The Friday Sex Blog [Your Sexuality]

Hola mi Gente,

It’s Friday and you know what that means! The blog is sometimes extra nasty and sexually graphic, and profane. If you have an issue with that, or worship a God that has issues with human sexuality, then you had better not read the following or risk going straight to hell with the author…

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Your Sexuality

You are a sexual person since before the day you are born -- from the time in the womb, until you leave this planet. Part of an overall healthy attitude includes seeing sex as a good aspect of life. Maintaining a positive sexuality and expressing sexuality in a manner that improves your life is necessary for developing the capacity for intimacy.

This perspective is vastly different from the traditional puritanical American double standard. Anti-sex conditioning and negative attitudes regarding sexuality -- especially that sex is “dirty,” that men and women are different sexually -- creates sexual dysfunction and separates us from our inherent sexuality. Sexuality is a normal way for us to express our human need for touching, sharing, and pleasuring. This need is equally true for men and women.

The good news is that we can undo social conditioning and increase our awareness and comfort with sexuality. This does not mean that we have to feel sexual and perform at any time, in any situation, with any partner. Normally, this is the sexual pressure placed by social norms on the shoulders of men. It is a dehumanizing perspective of male sexuality. Equally dehumanizing is the traditional imperative that females should not to be sexual at any time, in any situation, or with any person other than her husband or within a committed relationship – and even then not be carried away with passion.

Yes, you can learn to be comfortable with your sexuality and more accepting of yourself as an essentially sexual person. The wonderful truth of the matter is that you have the choice to be sexual at a time and in a manner where you can truthfully celebrate healthy sexual expression.

There are many ways we learn about sexuality, but the most primal one is through touch. The touching we received from our parents as a child is important; so is our own touching and exploration of our bodies. Before the age of six months, children discover the positive sensations of touching their genitals. Was playing with your penis or vulva accepted by your parents as normal and healthy, or were your hands slapped while being scolded: “No! That’s dirty!”?

My point here is not to get into a blame game for sexual dysfunction; your parents were acting out according to a sexual script they were handed by the previous generation. It has only recently emerged that childhood sexual curiosity and exploration are healthy part of development. However, it is my belief that as adults we can learn to undo negative sexual conditioning and nurture a healthy sexual awareness and sexual self-esteem.

There’s a lesson for all of us in a child touching herself that we need to heed. The child is experiencing positive, pleasurable feelings, not genitally focused sexual arousal.

Sensuality is the basis for sexuality.

The child feels she’s entitled to the warm, comfortable feelings of sensual touch. Genital exploration and stimulation are a natural extension of sensuous touch.

That is the gist of it all. No one, or no book, can teach you nor force a sexual response. No one can teach you how to become sexually aroused and have an orgasm. The potential for sexual response is natural. What we can learn is awareness of sensual and sexual stimuli, how to foster and cultivate sexual desire, the importance of clear and direct communication, and active involvement in giving and receiving pleasure. You have to be open to your sexuality, not inhibited by the obstacles that interfere with healthy sexual expression.

The most common obstacle to uninhibited sexuality is goal-oriented sex. That’s not sensuality, but a fast food version of sexuality. I call it “Mickey Dee sex.” Goal-oriented sex -- sex in which the ends (orgasm) supersede the process (sensuality) -- leads to a lot of fuckin bullshit. The list is exhausting: performance anxiety, peer pressure, forced sexual response, sexual coercion, use of sex as a weapon, power struggle, sexual manipulation – and on and on the list goes.

Sex is not a performance to prove something to yourself or your partner, it’s not a spectator sport in the sense that it is not a competition to see who can have the best orgasm, or last the longest, or anything like that. You hear people talking about sex in the most degrading manner: “I did her so good, she took me to Red Lobster after,” “Girl, I did that ma’fucca so good he gave me his PIN number.” People seem to focus on technique as if being a sexual acrobat can make them a good lover and that’s so much bullshit. In any case, that’s not sex, it’s rutting. It’s not even good rutting. I’m all for rutting, as long as it’s a good rut. Otherwise, I’d rather jerk off.

Sexual awareness is about being open and receptive to affectionate, playful, erotic, and intimate touch. The essence of sexuality is giving and receiving pleasurable touch. Sensuality is not something you either have or do not. It’s a range of attitudes, behaviors, and feelings which reflect you as a sexual person. Remember: sex is a good thing. ::Martha Stewart smile::

Sexuality is a major part of your personality and who you are as a human being. You are responsible for your sexuality; express it so that it enhances your life and intimate relationships.

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…