My mother is in town and today I’m going out to spend some time with her... Have a great day, people.
* * *
-=[ The Core Wound and Gay Marriage ]=-
The core wound is not merely a psychological issue or birth trauma, it is the basic issue of our existence. It’s our realization that we are both material and spiritual, finite and non-finite. We are at once, limitless and limited. These basic contradictions create the core contradictions of our lives. Mostly, we don’t experience this as a conflict -- at least not in a conscious manner. Rather, we experience it as a wound, an almost inexplicable, unnameable pain. We endure it like a gash in the most intimate places of our being. As a species we are unique in this regard. We all suffer this wound.
I have written before that a response to this wound has been fundamentalism. Fundamentalism festers like an infected wound at the core of our being. This running wound is the violent fault line in our collective psyche from which the molten magma of our hate comes from.
A case in point in the news recently is the issue of “gay marriage.”
What “no gay marriage” means is that men who are genetically pre-disposed to putting their parts and hearts in the hands of other men, and women who are genetically pre-disposed to doing the same with other women, are considered not human enough to be trusted to say who makes them happy as a life partner in the eyes of the law.
Contrary to the hype, you cannot make assumptions on what defines “a heterosexual relationship.” Similarly, you cannot define the infinite varieties of what constitutes a “gay relationship.” The only thing you can say for sure about straight people is that they prefer getting their Twinkies creamed with someone of the opposite sex. The only thing you can say for sure about a gay person is that they prefer to get their jollies off with someone of the same sex. It has been pointed out to me by a gay human being that to consider “gay marriage” vs. “straight marriage” is quite literally a consideration of the sexual positions that people prefer.
Talk to a bigot and the first thing they mention is that gay sex isn’t “natural” so it is an abomination in the “eyes of the Lord.” Yeah, fundies are obsessed with sex acts, it seems.
Your God only knows what those
The primary reason is known as “moral superiority.” You are sure that you have the universe figured out, and want to make sure that everyone else gets poked (or pokes) the same way you do. Though this worldview frequently masquerades as confidence, assuredness, and deep conviction, it is nothing more than bullying. And like all bullies (as we learned from watching after school specials) it is actually a learned behavior that hides a deep insecurity (i.e., the Core Wound).
Sweetie? Anytime you feel that your security is dependent on denying rights or happiness to someone else, you are acting out of insecurity and fear, which I think is at least two of the poisons mentioned in Buddhism. A genuinely secure person with a healthy sense of ego is able to live their life according to their own values, and not have to impose their values on others personal lives. Your church may not condone gay marriage, or letting women speak in public, but I don’t go to your church, nor would I want to. In other words, a healthy person has a healthy sense of psychological boundaries -- where their territory ends and another’s begins. An unhealthy ego compels an individual to extend their authority over other’s lives as well.
The gay marriage argument has absolutely nothing to do with where people put their cocks or poosies. It is simply another opportunity for people frustrated with the level of control over their own lives to spread the pain derived from their fear of their Core Wound. Like racism, war, and domestic abuse, it’s not about the issue. Rather, it’s all about power. If my friend marrying his boyfriend, and doing whatever they do between the sheets, in the kitchen, or the backseat of their car, somehow affects your marriage, then it is your “marriage” that most likely needs a little work.
Another reason for the virulent opposition to gay marriage is that some have confused their habitual behavior with reality, and believe that what they believe to be reality is actually reality. This is closely related to the previous rationale but is a little more subtle. As human beings we choose certain habits and lifestyles. Many people in
You think what you do is natural and that’s only natural. But just in case you didn’t get the memo, that does not equate to “what other people do is unnatural.” Beating up on someone for how they were born is the most primitive kind of ego boost. Beating up on women, blacks and homosexuals, for example, is easy because when you deny someone something based on who they are, you’ve developed an airtight argument. My friend can’t become an “un-gay” any more than you can become “un-human.”
Finally, the religious argument against homosexuality is so silly as to not to merit validity. The bible also says you cannot shave, grow two kinds of plants in the same field, or be near a woman for seven days around her period. To the religious who say these are minor issues and homosexuality is a major one, I say, “Sez who?!!” The answer cannot simply be “those in authority.” That is evading responsibility for infringing on the rights of people whose major sin is to be in love. Following this logic, I could easily say, “Let’s outlaw marriages for clean shaven farmers whose wives are having their period while helping him harvest potatoes and carrots.”
Why not? It is writ in the bible!
There is nothing wrong with buying into the cultural and societal conditioning that is designed to make us each believe that we are right, and that our way of life is the best one. Though I will caution you that this way of thinking has often led to an endless road of suffering, war, and almost everything that is vile about us human beings.
To those who accuse me of being a radical making an intellectually dishonest and morally lazy argument in favor of gay marriage, I say you are absolutely correct! Marriage should be allowed between whomever the church performing the marriage wants to allow it and between those who desire it.
As an antidote to your reaction to your Core Wound, may I suggest that instead of beating up on those you deem different, that you please meditate, pray, or go for a fuckin' walk. Take some time to reflect and think about what really comes back to you whenever you “win” by taking away others happiness and come up with a different way to build yourself up.
You will be infinitely happier and that Core Wound? The Core Wound can be transformed into an energy that will help you evolve as a human being.