The Friday Sex Blog [Power and Surrender]

¡Hola! Everybody...
If you’re shopping today, then you’re fuckin’ crazy...

Period! LOL

I spent most of my Thanksgiving night running around with friends, visiting various homes and begging for food. Just to show you how much of an ingrate I am, I not only took food from one young lady, but I also attempted to seduce -- in the process expanding on the definition of “eating.” ::grin::

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-=[ S/M, Power and Surrender ]=-

“Woman’s destiny is to be wanton, like the bitch, the she-wolf; she must belong to all who claim her.”

-- Marquis de Sade

I once horrified a graduate school professor when I told him the story of how my mother would sometimes not only make me fetch the leather strap she beat me with, but would often make me smell it as a warning. Now, if you’re not from my culture, you may not understand this, but it was something that I saw with regularity in the Puerto Rican communities I was raised. In fact, that day, as I described this form of punishment during class, there was only one other person who understood -- she was giggling -- and she was a Boricua also, probably had been made to smell the leather too.

To my professor and classmates, I was describing child abuse (and I agree). However, everything must be taken within its cultural context. The funniest thing was that I was wearing all leather that day, as my professor astutely noted. LOL

I think many of readers don’t understand me. I don’t like to inflict pain -- I am not a sadist. I do, however, understand the connections between pain and pleasure and power. My major concern as a lover is to be concerned with giving my partner pleasure (and deriving some for myself, of course! LOL!).

Many of you, mindlessly seizing on an opportunity to yelp out an opinion, will quickly deny that you have never incorporated aspects of dominance and submission, but I think you’re full of shit. If you wear high heels, you’re willingly submitting to at least some uncomfortably in order to please -- pain/ pleasure. Women wear clothes that make no functional sense and are often uncomfortable -- who the fuck thinks it’s a good idea to put zippers where you can’t see them? The fact that you need the help of another to dress/ undress is itself a form of submission.

::blank stare::

But there are huge misconceptions about S/M or S&M, terms evolved from the word sadomasochism. The dictionary defines sadomasochism as the “perversion” of deriving sexual pleasure from either the infliction of the experience of pain. Most misconceptions about S/M originate from this unfortunate definition. Sadomasochism is often used to describe the nonsexual interchange between people involved in abusive behaviors. A bullying boss or battering husband is referred to as a “sadist,” while anyone physically or emotionally self-destructive is referred to as a “masochist.”

Add to this that Hollywood has done it best to advance stereotypes about S/M. How many movies have cast psychopathic transsexual or transvestite villains, or spice up their plots by involving murderous practitioners of “S/M”? Talk about having your cake and it eating, too! You’re invited to indulge in the sexually arousing images of spike-heeled dominatrixes or leather-clad masters, but by the end of the movie, you’re taken off the moral hook because all the evil sadists and pathetic masochists have been killed off, and the virgin (who’s usually delightfully tortured) gets to keep her virtue (and so do you).

SMDH

The fact is that S/M has nothing to do with coercion, either sexual or nonsexual. The common denominator in all S/M play is not a violent exchange of pain but a consensual exchange of power. That S/M is about eroticized power play is no small distinction. Understanding that S/M is not about physical or emotional abuse is crucial to understanding and demystifying the subject. Some people in the S/M community feel that sadomasochism is an inaccurate term to describe their experience, often preferring such terms as dominance and submission, sensuality and mutuality, or power and trust.

As the definition of S/M has broadened to include role-playing and heightening sensation, there has been a growing interest in the subject. In addition, with the growing awareness of the risks of STDs, many people are intrigued by the prospect of sexual play that is arousing yet doesn’t necessarily involve genital sex. Factor in the popularization of fetish items such as leather, lingerie, collars and corsets -- as seen in music videos and fashion magazines -- and what you have is the phenomenon some of us call “S/M lite” -- S/M imagery that has permeated mainstream culture.

Next week, I will attempt to introduce you to an erotic style enjoyed and articulated by a wide range of people from all walks of life. For those whose curiosity is sparked, I will offer a few starting points where participants can explore power play in a safe, structured environment.

Love,

Eddie