Friday, December 12, 2008

The TGIF Sex Blog (Sex Lies, pt. I)

¡Hola! Everybody...
First, I think it’s the height of hypocrisy to watch a conservative senator preach to auto workers about productivity -- especially when that senator has given away hundreds of millions of
dollars to foreign car makers in his state. Maybe we should apply the same standard to congress.

It’s despicable to think about the millions of union households -- who have gotten the squeezed so hard over the past two decades thanks to Republican policies -- that will be out-of-work once the car companies go under (or get “restructured”). The largest part the current GOP opposition to the bailout is that they see a prime opportunity to drive another stake through the heart of labor in hopes of pleasing the big business pimps which they work for (where are the demands for “parity” for Wall St. CEOs?). It will hurt us tremendously that our ever-shrinking manufacturing base will shrivel even more. Shameless muthafuckas.

On another note, the lovely Bettie Paige passed away last night. RIP and thanks for the mammaries, Bettie!

I will be scarce for most of the day, as I have so much work to do. Today is a repost...

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-=[ Sex Lies, pt. I ]=-

“Men aren’t looking for true intimacy and liberation; they’re just looking to get laid.”

This myth is one of my pet peeves. I hear it all the time and it’s up there with the lie that women aren’t looking to get laid.


The fact of the matter is not many people of either sex are actually looking for liberation, at least not until a very long and weary trail of life-long disappointments. And those “declaring” a need for intimacy have a funny definition for the word because intimacy requires surrender and trust and how many people have you met that are truly willing to open up and not merely pay lip service to what amounts to a vague notion of intimacy?

Liberation and intimacy is not something that’s really at the top of people’s list of things to do, right up there with finding that job, or “The One.” Perhaps this is an indication of out of whack priorities or lack of concern for substance, but personal growth is not a top priority and that’s certainly not an attitude limited to men.

Of course, men are expected to be horny – all the time. God forbid a man would tell his mate he has a headache. LOL! We’re supposed to be at the ready, cock in hand, in a moment’s notice. We’re perceived as natural for wanting sex, but that desire is also viewed as weak because the “little head” will eventually lead the “big head” astray, as if our fantasies were our vulnerable spot – our inherent weakness. And don’t you ladies have a grand laugh when you view the results! The ambiguity is such that you grant men sexual feeling as if it were inevitable, but then ridicule us for what you believe is our unavoidable undoing.

But what is this desire after all? I’ll tell you what it is: it’s the wish to feel sexual ecstasy with another person, to feel yourself completely inside another person’s body, to feel your own body open and wanting. As far as I’m concerned, that’s an intense experience to yearn for and it deserves respect.

But Eddie, you might say, it’s not always like that! Some people are totally removed and distant when they’re having sex; it’s all about ego, a notch on the belt.


Sure, there are some cold ma’fuccas out there, whipping in and out and walking away. The true irony is that even their stunted efforts are a search for connection – for that fleeting moment when the ego defenses disappear and they feel something bigger and more complete than anyone of their “heads.”

Shit! If we men can’t express that longing to our lovers, openly and without fear of being stigmatized, it’s not because there’s something twisted about sexual desire that serves to get in the way; it’s that fuckin’ committee in the brain that shames us and shuts us up. Yet every time we get laid, that’s another opportunity for opening up, for a chance to discover true intimacy.

Face it: a man who wants to get laid, is a man who wants to stay in the human race. Instead of ridiculing or marginalizing that, why don’t you treat it as a positive sign and look more carefully at the nature of his sexual motivations.

It often seems like a miracle when you first cross that erotic bridge and discover that someone wants you. Especially if you’re convinced that you will be forever alone and unloved in this cold world.

And you get laid – again and again – and the confidence acquired leads to you to new questions and new answers about the value of sex, about a lover’s needs and companionship in our lives, about this sense of adventure and mystery in our bodies.

And you know what?!! At that point, we’re experiencing sexual liberation, whether we’re giving it a name or not. Some men will begin to question what a male is supposed to do and act like and will no doubt find many things oppressive and unnecessary. Ladies? Most men don’t want to sacrifice their emotions and sexual expression to outdated and harmful notions of masculinity. This is the first stage of the sexual revolution: they’re not buying into the outmoded models of manhood and masculinity. Refusing to buy into the bullshit is a revolution in itself.

You should be happy to meet such a man: he still harbors a hope that there’s something better out there.

And you know what? He’s right!



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