Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The Game of Love

¡Hola! Everybody...
How is everyone? Just in case: if you’re trying to call me today to have sex with me, please know that I accidently left my cell phone home today. Just leave a message (breathe hard), and I’ll get back to you as soon as I get to your slot in the “Let’s All Screw Eddie so He can Stop Crying” lottery.

First Prize: Extended weekend-long Love Workshop with Eddie. Includes massages, marathon cunnilingus sessions, anal and vaginal sex, extended hugging sessions, light spanking, and role-playing games. Workshop ends with lively, hair-pulling, angry sex. Some cuddling and conversation. Post workshop psychological treatment available.

If you haven’t entered the lottery yet, there’s still time. Lottery closes as soon as the Friday Sex Blog is posted this Friday or the Ex from Boston arrives.

[Disclaimer: Any failure to adequately sexually satisfy any lottery participants is not the responsibility of the owners of the lottery. However, “orgasm coupons” redeemable at any participating Eddie will be handed out and cunnilingus workouts will be available only as long as tongue strength holds out or Eddie’s mood changes -- whichever comes first. Eddie maintains the right to be emotionally unavailable for extended periods of time or to deny sex to participants who refuse to wash. WOMEN ONLY NEED APPLY! No trannies or midgets please.]

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The Game of Love

Love is magical...

Deep down inside, we all know that love is magical -- that it can heal and transform our hearts. Whether it’s the love of a mother for her newborn, the love of a man for a woman, the love of life-long friends, love creates magic and wonder within us.

What does love do?

Love warms our hearts inviting us to care for others in new and wondrous ways. Love moves us to extend our limited sense of self for the sake of another. Love melts the icy landscape of our scarred hearts and we learn -- as with a child’s eyes -- how to appreciate another’s kindnesses. Love evokes wonder and awe at the mystery and majesty in another. Love transforms us. Love moves us to become more real, more authentic, genuine, and more human. It allows us to esteem ourselves more fully. Love fuckin’ validates us!

We all know this -- we all know love does all these magical things and causes some of us to wonder how we could promote such love in our hearts. More specifically, we ask ourselves how we can make love our highest state of mind as we relate to those in our lives. If love is a game, then how can we discover and play the best Love Games?

How can we win at the Game of Love?

As a student of human behavior and wanna-be healer, it’s obvious to me that at the heart of love lies an incredible power for limitless transformation. I often wonder what my participants could accomplish if I were able to empower them to fully access this state. As a mechanism for change, love transcends all psychological techniques for turning an individual around. Yet, love is something psychology has only begun to explore.

I personally know of the transformative power of unconditional love. I once ran into a group of men and women who flat-out told me to let them love me until I could learn to love myself. I thought it was bullshit, but because I had run out of options (what options are there beside love?), and because I knew that I didn’t know jack ma’fuccin shit about living life, I stayed around. And it was true: their love transformed me and it served as a model for the love I needed to cultivate and give to myself.

Today, it is true you might be able to fuck with me a little bit. Shit, you might even be able to get inside my heart and cause a little damage. after all, my heart is open. However, because of the healing and protective power of my love, you won’t last long inside here, sweetie. In the end, love flows through me -- I am love.

But I am getting little ahead of myself...

If love has this powerful effect, then how does it work? Can we tap into its power? More importantly, how can we become more loving persons? How can we play the Game of Love?

Perhaps today’s blog is about how to love -- how to play, enjoy, and win at the Game of Love. Are you interested in that? Who isn’t!!

Now comes reality...

::arches eyebrow::

Reality and love are connected, folks, and don’t blame me. Santa Claus doesn’t exist, the Tooth Fairy is not the one that left you money under your pillow, and love and your sense of reality are connected.

Our sense of reality comes from our map of reality (our mental model of the world) and is made up of hundreds if not thousands of frames (by frames, I mean frames of reference). Still here? Our maps allow us to go to certain places and frame what we experience. Sometimes this makes for wonderful loving experiences, sometimes it creates living hells. To win at the Game of Love, we must first become conscious of our maps and frames so that we can choose how to reframe our maps and create richer, more magical experiences.

Yet, our maps about love are just that -- maps. The first step to empowering yourself is to realize maps are not the territory. Maps are no more real than you and I make them. Maps are merely frames of understanding, beliefs, values, memories, etc. And because maps are invented, we can change them so that they work for us instead of the other way around.

I should package this shit and call it the Love Workshop. LOL!

Events don’t happen in a void. As humans, we live within a historical context. Every experience has a structure. Experiences just don’t “happen.” There is a structure, process, and form to them. Where there is structure, there is order, patterns, and syntax to the process of creating the framework. There are necessary structures that allow certain things to happen. The magic of every experience -- the spell of love -- has an incantation. Those who know how to cast the spell can have the experience.

Are you ready?

Love, as a state of being and an experience, has a form. There’s a structure to love, to passion, to intimacy, romance, and bonding. That’s the good news. The bad news is that there’s also a structure to hate, fear of intimacy, resentment, regret, etc. There’s a trick to becoming and remaining a great lover and that trick is to discover the spell to cast it on ourselves. That is what will enable you to play the Game of Love.

Though love is one of the most wondrous of all healing forces it remains a mysterious and little known quantity. And though many have tried, romantic love remains unarticulated and indescribable. At the heart of the experience of romantic love are various states. When you love, or are “in love,” you experience excitement, desire, appreciation, admiration, compassion, gentleness, generosity, transcendence, wonder, support, empathy, joy, playfulness, and much more.

And that’s just the surface! Love -- especially romantic love -- involves much more.

If you can unpack the wonder of a loving relationship, you can then model it and reproduce it in your own life. When you expand your understanding of the role of all the frames and games that make up the Game of Love, you will be able to experience more deeply the magic of love.

If love is a game then you should be asking yourself what games are you playing and if you like the games you play. More importantly, you should be asking yourself if you’re winning at the game. Where did you learn to play the games you play? Finally, what are the rules of the games?

Games have gotten a bad rap over the years. When I use the metaphor of a “game,” I’m applying it in a different manner than usual. Games simply refer to all the things we do: our actions, behaviors, relational patterns, and all the expressions that make up our relationships with others. These are our outer games.

When I use frames, I’m referencing to our inner, mental understandings, our beliefs, values, and expectations that make up the rules of the game. Frames make up the inner games we play in our mind. It should be understood that some of us are playing some really sick, unhealthy, and toxic games. However, there are healthy and empowering games also.

As an idea, games gives us the ability to recognize our relating patterns and how well they work in helping us feel valued, appreciated, and loved. The reality is that we can get caught up in games without even recognizing whether the game works or not, whether we want to win at it or not. We can get so caught up in a game that we forget what it is we’re trying to accomplish. We get stuck playing out a repeated set of patterns.

Here’s the deal: the inner game of our frames dictate the outer games of our experiences. If a game is not working, if it is not enhancing your life, if it is not allowing you to feel loved and valued, then you need to re-examine the rules, the expectations, understandings, and intentions of the game and change them.

It’s that easy.

The ease comes from developing a higher awareness of the game itself and the frames that drive it. Without that awareness, it’s hard. It’s all about the maps we create to navigate the landscape of the heart.

People? Some of your maps are really sick and outdated. Time redraw the maps, folks...



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