Republican Rampage!

¡Hola! Everybody...
I had another Latino/a-themed post ready, but yesterday’s elections sidetracked me...

G O Y A N K E E S !

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-=[ Republican Rage: Or How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot ]=-

The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it. Ignorance may deride it. But in the end, there it is.

-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874–1965)

First things first: I just found out from a friend that our own Madison Square Garden is sponsoring a debate between former presidents Bill Lady Killer Clinton and George W. Bush (“Dumbya”). This is either the most hilarious thing in ages, or an exercise in cruelty. Dumbya can barely construct a grammatically correct sentence, let a lone a coherent argument. I know, I know: I shouldn’t make fun of the slow of foot, but DAMN! Is this even a contest?!! I mean, will the judging be rigged? Will Karl Rove sneak up on Bill and smash him with a chair? Will Lush Rimbuagh sneak Dumbya a shiv, or will Glenn Beck pepper spray Bill eyes? This is a true event, people; I am not making this up! LMAOOOO! OMG! I have tears in my eyes...

Bring on the fancy Pageant walking! The result in the NY 23^rd, where a Conservative Party candidate (darling of the right wing lunatic mainstream) lost a seat that has been Republican since the Ice Age, demonstrates that the GOP really has become a party of Zombies cannibalizing moderate republicans. This just might open the way for Palin in 2012, and while that prospect will certainly warm my heart (and the hearts of comedy writers everywhere), it’s bad news for any sane conservatives (if indeed, there are any left).

After the Republican Party successfully managed to shoot itself in the foot and lose New York’s 23^rd House seat for the first time in 100 years, the only question remaining is how much more bloodletting will the GOP endure. Surely, the blame for this electoral train wreck leads directly to the crazies on the right. You know: the Palins and Limbaughs. Equally responsible is Glenn Beck, who extremist right wing candidate Doug Hoffman calls a “mentor.” While we’re at it, why don’t we throw in the neocunts from the Club for Growth, the “fiscal responsibility” organization that nevertheless threw over $1 million at Hoffman’s candidacy? I guess it is a sin to allow a fool to keep his money.

Of course, before the polls even closed Hoffman was already blaming the4 democrats and ACORN for stealing the election. Evidence? Zilch! Nada! Nothing! Even more pathetic, the Hoffman camp claimed the sabotage of a campaign worker’s car (ACORN again?), and, of course, had no comment when it was later discovered (by Plattsburgh police) that the worker had run over a bottle and blown his own tires. LOL! Apparently, whiny victimhood is the essence of the soul of the Republican Party (right next to the hate gene). And let’s be clear: yes, the NYS Conservative Party isn’t the GOP, but none other than the Assistant Chair of the GOP, Michael Steele, openly celebrated and backed Doug Hoffman.

This is a stunning loss for the teabaggers, for the 9/12ers, for Limbaugh and Giuliani, and Fred Thompson, and the whole clown car of right wingloons that is the GOP.

Doug Hoffman lost his election last night. A plurality of talk radio (i.e., hate speech) entertainers, and a former half-term governor of Alaska supported him, but it wasn’t enough. Unfortunately for them, there is still that constitutional idiosyncrasy that says you also need votes from voters. Rudy Giuliani shouldn’t be surprised, it’s the same nasty hurdle that tripped him up in his failed bid for the Presidency: nobody voted for him.

So boys and girls, to summarize: with overwhelming help from “Big Dawg” republicans, a million dollars from the Club for Growth, Doug Hoffman still managed to lose a part of New York State that more closely resembles a scene from the film Deliverance, than the film, Manhattan.

Keep up the good work, teabaggers!

For clarity’s sake, Doug Hoffman didn’t just have money to burn and the support of the Fox Propoganda Machine, he also had red-state ranters on the ground; a veritable army of volunteers from the tea bag movement, the 9/11 Project, and the always dependable and equally fanatic anti-choice Looney Tunes crowd. The problem was that shouting at polling sites only gets you so far, the citizens who lived in the district voted, but the teabaggers didn’t live there, so they weren’t allowed to vote.

Of course, Rush Limbaugh predicted a Hoffman win. In fact, Hoffman’s victory was such a foregone conclusion in his drug-addled mind that Rush was already mocking the Dems yesterday on their presumed loss. Today, The Lush is reduced to practicing his “I’m an oppressed white guy” shtick and blaming the big guns at the GOP for this debacle.

In other news, the vote in Maine was fucked up. Good, decent, hard-working, tax-paying Americans have had their right to marry taken away. I have no doubt I will live to see this travesty of justice changed, but what were you thinking, Maine?. The governors in Virginia and New Jersey? C’mon now, Virginia goes to the party other than that holding the White House and has for years. Big fuckin’ deal. And John Corzine was in real trouble in a state that’s in real trouble -- in many different ways. Besides, it’s New Jersey, people! Duh! Anyone here think Chris Christie will be more than a one-term Governor?

I feel bad for the sane republicans, though (not really!). That mess in the NY 23^rd will serve to embolden the extremists from the GOP right. They lost, but don’t think for a minute that the Limbaughs, the Palins, and the teabaggers will do a reality test. Wait until 2012 and watch the batshit crazy birthers, firsters, and deathers and tenthers start getting mainline GOP support. Shoot, at this pace, Bachmann will be considered a moderate! LOL!

OK! That’s it for today folks!

Love,

Eddie

ADDENDUM: I was remiss in not mentioning that pro-gay-rights measures passed in both Kalamazoo, Michigan, and Washington state. So while Maine may have been a disappointment, it’s not the only thing that happened last night.