Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Why I'm Single...

¡Hola! Everybody...
So! My recent output (centering mostly on romantic relationships) has spurred some questions. Mostly, the question boils down to: Why are you single? LOL There isn’t a simple answer to that, though complications never stopped me from attempting anything. So! Here goes...

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-=[ The Single Life ]=-

Or: The Man Your Mother Warned You About

Let me clarify right off the bat that I’m not attempting to justify or defend my “singledom.” I am single mostly because it is how I choose to live -- it’s a conscious lifestyle choice that I have grown accustomed to. There are many, many advantages to being single, believe me.

A little history... I’ve been single for most of my adult life primarily because I never viewed being in a committed relationship as a priority. I didn’t grow up idealizing the conventional “wife, 2.5 kids, house, picket fence” thingee. And yes, I liked to have fun and during my earlier years attempted to have as many sexual and relational experiences as possible . I am only making an observation when I state that I have experienced a lot. More than the norm. Some here would swear I’ve been reading too many Penthouse letters.

So strike off at least 20 years to simply being a whore -- mostly. Not a “player.” I was never a “player.” I am too introspective or conscientious for that. I am not cruel in the sense that I would intentionally look to hurt others in my quest for gratification. More accurately, I was a hedonist with philosophical tendencies. LOL!

(I’m having fun here, but I suspect there will be a price to pay.)

So! That’s how or why I was single for most of my adult life. But why am I single now, you ask?

Well, the reasons are many. For one there’s a large segment of women who will have nothing to do with me because of my past. I have a “past” and “bohemian” doesn’t even begin to describe it. I’ve been many things at different times in my life, many of them not attractive to the more conventional types (or any normal person, for that matter!). As a consequence, my past serves to stigmatize me. I’ve been everything from addict to (make-believe) pimp to criminal to scam artist to... well, you get the idea. In a superficial way, I am the man your mother warned you about! And no, whatever rumors you may have heard, I have never thought it was cool to fuck my girlfriend in the ass and leave her (though to be honest, I've entertained the notion more than a few times).

I’m kidding! LOL

I’ve met many women who have balked because of my past. And that’s OK, really. I am open and honest about who and what I was and if you can’t accept that, it really doesn’t pain me. Good luck and before you close the door (gently please), take as your parting gift that ultimate prize -- the last word. Summed up, there are women who won’t have much to do with me because I’m the Gangster of Love or some bullshit like that.

I am 54 years-old but my outlook is young in nature. I love to laugh, to flirt, to have fun. I have seen more ugliness than even my tired eyes could ever tell you, but I’m still utterly fascinated and awed by life. I am curious to the point of distraction and I enjoy exploring new ideas and questioning beliefs (yours and mine). I think this is both an attraction and a turn-off. For some , my “look” and attitude spell, “PLAYER!” or at the very least immaturity. I’m still the one who will point out the Emperor (or hostess) has no clothes when everybody else knows discretion is the better part of valor. I sometimes get that “look” from women (at least from those quick to judgment). You know that look that says, “You’re trifling... ” or something like that. Women lacking an evolved sense of humor won’t get me. So! There’s that.

But here’s the primary reason why I’m single. I am single because when I commit, I commit completely and fully, I don’t play around. When I open my heart, there are no conditions.

No ifs, ands, or buts.

I take relationships seriously when I do commit and that means work and getting out of my comfort zone. And I guess if you’re with me the one promise I can make it that there’ll never be a dull moment. *grin*

I’ve met too many women who claim to want intimacy, but whose idea of intimacy is really me doing what they want me to do, or (worse), an intimacy that’s only about holding hands and doing the touchy-feeling thing. To me, that’s not intimacy, it’s a childish idea of intimacy. Intimacy is about opening up and becoming fuckin' vulnerable in a way that’s oftentimes very scary. Intimacy demands complete, utter surrender. No holding back, giving it all even when you’re too afraid. It’s really about taking a huge chance in the face of the overwhelming evidence of past hurt and betrayals. And let me tell you: there aren’t too many people willing to be like that and I’m too fuckin' old to play house.

So there, that’s my story and I am sticking to it! LOL




  1. Love you, Bro!

  2. Love you back! 8-)

  3. I always tell folks, you can be single but not alone. I don't get why at a certain age you HAVE to be married or something like that. I never will.

  4. I just love how you write man 

  5. thank you baby! That was nice of you to say. :*

  6. I like that. There is a HUGE differencve between being alone and being songle. A big difference between solitude and loneliness. Just never say never, bro! LOL

  7. There's nothing wrong with being single. There's nothing wrong with not having kids.

    It should not feel necessary for me to say that. People ought to be able to live life in a manner that pleases them.

    I liked this blog a lot. I have other priorities than relationships, too. And most days, I'm very happy about it.

  8. I applaud this post. Still in my early 30s I see things rather clearly and marriage just doesn't seem to be one of them. Of course, going single for this long and for the majority of my adult life, marriage seems to be uneccessary, at least for me.  I find my single life good and peaceful, whereas many would call me selfish because I don't want to commit and have children. I feel that part about vulnerabilty and intimacy. I don't play those games either...

  9. "It should not feel necessary for me to say that."

    Exactly! And therein lies the bias. Don't get me wrong, I'm not "anti-marriage" (though I do think we need to reinvent it), just questioning the pressure placed on it.

  10. Thanks for the input. Amnd yeah, we should be the ones defining the pursuit of happiness, not others, or society's idea.


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