Unreasonable Happiness

Hola mi Gente,
My default facial expression is a smile. I think it’s always been like that. Even photographs of me as an infant, you see that smile -- constantly. In fact, laughter -- often in the face of hardship -- is something I learned long ago. Even that day when a court was offering me 15 years to life as an opening bid, after freaking out, I went back to Rikers and laughed my ass off.

Island Life

The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge, while an ordinary man takes everything as a blessing or a curse.
 -- Carlos Castaneda

Imagine spending the better part of a year living on an island paradise living off low hanging fruit. For company, you have the most beautiful woman (or man). You go barefoot for so long, your shoes no longer fit. Sounds great, right? A dream, a fantasy come true. And it was!

Except for one thing...Wherever I went, there I was.

Let me start over. I have to say that I honestly have no regrets. In fact, if I had to do it all over again, I would make all the same mistakes again -- only sooner. I know this sounds like a cliché (and it is), but it is true. This comes from gratitude. Gratitude is a kind of spiritual dignity. Everything I ever did, everything I have experienced, has conspired to create the man you see before you today. And for some time now, I have been truly genuinely grateful for who I am. It’s not ego. I meet plenty of people who say they love themselves, but what if what you’re “loving” is fucked up? LOL That’s ego, not love.

Every pain, every hardship, every mistake -- all of it -- I would do it all over again, and I have no regrets. Pain is a great teacher. I think it was the poet, Gibran, who said, “Pain is the breaking of the shell of your understanding.” Today, I try to welcome the negative, the ugly, the positive, and beautiful equally. Our feelings are our children and why would we abandoned the angels with dirty faces and keep only the well-mannered, socially acceptable feelings?

Back to the beach. There you are in one of the most beautiful places on the planet. You’re on an island untainted by pollution and modern technology. White sands, aquamarine water, pale blue skies smeared with occasional tufts of white cotton candy clouds. There is nothing but the moment and the attentions of a lover or friend. Paradise, right? But what if your state of mind doesn’t see it that way? What if you're more concerned with ruminating on the past (memories) and chasing the future (fantasy) than you are in enjoying that island paradise?

What I’m trying to say is that people (the lover/ friend), places (the island), or things (possessions) are not the prerequisites for happiness. If you’re feeling fucked up right now, it wouldn’t matter where you were, no sooner that you become habituated and the novelty wears off, you will be back to feeling fucked up. The sand will be too hot, the humidity unbearable, for example. Happiness and joy is a state of being, not a place. Sure, it’s easier to think that you could do the happy dance faster if your ideal man or woman was feeding you grapes on some isolated island paradise, but that’s bullshit.

I know... 

If you want to be happy (and let’s face it, some of us don’t), then all you have to do is create it. I am a sun worshiper, for example, and my idea of retirement would be to run a used bookstore on some tropical island (mate optional). Still, I have lived on that island all these years and you can too. Let’s try a quick exercise. Try to envision your concept of what you think will make you happy. What is your fantasy of happiness? For example, if my island fantasy is to your liking, imagine yourself there. How would you act? How would you look, talk, and walk? What would your frame of mind be like? How would you feel inside?

Got it? Hold it in your mind. Get all the details down, from your smile to your manner of dress, attitude, etc. 

Now here’s my last question for you: what’s stopping you from living like that right now?

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization... 

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Sunday Sermon [In the Heart of the Heart of Winter ]

Hola Everybody...
We’re caught in the grip of winter, here in El Norte, The Land of the Snow... 

* * *

Winter

In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.

-- Albert Camus

If you pressed me, I would tell you outright that I absolutely despise winter. I detest the cold, the short days and long nights, the layers of clothing, and the claustrophobia of confined spaces. But if I look deeper, I also know that there’s much to appreciate about winter: I love the changing of the seasons and how they mark the passage of time; the coziness of a cold Christmas morning (a barbeque in Christmas?!?! No way!!!); the excuse of not going anywhere because -- “Dayum! -- it's cold outside!” I like the fact that winter allows you to get dressed to the nines when you do go out to socialize. There is a fresh, cutting newness to the air and the time spent inside can lead to much-needed physical and spiritual refueling.

I find that people who live in temperate zones -- where there is a winter, think faster, and enunciate more clearly than their southern peers. Heck, you have to think fast -- it’s a matter of life and death! Okay, okay, I’ll admit to a bit of northeastern snobbery, but I am just having fun and I think you get my drift. Yeah, there is much to appreciate in winter. 

Winter also allows one to become more introspective, to reserve energy, and look within. Sometimes the seasons mirror the emotions we grapple with: we suddenly see or sense conflicting emotions within ourselves. The cold of winter presses in on us and we may feel tested by its sharp bite.

Yet, when we think we cannot bear a moment longer, we find a force within, an inner reassurance that comes like a summer breeze and says we do what we must. Perhaps it comes in a moment of despair, and then the realization we have made it this far -- that we are strong. In our deepest sadness about the loss of a love, we may find a more meaningful relationship with something more powerful -- with ourselves, for example, or a “Higher Power.”

The winters of our lives may tempt us to curse the cold and darkness. Similarly, the conflicts in our lives may tempt us to struggle with them. One side may be very clear and obvious while the other is nebulous and hidden. When we are open, these extremes become equal teachers for us. As we think about the seasons and our feelings today, what opposites do we find? Whatever the answers (or, more importantly, the questions), perhaps today we can remember that we have an invincible summer at the deepest part of the winter in our lives.

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…

Unreasonable Happiness, Pt I

Hola mi Gente,

I love it... it’s summer, motherfuckers! Heat, humidity, insanity, and the perfect excuse to go to the beach. Damn!

* * *

Island Life

The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge, while an ordinary man takes everything as a blessing or a curse.

-- Carlos Castaneda

            Imagine spending the better part of a year living on an island paradise living off low hanging fruit. For company, you have the most beautiful woman (or man). You go barefoot for so long your shoes no longer fit you. Sounds great, right? A dream, a fantasy come true. And it was!

Except for one thing...Wherever I went, there I was.

Let me start over. I have to say that I honestly have no regrets. In fact, if I had to do it all over again, I would make all the same mistakes again -- only sooner. I know this sounds like a cliché (and it is), but it is true. This comes from gratitude. Gratitude is a kind of spiritual dignity. Everything I ever did, everything I have experienced has conspired to create the man you see before you today. And for some time now, I have been truly genuinely grateful for who I am today. It’s not ego. I meet plenty of people who say they love themselves, but what if what you’re “loving” is fucked up? LOL That’s ego, not love.

Every pain, every hardship, every mistake -- all of it -- I would do it all over again, and I have no regrets. Pain is a great teacher. I think it was the poet Gibran who said, “Pain is the breaking of the shell of your understanding.” Today, I try to welcome the negative, the ugly, the positive, and beautiful equally. Our feelings are our children and why would you abandoned the angels with dirty faces and keep only the well-mannered, socially acceptable feelings?

Back to the beach. There you are in one of the most beautiful places on the planet. Totally untainted by pollution and modern technology. White sands, aquamarine water, pale blue skies smeared with occasional tufts of white cotton candy clouds. Nothing but the moment and the attentions of a goddess/ god of a woman/ man to tend to. Paradise, right? But what if your state of mind doesn’t see it that way? What if you're more concerned with ruminating on the past (memories) and chasing the future (fantasy) than you are in enjoying that island paradise?

What I’m trying to say is that people (the woman), places (the island), or things (possessions) are not the prerequisites for happiness. If you’re feeling fucked up right now, it wouldn’t matter where you were, no sooner that you become habituated and the novelty wears off, you will be back to feeling fucked up. Happiness and joy is a state of being, not a place. Sure, it’s easier to think that you could do the happy place faster if your ideal man or woman was feeding you grapes on some isolated island paradise, but that’s bullshit.

I know...

If you want to be happy (and let’s face it, some of us don’t), then all you have to do is create it. I am a sun worshiper, for example, and my idea of retirement would be to run a used bookstore on some tropical island (mate optional). Still, I live on that island all these years later and you can too. Think of what you think will make you happy. What is your fantasy of happiness? For example, if my island fantasy is to your liking, imagine yourself there. How would you act? How would you look, talk, and walk? What would your frame of mind be like?

Got it? Hold it in your mind. Get all the details down, from your smile to your manner of dress, attitude, etc. 

Now here’s my last question for you: what’s stopping you from living like that right now?

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization... 

Sunday Sermon [Island life]

¡Hola! Everybody...
I went for one of my solitary walks in The City yesterday and it’s amazing what a paltry 50 degrees will do to people! LOL Today, a good friend will be hosting her book launch. Aside from having a really cool name, Puma Perl, she’s an excellent poet. She likes to call her poetry “bad girl” poetry and her work does have an edge (Duh, her latest is titled “Knuckle Tattoos” LOL). What I like about her work, however, is that her edge is real. Many people try to adopt that kind of raw edge, but ultimately what they offer is a pose. Ma girl Puma’s edge is heartfelt, from the core. I highly recommend her... If you can’t make her book party today:

Bowery Poetry Club/ 308 Bowery/ 6-7:30 (Click here for details and directions)

You can check out her work here (click here)

* * *

-=[ Island Life ]=-

The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge, while an ordinary man takes everything as a blessing or a curse.

-- Carlos Castaneda

Imagine spending the better part of a year living on an island paradise living off low hanging fruit. For company, you have the most beautiful woman (or man). You go barefoot for so long your shoes no longer fit you. Sounds great, right? A dream, a fantasy come true. And it was!

Except for one thing...Wherever I went, there I was.

Let me start over. I have to say that I honestly have no regrets. In fact, if I had to do it all over again, I would make all the same mistakes again -- only sooner. I know this sounds like a cliché (and it is), but it is true. This comes from gratitude. Gratitude is a kind of spiritual dignity. Everything I ever did, everything I have experienced has conspired to create the man you see before you today. And for some time now, I have been truly genuinely grateful for who I am today. It’s not ego. I meet plenty of people who say they love themselves, but what if what you’re “loving” is fucked up? LOL That’s ego, not love.

Every pain, every hardship, every mistake -- all of it -- I would do it all over again, and I have no regrets. Pain is a great teacher. I think it was the poet Gibran who said, “Pain is the breaking of the shell of your understanding.” Today, I try to welcome the negative, the ugly, the positive, and beautiful equally. Our feelings are our children and why would you abandoned the angels with dirty faces and keep only the well-mannered, socially acceptable feelings?

Back to the beach. There you are in one of the most beautiful places on the planet. Totally untainted by pollution and modern technology. White sands, aquamarine water, pale blue skies smeared with occasional tufts of white cotton candy clouds. Nothing but the moment and the attentions of a goddess/ god of a woman/ man to tend to. Paradise, right? But what if your state of mind doesn’t see it that way? What if you're more concerned with ruminating on the past (memories) and chasing the future (fantasy) than you are in enjoying that island paradise?

What I’m trying to say is that people (the woman), places (the island), or things (possessions) are not the prerequisites for happiness. If you’re feeling fucked up right now, it wouldn’t matter where you were, no sooner that you become habituated and the novelty wears off, you will be back to feeling fucked up. Happiness and joy is a state of being, not a place. Sure, it’s easier to think that you could do the happy place faster if your ideal man or woman was feeding you grapes on some isolated island paradise, but that’s bullshit.

I know...

If you want to be happy (and let’s face it, some of us don’t), then all you have to do is create it. I am a sun worshiper, for example, and my idea of retirement would be to run a used bookstore on some tropical island (mate optional). Still, I live on that island all these years later and you can too. Think of what you think will make you happy. What is your fantasy of happiness? For example, if my island fantasy is to your liking, imagine yourself there. How would you act? How would you look, talk, and walk? What would your frame of mind be like?

Got it? Hold it in your mind. Get all the details down, from your smile to your manner of dress, attitude, etc.

Now here’s my last question for you: what’s stopping you from living like that right now?

Love,

Eddie

In the Heart of the Heart of Winter

¡Hola! Everybody...
We’re caught in the grip of a winter storm, here in El Norte, The Land of the Snow...

* * *

-=[ Winter ]=-

In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.

-- Albert Camus

If you pressed me, I would tell you outright that I absolutely despise winter. I detest the cold, the short days, the layers of clothing, and the claustrophobia of confined spaces. But if I look deeper, I also know that there’s much to appreciate about winter: I love the changing of the seasons and how they mark the passage of time; the coziness of a cold Christmas morning (a barbeque in Christmas?!?! No way!!!); the excuse of not going anywhere because -- “Dayum! -- it's cold outside!” I like the fact that winter allows you to get dressed to the nines when you go out to socialize.

I find that people who live in temperate zones -- where there is a winter, think faster and speak more clearly than their southern peers. *grin* Heck, you have to think fast -- it’s a matter of life and death! Okay, okay, this is a bit of northeastern snobbery, I admit, but I am just having fun and I think you get my drift. Yeah, there is much to appreciate in winter.

Winter also allows one to become more introspective, to reserve energy and look within. Sometimes the seasons mirror the emotions we grapple with: we suddenly see or sense conflicting emotions within ourselves. The cold of winter presses in on us and we may feel tested by it’s sharp bite.

Yet, when we think we cannot bear a moment longer, we find a force within, an inner reassurance that comes like a summer breeze and says we do what we must. Perhaps it comes in a moment of despair, and we realize we have made it this far -- that we are strong. In our deepest sadness about the loss of a love, we may find a more meaningful relationship with something more powerful -- a “Higher Power.”

The winters of our lives may tempt us to curse the cold and darkness. Similarly, the conflicts in our lives may tempt us to struggle with them. One side may be very clear and obvious while the other is nebulous and hidden. When we are open, these extremes become equal teachers for us. As we think about the seasons and our feelings today, what opposites do we find? Whatever the answers, perhaps today we can remember that we have an invincible summer at the deepest part of the winter in our lives.

Love,

Eddie