Love in an Imperfect World

Hola Everybody,
I was at a second interview today and I keep getting asked the same question: “Why are you applying for this job.” My experience and resume sometimes works against me and it’s really frustrating.

Perfect Love/ Imperfect World

Neurosis is the avoidance of legitimate suffering.
Carl Jung, Psychology and Religion

We are all manifestations of perfect love living in an imperfect world. And as I rant constantly, love is openness. When you are open -- when you allow yourself to be open -- the love flows and you can communicate with your lover and anyone else. Whether you are sexing or having an important discussion, you can open and come together as one love expressing itself through two bodies.

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that opening up in that way sounds good, but in the real world, it is not practical. You have tried being open and it hurt and you are not going to be burnt again – ever. Too many hurts and you close in order to feel less vulnerable. So you walk around encased in your shining armor, walking awkwardly through this terrifying terrain. Sometimes the armor rusts and you can hear the squeaks.

Yet you still desire love. Underneath all that armor, behind all those walls, your yearning backs up into frustration and anger. So you punish the world by closing your heart off. You are safe now, but so alone, so very alone. You open, you get hurt, and you close. You lash out, the world lashes back, and you close.

I know that what I am about to say will make you roll your eyes, but the only way out of this cycle is by learning to practice love. I have a client who once came to me and before I could say anything, promptly informed me that she wasn’t opening anymore because it wasn’t working. I had to smile at that and I loved her honesty. The fact remains that there is an issue here and the issue is you. Or rather your ego -- your mini me.

You can practice remaining open even when the reflexive, knee-jerk reaction to close your heart appears. You hear about this knee-jerk reaction all the time. People often describe it as “keeping the negativity out” as if one could spit out a cocoon and choose what life brings about. I find this entirely unrealistic. Do you honestly think you can keep negativity from your life? I don’t know, maybe I’m living in a parallel universe, but there’s at least about as much negativity as there are positives around here, so you want to shut out half of your reality, huh? Look around, if you keep doing this you are going to end up on an island somewhere all alone. Even then, some fuckin coconut will bonk you on the head, or you will step on a seashell, and those goddamned negative mosquitoes will bite and you will bitch about that too. 

There is no escaping you, dearie.

There is an easier way out of all this. You can choose to feel the hurt and practice staying open. The choice is quite simple. You can chose to close when you are hurt, but that is like cutting off your nose to spite your face. I was hurt world, so now I’m closing this ma’fucca down. Eventually, that leads to more problems. It makes you numb and chokes off vital energy. The other choice is instead of closing in anger, you can allow yourself to feel the deep sorrow, the raw yearning, the wounding slashes. 

In response to the hurt, you can practice love, or you can practice hate. Instead of tensing your body, you can relax into it, breathing deeply and fully, and feeling the deep hurt. Believe me, this will save you from a lot of unnecessary pain because when you confront your lover’s closing with openness, you will begin to see more clearly. And if what you see clearly that you have to move on, you will do so with an open heart. Your heart is your strongest ally and it only becomes stronger when you open it. Your heart is not a liability, it is an asset. It is an asset that you have consciously chosen to put in a cage.

Life is a lesson of love. Your life feels full in every moment you stay open as love. Too many people do not know what love is and wait to feel alive only when they experience a chemical reaction they attribute to another individual. That is not love, that’s ego looking for attention. Love is a state of being, not a feeling. The irony of all ironies is that you are, and always have been, love.

When you close, even for a moment, then you are creating suffering for yourself and pain in the hearts of those who would open in love with you. Your body is literally a neurological feedback loop and too many of us are starving for connection. To be fully aware and embracing of all that is within us and consciously seeking develop our full potential is our quest as human beings.

If you desire to live a full life and feel the profundity of love’s power, practice opening at all times, including times of hurt. Feel and breathe your heart’s deep hurt, and the hurt of others, without closing. Offer this openness to yourself and others, even those who are hurting you. The only alternative is to close and live an unfulfilled life. While I understand that a broken heart hurts, even worse is a heart that has no life. In the end, neurosis becomes a poor substitute for the noble suffering it takes to become a person of real character

My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…