose my apartment, be unable to feed myself, get sick and not be able to afford a fuckin' doctor or clinic visit, but that’s not the point -- sometimes that’s life on life’s terms, bitches. The point isn’t whether it will get better (whatever the fuck that means); the point is that living large is really about opening to it all -- the full catastrophe of life. Even as sadness, anger, lust, greed, continues to arise in your emotional patterns formed by years of mammalian struggle, parental and spousal abuse, and self torture, you can still practice opening without bounds. You can practice opening and giving in every present moment regardless of the circumstances -- even circumstances that will not get better. Fuck getting better, feel whatever love you can in this moment, however small. Do this and you can withstand and even welcome whatever waves come your way.



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