Your Horrorscope

¡Hola! Everybody,
I found someo0ne with plastering skills who won’t charge me my left nut (no, it’s not Frankie, she would charge more *grin*). I’m hoping he can do it before the weekend so that I can finish the entryway and love on to the living room.

Today’s post is in recognition of all you ADHD ma’fuccas with challenged attention spans (unless they’re reading the convoluted instructions for that new, 4-D-Cell gleaming Panasonic dildo).

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Your Horrible-scope

Horror-scope

Create a new bedtime story for someone you love and imagine you have a guardian angel that looks like me. Teach your pet to dance. Recreate your life-story using hand or sock puppets and some five-year-old as your director. Make believe you’re an ancient Thunder King or Woman-Warrior Queen. Go to the mall and sing New York, New York at the top of your lungs while scratching your genitals. Be sure to watch Sex and the City with your third eye. Drink holy water blessed by a really smart teen-aged girl. Always remember that you are The Chosen One (and so is everyone else).

Love,

Eddie