Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Beyond Help

¡Hola! Everybody...
It’s going to rain
forever so get used to it! LOL Today you're stuck with the thought-stream of my Monkey Mind...

* * *

-[ Rambling Man ]=-


“Make me one with everything,” the Buddhist monk instructed to a hot dog vendor.”

The vendor went on to make a frank with mustard, relish, ketchup, and onions, and the monk took it, giving the vendor a $20 bill.

The vendor quickly stashed the bill into his apron and then turned his attention to the next customer.

“But where’s my change?” asked the perplexed monk.

“Change must come from within, my friend,” replied the vendor.

I got the following from something I was reading somewhere, I forget where because I didn’t take notes. But since my Monkey Mind decided for me that it was worthwhile information, I’ll repeat it here. Any mistakes or drastic changes to your personality are not my fault.

Do this for today: take an inventory of the extent to which your “no reflex” dominates your life. Just take notice for 24 hours how often you say or think:


I don’t like them

I don’t agree with that

They don’t like me

That should be different from what it is

Then retrain yourself to say “Yes” at least 51% of the time. Start your transformation now by saying “Yes!” to the thought of having recipient anal sex with me (if you’re a female of legal consent).

I was reflecting the other day how the factor most likely to drive and keep us in addiction is spiritual poverty -- or a lack of spiritual intimacy. Yeah, and this is true of you Jesus freaks too! LOL For my purposes, I define spirituality in very broad terms. Spirituality comes from the root word meaning to breathe. And that is something we all share. We all breathe in the gases in this little biosphere and that is what keeps us all alive. It is the one thing we all share. So, I define spirituality not as a belief system, but as the evolving awareness of the interconnectedness of all things.

Culturally we have separated ourselves from one another and we do so at great risk. We can no longer live by the illusion that we are separate from our ecology or each other, for example, because that kind of thinking is killing us. This spiritual intimacy has nothing to do with Jesus, or Allah, or the newer, improved messiah -- the Nuyorican who lived in the lower east side and died crucified on a syringe. No, this spiritual intimacy is about cultivating the deep awareness of how we are all connected -- even our breath. This is why all the great spiritual technologies often focus on the breath as a way to develop a higher consciousness...

Practice noticing your breath at least 5-10 minutes a day. If you think watching your breath is boring, please feel free to come to me and I’ll gladly deprive you of it for about a minute and you’ll soon discover how not boring breathing is!

Some people feel dirty watching porn; others when they eat junk food or swallow my semen. For my own purposes, I feel a profound sense of violation when I’m exposed to “Reality TV.” And yet I also know that trying to be too fuckin’ pure can be a bitch. So I’m proposing that every once in a while form a revolution against trying to be wholly pure and perfect. That shit will kill you, believe me. Start by throwing away antibacterial soap -- it doesn’t work, and you need bacteria in your life anyway, asshole!

If I ever wrote a self-help book, it would be called “Beyond Help.” Some of the chapter headings would include:

How not to get everything you want

If you stop playing me too close, I might give you want you want, muthafucka

How not to influence people and thus be released from the need to control EveryFuckinThing

Be careful what you wish for because it might change you in ways you are not prepared

I don’t think it would sell too well, but it damn sure would be fun! LOL

Well, that’s it for today -- a tiny glimpse into the madness of my Monkey Mind. Be sure to say “yes!” a few times today, especially if I call you to propose to insert “something” into your anus.




  1. @Nina: I believe mothers should be regarded as sexual beings. does that make me a better man? LOL

    @coco: today's word is "yes"

  2. i'm willing to say Yes...I think... lol

  3. Enjoyed your ramblings today...and I think that book you propose would be a really fun read!;>)

  4. “Beyond Help."

    I'm embracing and saying "Yes!" to my inner need to control EveryFuckinThing!! How's that for starters!?


  5. LO<@ Steph. I was once told control, or the illusion or desire for control comes from an innate lack of trust.


What say you?


[un]Common Sense