Sunday Sermon [In the Heart of the Heart of Winter ]

Hola Everybody...
We’re caught in the grip of winter, here in El Norte, The Land of the Snow... 

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Winter

In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.

-- Albert Camus

If you pressed me, I would tell you outright that I absolutely despise winter. I detest the cold, the short days and long nights, the layers of clothing, and the claustrophobia of confined spaces. But if I look deeper, I also know that there’s much to appreciate about winter: I love the changing of the seasons and how they mark the passage of time; the coziness of a cold Christmas morning (a barbeque in Christmas?!?! No way!!!); the excuse of not going anywhere because -- “Dayum! -- it's cold outside!” I like the fact that winter allows you to get dressed to the nines when you do go out to socialize. There is a fresh, cutting newness to the air and the time spent inside can lead to much-needed physical and spiritual refueling.

I find that people who live in temperate zones -- where there is a winter, think faster, and enunciate more clearly than their southern peers. Heck, you have to think fast -- it’s a matter of life and death! Okay, okay, I’ll admit to a bit of northeastern snobbery, but I am just having fun and I think you get my drift. Yeah, there is much to appreciate in winter. 

Winter also allows one to become more introspective, to reserve energy, and look within. Sometimes the seasons mirror the emotions we grapple with: we suddenly see or sense conflicting emotions within ourselves. The cold of winter presses in on us and we may feel tested by its sharp bite.

Yet, when we think we cannot bear a moment longer, we find a force within, an inner reassurance that comes like a summer breeze and says we do what we must. Perhaps it comes in a moment of despair, and then the realization we have made it this far -- that we are strong. In our deepest sadness about the loss of a love, we may find a more meaningful relationship with something more powerful -- with ourselves, for example, or a “Higher Power.”

The winters of our lives may tempt us to curse the cold and darkness. Similarly, the conflicts in our lives may tempt us to struggle with them. One side may be very clear and obvious while the other is nebulous and hidden. When we are open, these extremes become equal teachers for us. As we think about the seasons and our feelings today, what opposites do we find? Whatever the answers (or, more importantly, the questions), perhaps today we can remember that we have an invincible summer at the deepest part of the winter in our lives.

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…

Your Greatest Fear

Hola mi gente,

My first week at my new job was better than I could have hoped. You know, there’s always a measure of anxiety when starting over new. There are the concerns over the supervision: will it be micro-managed oppression or supportive leadership? And what of the organizational culture: combative competitiveness or mutually respectful camaraderie -- the feeling of shared adversity and kinship.

Of course, no place is perfect, but there are varying degrees of organizational function/ dysfunction…

I am happy to say that I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the welcome extended to me at my new job. It’s a smaller shop than I am accustomed to, but throughout my first week, almost everyone of my colleagues made it their business to come to me and extend a personal and warm welcome. My impression is that I am at a place where I will be challenged, but in a supportive way and that the relationship will be a mutually beneficial one.

I also have come to the realization that I tend to underestimate my estimation, that there are people in the field who know of me or my work.

I used to have a printed/ framed version of the following in my office. The last year or so has reminded me of its truth…

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Our Greatest Fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

from A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson

* * *

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…

The Friday Sex Blog [Transmutation]

¡Hola! Everybody…
Well, if you’ve been itching to meet yours truly or to kick my ass (or try, motherfucker) I will be hanging out tomorrow at New Jersey’s Palisades Interstate Park with some friends (quite a few from the internet). If you’re interested check out the Evite for details (click here). (I promise not to try to fuck you in the ass LOL!)

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-=[ Flipping the Script]=-

A young lady had just begun menstruating, and was suffering from debilitating cramps. Unfortunately, massive doses of ibuprofen did nothing to relieve the distress, so she went to her acupuncturist, Dr. Lily Ming, to get relief.

Dr. Ming had her lie down on the table and proceeded to insert several needles in her belly and hand and ear. Then Dr. Ming did something our intrepid heroine was unfamiliar with: She light pounded on the nail of the young lady’s big toe with a silver hammer for a few minutes.

“Why are you doing that?” the young lady asked.

“It’s good for the uterus,” the doctor replied.

And sure enough, the young lady’s cramps dramatically decreased as the doctor thumped, and in the days to come they did not return.

After the session, as our young lady prepared to leave, the usually quiet and reserved Dr. Ming started up a conversation. Surprised, the young lady listened as the doctor made a series of revelations. By far the most surprising was Dr. Ming’s description of a traumatic event from her own childhood.

During the military occupation of her native Manchuria, a province of China, she was forced to witness Japanese soldiers torturing people she loved. Their primary act of atrocity was using hammers to drive bamboo shoots through their victims’ big toes.

The moral of the story you ask? (Okay, you didn’t ask, but I like to pretend you ask shit like that. ) Dr. Ming has accomplished the heroic feat of reversing the meaning of her most traumatic imprint. She has turned a symbol of pain into a symbol and tool for healing.

Dr. Ming is a power of example for me and challenges me to ask others and myself: what’s your excuse?

Love,

Eddie

In the Heart of the Heart of Winter

¡Hola! Everybody...
We’re caught in the grip of a winter storm, here in El Norte, The Land of the Snow...

* * *

-=[ Winter ]=-

In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.

-- Albert Camus

If you pressed me, I would tell you outright that I absolutely despise winter. I detest the cold, the short days, the layers of clothing, and the claustrophobia of confined spaces. But if I look deeper, I also know that there’s much to appreciate about winter: I love the changing of the seasons and how they mark the passage of time; the coziness of a cold Christmas morning (a barbeque in Christmas?!?! No way!!!); the excuse of not going anywhere because -- “Dayum! -- it's cold outside!” I like the fact that winter allows you to get dressed to the nines when you go out to socialize.

I find that people who live in temperate zones -- where there is a winter, think faster and speak more clearly than their southern peers. *grin* Heck, you have to think fast -- it’s a matter of life and death! Okay, okay, this is a bit of northeastern snobbery, I admit, but I am just having fun and I think you get my drift. Yeah, there is much to appreciate in winter.

Winter also allows one to become more introspective, to reserve energy and look within. Sometimes the seasons mirror the emotions we grapple with: we suddenly see or sense conflicting emotions within ourselves. The cold of winter presses in on us and we may feel tested by it’s sharp bite.

Yet, when we think we cannot bear a moment longer, we find a force within, an inner reassurance that comes like a summer breeze and says we do what we must. Perhaps it comes in a moment of despair, and we realize we have made it this far -- that we are strong. In our deepest sadness about the loss of a love, we may find a more meaningful relationship with something more powerful -- a “Higher Power.”

The winters of our lives may tempt us to curse the cold and darkness. Similarly, the conflicts in our lives may tempt us to struggle with them. One side may be very clear and obvious while the other is nebulous and hidden. When we are open, these extremes become equal teachers for us. As we think about the seasons and our feelings today, what opposites do we find? Whatever the answers, perhaps today we can remember that we have an invincible summer at the deepest part of the winter in our lives.

Love,

Eddie

Sunday Sermon (Who Are You)

¡Hola! Everybody…
The most common question from people I meet via the internet comes from their curiosity about where I get the material I write. For me, it’s not so much as looking for something to write, but what to write about. There’s much in here, as in life. There’s much in life – always – even when your filters blind you to the fact of reality… If you’re alive and bored, then you have committed a great sin, for even boredom is interesting if you bring the fresh light of a child’s wonder to it…

In the beginner’s mind there many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few…

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-=[ Who Are You ]=-

“I’m going to make a seawall
with my small happiness…
I don’t want the sea to know
that pains go through my breast.”
-- Julia de Burgos, Seawall

I once met a woman who worked mightily to convince me she loved me. She sent me messages everyday, assured my doubting heart. She spoke with such complete conviction and happy anticipation of what “our love” would lead to; she knew that whatever, we would somehow be a part of one another’s lives. She couldn’t wait for us to consummate our love! And though my practiced heart had reservations, I allowed it to fly on those wings of words and for a brief moment we soared.

This woman disappeared from my life and in actuality, never expended an ounce of energy to bring flesh to her words. I know practically nothing of her and she slowly faded from my life.

Did she get her claws in me?

Yes.

She was in there – deep -- because I let her in. The red flags and the alarm systems were going off and if her pronouncements were a terrorist threat we’d be in yellow or red alert or whatever dysfunctional response conservative buffoons running this country came up with.

Yet I allowed this woman into my heart. I was thinking to myself that I’m fortunate that I possess some measure of integration. For while she did manage to come inside Love and there is some measure of hurt, I had already learned that we cannot shield ourselves from pain. I have learned that every vulnerable moment is an opportunity to awaken to our true selves.

But I’m getting ahead of myself today. Let me begin again with the following advice. I almost never offer advice, for I find it disabling and condescending. But let me offer this if just this once:

Don’t allow life to harden your heart.

I know you have been heart – many times. I also know that you may despair of ever finding a true soul who will love and understand you. I’ve been there, I know what that feels like.

And sometimes your broken heart surrenders to anxiety, anger, resentment, and blame. And yes, I know there are sick people out there, Hungry Ghosts, who in their mad grab for emotional sustenance will do or say anything. Theirs is a painful hell.

But if you look under your hard-won armor, you will find a softness. My sad heart teaches me compassion. So, in a very real way, this woman taught me to love. She can’t really hurt me, whoever I am. Yes, she can hurt my self-concept and make me doubt my self-esteem, but that’s small. In truth, the divine spark of which I am made – of which we are all made of -- can never be hurt. My Higher Self encompasses and embraces her madness. Truthfully, we are one. The ache of my heart is a profound blessing that I can turn into a tool for living my life as an offering. And, people? The only true prayer is to live your life as an offering of your deepest gifts.

Your ego is a thought borne of fear. The ego is merely a belief system we create to shield ourselves from the pain and hurt of life. It is but a fragment of your mind. It is such a small part, that if you would realize the larger whole, it would resemble the smallest sunbeam of a vast Sun, or like an almost imperceptible ripple that calls itself The Ocean.

It’s our seawall and we can no sooner hide our pain from the ocean as cover the sky with our hand.

Don’t accept this little, defended, fenced-off aspect as who you are. In fact, the sun and the ocean are nothing compared to your true Higher Self.

The sad thing is that you believe that without the ego all would be lost, while in reality without this clinging to ego all would be Love.

Love,

Eddie

Your Greatest Fear

¡Hola! Everybody,
Let me take a moment to wish 360’s own midget agent provocateur, Morris, a Happy Birthday…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEE-ATCH!

Morris is an asshole (or acts like one most of the time), but he can take it as well as he dishes it out. One thing we can’t accuse Morris of is not having a sense of humor. LOL Have a great day, Morris. And may you and yours know happiness…

I’m still very busy.

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Your Greatest Fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we subconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson

-- from A Return to Love

* * *

Love,

Eddie