Thursday, May 1, 2008

Healing Relationships

¡Hola! Everybody,
First, let me wish my friend Tony and his first born and very happy birthday. How cool is that to have a child share your birthday? Wait! Then that would mean my shine would have to be shared with someone else?!! Aww hell no! LOL

I’m kidding!

Many more, Tony, to you and yours.

I will be gone all day, folks. Play nice!

* * *

Healing Relationships

“All healing involves replacing fear with love.”
-- A Course in Miracles

I think many of us would find a relationship that heals something attractive. I know I would, cuz damn! I need a whole lotta healing!

Seriously though, why is it so many relationships evolve into the opposite of healing and become destructive to others and ourselves? The reason for this I think is that most of us look for love because of fear: we fear there isn’t enough love to go around, so we fight for and hoard it; we fear we won’t be loved, or are “unlovable” so we cling to it. In short, if fear drives our quest for love then it will surely erode our relationships because anything based on fear is the opposite of love.

The irony is that though relationships offer a unique opportunity for learning, healing, and awakening, many of us don’t want to learn, heal, or awaken. On one level, we want things to remain the same, but on another, deep down inside, we sense there has to be more than the house, the picket fence, and American Idol.

Well, some of us sense that! LOL

According to A Course in Miracles, healing is defined as “to make whole.” If we look at healing in that way, then there appears immediately a variety of ways to transform fear-based relationships into spiritually-based relationships in which the filters to the awareness of true love can be removed. We look for the perfect or “soul mate” when what we should be looking for someone who is willing. I don’t care if you’re selfish, self-centered, inconsiderate, and wee bit “touched,” as long as you’re willing to look at all that and walk this path alongside me. Well, I do care about all that (too much is too much! LOL), but I’d rather be with a totally fragmented soul willing to evolve, than someone who seems to have it all together. I love imperfect people, who’ve been through a world of shit!

Sorry for going off on a tangent. Where was I?

Oh Yeah! We can transform our relationships through many different ways, but the major way is through forgiveness for both others and ourselves. Most of us do not know the first fuckin’ thing about forgiveness. That’s why the ways in which we relate result in so much pain. We can use relationships as a means to let go of the past, but we more often use relationships to cling to the past. I think the phrase, “Till Death do us Part” has a lot to clinging to a past, or “freezing” a relationship.

Letting go of the past allows us to let go of the burden of guilt and accusations and awakening to the present. You can only love in the present. Love in the past is a memory and love in the future is a fantasy. Love exists only here, right now. It is here where we can establish true communication, experience genuine love, recognize our true Self in each other, and join together in a shared identity.

Some of us ask to be forgiven, but we should ask, rather, how to learn to forgive. Forgive and you will come to the realization that anything you don’t forgive is an illusion of your mind. Yes, people do horrible things and commit heinous crimes, but as long as you don’t forgive, those crimes committed against you will continue to live inside of you. Let me put it this way: every time you remember a hurt with a hardened heart, you have relived that hurt.somewhat real, reliving it is all your own making. The crime was

The fact is there is very little you would want that forgiveness does not give. Do you want peace of mind? Forgiveness offers it. Do you want happiness and a sense of purpose, and a sense of worthiness and beauty that transcends the world? Do you want care and safety, and the warmth of protection? Do you want a stillness that can never be disturbed, a gentleness that can never be hurt?

All this forgiveness offers you.

It is only in complete forgiveness, in which you come to the realization that there is nothing to forgive, that you are absolved completely.

Nothing real can be threatened.

Nothing unreal exists.



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