Hiking, Barbie Dolls, and Cuss Words

¡Hola! Everybody...
::Yawn:: Gee, I think I’ll just disappear for a few days without telling anyone -- family members, friends, nor employers -- where I’m going. Since I’m so privilege, I’m sure I will still have a job upon my return. Man! Sometimes you just can’t beat being light-skinned and in a position of power! I love being white (looking)!

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-=[ Breaking News ]=-

The medium is the message.

-- Marshall McLuhan

Seriously, which one of you smart-alec libruhl progressives told Governor Sanford to take a hike?!!

It’s not nice to take advantage of simpletons just because they don’t believe in evolution.

In case you don’t have a TV machine, internet(s) access, or cable, the top right wing-nut of the state of South Confederate -- I mean! -- Carolina, Governor Sanford, went missing for a few days... not even his wife knew for sure where he was.

Faux News is reporting that this was a secret abduction and Sanford was sent to one of the “re-education” camps Michelle “the twat” Bachmann warned us all about. It’s said he’s now down with Obama’s health initiative and wants to suck some “serious libruhl dick,” just to develop the right amount of empathy.

Glenn Beck was seen utilizing Ken & Barbie dolls in an attempt to justify the alternative rumor that Sanford was seen holing up in a men’s bathroom stall in NYC’s Penn Station -- this being Gay Pride Week and all. Larry Craig, Mark Foley, and John Ensign all gathered on the Capitol steps in a show of support. Also present where Newt Gingrich and Rush Limbaugh, both notable proponents of traditional marriage, having attempted it with several different wives.

The O’Reilly report alleging that Sanford had discovered Al Qaeda operatives in the Appalachians and was actually leading a naked elite fighting team to flush them out, is unsubstantiated, though O’Reilly stands by his right to say whatever the fuck comes out of his gray-haired anus. “If that fuckin crying bitch, Beck, can play with fuckin dolls, I can pull anything I want out of my arse and claim it’s true!” he said.

Obama was excoriated for advising chickenhawk neocons to STFU. “I’m fucking this kitty, you just hold the fuckin legs, bitches,” he stated during a forceful press conference. His public flaying of Sen. McSame was also similarly criticized and PETA is looking to file charges against Obama, citing his serial propensity “to swat flies” as unthinking and very human.

In other news, reports that Webster is considering replacing “fail” with “Bush” turns out to be true. A Webster spokesperson stated, “Look, people have been substituting FEMA for fuck since Katrina, and now people are substituting Bush for fail. As an institution, we need to keep up with the times.” I like the sound of it, and the feeling is palpable, don’t you think:

“Man, I Bushed it on that test.”

“Son, do your homework, you don’t want to grow up to be a Bush now, do you?”

Works for me!

In addition, the phrase “ya betcha” has taken on a different meaning in the world of adolescent sex education...

Well, let me get the FEMA out of here before I Bush this job. Yawls play nice, now, and remember: it’s not nice to make fun of neocons, they can’t help themselves.

Ya Betcha!

Eddie