Sunday Sermon (Ann Coulter Fires Back!)

¡Hola! Everybody... It seemed like everybody was out and about yesterday, the first really nice day of the year. The smell of shaving cream was everywhere, and women are out in full effect -- on the prowl. We might hit the 90 degree mark!

Today, I’m turning over the Sunday Sermon to Ann “I Got Big Balls” Coulter!

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-=[ Ann Coulter Fires Back ]=-

A Special [un]Common Sense Commentary by Ann Coulter

Since the creative force behind the [un]Commonsense blog has seen fit to attack me on numerous occasions, I have accepted to respond and meet my critics head-on, balls-on-the-table.

I mean! I don’t have testicles! I’m just using that term as a figure of speech!

::adjusts crotch::

Perhaps the most disturbing is their attempt to imply I’m really a man in disguise. I could sue, but instead, I’ll just clear this up: I’m what’s known as phallic woman. I only fantasize about retaining the phallus after coitus. There’s a huge difference between the two, and I think calling me the other is just sloppy blogging and bad form. You’re... you’re... a pedophile! ^[1]

It has also been implied on this blog that listening to me is an act of evil. This is patent nonsense. While I do lie and misrepresent research compulsively, on air and off, and hate poor people, and dark-skinned humans, is it realistic to call these traits evil? And yes, I do snort huge amounts of meth and go prowling for faggots with Rush and Bill O’, and we all pile out of Bill’s jeep and chase queers and they cheer while I fuck them rudely with my leather, rhinestone-studded strap-on (we even gang-banged Colmes once!), but calling me “evil” is quite a stretch. Nice try, Yemíl ^[2], but nobody’s going to swallow this nonsense.

Goddammit, Eddie! For the sake of argument, imagine if straight-laced, God-fearing Christian (latently homosexual) homophobes, who I have successfully conditioned with years of TV and radio, and my books, happens to read [un]Common Sense’s puerile attempts at humor. Think what would happen!

They may stop accepting simplistic, nonsensical explanations of how this world works; they may even decide I’m a dishonest, pushy, constipated, man in disguise with an unusually large Adam’s apple, willing to say anything in the service of my corporate masters, and then read The Open Veins of Latin America or take a course on Icing Muthafuckas. And then imagine if this spread!

Do we really want the chaos that would result from so many of the little people thinking without my help?

In closing, the treatment I’ve received in this blog is a perfect example of why we must resist the free exchange of ideas and reject information sources that don’t have the smarts to be owned by multinational corporations.

Fuck You,

Ann

Notes:

1. Eddie, editor of the [un]Common Sense blog, would like to point out that he’s not a pedophile. He claims, instead, that he’s a pet-o-phile, meaning he sodomizes women who post photographs of their pets as their main photo on their internet profiles.

2. It has been documented that those who disagree with the [un]Common Sense’s political commentary often resort to calling it’s editor, Yemil. As yet, it is not known what rhetorical purpose this serves.