Monday, July 21, 2008

Monday Madness [Self-Acceptance]

¡Hola! Everybody…
Why is it that women that showed very little romantic interest crawl out of the woodwork as soon as I’m with someone? It doesn’t matter whether the relationship is casual or long-term commitment type material, no sooner a woman wraps her legs around my waist, the calls start coming, or I “bump” into a former lover.

It doesn’t matter that I could’ve been laying on the sidewalk dying of loneliness and they wouldn’t have lifted a heart string to help me, or that I could be single for a long time, no sooner a female shows interest in me, the phone calls start coming, the emails start popping, and the obligatory text messages appear. It’s as if women have a radar or some central processing area where the alarms are blaring off about me getting laid, falling in love, or entering a relationship… LOL!

* * *

-=[ Relationship Red Flags]=-
“A man can stand a lot as long as he can stand himself.” -- Axel Munthe

I have a friend I admire greatly. She’s one of the most accepting women I know. She’s also fat. Yes, I said she’s fat. She knows it and she says it herself. She’s not obese, but you won’t mistake her for being anorectic in this lifetime. What I love most about my friend is that she’s accepting of herself.

She’s fat, but she’s also beautiful. Lately, she’s lost weight because she was too fat, so she’s doing it for health reasons. She’s reached a weight she’s comfortable with and she’s staying there.

She’s still “fat”! LOL

But here’s the thing: my friend always has men after her.

I believe that because she’s totally accepting of herself, it makes her attractive in that intangible way. She’s fat, but she’s sexy and she’ll wear something and get away with it because her assumption is that she’s attractive. She doesn’t see herself as unattractive because she doesn’t conform to weight standards that are based on a cultural mindset, not “science.”

Go to Puerto Rico some time and walk the beach. You will more than likely run across a Boricua who has somehow managed to stuff herself into a swimsuit she has no business wearing. And you know what? She’ll carry it off. She will look good and look sexy because she radiates sexiness and there’s nothing more attractive for men than a woman who can make her feminine essence shine.

And that’s why my friend attracts men. She shines and her shine makes her beautiful, attractive, and desirable. Her shine makes others around her beautiful. When she smiles it’s an expression of feminine radiance, and it’s so refreshing to see that in a fat, forty-something woman. There’s no excess baggage to her psyche, she’s done the inner work, and people are attracted to the beauty.

And that’s the number one relationship red flag folks. My intention was to write a generic post on relationship flags (because I see so many of them in women I have been meeting lately), but, for my money, acceptance (or the lack thereof) is the no. 1 relationship flag. If you’re with someone who’s overly critical of themselves, or who otherwise has a problem with acceptance, then you should be wary. For if they are incapable of self-acceptance, what makes you think they’ll accept you?

These are the people who will point out your flaws instead of your treasures. They have problems with the truth because they have an basic aversion to the reality of themselves. Not being good for themselves, they strive to create an alternate reality.

It’s called lying, but don’t tell them that.

Practice acceptance and you might attract those who desire it, but also those who practice it too. On the other hand, those who can’t find acceptance thirst for it and will do anything to drink from your cup. They are greedy for it, for they lack it. However, having this acceptance for yourself will save you from the clutches of the energy freaks. If you truly accept yourself, you will never allow another to take it away from you.

A woman once told she me feared I would never find someone. She was joking (I think LOL!). When I asked for an explanation, she stopped laughing and she said (I’ll never forget this): Eddie, your speech and actions seem to come from a place few people know. You have this ability to be totally vulnerable – to strip your soul -- and people both fear and are attracted to that.

I would disagree with her, but I can understand it.



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