Well, this weekend marks the official end of summer. Personally, I would like to extend my gratitude to all the women who, in the quest for attention, paraded their scantily and seductively clad teats and asses for my benefit. I want you all to know that your efforts are truly appreciated. Keep up the good work!
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-=[ Sex Lies, pt. I ]=-
Men aren’t looking for true intimacy and liberation; they’re just looking to get laid.
This myth is one of my pet peeves. I hear it all the time and it’s up there with the lie that women aren’t looking to get laid. Bullshit.
The fact of the matter is not many people of either sex are actually looking for liberation, at least not until a very long and weary trail of life-long disappointments. And those “declaring” a need for intimacy have a funny definition for the word because intimacy requires surrender and trust and how many people have you met that are truly willing to open up and not merely pay lip service to what amounts to a vague notion of intimacy?
Liberation and intimacy is not something that’s really at the top of people’s list of things to do, right up there with finding that job, or “The One.” Perhaps this is an indication of out of whack priorities or lack of concern for substance, but personal growth is not a top priority and that’s certainly not an attitude limited to men.
Of course, men are expected to be horny -- all the time. God forbid a man would tell his mate he has a headache. LOL! We’re supposed to be at the ready, rock-hard cock in hand, at a moment’s notice. We’re perceived as natural for wanting sex, but that desire is also viewed as weak because the “little head” will eventually lead the “big head” astray, as if our fantasies were our vulnerable spot, our inherent weakness. And don’t you ladies have a grand laugh when you view the results. The ambiguity is such that you grant men sexual feeling as if it were inevitable, but then ridicule us for what you believe is our unavoidable undoing.
But what is this desire after all? I’ll tell you what it is: it’s the wish to feel sexual ecstasy with another person, to feel yourself completely inside another person’s body, to feel your own body open and wanting. As far as I’m concerned, that’s a noble purpose to aspire to and it deserves respect.
“But Eddie,” you might say, “it’s not always like that! Some people are totally removed and distant when they’re having sex; it’s all about ego, a notch on the belt.” And my response to that is: And?
Sure, there are some cold motherfuckers out there, whipping it in and out and walking away. The true irony is that even their stunted efforts are a warped search for connection -- for that fleeting moment ego defenses disappear, tumbling down and opening -- however fleeting -- to a connection in which they feel something superior and more complete than at any other time.
Shit, If we men can’t express that longing to our lovers, openly and without fear of being stigmatized, it’s not because there’s something twisted about sexual desire that serves to get in the way; it’s that fuckin’ committee in the brain that shames us and shuts us up. Yet every time we get laid, that’s another opportunity for opening up, for a chance to discover true intimacy.
Face it: A man who wants to get laid, is a man who wants to stay in the human race. Instead of ridiculing or marginalizing that yearning, why don’t we as a society perceive it as a positive and look more carefully at the nature of his sexual motivations.
It often seems like a miracle when you first cross that erotic bridge and discover that someone wants you. Especially if you’re convinced that you will be forever alone and unloved in this cold world. And you get laid -- again and again -- and the confidence acquired leads to you to new questions and new answers about the value of sex, about a lover’s needs and companionship in our lives, about this embodied sense of adventure and mystery.
And you know what? At that point, some of us are experiencing sexual liberation, whether we’re giving it a name or not. Some men will begin to question accepted norms of what a man is supposed to do and act like and will no doubt find many things oppressive and unnecessary. Just in case you haven’t received the memo, ladies, most men don’t want to sacrifice their emotions and sexual expression to outdated, anxiety-provoking and harmful concepts of masculinity. This is the first stage of the sexual liberation: not buying into outdated models of manhood and masculinity. Refusing to buy into or questioning the way things are is a revolutionary attempt of liberation in itself. It is a subversive act.
You should be happy to meet such a man for he still harbors a hope that there’s something better out there.
And he’s right.