Sunday, September 25, 2016

Sunday Sermon [Driving Drunk]

Hola mi gente,
Yes, it’s true that I almost never answer my phone (though, to be fair, I do respond to VMs, texts, and emails). However, if I don’t pay a certain amount by tomorrow, my phone service will be cut off completely, compounding my quest to change my current unemployed status.

That’s why I hope you consider supporting my writing and advocacy work. Also, it is very likely you’ll be considered entrance into heaven if you give. I have that on good authority, actually. LOL

Seriously, if you can, please consider supporting by donating HERE. Thanks.

The Drunk Driver

You know who you haven’t spoken to recently? Your ex!
 -- Vodka at 2AM

A man decided to drive home after having few too many drinks watching Monday Night Football at a sports bar with some friends. He figured he had a pretty good chance of getting home without getting caught.

Unfortunately for him, however, the local police force had decided to establish a road block on a popular route to check the alcohol level of each driver that same night. Of course, the roadblock was on our man’s way home and, seeing the checkpoint up ahead, he realized he was trapped. There was no way out of his predicament.

He stopped and waited his turn to be tested, resigning himself the very real possibility he would be heavily fined or even having his license taken away. He waited as a dark cloud of impending doom came over him, enveloping him as he sat glumly, cursing his luck.

When it came to his turn for testing, an officer asked him to step out of his car and handed him a breathalyzer to blow into. Just as he took the machine and was about to blow into it, there was a loud crash. Another car had rear-ended the vehicle in front of causing a pile up. The officer took back the breathalyzer back saying, “Get back in your car and go home!”

Stunned and in disbelief, he recovered quickly, stumbled into the driver’s seat, put his foot on the pedal, and made a quick exit out of there, singing along to the “Happy” song all the way home.

The following morning, he awoke the sound of the doorbell and loud knocks on the door. As he crawled out of bed putting on his bathrobe, he noted the monumental headache throbbing in his head, for he had what was surely the makings of an epic hangover from all the drinking the night before. After stumbling down the stairs, he opened his door to find two local officers standing outside. Alarmed at first, he calmed down as he thought to himself, I’m not driving now so they can’t arrest me now.

“Good morning, officers,” he said as he found his composure. “What seems to be the problem?”

“Good morning, sir. Would you mind if we took a look into your garage?”

He thought for a quick moment. He had nothing to hide, so what the hell? “Of course,” he replied amiably. “I always like the opportunity to be of assistance to our local police force. Come with me,” he said as he strode with some authority toward the garage.

When he opened the garage door, however, his face lost all color, his lips began to tremble, and his eyes bulged so much they looked as if they would pop out of his head. For inside his garage, for all to see, was a police car! In his drunkenness, he had driven the wrong car home!

And that’s why, my good people, you should never drive drunk.

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…

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