I liked the way it was in high school when you just simply asked someone to be yours. It was either a “yes” or a “no,” and that was that. No ambiguity, there it was in stark black and white:
“She’s my girlfriend.”
“He’s my boyfriend.”
She called to tell me she was coming and that was that. I have to love her tenacity. As I begin to write this, she’s sleeping, but I’m up, so, like, who’s yo daddy, now?!! LOL
I thought it was Monday…
* * *
-=[ Defensiveness ]=-
I learned a valuable lesson when I took to heart (and integrated) the following advice:
If it bothers you that much, then there’s something there you need to look at more honestly.
I wanted to defend against that advice because (goddammit!) there are exceptions to the rule!
I have since learned that even when you feel justified, it is always best to look honestly at whatever issue is renting space in your head. It could be that there’s nothing there. On the other hand, it could be that perhaps you’re annoyed because there’s an element of truth.
U believe what’s important is that energy that raises the need to be defensive about anything. As soon as we go there, we’ve aligned ourselves with delusion. We’re grasping at castles in the air. In Buddhism, attachment to this notion of “me” is considered the most profound of all suffering. And it is this attachment that often causes us to defend. We will fight to the bitter end to defend who “we” are.
But who are you, really?
Fear compels us to put up our defenses. It gives us the illusion that we are safe, hidden here behind all the armor. But genuine safety occurs only when you lay your defenses down. Living openly is to know true peace and safety. This is joy… Christians call this state of mind grace, and spiritual traditions from many cultures throughout history have called this by many names.
To defend your self must be frightening, isn’t it? I mean, what if you’re… wrong!
Defense comes from fear, and every time you increase your defenses, you increase your fear. You walk around thinking it offers safety and all it does is it makes you more anxious, and more depressed. It’s like Microsoft always having to pull out patches because it refuses to open up its source language. Yet, all open-source software is light years ahead of Microsoft in terms of security!
I just thought of that analogy! Dang! LOL
Defenses are the fool’s gold of those mad with the need to defend themselves. In actuality, if you want safety, peace of mind, and boundless joy, all you have to do is drop the bullshit defenses. Think of how much more energy you will be able to spend on creative shit when you stop defending your bullshit.
Moreover, believe me: most of the shit you’re defending is bullshit, but you will defend it to the very end. Or maybe not. Perhaps when you’re old and wrinkly, you’ll finally get it. I hope you get it before then.
If you want truth and certainty, as well as a sense of purpose al that is required is that you drop the defenses. Perhaps there is some truth that you’re spoiled, self-centered, and a terrible and inconsiderate lover!
So what?!! Welcome to the real world, Brainiac, we’re all imperfect up in here, though we spend a lot of time and energy denying it.
I like the way put it down south: you can put lipstick on a pig but… LOL!
You create the world you live in through your mental grasping. We create all these stories to defend our sense of self, but that’s all a lie, and you must know this somewhere deep inside. Want to know why people create fantasy lives on the internet? One of the major reasons is that their defending themselves from some irrational fear. They are mad with fear.
The good thing is that your defenses will not work… ever. You will be exposed… always. But you’re not in danger, sweetie, you never were. You have need for the defenses. When you truly recognize that you are safe, the obstacles to your happiness – your defenses – will disappear.
Now, I have to pay attention to the Kitten and go to the beach…